Because (Seven Year Itch #4) (9 page)

She giggles. “Daddy said I could wear whatever I want.”

I’m not surprised. He’s giving her whatever her little heart desires to get to me. It’s working. I toss him an evil grin and notice he’s already amused. His smirk makes me want to slap it off his face. He’s too handsome for me to focus, and I know if I’m not careful I’m going to fall victim to my own heart.

I peer down at my daughter and look into her beautiful bright eyes. “Why don’t you go play for a bit while I talk to your dad?”

She looks to him as if he’s the boss now. He nods and she goes running out of the room. My hands are on my hips. I’m ready to give him a piece of my mind. He latches his finger in the hem of my khaki pants and pulls me close. I want to fight him, but I can’t seem to do it. I need to know he’s still interested in being with me, and it’s only been one day. “I didn’t come here for this, Bran.” I swat his hand away but remain in the same location. “I want to talk, but it’s going to be across from you at the table. You’re not going to persuade me to come home by touching me.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “Unless you’re coming home to stay, I’ve got nothing to say.”

Just like that he’s shutting me out. I don’t know whether to push the topic or walk away from it. One thing is for sure, looking into his eyes and seeing my future is getting harder by the minute.

Chapter 13

I had a shitty day at work, and now she’s here trying to piss me off more. Shayla didn’t show up so we could work things out, or because she misses me. She’s still trying to play these ridiculous head games and I’ve about had it. Instead of sitting, she bends over and meddles through the basket of clothes on the floor. “I don’t know whether these are clean or dirty.”

“They’re clean. Can’t you tell they’re still warm? I refluffed them so they wouldn’t be wrinkled.”

She picks up a few pieces. “These are all different colors. You can’t mix colors with whites.”

“They look fine to me. I needed shirts for work. Don’t scrutinize me, Shay. You weren’t here to take care of it, so I did it myself.”

She tosses the clothing back in the basket and walks over to the sink. Her hands are on either side of the large stainless bowl and she’s staring down at it. “I wish you knew how hard this is for me, Bran.”

“You’re the one who left.”

She refuses to turn around and face me. “I have to do this. Why can’t you understand it’s for the best?”

“Yeah,” I say in a flip way. “I’m sure you’ve got it all figured out. Listen, I’m not going to sit here and waste my time with you tonight. I’m tired, and Ab has a ton of spelling words she needs to learn for next week. I need to get her in bed at a decent hour and prepare to read to her until she falls asleep, then maybe I can get the laundry taken care of and make her lunch for tomorrow.”

“It sounds like you’ve got it all figured out.” When she speaks it’s with a sarcastic tone. “I’m going to tell Ab goodbye before I go. Do you have a problem with that?”

I motion with my hands. “Do what you need to do. I obviously can’t stop you.”

I don’t get up until she exits the room. When I hear voices I stand between the doorway so I can listen without being discovered.

“But I don’t want you to go. Why can’t you stay here?”

“It’s complicated, sweetie. I’m doing this for our family. I know it doesn’t seem like I am, but it’s true. I just want the fighting to stop.”

She’s whining, but I’m too far away to see how Shayla is reacting. “I don’t want to go to grandma’s house. I want to stay here with Daddy.”

A smile forms on my lips. Aberdeen is doing what she and I talked about. Shayla is going to be pissed, and I’m happy about it. If she thinks she can do this without repercussions, she’s got another thing coming.

“I thought you could come stay with me some nights. We can have sleepovers.”

“No!” Our daughter won’t give in. “I don’t want to leave my dad here alone. You have Grandma and Grandpa, but he’s alone.”

“Honey, lots of kids live in two places so they can see both parents. It’s only a little way down the road. Your dad will be fine for one night.”

I can hear Aberdeen crying and I’ve had enough. I barge into the room. “Way to make her upset again, Shay. I think you should say your goodbyes and head out. Ab needs to get a bath before she goes to bed.”

Shayla has tears in her eyes as she hugs our daughter and ambles out of the room. I make sure Aberdeen is okay before following her mother.

