Beautiful Bedlam (15 page)

“Let’s just grab some food and go up.” Sienna shouted to him over the music just when her mother sauntered in giddily drunk and tittering on her heels with a bottle of tequila in her hand.

“Oh, Logan! You found Sienna! I was wondering where she was!” Maria cackled. Sienna froze; her complexion must have been bright red from the shame that overtook her. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at the look of shock or perhaps disgust or amusement on Logan’s face.

“Come dance with me!” Maria ordered giddily and wrapped her arms around Logan’s neck before somehow managing to throw the bottle on to the floor without smashing it.

“Oh no, thank you Mrs. Rivers, I can’t-“

“Oh nonsense! Oh! I can see why she likes you so much. You been working out, huh?” she asked in astonishment as she began feeling his shoulders and arms, her accent becoming thicker due to the drink.

“You should feel him! He’s very strong! Oh look at her. She’s blushing. She’s so shy of you, you know Logan!” Maria cooed and laughed as she swayed gently side to side. He looked to Sienna like a deer caught in the headlights, then suddenly those dark eyes were met with sudden understanding and were replaced by warmth, compassion or what Sienna read as pity.

“Do me one favor Logan, when you two do finally do it. You be very gentle with my querida. She breaks and cries very easily.” Maria said rather earnestly in her drunken stupor as she looked up at him.

“Okay, Mrs. Rivers, I’m going to go-“ Logan said quickly as he tore her away from him, his mouth purveying a hint of an amused smile.
“She’s in love with you for so long time, isn’t it darling?” Maria slurred out before falling back on to the sofa. Sienna wished that the earth would just swallow her whole just then. She wanted to be anywhere but there yet somehow her feet were like lead bricks.

She couldn’t move. She was trapped. All she could see was that handsome face looking back at her, those dark eyes burning in to her slowly crushing soul. She had never known any greater pain than in that very moment that she realized he didn’t and probably never would feel for her the way she felt for him. Sure he loved her, he might have been the only one in the world who loved her, but not in that way. His smile dropped instantly as if a light bulb had suddenly lit up above his head. He knew.

He had always known how she had felt about him. Her mother was right. If he wanted her, he could have pursued after her on countless occasions just like the one on the porch. He said he missed his nerd, what he meant was he missed that girl tripping over herself fawning over him, making a fool out of her self in front of everyone. She was nothing more than his regular supply of an ego boost for when he needed it. Meredith was right about her. She was stupid. She was a fool.

“Logan, I want you to leave.” Sienna said in a calm stony distant way, her eyes alight with a cold green fury.

“Oh now look what you did. You made her cry! Don’t worry she does this all the time. One time at dinner, the twins and I actually set the timer to see how long-“

“Sienna, wait.” He gulped and walked after her quickly as she opened the front door. He opened his mouth but the words wouldn’t come out. He didn’t even know what to say, where to start. He moved towards her as if to hold her but she edged behind the door, her face half hidden in the shadows. He could see the other half; beautiful she was, in all her brokenhearted glory. Her entire face wet with tears only added glow and sheen to that golden skin, her emeralds only burned brighter with sorrow, her pink lips quivered slightly. Everything about her pain, her vulnerability, her unashamed emotional nudity only amplified her beauty in her eyes. He was wrong before. This was the moment he knew for sure he had never wanted more to hold and kiss a girl before.

“Sienna.”

“Goodbye, Logan.” she said abruptly ending their conversation by slamming the door shut in his face.

She didn’t know what she had been thinking. How dare she even comprehend or hope for a single second that someone like that could ever love her? He was stunning, striking, charismatic, extroverted, grand and greater than life, every guy wanted to be him and all the girls wanted to be with him.

He was the spark, twinkle and gleam of the stars and she was merely the dark night sky behind that allowed him to shine in contrast. She was stupid for ever thinking otherwise.

12.

“Should I make you a sandwich or something for your lunch?” Sienna asked exasperatedly as she quickly hid the empty bottle of tequila behind the couch where her mother rested upon.

