becoming us (25 page)

“You know I will.” Bryce took his hand and let the nurse lead them back into the lab room. A male nurse who was doing the blood draws gave them each ID numbers and a bit of a mandatory

‘counseling’ about safer sex. He was an older guy, openly gay, given the tattoos, and kind of cute in a round and cuddly way.

As promised, Zac held Bryce’s hand when the nurse drew Bryce’s blood, and then held on when it was his turn. For all his bravado, he wasn’t a big fan of needles. Little pokey things going through his skin and into his veins? No, thanks.

Bryce held Zac’s hand, smiling at Zac behind the nurse’s back in a way that reminded Zac of exactly why they were going through all this. He looked happy.

After, the nurse stepped out to take care of the vials, and Zac slumped against Bryce’s shoulder.

“Okay, okay. I am a total chicken when it comes to needles.” He was still feeling ashy and ill, but it had been easier with Bryce there, holding his hand.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bryce put an arm around him and pulled him close. “Zac...” Bryce kissed his forehead and wrapped the other arm around him in a warm, tender hug. “I love you, you big dork,” he murmured.

“You were nervous enough without adding my mess into the mix,” Zac muttered, embarrassed by how much the hug helped soothe his anxiety. “I love you, too,” he murmured, burrowing his face into the curve of Bryce’s neck.

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“Everything okay?” The nurse stepped back in with some information pamphlets in hand, and a package that probably contained condoms and lube.

“Yeah.” Zac made himself sit up again and look at the nurse. He could tell the man didn’t believe him, but he didn’t care. Zac’s fear of needles was none of the nurse’s business, honestly.

“We’re fine, thanks.” Bryce kept his arm around Zac. “Was there anything else?” He found Zac’s hand again and held that as well, his grip warm around Zac’s cold fingers.

The nurse gave them the pamphlets and the package that, sure enough, had condoms and lube inside, and even little lube injectors. He talked to them about safe sex and the testing procedures and, finally, let them leave. Zac was more than ready to go, by then. He held tight to Bryce’s hand as he stood and fled the room, dragging Bryce after him. By the time they got out to the street, Zac was laughing.

Bryce looked a little worried, but he was laughing as well. “What’s so funny?” He tugged Zac toward him and got an arm around Zac’s waist, pulling him in to look down at him and make sure his boyfriend hadn’t lost his mind.

“I was afraid we’d never get out of there,” Zac said, still laughing. He leaned up on his toes and kissed Bryce on the mouth, sure that it was safe here, since Bryce had been so snuggly in the clinic and had kissed him in the car.

Bryce kissed him back, holding him close for a long moment. “It’ll be worth it,” he murmured against Zac’s mouth. “I just wish we knew now.” They were probably both fine, but their precautions were against the rare odds that could hurt both of them.

Zac murmured his agreement. He wanted to know, wanted to go back to the house with Bryce and have sex and know there was nothing between them. “Soon,” he promised both of them, kissing Bryce again.

“Yeah.” Bryce stroked Zac’s cheek. “You wanna go get something to eat? We could go somewhere nice.” He kissed Zac’s forehead. “Or we could go home...”

“Let’s go out.” They were already on the other side of town, and it wasn’t like they’d have this opportunity very often. Zac wanted to take advantage of it. They could go home after, and play.

“Good.” Bryce’s smile was brilliant. “A real date.” He backed away and held his hand out to Zac. “Let’s check the ‘net for recommendations for restaurants around here. Maybe we can do something dorky like go walk in the park, too. Hold hands.” Zac smiled, slipping his hand into Bryce’s. “Yeah. Lemme check on my phone. We can find something.”

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Bryce led him to the car and opened the door for him. “After you, dear.” He kissed Zac’s hand and helped him into the car, laughing. Whatever was going on his pretty head, it was working out for Zac.

***

Dinner was amazing. It was a really special night. Bryce had tried not to focus too much on what they were doing today, what it meant. Now that they were done, it was sinking in. It was a huge leap of faith, an act of trust. They were really together. When he opened Zac’s car door up after dinner, it was instinct; he realized that he’d really accepted being Zac’s partner. He just hoped that meant things would be a little less rocky from here on out, though he knew there were no guarantees.