I find her in our bedroom. She’s gathering a few things from her dresser. She knows I’m there, but doesn’t turn around to acknowledge me. “Thanks for making me feel like shit.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lie.

“What happened to your late night out with your friends?”

The truth was that I hadn’t yet made the plans. Instead I told Shayla to feel her out. “It was rescheduled.”

“Lucky you. You could have told me you picked our daughter up from school.”

“I didn’t feel like talking to you then, and I don’t really feel like getting into it now. If you haven’t noticed, I’ve got a lot to do since my wife decided to up and leave.”

“You know it’s not like that. I’ll still handle my same responsibilities.”

“Don’t bother, Shay. If you can’t be here to stay, I don’t want you stopping by at all.”

She’s shocked. I’m giving her an ultimatum because I feel like it might be the only way to scare her into changing her mind. “So it’s going to be like that?”

“Yeah,” I say with a nod. “I guess it is. If you walk out that door tonight I’m going to assume it’s because you’re done trying.”

Now she’s crying harder. Her lips are trembling and it pains me to watch. “How could you be this cruel to me? All I asked for was time.”

“I’m not going to sit around waiting for you to decide when to come home. It’s not fair to me or Ab. You either commit to being a part of this family or you walk away. I can’t guarantee I’ll be waiting when you’re done figuring it out.” This isn’t entirely true. I don’t want my marriage to end, but I feel like she’s leaving me with no other options. If she wants to play hardball I’m going show her my rules.

She grabs her car keys and hauls ass out the kitchen door. For a second I stand and expect her to come back in to tell me off, but when she doesn’t I follow after her.

She’s sitting in her car with her hands covering her face. I can hear her sobs as soon as I approach the vehicle. She doesn’t know I’m there when I knock on the window. “Let me in,” I request from the passenger side.

I hear the doors adjust and get into the car next to her. Without saying a word, I let my hand slide over and place it on her thigh. “Is this what you want, Shay?”

She shakes her head and finally looks in my direction. “No. I’m not doing this to fight with you.”

“I’m sorry for making you cry, but I can’t sit around waiting for you to come home. If being separated is what you want I can’t stop you.”

“It’s what needs to happen for now. I told you all the reasons why. Is it so hard to understand we need a break?”

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing. We were fine, Shay. Everyone fights. Quit your bitching and everything will be fine.”

“Get out!” She orders with gritted teeth.

I swallow the lump forming in my throat and refuse her warning. “No. You want to hash this out, let’s get it all on the table. You expect me to sit around and be okay with you leaving. You think I won’t care when you pick up our daughter and don’t bring her home at night. You think I’m just going to wait for you to get your shit together. I’m not some dog you can put in a kennel until you have time for me. I gave up everything to be with you, Shay. I’ve stuck by you, even when you were at your worst.”

“You mean when I was at my heaviest?”

It pisses me off that she’s bringing her weight into the conversation. “Of course you’d think that.”

“I know it. When you look at me you feel sick to your stomach. I’m nothing like the women you want to be with. Your friends hate me. I’m sure they make fun of you for having to sleep with me. Do you pretend I’m someone else? Is that why you have to fuck me with the lights out?”

“Seriously? You’re throwing this in my face? I turn the lights out for you.”

She’s banging her hands on the steering wheel. “Stop lying to me. I repulse you. I can see it in your eyes. You wish you never married me. That’s why I have to leave. It’s why…”

“That’s not an excuse to rip our family apart. We’re not teenagers. I’m committed to you.”

“No. You haven’t been committed to me, not the way a husband should. You settle. You do what you have to in order to keep the peace.”

“Bullshit. You’re putting words in my mouth. I’ve never complained about your body.”

“You say I’m fat.”

I’m pissed. It’s taking everything in me to not say something ignorant to make her shut up. We’re screaming at each other. I’m surprised the closest neighbor hasn’t come out wondering what’s going on. “You ask me if your butt looks big. You’re the one who says you’re fat.”