“No, you already gave me lunch money. Remember?” Annabelle reminded her from the foot of the stairs as she readjusted the straps on her backpack.

“Oh right.” Sienna murmured to herself as she grabbed her cream-colored trench coat and put in on over her fluffy white sweater, black jeans, and high-heeled black ankle boots that only accentuated those long legs of hers.

“Do you need a ride to the bus stop?” she asked as she snatched up her tote bag.

“No, it’s just down the road.” Annabelle replied almost patiently.

“Yeah, I know.” She said as she rushed her sister out of the house.

“Why are we leaving so early?” she asked as her sister stuffed letters from the mailbox in to her bag.

“Its good to be early. Move. Hurry.” Sienna hissed as she pulled her sister along by the hand. “God, you’re weird.” Annabelle giggled as she dragged her feet.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious! Come on, Annie,
move
!” she whispered just as a gleaming cheery red Mustang turned the corner on to their street.

“Be good in school. Don’t have sex til you’re in you late teens or preferably in your twenties, don’t do drugs, and don’t fall in love. Have a great day in school. Don’t be late!” Sienna said in rapid quick-fire speed, pushed her sister on to the sidewalk urging her along, gave her a quick wave before flinging open the door to a baby pink Volkswagen Beetle.

“I’m eleven!” her sister shouted as Sienna rushed in to the front seat of Rose’s car.

“Hey you look pretty ni-“ she began saying before Sienna quickly cut her off.

“Drive! Now! Please!” she hissed as the Mustang slowed down in front of her house.

“Oh this is about Logan. You-“

“DRIVE!” she yelled as Rose jumped in fright and did what she was told. All in all, Sienna Rivers was a sweet pretty docile girl, but every now and again that temper would flare that quite literally terrified Rose.

Sienna covered her face with her hand as they drove past the Mustang. She knew he was in there watching, bewildered and confused but she didn’t care. She couldn’t face him. She wished she was one of those girls who were afforded with the luxury of sleeping in whilst their doting mothers stroked their hair affectionately as their daughters cried over the heartbreak of their first love and told their fathers to let them off for a day with the excuse that terrified any father; menstrual cramps but she was not that girl she realized as she ripped open the letters to reveal several unpaid phone, water, gas and electric bills. It came to her quick attention that whatever small savings the family once had was now officially gone, down her mother’s throat most probably. She shoved the letters back in to her bag and apologized to Rose about her behavior.

“I’m sorry. Thanks for picking me up at such late notice.”

“Hey, no problem. I’m just surprised, usually you go with Logan…did something happen? Did…did you two break up?” she asked cautiously as she glanced at her.

“
What?
Break up? We were never together.” Sienna refuted confoundedly.

“Oh come on, Sienna, give me some credit. I might not be on the honor roll but I’m not stupid. I mean what other guy in high school picks and drops a girl up from school everyday, buys a girl breakfast each morning and spends each and every day with her even after school hours? I mean come on I’m no True Detective but I’ve watched enough episodes of The Bachelorette to know when a guy likes a girl.”

“He doesn’t buy me breakfast
every
morning. Its just he knows I’m tired in the morning. I rarely get time to make breakfast and Gigi’s makes great pancakes!”

“Sienna, he buys you breakfast. You’re dating.” She said flippantly. Sienna frowned at her as a realization suddenly dawned on her.

“Wait a minute, you don’t think that we…you’re saying everybody thinks we’re sleeping together?” she asked incredulously. Rose didn’t have to say anything. The answer was written all over her face. “Noah and I eat lunch together every other day. Does that mean I’m sleeping with him too?” Sienna asked rhetorically. “Don’t answer that. Apparently in high school if you so much as smile at another guy, you’re carrying his secret lovechild.”

“So you don’t like Logan?”

“I hate Logan Jackson.”

“Okay, now I’m really confused.”

“Let’s just say that if his entire body was alight with fire, I wouldn’t even take out my lady funnel and piss on him!” Sienna sputtered out petulantly and crossed her arms over her chest. “You have a lady funnel?” Rose retorted bewilderedly.

