Becoming Bad (The Becoming Novels) (16 page)

‘I can’t believe you’re doing this for me. I owe you my life, Mac. Thank you.’

Eyes bright with tears, Ash went up on tiptoe and grabbed his face, aiming a kiss at the angle of his rough jaw, but at the last moment he turned, and it planted hard on his full mouth. Powerful arms wound about her, drawing her flush against his chiseled body, fusing their lips.

She froze.

The scent of him was a roar to her senses, wild masculinity enveloping her in the kind of security she couldn’t remember feeling since this whole nightmare began. She was bone-weary of staying strong, and Mac felt so good to lean against, solid, an anchor in the ever-shifting sea of her fear and uncertainty. She felt safe, and allowed herself a moment of weakness.

His mouth moved against hers and his tongue stroked the seam of her lips, coaxing her to open for him. It was as though the connection closed a circuit and her body bloomed with the current of their physical bond. She let its intensity wash through her, taking comfort in the familiar intimacy.

This man was not Connal. Nothing was bringing him back to her, and she knew in her soul she'd never make that same connection with another. She’d tasted heaven and it had ruined her for anyone else. But this lust she shared with Mac was something tangible, and she clung to it now, in fear of her life and her future, and tried to tell herself that maybe, in time, she could settle for a purely physical attraction, that the affection she felt for this man could be enough to fill the aching void Connal left.

Tried and failed.

Connal’s absence was too raw. The bed of the wound was still bleeding and this kiss only opened it wider.

Mac must have felt her emotional freeze, because he stiffened and broke their embrace. Oh Hell, Ash thought. The guy was crossing his own people to save her life. Telling him he'd always play second fiddle to his dead brother seemed a low blow. She lifted her eyes to his face, but the apology died on her lips. His focus had shifted across the room and his body was rigid.
Shit.
The wolves had found her. Panic made her movements robotic as she turned to face ...

Connal.

Oh God.
She'd lost her ever-loving mind and her guilt had conjured up this vision of him standing there, covered in dirt and blood, half-naked, watching her embrace the brother who'd killed him.

Her subconscious had a warped way of punishing her.

Mac's arms braced her ribcage and his growl vibrated at her back. ‘You! How …?’

'I'm like a bad penny, MacTire.'

Her vision was speaking, and he sounded cold. So cold, it ran a shiver up her spine.

The shadows moved and a second figure stepped into the light. Either the monks had used some super-strength, hallucinogenic brand of incense, or that was Doc Rob standing beside Connal. Unshaven and ragged, he was almost unrecognisable.

‘You will die for this,
Thegn
,' Mac glared at the doctor.

Ash barely heard his promise. Her eyes were all for Connal. She stepped forward, only to have her heart break at his recoil.

Bereft, she wrapped her arms around herself. ‘How did you … I mean, what are you doing here?’ Shock had rendered her incoherent and Ash cringed when the words came out wrong.

‘I was coming for
you
,’ Connal said. There wasn’t even a growl to his voice. It was just … devoid of anything.

She could hardly speak. ‘But you’re dead.’

‘Dead to you? You didn’t waste any time, Ash.’

She took a step forward at his words and he backed up, a one-sided emotional tango with her sorrow and relief as the music. She was so unbelievably happy he was alive, she couldn’t think straight. She wanted to touch him just to prove it to herself. But he was an ice fortress, impenetrable.

Mac took up position in front of her, a buffer to Connal’s glacial facade. ‘You have no idea what she’s been through,’ he growled

‘Oh, but you do, Brother?’ Connal sneered and she hated that look on him. He was still maddeningly gorgeous, despite the bloodied scruff, the knotted dreads. Still glorious, he still made her heart pound and her knees weak.

‘Yes, I fucking do,’ Mac replied. ‘Who do you think has been here to pick up the pieces of the mess you left her in, Brother?’

Connal’s lips parted as if to speak, but no words came.

‘Ashling knows everything about you,’ Mac pushed, ‘all the dirty secrets and lies. She’s met your last victim too, that girl you bit in the club.’

Connal paled.

Oh God, he did bite that girl …
Ash felt sick.

‘She’s run her fingers through the bone-dust of the genocide you committed against your own people,’ Mac spoke calmly. ‘Thousands of innocent men, women and children. Can you stand there and tell her none of it is true?’

