Beautiful Bedlam (9 page)

“You know it’s a family tradition, I had to go to Chapworth. My dad went there, my uncles, my grandfather. They all studied there at least a couple of years. It was a spur of the moment kind of deal. I didn’t even know I was going until the last minute, had I known of course I would have come and said goodbye. Then my cellphone broke and I lost your number.” He sighed and looked so sincere and remorseful Sienna didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Just whom did he think
he
was fooling? Chapworth was the fancy elusive prep school she had heard so much about, a part of the Jackson family tradition before heading off to Harvard then world domination or whatever it was his father had planned for him. Sienna didn’t even care that he left anymore even though that had most definitely left a few scars, no, she cared about the fact that he hadn’t even told her why he left and was still beating around the bush.

“You’re lying.” She said instantly and stood up.

“Oh really? So what are my telltale signs, if I’m lying? Which I’m not.” He stood up along with her and crossed his arms, insentiently mimicking her gesture.

“I don’t need any signs. I just…know.” She explained briefly. She wasn’t exactly going to go in to detail about how the black of his eyes seemed to flicker just for a millisecond, just long enough for her to spot the decision he made to lie, but most importantly the way she just knew in her heart when he lied and when he spoke the truth. She could see it in that face she had spent her childhood loving. 

“You came home for the holidays. You couldn’t have just stopped by, just once. One explanation would have sufficed.” She said softly, her entire demeanor softened as she saw him put up a wall, his face suddenly became guarded, placid, bored even.

“What happened?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Something must have happened for you to just up and go in the middle of the night without a peep. I mean, you used to tell me everything. We had no secrets. And now-“
“Why was your nose bleeding?” he asked abruptly.

“Don’t change the subject.” She reproved irritably. Classic Logan. Run away from your problems, and if they’re screaming you blue in the face, he’d just ignore them without a care in the world. It was a work of art really his inability to shed some emotion when the required it.

“Its not sunny or hot. You never used to get all droopy blood syndrome when you played all melodramatically on the piano so what’s up? You been snorting crack?” he asked nonchalantly as if he wasn’t opposed to the idea at all but mildly surprised she would ever get involved in drugs as he should
. Did he not know her at all?

“What?” she cried.
“Yeah, scratch that. I forgot who I was talking to.” He muttered wryly and rubbed his jaw. “Stop deflecting!” Sienna shouted, to which he remained casual, unaffected by her sudden display of emotion. He squinted at her before asking in a low curious tone “You don’t have like…cancer or anything, do you?” She just gaped at him in shock.

The only cancer she had was the cells mutating in her heart, the part of her that still clung on to him after all these years, the part of her mind that reserved thoughts and dreams just for him. So if love was a cancer, then she was afraid she had a very terminal degenerative case if it.

“This isn’t going to be like one of those sad cancer movies, is it?”
“Logan, answer the damn question!”
“Where you die and I cry and bury you but promise to live my life with joy because I know you’re watching over me and-“
“What aren’t you telling me?” she asked exasperatedly, clearly at the end of her tether. “And I put roses on your grave, or perhaps yellow flowers, why are they always
yellow
?” he asked with a dazed confused look on his face.

“LOGAN!” she screamed shutting his incessant rambling at once. Her voice echoed through out the auditorium. It was a small miracle that windows didn’t all concurrently combust and shatter in to oblivion.

“Lower your voice, you’ll wake the kids in Africa. They’ve got enough problems as it is what with world hunger, poverty and disease and illness and all.” He said dryly with his eyes glued to the ceiling as if it were the most interesting thing in the world, not noticing the tears in her eyes or the quiver in her voice.

“Everything is just a joke to you. Fine. Laugh. Joke. I’m so over it.” ‘
Over
you
,’ she added mentally as she grabbed her bag and attempted to storm off. It was bad enough getting ignored by a guy when you knew he was hundreds of miles away but it was a heck of a lot more infuriating when he did when he stood only a foot away. He caught her by the crook of her elbow before she could dash away.