Zac held his hand on the drive back to campus. Once they parked in the lot by the field house, he had to let go, but the smile he gave Bryce, sweet and happy, almost made up for it.

Bryce loved that smile so much. He was really in love with Zac. It amazed him how things could change so much and so little at once, how close being best friends could be to being in love.

“Sleep with me tonight?” he asked quietly. Steve and Kaede had seemed oblivious so far. Even though tonight was a weeknight, Bryce felt like the risk was worth taking. If either of the other guys brought it up, they’d just have to deal. Bryce wanted to get on with life now that his anxiety was wearing thin. Dealing with his nagging worries so much had made them less of a problem, as they were never as drastic as he feared once they were exposed. He wanted to be ready to be out
now
, even if he wasn’t quite, even if it wasn’t the best idea.

Zac looked surprised, but he smiled again as he slung his backpack over his shoulder. “Yeah. I’ll bring my DS or something.”

“As long as you’re there.” Bryce got his bag out of the back and, once Zac was out, locked the car up. They didn’t talk much on the way back to the house. There was time for them to do homework and pretend nothing had changed for a little while, until it was time to sleep.

Later that evening, Bryce showered and headed for his bedroom. He didn’t bother to dress; he just pulled his robe on. There were candles in a drawer from back when he’d been dating a girl --

little ones in glass holders. He went ahead and lit them, putting some on the bedside table and a few on the desk. Zac would come when he could. Bryce sat down in bed, laptop in his lap, and read his email while he waited.

Zac came in a while later, still in jeans and a T-shirt. He was carrying a textbook and his DS, excuses to be going to Bryce’s room in the middle of the night. “Hey.” He closed the door behind him and locked it.

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“Hi.” Bryce forgot what he was reading and closed his laptop even as he was looking up. He got up and put the laptop on the desk on his way over to Zac. Just the sight of Zac made his heart beat faster.

“Hi.” Zac put his stuff down and pulled Bryce in. “I’ve been waiting
hours
to do this,” he said, leaning up on his toes to kiss Bryce on the mouth.

Bryce wrapped his arms around Zac and yielded to the kiss. He hadn’t bothered to do up his robe particularly well; he loved Zac wanting him and wasn’t going to pass up any chance to let Zac have him. They’d had such an amazing day together.

Zac kissed him fiercely, his hands sliding under Bryce’s robe and around to cup his ass and pull him even closer.

Bryce let Zac have him, let Zac touch and gave him kisses in return while he peeled Zac’s shirt up, pulling back to get the shirt off and then leaning in to kiss Zac all over again while he undid Zac’s jeans. Once they were open, he pushed them down, dropping to his knees to get them, and Zac’s boxers, off all the way. His robe was open, falling off of him, and he was hard already, wanting Zac. He looked up at Zac, overwhelmed by how much he loved doing this.

Zac was barefoot, so once Bryce got the jeans down, he stepped right out of them. “Been waiting hours for this, too,” he said softly, running his fingers through Bryce’s hair.

Bryce kissed his thighs and hips, stroked up the backs of his legs. “Tell me.” He wanted to hear what was on his lover’s mind. He followed up the soft demand with tender kisses and nuzzles at the base of Zac’s cock.

“Touching you.” Zac kept petting his hair. “This afternoon, you were so... I liked being close to you like that. I’ve been waiting to touch you again, for you to touch me.”

“Come to bed?” Bryce laid his cheek against Zac’s hip, his hands cupping Zac’s ass, and looked up at him sweetly. Zac was so good to him.

“Yeah.” Zac held his hand out to help Bryce up. Bryce’s breath was making his dick twitch, and his hazel eyes were already wide and dark. “Let’s go to bed.” Bryce took Zac’s hand and got up, then led Zac to bed. Zac looked really good in the candlelight.

The covers were turned back, and Bryce let Zac get in before he slid the robe off his shoulders and hung it over the end of the bed.

“The guys probably won’t notice if you sleep here again tonight,” he whispered, crawling into bed after Zac. “And if they do, what are they going to say?” He kissed Zac on the mouth. “If they ever ask, you can tell them anything you want.”

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“They won’t ask.” Zac was smiling, though, like he understood the significance of what Bryce was saying. He pulled Bryce down for deeper kisses, licking into Bryce’s mouth and running his hands over Bryce’s body, over his chest and his back and his ass, just touching him all over while they kissed.