“Go ahead and pretend your innocent, Bran. It’s what you always do. You never do anything wrong. You’re perfect. Go on, say it. Admit you can have whatever you want. Admit I’m not the woman you want to be with.”

“Right now I feel like punching you in the face,” I say out of frustration. “But I will never lay a hand on a woman. Not even if she’s being a complete bitch. Like I said before, do what you have to do. I’m sick of this shit you’re throwing at me. Maybe you’re right. Go to your parents, Shayla. Don’t come back here until you know what you want.”

“You can’t keep me from our daughter.”

She’s right. I can’t. I’m not an asshole. I refuse to hurt her like that, even if she’s tearing my heart out. “I’ll get my mom to help us make arrangements. You can pick Ab up from school and drop her off at my parent’s house. I’ll pick her up once you’re not around. If you want to space, I’ll give you more than you could ever imagine.” I get out of the car even though she’s saying my name. I’m done dealing with her. If she wants a fight I’m going to make sure it’s one I can win. Shay’s asking for time and space. She can have both.

Chapter 14

I’ve cried myself to sleep hundreds of times, but tonight is the worst it’s ever been. I’m not just scared of losing everything, I’m preparing for it to actually happen. It’s kind of like the weather channel differentiating from a storm watch and a warning. One you can pretend won’t happen, while the other you need to find safe passage immediately. In my case there was no safe passage. No matter how I looked at this someone gets hurt, mostly me.

Brandon is determined to push me away to teach me a lesson. I know how his mind works. He wants to make me so miserable I’m forced to come home and live in misery for the rest of my days.

The thing is, as much as I wish it were that easy to fix, I know it’s going to take a lot more than time to repair what we’ve done to each other. First and foremost, I have to mend the damage I’ve done to my soul.

Once I’m home I’m stopped by my mother. She’s sitting on my bed waiting for me to come in. I sigh heavily, because I know this is only the beginning to my catastrophic night.

“Mom, I’ve been through hell tonight. What do you need?”

“I talked to Brandon’s mother today. She says you haven’t returned any of her calls.”

“I have nothing to say. This isn’t her business.” I don’t dare say the same about my mom. She’d make me leave her house. She’s that adamant about me going home to my husband.

“Don’t be rude, Shayla. That woman loves you.”

“I love her too. That’s what everyone doesn’t get. I’m doing this for my family. Can’t you both respect that?”

“What you’re doing is forming a wedge between the people who care the most about you. Have you told your doctor about this yet?”

I sit on the bed next to her and rub my face with my hands, silently trying to wish this moment away. “My doctor is the person who told me I needed to make changes for myself before I could repair my marriage. I’m doing the right thing, even if none of you can believe it.”

She’s not happy with this. “Brandon called his mother and asked her be the go-between. You say you don’t want us involved, but she and I are a big part of this too. You’re staying here, and now she’s going to keep the peace while you’re sharing responsibilities with Aberdeen. This isn’t cordial at all. It’s obvious this is an ugly separation. According to his mother, Brandon knew nothing about this.”

“I couldn’t tell him, because I knew he wouldn’t go for it. Look, I need to get some sleep. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

She is obviously disappointed in me. Sometimes I want to grab her by the shoulders and shake the shit out of her until she wakes up and sees the big picture. “Mom, I love you. I know you’re worried. I’m concerned too, but I assure you, I love my family.”

“Your putting your husband through hell.” She stands and turns to face me. “You know that right?”

I nod. “He’s said as much.”

“You’re lucky to have a man who loves you like he does, Shayla.”

This is where my mother has no idea what she’s talking about. “Yeah, I know.”

I only agree so she’ll get out of my face. I respect my mom, but she refuses to see the bad in people, and in my circumstance it needs to be out in the open. I’m not the bad guy, and it’s making me frustrated to be portrayed as one.

Once I’m left alone, I change into something comfortable to sleep in and climb under the covers. My phone is blinking with messages, and even though I can guess who they’re from, I look anyway.