Connal could have been a sculpture, all silent tension facing off with Mac’s spilled accusations. Ash was quiet, fighting instincts that begged her to go to him. The primal thing inside her was frantic for his attention, but all she could do was plead with her eyes for him to deny it.

‘It’s all true,’ Connal’s voice was brittle.

Her lashes shut him out. She’d accepted it might be true; hearing it from his own, stupidly beautiful lips was an entirely different thing. Ash couldn’t decide which shocked her more: hearing the truth or realising that it didn’t change the way she felt about him, not one iota.

Doc Rob’s voice broke the quiet that followed. ‘That’s not the whole truth. He-’

Connal pushed him roughly, shutting him down. ‘Silence,
Thegn
,’ he gritted, ‘this is not your concern.’ His steely eyes cut to Ash and she prayed for them to soften, just a little. ‘I came to take you from here,’ he said. ‘Regardless of your opinion of me, I brought you here, and it falls to me to get you out. And I will go through
him
if needs be,’ he gestured to Mac.

Ash levelled him with a frown, shoving Mac’s shoulder when he snarled his way forwards. ‘You don’t have to go through anyone, Connal. I want to go.’

Mac continued his forward momentum, stalking into Connal’s space. ‘Where will you take her, Savage?’ he asked. ‘What life can you offer her? No life at all. Your bite cursed her as surely as you cursed us all. Your witch has abandoned you. Without her, you can’t protect yourself, let alone her. I can. Can you even shift without your dog-collar?’

Connal’s jaw tightened.

‘I didn’t think so,’ Mac said. ‘The entire
skuldalid
is hunting her down as we speak. They intend to kill her. Can you swear to keep her safe if she goes with you?’

They were fire and ice. Emotion crawled violently through Ash’s veins. With every second they ignored her, the feral thing inside her was unfurling.

‘You two talk about me like I’m not even in the room,’ she stepped between them. ‘In case neither of you meatheads noticed, I've got bigger claws and teeth than either of you. I can protect myself, and I am perfectly capable of deciding my own fate.’ Like escaping. That was something she wanted, preferably before the other wolves came knocking on the Temple’s door. She just caught the white flash of Doc Madden's smile before Mac wheeled on her.

‘They have weapons,’ Mac said, ‘They restrained you once. This time, it won’t be stun-bolts.’

His tone got her hackles up. He was responding to her, but his words were appealing directly to Connal. She breathed, attempting to control the urge to rip out his chauvinistic throat. She might as well not have been in the room.

‘The only place that will guarantee your safety right now is Form,' Mac continued, 'and Connal’s not planning to hang around there. Are you?’

‘He’s right, Ash.’ Connal's head sagged on his shoulders. He wouldn’t even glance at her, but she was feasting her eyes on him, devouring him, with her heart flopping over in her chest and her breath not coming right.

Look at me, God, please. Big Bad, LOOK AT ME!

He didn’t, just kept on talking, chiselling fractures in her soul. ‘He can keep you alive. If I take you with me, they’ll hunt you down, you’ll be dead long before the moon wanes.'

'But you said you were taking me with you,' she pleaded.

'I changed my mind,' he said, 'you’d only be a liability to me. Go with him, it's for the best.’

Just like that. Dismissed.

Connal backed away and her heart wrenched in her chest. She hurt, wondering if she ever knew the man who now treated her worse than a stranger. Connal snatched Doc Rob’s arm
,
walking them both towards the pool of black water.

Mac made a move towards them and Connal halted. ‘You going to stand in our way, MacTire?’

‘There is no glory in picking low-hanging fruit.’ A smirk played on the King’s lips, broad shoulders kicked back. If an entire body could become a sneer, Mac’s would be doing it. ‘Come see me when you’re
whole
again.’

Connal’s jaw twitched. ‘Another day then, Brother,' he replied. They dove into the dark waters and were swallowed by the waves.

Gone.

Connal was gone.

Ash was two steps from the pool when Mac caught up to her, and when she started to crumble at his touch, he held her to his chest. She’d moved on instinct but with Mac’s fingertips pressing into the soft flesh of her upper arm, she could think beyond her heart-stuttering need to follow.

