Beautiful Abyss (California Dreamers #3) (5 page)

“What’s gotten into you, Chris?”

Abby Sullivan
.  “Maybe we shouldn’t—um—
see each other
anymore.”

“What?!” Her scream into the phone makes my ear ring.

My heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of my chest.
Did I just tell her I don’t want to screw around with her anymore?

My career is just starting to get off the ground. Am I insane? That’s sure to be career suicide.

“I met someone…” I can hear the words come out of my mouth before I can stop them.

“Who?” Penny sounds like a wild woman. “Is it Rita Reynolds?”

“I don’t know Rita Reynolds?”

“She’s a manager. She’s in her 50s. A slutty cougar. She fucks almost all of her clients. Male and female. I could tell she had her eye on you at the Montgomery’s party last month.”

“It’s not Rita Reynolds. She’s not in the business.”

There’s a really long silence. Then Penny says, “Let me guess. She works at a nursery.”

“How did you know?”

“Because I’m not stupid. There had to be a reason you brought me all of these ridiculous houseplants.”

Then she really does hang up on me.

I’m not sure what to do. Does this mean she’s not going to represent me anymore either?

I really don’t feel like calling her to ask. Maybe I’ll just wait a while and see if she sends me on any more auditions.

***

“You’re back,” the older woman at the card shop counter says when I enter.

“This time I know exactly what I want.” I head right over to the three cards I picked out yesterday, but didn’t get the chance to purchase.

I remember exactly where I hid them so no one else could scoop them up before I had a chance to come back.

The older woman gives me a warm smile when I place the cards on the counter.

“This is one of my favorites.” She picks up the round sunshine card, my favorite of the bunch as well.

“For a special female friend?” She raises a bushy eyebrow at me.

I nod.

“She’s a lucky girl,” she comments as she rings up the cards.

“I’m the lucky one,” I reply.
Or I will be if she decides to go out with me again.

***

My chest tightens as I get close to the nursery. What if she doesn’t want to go out with me again? I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle it.

I’ve already screwed things up with Penny. That bus has sailed. There’s no getting it back into the stable.

When I enter the nursery with my sunshine card in hand I’m a little disappointed to see Abby’s aunt standing at the counter.

Her eyes narrow as I approach. I don’t think that’s a good sign. Hopefully it’s not a bad o-man. 

My throat tightens just as I’m getting ready to speak. I cough, but it doesn’t help very much. “Is Abby here?” My voice sounds like a five-year-old girl.

“She’s working in the back office.”

“Can I see here?”

She shakes her head. “She’s busy.”

I hold up the card. “I wanted to give this to her.”

Her aunt stares at me. “Why?”

It’s such an odd question. “Because I like her. I’d like to go out with her again.”

“She didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

She doesn’t reply. She turns and heads into the back room.

Now it’s not just my throat that’s tight. My chest has tightened too. What didn’t Abby tell me? Does she have cancer? Is she dying?

I think maybe I’ve seen one too many of those teen angst movies.

When Abby’s aunt returns Abby is following right behind her. She won’t look at me though. Her eyes are planted on the ground.

“Tell him,” her aunt demands.

Abby heaves a sigh. Then she moves from the back of the counter and grabs my elbow.

She pulls me into the back of the nursery before she speaks.

“I don’t think I should see you anymore.” Her voice is so soft I have to strain to hear her.

“Why not?”

When she finally looks up at me her eyes are moist. Seeing her so upset is like a knife right in the heart. “There’s something I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry. I should have told you right away. I guess I just wanted to go out on a date and feel young for once.”

I wipe away a tear that’s trickling down her cheek.

“I really do like you,” she tells me. “And it’s okay if you don’t want to go out with me again.”

“You have to tell me what’s going on,” I urge. “Why do you think I won’t want to go out with you again?”

“I have a baby,” she says.

“A what?” The ridiculous question hangs in the air between us.

“I’m a mother. I have a baby girl. She’s eleven months old.”

“You’re only nineteen.” Nothing like pointing out the obvious. How many stupid things can possibly come out of my mouth?

“I got pregnant my senior year of high school. That’s why I’m working here and not going to college.”

“Did you want to go? To college?”