My mom knows everything. She’s expecting Aberdeen after school tomorrow. – Bran

You can’t keep Ab from me because you’re pissed. – Shay

I will do whatever it takes to show you this is a mistake. Mark my word, I won’t be walked all over while you’re out doing stupid shit. – Bran

I’m going to bed. Stop messaging me. I’m done talking to you tonight. – Shay

He doesn’t stop though.

You can’t get rid of me that easily. – Bran

I know you’re hurting. This is killing me too. Don’t you see it’s already working? We’re learning to appreciate each other. I know it seems like tough love, but it’s the only way for us to fall back in love the way we should have been the whole time. I’m not the enemy. Keeping me from Aberdeen won’t solve this. – Shay

If you loved us you’d be here. – Bran

I sigh. He’s blind to the truth.

If I was there you’d expect to fuck the pain away. I’m sorry, Brandon, but it won’t work this time. – Shay

I’m not going to sit here waiting for you to wake up. If you want to live apart, then I’m going to assume we’re over. I’m not saying it as a threat. I won’t wait for you, Shay. This is bullshit. I’m going to start living for myself too. – Bran

What does that mean? You’re going to go out and screw whoever you can pick up? – Shay

I feel like I’m going to be sick. Picturing him with someone else tears me apart, but it’s something I’ve done while we’ve been married, so it’s not anything new.

You figure it out. Apparently you have all the answers. – Bran

No. I want you to say it. – Shay

No response.

I wait ten minutes. I check his social media account. I text him again.

Bran, talk to me. – Shay

You’re right. This is for the best. – Bran

What the hell was that supposed to mean. Was he throwing the towel? Is this how he took our temporary situation? Was he admitting he doesn’t want to be married to me?

What is? – Shay

It was the last message sent between us. I wait an hour before I can’t take it anymore. I throw on some shoes and climb in my car to give him a piece of my mind.

Upon opening my kitchen door I find him sitting at the kitchen table in the dark. I flip on the light and get startled. “What the hell?”

He chuckles and takes a drink of what I know is Jack Daniels. “Took you long enough.”

I’m irate. “Did my mother call you?” I suspect she heard me leave and made a call to him to be on the lookout. Of course she’d be on his side of things.

“Nope. I just know how you are. You’ll never be in control, Shay. You’re not wired that way. Try as you may, you have no say in what happens between us.” He says it and stands abruptly. I gasp and watch him walk toward me, his eyes focused and terrifying. I cringe when I realize what’s about to happen, but it’s too late to turn around and run. He presses me against the door, his alcohol filled breath is in my face. “Your mother doesn’t have to warn me. I know how to push your buttons.”

I try to shove him, but he doesn’t get far. He pushes again, his lips pressing over mine with force. When he finally releases he’s laughing. I slap him on the side of the head. “You’re as asshole. I hate you.” I go to do it again and he catches me midstream.

“You hate me?” He questions. “Show me how much, Shay. Fucking hate me, babe. Give it your best shot.”

I try to bring my knee up but he forced his whole body into mine so I’m not able to move. “Stop. Get off of me.” I know he’s done this on purpose and I’m furious. I shouldn’t have driven here. Now he knows exactly where my loyalty lies. “I can’t stand you.”

He’s laughing again, his thumb dragging over my bottom lip. “You’re feisty when you’re mad. Say it again.”

I’m doing my best to break free, though it’s useless. He’s too strong. My body is shaking. I want to hurt him. I want him to suffer for doing this to me; for causing me to react this way. “I hate you so much.” I dig my fingernails into his arm until he finally backs away. He’s rubbing the spot, a ornery grin covering his face.

“You’re going to have to do better than that. It’s just foreplay for me, Shay.”

I shove him in order to give me room to crack the door and escape out to my car, but now he’s pushing on my back, my face pressed against the glass window frame on the top. His breath is going in my ear as he speaks. “This is exactly how I want you.” He slaps my ass and then rubs the area he’s done it. His hand travels between my legs awakening what I’m determined to keep dormant. “I’ll fuck that hate right out of you. Is that why you came home? You want it don’t you? You crave it.”

