Because You're Mine (2 page)

Are you satisfied with the life you’re living?

- Bob Marley

              Thankfully, I was able to avoid Barrett for the remainder of the afternoon. By six o’clock, I was sticking my key inside the lock of my apartment, hoping like hell Tabitha, my roommate would be home. She would know exactly what to do. But of course, my luck was for shit today. 

              After a quick change into some comfy pants and my favorite T, I fell into the couch with a ragged sigh.

What a mess.

I still couldn’t believe he’d kissed me. What did that kiss mean to him? Did it mean anything to me?

Absolutely not.

What we had was strictly physical, nothing more. I’d been working at McMillian, Shaw, & Associates now for six months. Hired by Barrett himself as a research assistant, I was shocked the first time he came onto me. Then, I was flattered. I ignored his sexual advances for months before temptation got the better of me.

No, I was not a slut. I could count on one hand the lovers I’d had. School and work left little time for a social life, and lack of sex could do some crazy shit to your better judgment…so could Barrett Shaw.

Due to the intensity surrounding our sexual encounters, it wasn’t until about a week after we’d started screwing around that I realized he’d yet to kiss me. I quickly found out why the night I tried to initiate a kiss, and was sorely rejected. That was when Barrett explained that kissing me would be far too intimate. He said that kissing could expose us to so many more complicated emotions. Feelings that could lead to disaster if one were to fall for the other.

I thought he was completely full of shit. I’d kissed way more guys than I’d fucked, and I’d never fallen in love with any of them. But today’s kiss proved that he was one hundred percent, absolutely correct.

Kissing…
was a very bad idea.

This whole thing had been a bad idea. Why the hell I thought screwing my boss was a good idea, I’ll never fucking know.

I don’t know how long I sat there berating myself before I heard Tabitha’s key hit the lock. I propped myself up on my haunches to look over the couch. If anybody could make sense of this mess for me-it was her.

              “Hey,” she said, dropping her bags to the floor. Her slim body barely dipped the sofa when she fell beside me with a huff.

              Twisting her head against the cushion, her red lips tilted up into a small smile. She looked tired, but her green eyes still had a bit of fervor left in them. Her long, red hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail with little fiery wisps framing her porcelain face.

I’d met Tabitha Warren when I moved to Boston six years ago. Aside from my best friend Katy, back home, she was my only true friend. We’d roomed together in a dorm on campus prior to us renting our own apartment. She’d graduated from Harvard last year with a medical degree. Then against her father’s wishes, she took a teaching job at the local public school. Her father, Dr. Warren, was beyond furious, and to this day does not hide his disappointment. He’d wanted his daughter to follow in his footsteps and become a surgeon, but Tabitha had other plans. She wanted to be a music teacher. 

              “Well?” she asked, her green eyes lit with anticipation.

              “Not guilty,” I answered.

              “Hell yeah, let’s celebrate!” Bolting with enthusiasm from the couch, she made her way into the kitchen.

A few minutes later, she was handing me a generous glass of white wine. “Thanks. How was your day?”

              Tabitha toed off her black flats, pulling her feet beneath her. “Well, other than the kid throwing up in my classroom today, it was mostly uneventful.”

              I picked at a tiny brown string, begging to be pulled from the worn sofa.

              “What’s up with you?” She eyed me curiously.

              Where did I start?

              “Barrett kissed me today.” I tossed out.

“Holy shit!”

“I know right?” I sighed.

              “Do you have feelings for him?”

             
Did I?

“Hell no. He’s my boss. I should’ve never slept with him in the first place. Shit, what the hell was I thinking?” I took a huge gulp of wine, my nerves were shot and being sober no longer appealed to me. 

Swallowing a sip of wine, Tabitha shook her head. “Um, it’s pretty obvious you weren’t. I think your vagina was in charge of making that decision, honey. You better end it now before shit gets even more complicated.”

              “I just don’t want our relationship at work to be weird, ya know.” I had a feeling that no matter what, things would never be the same between us.

              “It won’t. Not if you don’t let it.” She tapped her glass with her clear polished fingernail. “However, Barrett Shaw seems like the type of man who is probably
not
used to being rejected. Yeah, you could very well have some weirdness on your hands.”

              I slapped her knee. “You’re not helpin’,”

              “Hey, I’m just being honest. Holy hell, what if he has feelings for you and that’s why he kissed you?” she asked, raising one eyebrow.

              “Don’t say shit like that.” My heart beat erratically in my chest at the thought.

              Could he?

             
No fucking way
.

              “Crazier shit has happened. I tried to warn you. Don’t let them get too attached. They’ll break your fucking heart. Why do you think I switch it up so often?” I knew exactly why she never slept with the same guy more than once. Tabitha didn’t trust men, and she had a damn good reason. I’m pretty sure that if I caught my boyfriend of five years screwing another man, it would fuck me up for life too. I never judged Tabitha for the way she was. It wasn’t like she brought home a different guy every night, but she was far more experienced than me in the casual sex department. “Just pull the bitch card. It always works for me.” She patted my knee. “Ooh, I have a great idea!” Tabitha shot up from the couch.

              “Oh God, what?”

              “Let’s watch Magic Mike. It’s been almost a week since I’ve had Channing on my Tatum. I can’t go another day.” she said popping in the DVD.

              “We’ve only seen that movie like a million times. Don’t you get sick of it?” I teased.

              I would
never
get sick of watching that movie. You’d have to be blind not to appreciate the Magic of the Mike.

              “Fuck no! Are you high? Nobody could ever get sick of looking at Channing’s fine ass hump that floor during his hip hop routine. And that Alex Pettyfer…sweet mother of God…I would drink his bathwater with a sparkly pink straw.”              I was certain that if given the opportunity, she would do just that.