Connal stepped out of Madden’s sleek marble shower, scrubbing a towel over his face and dreads. The black slime may have been sluiced from his body, and the Gods knew he stank of that high-end soap, but still, he felt dirty. Some things didn't wash out from under your skin so easily.

The doctor had an expensive looking suit laid across the bed and was in the process of buttoning up a formal white shirt.

‘I found you some sweats.’ Doc Madden looked apologetic as he motioned his fresh-shaven jaw in the direction of the easy chair, where a black hooded top, sweatpants and a pair of trainers had been left out in a neatly folded pile. ‘The rest of my clothes won’t fit you.’

‘Thanks Doc.’ Connal picked up the trainers. They were brand new. Everything else had tags too. ‘I appreciate you doing this for me,’ he said.

Madden brushed off his gratitude. ‘I like to keep my private rooms in Form well stocked. The black passage of doom plays havoc with a metrosexual man's wardrobe,' he smirked, cocking his chin high to fix the top button of his shirt, 'not that I'll be needing this little bolt-hole any more.' He flipped down the collar and dusted off perfectly creased shoulders.

Connal dressed methodically and in silence. Eventually, the doctor approached to retrieve a pair of gold cufflinks from the nightstand and spoke without looking him in the eye. ‘Are you okay?’

A pause then. He was anything but okay. The doctor turned and Connal looked at him with haunted eyes. ‘It was
his
bed, wasn’t it?’

Madden’s face went tight with that brace-yourself-for-bad-news expression doctors did so well. ‘Yeah,’ he exhaled. ‘Fuck, I’m sorry man.’

Connal sucked in a breath, struggling to hold it together while the hole that had opened up inside him caved and his gut bottomed out. He didn’t think the doc would appreciate a fist through the drywall of his fancy apartment and going berserk was liable to draw unwanted outside attention. Gritting his teeth, he planted himself in the chair and attacked the laces of the trainers instead.

‘That bitch Karma has a long fucking memory,’ he growled.

Madden sat on the bed, elbows braced on the knees of his suit pants, and threw Connal a questioning look.

‘All those years ago, your sister chose me over him,’ he couldn’t bring himself to call MacTire by name, ‘and now, here we are, a millennium later, and the tables are turned. Ironic, huh? You might say I had it coming.’

Madden leaned forward, a frown lining his stupidly handsome face. ‘It wasn’t your fault Aoife loved you, and you don’t know for sure that Ash wants him.’

Connal looked up at the level-headed bastard from under his brows. ‘Right, because you’ve just admitted she was sleeping in his fucking bed. And the way they were swapping spit left it all wide open to interpretation.’

‘She said she wanted to go with you.’

Madden’s words were met with a derisive laugh. ‘Yeah, well … with an execution order slapped on your head, and a pack of wild animals on your heels, who’s gonna complain if the getaway car is a piece of shit?’

Madden sighed. ‘You could have let me explain ...’

‘Explain what, exactly?’ The shoelace snapped in his grip. ‘That, yes, it was me who fucked that girl over a desk?’ His knuckles went white. ‘That I
was
the one who bit her and condemned her to the life of a sex slave?’ His voice was mocking, going up an octave. ‘Oh but it’s all okay, because I was under the influence. If it wasn’t for Ash’s presence in the city, I’d have been a good boy.’

Madden’s frown deepened, his dark eyebrows trying to meet in the middle. ‘You hold yourself to too high a bar, Savage.’

Connal fired the trainer across the room and it bounced off the wall. ‘Alright, let’s try this on for size. Yes, Ash, I
was
responsible for the deaths of thousands of men, women and children, but I swear, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.’

‘That’s the truth,’ Madden said. ‘The Morrígan tricked you.’

Connal’s pain came out in an ugly sneer. ‘You and I both know how it works,
Thegn
. The Morrígan can’t take life. She can only use others to do her dirty work. So however much I may regret what happened that night, however much I might deny that I wanted them all to die, the truth remains that the hatred was in
my
soul, and the Morrígan merely tapped it. I lit the fire, she only fanned the flames.'

Madden’s glance took the measure of him, judging his perception. ‘You watched your lover and your child torn apart.’ His words were heavy with sympathy, trying to make him
see
. ‘It’s called a crime of passion, Connal. Not premeditated murder. You may have felt it, but the Morrígan is the one who acted on it.’ He jabbed a finger in his direction. ‘Not you.’

