Beautiful Tragedy (A Standalone Romance Novel) (22 page)

“Hi Jake,” I said. “I’m sorry to kick you out of your apartment.
It will only be for a little while,” I told him.

“It’s cool,” he said. “Brock’s all excited to see
you.” Damn it, I felt the pressure in my chest trying to make the tears come
again.

“Thanks,” I told him and ran the rest of the way up.
Brock was waiting for me at the door. I didn’t think it was weird anymore.
Before I could speak, he took me in his arms and hugged me. Then he kissed me
and for a minute I allowed myself to get lost in the softness of his lips and
the hunger of his touch.

“I missed you,” he said. “Is that weird?” I smiled at
him.

“No, it’s not weird,” I told him, honestly.

“I’m making dinner,” he said. There was that
enthusiasm again.

“I don’t think I can stay, Brock,” I said. “Can you
sit for a minute?” Now he looked a little worried. I hated seeing worry in his
eyes. That was why I needed to do this. He didn’t need to be worried about me
all the time. He sat down, and I sat across from him.

“What’s wrong, Molly? Is your Grandma okay?”

“She’s fine,” I told him, and then smiling, I said,
“It’s nice that you care though.”

He reached for my hand, I thought about pulling it
back, but I wanted to feel him, at least just this last time. He squeezed it
and said, “I care about everything about you, Molly.”

I squeezed his back. “Thank you, Brock,” I said. “That
means a lot. But I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, and I think I’ve made
a terrible mistake.”

He looked confused, “A mistake?” he said.

“Yes, I should have stuck to my guns, Brock. I should
have stayed strong and not given in to lust the last two nights.”

“Lust? That’s what you think that was? Molly, I…” I
stopped him there. I was afraid he was going to say…It. If he did, I wasn’t
sure I’d be able to get up and walk out of here.

“You know what I mean, Brock. It was amazing, and you
were the perfect man for my first time. But I should have resisted because
nothing has really changed as far as me not wanting to be in a relationship.”
Now he looked like I had just kicked him in the gut.

“What? I don’t understand…I thought we were….together.”

“Brock, I never said that. We never talked about that.
We had sex, and it was great, but we both know that sex does not make a
relationship.”

“It was more than that, Molly, so much more. When we
were walking in the park under the stars, I know you felt it Molly. I know you
wanted to be with me as much as I do with you…I thought…I thought you were
ready,” he said. I could see the wheels turning in his head now. God, I felt
like someone had kicked me in the gut. Then he looked at me accusingly with
those baby blue eyes and he said, “You said you were ready Molly.”

“I was, for the fun and the sex.”

I hated calling it that. In my mind it was making love
and any time in whatever future I have left that I think about it, that’s what
it would be called. But for now, I had to make him believe I was a cold fish. I
needed him to want to walk away. “I’m still not ready for a relationship. I’m
sorry, I shouldn’t have let things go so far.”

He processed that for a while. He even got up and
walked over to the window and looked out, and then paced for a while. Finally
he said, “Okay, we can go back to friends…for now.” Dear God why can’t he just
say ugly things to me and call me names? It would be so much easier.

“No, Brock,” I said. “That would be too hard. You
can’t go back, only forward. I should have stopped it before it went this far,
and I’m sorry that I didn’t.” It was so hard to keep my voice from cracking and
giving away how I really felt.

“I’m not sorry Molly,” he said. “Nothing could ever
make me sorry about the time I have been blessed to spend with you. But, I
think you’re just scared, and that’s okay. We can take it as slow as you
like….”

“No!” I said, standing up. “No, Brock. You need to be
with someone who knows what they want. You should be with someone like that
girl Tammy. She really likes you.” You could be Ken to her Barbie.

“Okay now I know you lost your mind. Did you talk to
Tammy?”

“Yeah, I ran into her at the coffee house the other
day. She’s…nice. She told me that she still cares for you…a lot. She thinks you
two belong together. What if she’s right and you miss your opportunity
following me around?”