She nods. “I was supposed to go. I even got a scholarship. Sometimes things don’t go the way you planned.”

We both stare at each other for what seems like an eternity. I’m not sure what to say or do. I’ve never dated anyone with a kid.
Do I want to?
I’ve never even given the question any thought.

“I’d better get back to work,” she says.

“Is your baby here?” I ask.

“That’s why I work in the back office most of the time. My aunt and uncle let me take care of her while I work. It’s not ideal, but it’s my only option. I’m not really qualified for any jobs that would enable me to pay for daycare.”

“Can I meet her?” I’m not even sure where the question came from. It surprises me as much as it seems to surprise Abby.

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”

“I bought you this.” I hand her the card.

She stares at the envelope for several seconds before she opens it. Then she takes her time reading it.

“Thank you. This means a lot to me.”

I point to the card. “As you’ve probably figured out I’m not great with words. But everything that’s in this card is true. I do feel that way about you.”

She shakes her head. “You got this for me before you knew I had a baby. Dating someone with a kid isn’t easy. We’re kind of a package deal. Two for the price of one.”

I don’t even hesitate to kiss her. The world stops again and all that exists is the two of us and our kiss.

Until she pushes me away.

“I don’t think you really know what you’re getting into,” she tells me.

“You’re right.” I shrug. “I don’t. But you could show me. Help me figure it out.”

“There are plenty of other girls out there who don’t come with a built-in family.”

“That’s true. I’ve been with a lot of other girls, but not one of them was anything compared to you.”

She blinks back tears. “Fine. If you’re sure you want to go down this road you can meet me and Sadie at the swimming pool. That’s where we go every Sunday morning before the nursery opens.”

I gulp. “Text me the address and I’ll be there.”

Three

“She has a what?” Roscoe’s eyes look as large as pie plates.

“Abby has a baby,” I repeat.

He shakes his head. “Dude, that’s some other guy’s problem. You need to get out now.”

Nellie swats his arm so hard I can hear the whacking sound. “Don’t be an asshole.”

“But I’m so good at it.”

“A baby definitely complicates things,” Nellie offers. “But I think you could make it work if you want to.”

But do I want to? That’s the question. “I’m confused.”

Roscoe frowns. “How is that any different than any other day? You’re always confused about something.”

“I was never confused about women. Get in, get out, get on with life. There was nothing confusing about that.”

“You could always go back to yoga,” Roscoe suggests.

I shake my head. “I’m done with yoga and I’m definitely done with yoga girls. I want Abby. I’m just not sure about the mini version that comes with her.”

“They’re a package deal,” Nellie reminds me.

“That’s exactly what Abby said.” I run my fingers through my hair. “I don’t have any experience with kids. Maybe I should just meet the baby and see what it’s like.”

“Did she say anything about the baby daddy?” Roscoe asks.

That’s like a slap right in the face. I’m not sure why I didn’t think about the other guy: the baby daddy. He adds another wrinkle to the sweater.

“I didn’t ask.”
But now I want to
. “It sounded like she was struggling to take care of the baby by herself.”

What kind of a guy would do that to Abby?

I can feel my muscles begin to tense with anger. I know I need to hear the whole story before I can call the guy a prick, but if he knocked her up and then took off, he’s a prick.

Just like my father.

He took off when I was a baby and left my mom to raise me on her own. Luckily she met my step-dad not long after that so she didn’t have to struggle too long.

They weren’t the world’s most loving or caring parents, but they did keep a roof over my head and food on the table.

As far as I know my step-dad didn’t think twice about marrying my mom, even though she came with a baby.

“I gave you my opinion of the situation,” Roscoe says. “But it’s your life.”

Nellie shakes her head. “Don’t listen to him. Do what your heart tells you to do.”

“My heart isn’t the problem. It’s my head that’s got me all screwed up.”

My heart wants to be with Abby. My head is all mixed up.

***

When my phone buzzes I expect it to be a text from Abby with the address of the pool. To my surprise it’s a text from Penny: Call me.

I hope it’s a professional call, not a personal one, but knowing Penny she just wants to bitch me out again.

Or she’s itching for a booty call and I’m her last resort.