“I want to tell you why…I just can’t…not yet.” He said slowly, his voice a gentle caress to the senses, his captivating dark eyes implored her to see reason, to understand. He pulled at the strings of her heart, playing her like a harp.

“What do you mean?” she asked and looked away embarrassed to be on the verge of crying. She hated the emotional feminine side of her that made her so damn emotional. All her life she had tried to suppress it and be strong but to hell with it all. She reckoned she was like Hugh Jackman, (odd comparison she knew) strong and tough enough to be Wolverine but sensitive and emotive enough to belt out Les Miserable songs. If he could pull it off, why couldn’t she?

“I never left the only home I knew because of you, Sienna.” He said her name so softly. She forgot how nice it was to hear him say that.

“I didn’t say goodbye because I suddenly forgot my shadow since childhood. I didn’t forget to call one of my best friends because something came up and I promised somebody I would leave without telling anyone, that included you and I know you’re mad and confused and I would be too, but please can we forget everything and just move past it?” he asked gently as he wiped her glistening tears with his thumb.

She was suddenly remotely aware if just how much he was touching her and it dawned on her that it was a lot more than usual. Sure they had hugged before but like most platonic relationships, they had both managed to be close without invading each other’s personal space. He gently smoothed down her luscious silken locks unable to keep his hands off her.

“Will you ever tell me this big secret as to why you left?” she asked quietly.

“No.” he answered honestly and shook his head.

“Well, I wanted the truth. I guess I deserved it.” she replied bitterly and stepped away from him and rubbed her arms that had shivers and goose bumps galore.
“I made a promise to somebody and I can’t break it.” he said bitterly as she put her black jacket on.

“Well, okay.” She said resolutely with her back turned to him and picked up her backpack. She quickly turned and began walking away.
“One more thing.” He called as she rushed past him.

“Next time, you stumble in to a wall. You make sure you give as hard as you get, you here me? Don’t hold back.” His voice reverberated in the big room. She froze mid step and gulped even though her mouth had suddenly gone dry. She turned and faced him, her face frozen with surprise and fear.

“I don’t understand what you mean.” She mumbled and rubbed her nose hoping to cover the damn Grand Canyon.

“We all tell little white lies here and there. Sometimes its not because we want to, it’s because we have to. I had hoped that you of all people would have understood that.” He said with a pointed look at her. She wondered how long he had known. She stared in to those illustrious dark eyes, the ones that she had found herself so lost in, like black holes just continually sucking her in. He had always known. Hadn’t he? Her face crumpled slightly at the realization and she quickly covered her face and wiped her tears. Before she knew it he had his arms around her and she had her head buried in his chest. She didn’t realize just how alone she had felt until she was in the arms of the one she had loved and missed most in the world.

“I needed you…and you weren’t there.” She said in between soft sobs.

“I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.” He said tenderly with his chin resting on her head. She had calmed down, quieted herself, deaf to the world except the sound of that fast beating pounding heart and the voice of an angel. 

“You know, I thought coming back here everything would be exactly the same as if this town had been put on pause and nothing had changed since I left but I was wrong.” He said softly.

“Well, that’s a first.” She hiccupped.

“Me being wrong?” he asked with a hint of a smile.

“No, you’re always wrong. You admitting you’re wrong on the other hand is a big change.” She said laughing shakily as she took a small half step away from him so she could see his face. She really was on an emotional rollercoaster nowadays. She gave herself whiplash from all the mood swings.
God
, she hoped her eyes weren’t all ready and puffy. She wasn’t exactly one of those drop dead gorgeous women who looked like heaven’s gift to the earth when they cried. She was just grateful she hadn’t spewed snot all over his leather jacket. ‘
Thank the lord for small mercies
,’ she thought wryly.