“Molly, I don’t want anything to do with that girl.
She’s not really right in the head, but most of all…she’s not you. You’re the
only one I want. I’ll wait for you to be ready. I don’t care how long, Molly.
I’ll wait.”

I headed towards the door as he was talking.

“I don’t want you to wait, Brock. I don’t know when
I’ll be ready, if ever.” I reached for the door and he said my name again. That
time, I heard his voice crack. If I look at those blue eyes and they have tears
in them that I put there….I squared my shoulders, opened the door and walked
out. I left him standing there, hurt and shocked. I felt like pond scum as I
walked back to my dorm.

TWENTY-THREE

BROCK

I can’t believe that she just came in here and broke
up with me and walked away like that. I had spent the past twenty-four hours
planning our life together, and it was over that quickly. I’m an idiot. I
shouldn’t have let myself fall for her. I’d never done it before, and I hadn’t
lacked for women in my life. I don’t know why Molly should have been any
different.

I went over and opened the door. I was telling myself
all of this and at the same time, thinking about going after her. My head was
pounding. It hurt like it used to when I first got sick. But it wasn’t the
tumor this time; it was my brain trying so hard to process all of this. I
thought things were good. No, I thought things were great. I thought she was
falling for me too…I closed the door. She was already gone, and she obviously
didn’t want me to come after her. I had made a big fool of myself already,
begging her to stay and telling her I’ll wait for her. I didn’t know what else
to say though, it was the truth.

What was all of that stuff about Tammy? I had to
wonder because it almost seemed like she was trying to convince me that I had
choices. I know that I have choices. She knows that I think enough of myself to
know I have choices. I don’t want choices…I want Molly. I felt like that eight
year old kid again, the one whose mother was moving across the world. I wanted
to have a fit and make her stay. Only Molly wasn’t moving across the world, and
in a way, that would be worse. I would still have to see her…and then what? Pretend
like I didn’t know her? Make polite but stilted conversation? For the first
time in my life I had allowed myself to look into the future. I was getting better…my
meds were working, I finally felt like I was beating the big “C” word, and
right then I had met the most wonderful girl in the world. At the risk of
sounding like Jake, I had met my soulmate.
 

Something happened between the time she left here yesterday
morning and now. Was it just too much time to think, or something else? Maybe
it was about her being sick. She hadn’t wanted me to know to begin with, but
once I found out, there was nothing left to hide. Was there? Is she sicker than
she let on? Should I go find her and ask? If she loved me though and that was
the case, wouldn’t she want me by her side?

I felt so damned helpless and stupid at the same time.
I don’t think I was wrong about her though. I stood there, dumped and still
believing that she cared about me, and that she wanted to be with me. I was
turning into Tammy now. Maybe I should stalk her.

I sat down on the couch and thought about the past
twenty-four hours. She had gone to see her grandma. I wish I had her number,
maybe that was the key. Maybe she told Grandma that we had slept together, and
Grandma was upset. Maybe she was breaking up with me out of some kind of shame,
or regret.

Grandma might be the key, but the one who would know
for sure what was going on and what I should do about it…would be Megan. I got
up and went to find my phone. I dialed Megan’s number…and Jake answered.

“Hey man, where’s Meg?” I asked him.

“She’s here we’re having an early dinner. What’s up?”
he said.

“Can I talk to her?” I said. Why the hell didn’t she
answer her own phone?

“She really doesn’t want to talk right now…” I could
tell Jake didn’t know what was going on. Megan was avoiding me and he had no
idea why.

“Jake, hand her the phone. Please.” I heard them
exchange a few tense words. I felt bad because I knew she was going to be mad
at Jake, but right now I didn’t care. She finally got on the phone and I said, “Megan,
please don’t lie to me. Tell me what is going on with Molly.”