God, did I? Did he have some kind of sick hold on me I couldn’t let go of?

I can feel his hold loosening so I can turn to face him. His eyes are locked on mine and they’re full of intent. My lips part. He’s kissing me again, so hard and hungrily. This is where I should bring my leg up because he’s more relaxed, but I can’t. I feel his tongue intruding and allow him entrance. I need this. I crave his touch like I’m starved and depraved.

I had my chance to break free and I’m blowing it. Again and again I can’t stop my attraction to this type of resolution.

He’s lifting me up, my legs immediately wrapping around his waist. I drive my hand down his jeans and get what I expect. He’s rock hard, and I’m eager for it to fill me.

He lowers me down to the floor. I’m coming apart as our clothes are ripped from our bodies. He’s burying his face in between my squished together breasts. His lips come upon a nipple and I can feel his teeth dragging as he sucks it in between them. The sound of the suction sends chills throughout my body. My pussy is begging for attention. Bran comes over to steal another kiss. As he pulls away I whispers against his lips. “This changes nothing.”

“Fuck you,” he whispers before kissing me again.

I drag my nails over his back and hold him close. His hand travels down between my legs. He separates my folds and mingles his fingers around. “You like this, don’t you?”

“No. I hate you for this,” I say while moaning. “I need to go.”

His hold is firm. “You’re not going anywhere. His hands are removed as he readjusts. Without guidance, he forces his cock inside of me. I gasp and fall victim to my own desire. I know this is wrong, but I can’t deny myself satisfaction. I’m too emotional to refrain.

He’s pumping into me hard, the sounds escaping him only tell me there’s nothing I can do to stop this from happening. He’s determined to prove a point, though nothing about this solves anything. Still, I accept his form of resolution at least for a temporary lapse of judgment. He’s drilling into me now, and it’s apparent he’s not interested in romance. This is unadulterated fucking at it’s best. It’s rough, almost painful, and unfortunately I love it. Every part of me comes undone as the intense friction of him pumping in and out causes me to give in. His motivation doesn’t hinder. I’m ruined and I know it.

“You like this don’t you? Say it, Shay,” he manages to get out while still kissing me.

The moment he speaks I feel my walls tightening. I’m trying to avoid this; to keep him from knowing he’s able to break me apart, but I can’t. I’m crumbling and he’s fully aware of it. This fuels him to thrust harder. My legs tighten, while waves of euphoria hit me like a ton of bricks falling from the sky. Then it happens. He’s coming with me, simultaneously, as if we were meant to be in sync.

This is beautiful, yet terrible at the same time.

I don’t know whether to cry, get up and run, or hold him tight and beg him to never let go.

This is the only thing we seem to do right. I can’t deny it, though I’m far from being able to accept it’s a suitable way to fix what we’ve broken between us.

The man hovering over me, kissing me gently as he finally starts moving again, he’s my everything, but also the person I hate the most. He’s powerful, and evil. He’s the villain who sets out to destroy me by attacking what I hold dear. He’s vicious and adept, while I’m broken and vulnerable.

He finally pulls out, the remnants of what we’ve just done are dripping down my leg. He offers me his T-shirt and snarls as he takes another look at what he’s accomplished. I roll my eyes and clean up the best I can, while seeing him extend his hand for me to take. “You know you want to.”

He’s right. Like a child I let him lead me into our bedroom. He only lets go when I’m on the mattress. I watch him walk to his side of the bed before joining me. I’m naked, shaking, and hopeless, while he remains relentless. He’s taken control the only way he knows how, and now that he has me where he wants me, he’s giving me what I’ve always desired.

He pulls me close and kisses my lips gently. His hand extends and turns off the lamp on his bedside table. We’re making out again, and I can’t stop it from happening. His hot body is pressing against mine, reminding me of what we’ve just done together. I can feel my eyes watering up and do my best not to fall apart. I shouldn’t be here doing this. It’s ruining everything.