Connal pinched the bridge of his nose.
Fuck.
‘That doesn’t make it right.’

‘And your self-loathing isn’t going to change anything that happened. None of us is perfect, not me, not you, not Ashling DeMorgan ...’

Madden shut up after that and Connal picked at the hem of the hoodie, his forehead creased in thought. The doc had a point. There were degrees of imperfection, though. He’d known all along he was on borrowed time with Ash. She had to find out about his past eventually. Better to cut the cord while one of them still stood a chance of getting out unscathed.

‘Let me ask you something, Doc,’ Connal broke the silence. ‘How did
you
deal with it?’

Madden looked up from spinning his cufflinks, confusion etched into his expression. ‘Huh?’

‘You had to have known when Liath took up with that wife-beater.’

The doctor stiffened and his face transformed into a mask of anger. ‘The moment he laid a hand on her, that sub-human bastard was a dead man walking, except you beat me to the chase.’

‘But she put up with him for months before things got really ugly. He was a piss-head and a gambler. How could you stand by and watch them be together, knowing you loved her? That the boy was yours?’

Madden dropped his head into his hands, mussing the suave arrangement of his hair. ‘What right had I to take away any chance she had at happiness, when I couldn’t give her what she deserved?’

‘You don’t think you’re worthy of her,’ Connal replied. The statement fit them both, perfectly. Connal inclined his head in a curt nod, hands braced on his knees as he stood, wearing clothes that belonged to the man sat across from him. ‘No offense, Doc,’ he said, ‘but you’re dead wrong.’

‘For the record, Savage, so are you.’

Connal cleared the gravel from his throat and slapped a hand on Madden’s back. ‘Well then,’ he said, ‘I guess this is where you and I part ways. Where will you go?’

‘As far away from this shit-hole as my bank balance will carry me.’

‘Judging by the cut of your suit, that’s a long way.’

The corners of Madden’s mouth curled up. ‘First I need to take out some insurance on my investments.’

It was clear the guy wasn’t talking about stocks and bonds. He was going after Doyle.

‘My promise stands, Doc. If I make it out alive, I’ll watch out for Liath, and the kid,’ Connal’s eyes creased, mirroring the doc’s smile, ‘just until you grow a set and sweep her off her feet, like she deserves.’ As he bent to retrieve the abused trainer, he could hear the hitch in Madden’s breathing.

‘What about you, Savage. What now?’

‘I’ll stick to the plan and go seek out the Morrígan’ Connal said, drawing the hood of the sweatshirt up over his dreadlocked head, ‘don’t know what else
to
do.’

‘You know where to find her?’

‘I’ll start with the place I last saw her, the nursing home.’

‘Be careful Savage.’

Connal quirked a brow and Madden regarded him with dark, intelligent eyes. ‘Did the Morrígan ever tell you why she holds a grudge against the Fomorians?’

‘No,’ Connal shook his head. ‘But the Ancients draw power from their worshippers. I assume she got her knickers in a twist because the Fomorians liked to prey on her human acolytes?’

‘Hmm,’ Madden frowned, ‘the details are sketchy, but the
thegn
scriptures suggest Elatha stole something from her, and she's had an axe to grind with his bloodline ever since.’

Connal lifted dark brows ‘Why are you telling me this?’

‘Because however much you deny your ancestry, you are a part of that royal bloodline. She’s used you once, she may not hesitate to do it again.’

‘I appreciate your concern, Doc,’ Connal smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. ‘I can’t say I’ve ever trusted the bitch’s motives, but what are my options, really? I’ve less than forty-eight hours aboveground before I fry. I can’t shift, so going back to Fomor will only get me killed quicker. It’s time to pay the piper.’

‘I wish I could help you.’

‘You can,’ Connal said, ‘if you can get me into the staff garage. Liath stowed my bike there, last time she caught me drunk outside the club.’ It seemed an eternity since he’d stumbled into the alley, and Ashling DeMorgan’s life. Things had come full circle. When he’d met her, he was barred from touching her and sworn to save her life. Not much had changed then. Except for him. He thought he’d known what it was to be empty inside. Losing her? It felt like his soul had been ripped out and left flopping at her feet. A black hole of emptiness had taken up residence in his chest, and no amount of noble self-fucking sacrifice was ever going to fill it.