“What do you mean?” she said. God, she was a terrible
actress.

“Megan, please…” I was almost in tears. “Please come and
talk to me.”

 
I must have
sounded pathetic, because she sighed and said, “Okay, Brock. We’ll be there
soon.”

I hung up, and while I still had the phone in my hand
I called Molly. I knew it was a desperate move, but I couldn’t stop myself. It
went straight to voice mail. I didn’t leave a message…I didn’t know what to
say.

True to her word, Megan and Jake were there in twenty
minutes. Megan must have already told Jake that he didn’t want to be around for
this because he said, “I’m going to get some studying done at the library.” He
grabbed his backpack and kissed Megan and said, “Just call me when you’re
done.” Then he looked at me with something akin to pity in his eyes and said,
“See you in a bit, man.” I just nodded at him. Jake’s a good friend.

Megan sat down and so did I, and then I said, “Please
tell me what is going on with Molly.”

“What did she tell you?” Megan asked me.

“She said that she was breaking up with me because she
doesn’t want a boyfriend. I don’t believe that though Megan. Things
were…beautiful. They were perfect. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Megan looked like she was thinking about what she was
supposed to tell me, and comparing it to what she wanted to tell me. Finally
she said, “Brock, you know how much I like you, and how much I love Molly. But
even though Jake and I spent all that time trying to push you guys together,
this is between you and her now. She did tell you from the beginning that she
didn’t want a relationship. Maybe we all should have left her alone.”

“You don’t mean that, Megan. You saw how happy she was
with me lately. She was only worried about the cancer at first right? She
thought that I would walk out on her the way that her slime-ball ex did. I
would never do that though, and I think she knows that.”

Megan looked at me then with tears in her eyes. I
could tell she was trying to hold them back, and I knew that there was a lot
more to this story.

“Leave it alone, Brock. Please.”

I stood up. I had all of this nervous energy that I
didn’t know what to do with. I had to do something. I couldn’t just let the
best thing that had ever come my way walk out of my life.

“I’m not going to leave it alone, Meg. I’ll go find Molly;
I’ll turn into a stalker if I have to until she tells me what’s really going
on.”

One of the tears in her eyes escaped and rolled down
her cheek. I felt bad, but I knew she was coming around, so I was happy at the
same time.

“She asked me not to tell you, Brock. She made me
promise. I’ve never broken a promise to her. She’s my best friend, she’s like
my sister.”

“I know that, Megan. That’s why I called you. I know
you want her to be happy, and I know you would have never set her up with me if
you didn’t think I could make her that way. Whatever you tell me, I swear to
you that I won’t use it to hurt her. I won’t use it at all, unless it’s somehow
to help. Megan, I love her. I’m in love with Molly.” I didn’t want Megan to be
the first to know that, but Molly wouldn’t let me say it earlier. I might never
get the chance to say it to her. Someone had to know.

She was crying now, and I knew that she wanted to tell
me. I waited her out, and finally she said, “She’s sick, Brock.”

 
I sat back
down.

“Sick like, she has cancer? Because I already know. I have
it too, did Jake tell you that?”

She looked at me strangely, like she didn’t know. Man
we were a damned good bunch of secret keepers that was for sure.

“She’s sicker, Brock,” she said at last. “Her last
kidney is not working any more. They’re going to take it out.”

I felt like someone had just reached down my throat
and ripped out my guts. My stomach was burning and the pounding in my head
reached maximum force and volume.

“Then what?” I asked, not sure that I wanted the
answer.

Megan shrugged. “They put her on the waiting list for
a transplant, and she’ll have to have dialysis after the surgery.”

I didn’t know what else to say. I wanted to leave
right now and go to her. But I knew that would just make her mad…at me, and at
Megan. God, why did this have to happen to her? She’s such a good person and
she has so much life ahead of her. I let myself wallow in that for a moment and
then I looked at Megan and said, “When’s the surgery?”