“What’s up?” I say when she answers.

“An audition,” she replies coldly.

“And you’re calling me?”

“Not by choice. The client insisted on you. It’s your lucky day.”

She doesn’t give me a chance to respond. She hangs up on me. But she does text me the address and the time of the audition. She just doesn’t bother to tell me what it’s for.

I guess I’ll be flying in the dark.

***

It’s a television pilot with some big stars in the leading roles. The part I’m reading for isn’t large, but it could grow into something bigger.

I’m surprised to see there are only a few other guys in the waiting room when I sit down with my script for the audition.

We all look the same: dark hair and eyes, young and buff. The character is supposed to be a former high school football star, stuck in the small hometown where he grew up. He’s the brother of the main character, who is still in high school. It’s a show for teens being produced by MTV.

I know I shouldn’t be putting so much pressure on myself, but I have to get this part. I have a feeling it’s the last part Penny will recommend me for. Who knows if I’ll be able to land another manager?

As I review the script pages I was given I realize there aren’t any actual lines.

Okay, not completely true. The character says things like:
Dude
, and
Oh, Man
. He mainly reacts to things going on around him, and tosses a football a lot.

It’s like the part was written for me.

That’s when I know in my heart I’m going to land the role.

“Chris Rhodes,” the casting agent calls.

I follow the middle age woman into another room where two men and another woman are seated at a table.

Before I have a chance to process what’s going on one of the men tosses a football at me. Luckily my reflexes are still really good and I catch the ball.

“Nice catch,” the guy says.

“Thanks.”

“You played football?” The woman raises an eyebrow.

“All through high school. I led our team to the state championship.”

The woman slowly nods as she looks me up and down. “Let’s hear you read.”

The casting agent who led me into the room reads the other lines for me. It’s so easy I feel like I’m back at the condo having a conversation with Roscoe, if Roscoe was a female casting agent.

“That’s great,” the man who tossed the football at me says. “We’ll definitely be in touch.”

And that’s it. My biggest audition to date lasted all of five minutes.

But there’s no way that I didn’t get that part.

***

“You can’t go out in public like that,” Nellie says as she passes by me in the hallway.

“Why not?” I cross my arms over my chest.

She stops and points to my bare chest. “You’re half naked.”

“I’m going to a swimming pool,” I remind her.

“That should be illegal.”

“I hope I impress Abby as much as I’ve impressed you.”

She gulps. “I don’t think you need to worry about that.”

“I hope she likes more than just my body.”

“What was that?” Nellie is still staring at my chest. Any moment I expect her to start drooling.

“You’re in love with Roscoe,” I remind her.

“We have a
look but don’t touch
policy,” she explains.

I snap my fingers in front of her face hoping she’ll snap out of whatever trance she seems to be under.

“Unless you want to cause a riot at the pool I strongly recommend putting on a t-shirt,” she warns. “For your own safety.”

***

It’s nine o’clock on Sunday morning. Other than the teenager seated in the lifeguard’s chair I am the only one at the public pool. Probably because everyone else with half a brain is still in bed.

After a few minutes of staring at the pool water I see Abby waddling in with her arms full of stuff. I hurry over to her and grab most of the items she’s struggling to carry, leaving her with the baby.

Panic sets in as I stare at Sadie. She’s a lot smaller than I thought she would be. She has a lot more dark hair on her head than I expect a baby to have, and her dark eyes look huge. They seem to take up half of her face.

She smiles when she looks at me and babbles. Then she puts her arms out and waves them at me like she wants me to hold her.

Good thing my hands are filled with Abby’s stuff. The thought of holding her makes me feel like I can’t breathe.

What if I hold her too tight? What if I drop her? There are way too many things that could go wrong if I touch her.

“Let’s grab some chairs over there.” Abby points to the corner area with two chairs sharing one large umbrella.

I pile all of the stuff she gave me next to one of the chairs and take a seat in the other.

“What is all of this?” I point to the pile.

Abby laughs. “It’s obvious you don’t have kids. They require a lot of equipment. Especially when they’re babies.”

She takes the seat next to me and props Sadie up in her lap.