              “Ok, fine. I do like that hip hop scene.” I admitted as she joined me again on the sofa.

Unable to resolve my Barrett crisis, I settled for a long night of hot gorgeous men and lots and lots of wine.

***

              The words on the screen were beginning to blur and run together. Tabitha and I had stayed up way too late last night watching half naked men shake their asses, and drinking copious amount of alcohol.

Hangover was an understatement.

“Madison,” Barrett’s deep voice jolted my tired mind awake. “I need to see you for a moment, please.” he said before he turned to walk toward his office.

Barrett was already seated on the other side of his shiny black desk when I entered. Adjusting his tie, he pulled himself forward. “Shut the door, please.” My heart stammered in my chest as I shut the heavy door. I turned to face him. “Sit.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Smoothing the front of my skirt, I took a seat in front of him.

              He lifted an envelope, sifting it through his thick fingers. “No. You didn’t do anything wrong. Actually, you do everything right.” Barrett’s face softened, allowing me to relax a bit. I swallowed hard, waiting for him to speak. “You did a great job on the Kingston trial.” Barrett laid a McMillan & Shaw envelope in front of me. My name was scrolled perfectly across the front, in his handwriting no less.

              “What’s this?”

              “Open it.”

              Sliding my finger beneath the seal, I peeked inside. It was a check. After I counted the third zero, I was short of breath. “What’s this for?”

              He leaned forward, clasping his hands. “A taste of what you’ll get when you become an associate.”

              I studied his face. His expression was sincere, proud even. And if I hadn’t been sleeping with him for the last few months, I would be happy to accept the check in my hands. I’d worked my ass off for it, spent weeks researching and preparing, side by side with him. But while the majority of the time was spent working, the remaining time was spent...

              “I can’t accept this.”

              “Excuse me?”

              “I’ll never know if I…I’ll never know if I really
earned
it or not.” Shame burned my face.

              With a sigh, Barrett reclined back in his chair again. His forefinger slid back and forth across the smooth skin between his nose and his mouth. He only executed that move when he was pissed. “Well I’m not sure what the hell that
is supposed to mean,” He pointed to the envelope in in my hand, “But that is for all of your hard work
here
. Nothing more.” Before I could respond, Barrett’s phone pierced the air. Narrowing his dark eyes, he ripped the phone from its cradle. “I told you no interruptions,” he barked down the line, eyes still locked with mine. “Damn it. Fine. Put him through.”

Barrett covered the mouth of the receiver, holding my stare. “Take the damn money, Madison. You’ve earned it.” He swiveled his big leather chair around, facing the floor to ceiling view of the harbor. “This better be good old man.”

              Leaving the envelope on the chair, I walked with heavy feet back to my desk. Shame, guilt, and disappointment overshadowed any sense of pride I’d once had.

              Who had I become?

CHAPTER three

Mistakes are always forgivable,

if one has the courage to admit them.

- Bruce Lee

              Balancing my purse on one knee, I dug for my keys. I’d finally retrieved them from the dark depths of my bottomless bag when I sensed someone behind me. Before I could turn around he was pressed against my back. The faint smell of his cologne was my first clue that Barrett must have followed me home.

              What the hell?

              His lips caressed the shell of my ear. “You’re a very stubborn woman, you know that.” Twisting me in place, he pinned me against the door. There was no time to protest before his hungry mouth found mine. Greedy hands pulled my top from my skirt, racing across the pebbled skin beneath. My inner slut yelled…

             
Yes.

              Yes.

              Yes.

              But my conscious screamed…

NO.

This had to end. If I had any plans for a future at M & S, I could not continue fucking my boss. I shoved at his shoulders, breaking our kiss.

He took a step back. “What?”

“We can’t keep doing this. And I thought you said no kissing.”

“Well, I changed my mind.” he shrugged one shoulder, taking a step forward.

I held my hand to his chest. “Barrett, I think we should stop. I don’t want this to interfere with my job. And if this continues, I’m afraid it will.”

“We’re two responsible adults, Madison. I think we can handle sex without letting it get complicated.” he chuckled.

“Don’t you think we should stop before…before feelings get involved?”

He studied me for a moment. His lips pressed into a hard line. “You’re right.”

“I just think it’s for the best.”  I added.

His arm circled my waist, pulling me closer. “I agree. You’re an incredible woman, Madison, and I know without a doubt that you’ll make one hell of a lawyer.” He tilted his head. “Please know that this has no bearing whatsoever on your job performance.” Barrett pulled me tighter; his stern voice left no room for argument.

              “I’m sorry.” I offered to his chest.

              He pulled my chin up to look into my eyes, “Never be sorry Madison. I’m sure as hell not.” Releasing me, he pulled the envelope from the inside of his coat. “Now, I don’t want to hear anything leave that mouth of yours except,
thank you
.”

I took the envelope. “Thank you,” He kissed my cheek, then turned and walked away.

My head was spinning when I fell against my shut apartment door, but I felt a little better. Laying the envelope on the counter, I decided I needed a long, hot soak while I attempted to process the shit storm. Before I could make it to the bathroom, my phone started ringing from my purse. My mother’s sweet face lit the screen.

“Hey mama,” I answered, happy to hear from her and thankful for the distraction.

              “Maddie, honey you need to come home!”

The panic in her voice caused my knees to buckle. I sat down on the couch. “What…what is it?” My chest squeezed tight with fear. 

              “It’s…it’s your father. He…he had a heart attack this morning.” she broke down.

             
What?

              “Is he…” I swallowed hard. “Is he ok?”