“That’s not the point.” Sienna sighed and shook her head slightly trying to remove any thoughts of him out of her mind. She was failing miserably. Everywhere she looked she saw parts of him embedded in to her surroundings. She saw him in the black sheen of a raven’s wings as it flew past. She saw him in the black bark of the trees. She couldn’t escape him even when she closed his eyes, all she could see were those terrific dark eyes boring in to her soul causing her to question everything she had ever felt. 

“Sienna?” Rose’s voice called to her best friend snapping her out of her daze. Sienna quickly looked up to find herself standing in the high school parking lot. She didn’t even remember getting out of the car.

“Guess what? I heard Principal Sharpe is finally back from whatever sabbatical she was taking.” Rose informed her. Sienna couldn’t help but groan.

“She’s not that bad.” Rose laughed.

“The woman hates me.” Sienna rebutted. “Just be your normal quiet nerdy self and you probably won’t have to see her all year.” Rose said airily as they walked over to their lockers. Sienna was used to her ‘nerdy’ title but for some reason she found herself biting her tongue, irritated by everybody’s depiction of her. Is that all she was? 

She kept her head down avoiding all eye contact with those she passed in the crowded hallways as she rushed to her chemistry class.

She quickly sat near the front and observed her fellow classmates as they came in and greeted Mr. Blake. The girls, even the most beautiful self assured popular girls in school like Bethany Simmons all faltered and came across flustered and even insecure as they spoke to the young British chemistry teacher from hell. She looked at him. Sure, she got the appeal. Sure some girls fawned over the accent and others over the Elizabeth Taylor eyes but Sienna marveled at how they could get over his obnoxious countenance, his smug ‘I’m sexy and I know it’ face and the overall pompous essence that exuded from him. She looked at the clock that hung on the wall. Four minutes had already gone past the hour. Sienna waited patiently for the lesson to start as he obliviously laughed at something Bethany said. She was outrageously flirting with him and he just laughed it off clearly used to it.

She wondered if Logan was like this. She wondered if the rumors were true about Logan and Bethany. Or about Logan and Courtney in Burt Stevenson’s party last weekend. Or the countless others rumors about him and all these girls. She had never taken any serious heed to these rumors after all they were just rumors but if even a tenth of them were true, it was more than enough salt to rub in to Sienna’s wounds. Logan walked in just then dressed in his usual dark attire but was missing his classic trademark smirk and gleam in his eyes. He almost looked as miserable as she did. His dark eyes looked at her beseechingly but she quickly averted her gaze and looked down at her textbook. He stood for a few seconds contemplating on whether to seat on the vacant chair next to her. He chickened out and sauntered off to the back of the class. Despite his young age and her relative aversion to him personally, Sienna had to admit that Mr. Blake was one heck of a great teacher and had that rare knack of making a lesson fly by which was always a plus in her book. But even lattice enthalpy couldn’t keep thoughts of Logan Jackson at bay especially when he was sitting only a few feet away. Mr. Blake swept past her desk leaving her paper on the edge of it as he handed back the papers for the midterm exam to the rest of the class. She stretched her hand out and let out a small gasp of shock at she saw what the red scrawled handwriting read. 82. B-.
B minus?
Sienna Rivers had an almost perfect GPA; never once had she received such an average grade. She was slipping. Everything was slipping away from her. She needed an A in this class if she wanted to keep her perfect score and to graduate as valedictorian and to go to Harvard. That was the plan. That had always been the plan!

“Or was that just the plan because everybody knows Logan is going to Harvard?” that voice rang in her ear. She ignored it with a scowl. The bell rang before Sienna could even sputter out a word. Everyone scraped their chairs back as Sienna grabbed her bag and stood near Mr. Blake’s desk. He ignored her of course as he pretended she wasn’t there and began conversing with Bethany Simmons. Sienna wondered what she was even doing in this class. Bethany hated science. She always had. They all knew the real reason she was there.