The baby stares at me and frowns. She’s looking at me so intently it’s freaking me out. It doesn’t help that her eyes are so huge. They’re like a cartoon character’s eyes.

I notice Sadie is wearing a bathing suit. “Does she actually swim?”

“I’m teaching her. I learned to swim when I was her age. I was a competitive swimmer in high school. Until I got pregnant.”

Her voice sounds sad, and that makes me feel sad too. It sounds like a lot of her dreams came to an end with Sadie’s arrival.

I try to imagine what it would have been like if I had gotten a girl pregnant in high school. It could have easily happened. I wasn’t always as careful as I should have been.

“Do you mind if I ask you something?”

“Sure.” She squirts some sunscreen on her palm and rubs it on Sadie’s arms and legs.

“Where is Sadie’s dad?”

She swallows and her face looks pained. Maybe it was the wrong question to ask.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”             

She shakes her head. “It’s okay. He’s away at school. Yale. His dad’s kind of an asshole, and I didn’t want to deal with him, so I just let him go. Why should both of us give up on our dreams?”

“He doesn’t pay child support?”

“He doesn’t work. He doesn’t have a job while he’s going to school, so there’s no income. No income, no child support.”

“What a douche.”

When Abby’s eyes grow wide it’s obvious to see where Sadie gets her big eyes from.

“I shouldn’t have called him that,” I say.

“Actually he is kind of a douche. But he’s still Sadie’s father.”

“Does he see her very often?” I’m not sure exactly where Yale is, but I know it’s nowhere close to California.

“When he’s home for break, he usually visits. He hasn’t really accepted the role of her dad yet. He still wants to be a college kid.”

There’s that sadness again. Probably because it’s something she’ll never get the chance to be.

“I never went to college,” I tell her. “I’m lucky I finished high school. No college would probably take me.”

That makes her smile. “I doubt your grades were that bad.”

“They were awful,” I assure her.

“My parents didn’t want me to keep Sadie,” she tells me. “They gave me an ultimatum. If I wanted to continue to live with them, I’d have to surrender Sadie for adoption. If I wanted to keep her I was on my own. Lucky for me my aunt and uncle offered to help. They were never able to have kids of their own, so now they have me and Sadie.”

“What did you want to do?” I ask. “Before you got pregnant?”

“I wanted to be a high school math teacher. It was always my favorite subject.”

“Maybe you can go back to school when Sadie gets a little older,” I offer.

She bites her bottom lip. “I’ve thought about it. I could also take classes online. I just have to save up some money to pay the tuition.”

“You shouldn’t give up on your dream completely.”

Sadie claps her hands in front of me and starts babbling again.

“Can she talk?”

“She’s said mama a few times. I’m trying to teach her to call my uncle papa.”

Sadie seems very excited, or maybe she’s pooping. It’s hard to tell.

“Do you want to hold her?” Abby offers.

My body fills with terror. I don’t want to tell Abby no, because she might think I don’t want to get to know Sadie. But I’m scared to death of doing something wrong and hurting her.

“It’s okay,” Abby says. “I didn’t mean to push her on you.”

“No…it’s not that. I don’t have any experience with babies. At all. Zero.”

As Abby carefully places her in my lap every muscle in my body freezes. I’m completely overcome with fear.

“Are you okay?” Abby asks.

“Sure. Why?”

“You turned as white as a ghost.”

“I’m a little nervous.” It’s a small lie. I’ve actually never felt this terrified in my life. Not even when I was making the final play to win the state high school football championship.

“She seems to like you,” Abby assures me.

When I glance down at Sadie she’s smiling at me. Abby hands me a round plastic ring that sounds like a rattle. As soon as I give it to Sadie she sticks it in her mouth.

“She’s teething,” Abby tells me.

I can’t stop thinking about the asshole who got her pregnant. He’s away at college, probably partying and hooking up with other girls, while Abby’s struggling to support their child.

“Sadie deserves to have a real father,” I say as I watch her gnaw on the teething ring.

Abby heaves a sigh. “It probably won’t be Dex.”

“Why do you say that?”

“After he graduates, he plans to go to law school. Harvard or Yale, if he can get in. By the time he’s finished with law school, Sadie will be six. That’s a long time to go without having your dad around.”