“Well, I’m not the only one who has changed. You’re still the same but different. Stronger, tougher, more…” he paused, the word beautiful? Stunning? Or perhaps it was perfect? All these words stilled on his tongue. He was tongue-tied. He didn’t know what he was saying or doing. He was shocking even himself today with his outlandish behavior. What was wrong with him?
Sienna Rivers?
She was like the cutesy adoring little sister he never had and yet here stood contrastingly different and elfishly beautiful with those sharp features, exotic emerald eyes, glossy dark hair and full perfect pink pouty lips that his eyes kept getting drawn to. It felt so wrong yet so remarkably right. How had he not seen it before? How had he not seen
her
before? He had taught her how to play chess, forced her to sit through all the Jason Bourne movies he could get his hands on along with all the Godfathers and the Battle Royales, even spoke with her about all the hot older girls he had always taken a liking to. She had never said anything; actually she often gave constructive criticisms, gave him useful pointers and upped his game. He had treated her like one of the guys all his life yet here she stood before him a phoenix from the ashes, a swan from the rather average easy to overlook duckling.

“Well, let’s just say I can’t give you piggyback rides anymore.” He remarked subtly.

“Pfft, you haven’t given me a piggyback ride since we were nine years old.” She retorted incredulously. He stared at her obstinately.

“Fine, twelve.” She admitted and rolled her eyes. She couldn’t help but laugh in spite of her self. She had a beautiful laugh, the kind you put your entire body in to, complete with tilting her head back and throwing her hair behind her shoulder. He smiled and looked at her wistfully. She paused as she took in his peculiar facial expression, one she had never seen before. She wondered if he were all right. He suddenly looked a tad afraid and…hesitant?

He glanced at her eyes to see if it was okay before pulling her closer to him by the waist. She stared up at him startled at first then she stilled as her eyes followed his gaze upon her lips. Her mouth fell open in a small ‘o’ in surprise which he found adorable, the corners of his mouth tilted up in a wry smile before he leaned his head down to give her a kiss, her first.

7.

What was happening? Is what I think is happening really happening or is this another one of those weird dreams like the time I made out with Ryan Gosling and it was amazing then I opened my eyes and it was Marilyn Manson and woke up screaming? ‘Cos if that’s the case God then why do you hate me so much?’
she thought miserably as she froze perfectly in place.

It was as if life had suddenly slowed down. She could feel the depth and weight of every tantalizing second between the moment he tilted her chin up to the moment those lips would finally touch hers. She felt his warm breath tickle her cheek casing her heart to really thunder and pound like never before. She closed her eyes bracing herself as if she were about to take a sock in the mouth instead of receiving the unprecedented primary gesture of love exchanged by two lovers.

This is it. Don’t open your eyes. That’s just creepy. Oh my God. What if he’s staring at me? Thank God for Chap Stick. Okay, stop overanalyzing and thanking god for one second of your stupid nonexistent love life and enjoy the moment before its
-

“Sienna!” Rose’s high pitched squeaky voice resonated through the auditorium as she burst through the door causing Sienna to practically leap away from Logan who remained perfectly still, his hand still in the air from where he touched her face.

“Hey, what are you guys doing?” Rose asked innocuously as she looked at Sienna’s startled deer in the headlights expression. Logan’s eyes widened in surprise followed by something else, a poignant emotion Sienna just couldn’t read, ranging from disappointment or perhaps even hurt which lasted just for the slightest split second before that cool, calm, I don’t give a damn about my damn reputation façade was brought up again. He put his hands in his pockets casually and gave Rose a small polite tightlipped smile.

“Nothing!” Sienna exclaimed and laughed hysterically and slapped Logan on the arm jovially as if he had just cracked the world’s greatest joke.

“He’s so funny. We were just laughing because…because…” she stuttered and looked at Logan for some help. He just looked back at her in silence. She sure as hell wasn’t going to get any help from him. She looked at Rose and blinked several times.

“There was a raccoon and a…” she paused and stared at Logan again for help. Oh dear God, he was right. She really was bad at the whole lying game. Instead, the corners of his mouth tilted up as if he were trying really hard not to smile.
Ass
.