Bryce rolled over Zac on all fours to let Zac have him. He ducked his head and kissed under Zac’s jaw, making soft, needy noises. Somewhere inside, he was afraid Zac would touch him

“there,” that he’d like it, that it would make him gay, and he hated it. The more Zac touched, the colder he felt, because he knew they’d talked about it and it might be coming soon. It was haunting him, and he pulled back, suddenly pale and breathless and not okay.

“I need...” He made himself breathe. “I need to talk to you.”
Stop, Bryce
, he told himself sternly.

Stop, and talk, and Zac will help fix it
.

Zac pulled his hands away and caught his breath. “I. Okay. What’s wrong?” He scooted away, out from under Bryce, so he could sit up. His worry was written all over his face.

Bryce collapsed with his back to the wall, hands on his knees. “I just keep having this stupid, sick feeling, that you’re going to touch me... like you said you wanted to.” His cheeks were on fire, but he felt drained, and his stomach churned with pure shame.

“And my head keeps telling me that I’m gonna like it and it’s gonna make me ‘gay’ like it’s not already a bit too fuckin’ late for that, like it’s some kinda curse if you touch me and it feels good.” He tried to breathe slower and it wasn’t working. “And I’m scared you’re gonna touch me like that and I’m going to freak out or worse. And this is really stupid, and I’m sorry.” He looked at Zac, hoping it wasn’t the wrong thing to do, to say this.

Zac nodded slowly. “I wasn’t gonna, not so soon. But, Bryce...” He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. “I mean, I’m glad you told me. But I don’t know how to fix that, how to make it better, except to promise I’m not ever gonna touch you like that. I will, if you want. Promise, I mean. It’s just touches, it’s not a big deal. It’s less of a deal than kissing. I’d miss kissing you a lot.”

“No.” Bryce swallowed hard and shook his head. “I want... I want to do it.” He took a breath and met Zac’s eyes. “But I just need you to know that my brain is being a bitch about it, so I don’t end up hurting you again. I want to feel you like that.” Just saying it made him feel better. “Will you? Please? Touch me?”

“Are you sure?” Zac rubbed his leg with one palm. “I mean. I will. But you gotta know you don’t have to.”

“I know you’d never make me do anything.” Bryce was so certain of that, right down to his core.

God, he wanted Zac so much. The surge of need startled him. “I know we could go on forever and you’d never, ever do a single thing to make me feel bad, Zac. But I want it.” He ignored his cheeks threatening to catch fire from talking like this. “I want you to touch me. I want your
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fingers in me. And I want you to suck me off, make me come. And then I want you to put up with me being a fucking basketcase after, if I am.”

“Yeah.” Zac nodded slowly. “Yeah, okay. I can do that.” He reached out to run his fingers down Bryce’s arm. “I want to make you feel good, make you come like that.”

“If it’s real, it won’t bother me anymore.” Bryce shifted so that he could crawl into Zac’s arms for comfort. “I just want you to make it real. But only if you want to.” He kissed Zac’s neck and nuzzled against his shoulder. “I’m not making you do anything you don’t want to, either.”

“I want to.” Zac pulled Bryce in close, leaning his cheek against the top of Bryce’s head. “I do.”

“I want you so much, Zac.” Bryce cuddled against Zac’s warm body. “God, just talking about it helps. A minute ago, I felt like crap, and now I feel kind of stupid, but I want it. I’m not scared of you, just of me. You know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Zac said, kissing his hair. Bryce kissed Zac’s neck more, knowing how much it turned Zac on. It worked this time, too. Zac tilted his head away to bare his neck. “Yeah.

Bryce...”

“I love it when you suck me,” Bryce murmured. He bit and licked under Zac’s ear, letting the taste of Zac’s skin turn him on even more. “I want your mouth, Zac. Your mouth is so sexy, and when it’s on my dick, I feel like it can’t be real, because it’s so damn hot.” Zac turned, but he wasn’t pulling away. He was pushing Bryce down onto his back and rolling up over him to kiss him, hard, on the mouth. He moaned into the kiss, tempting Bryce’s tongue into his mouth so he could suck at it, licking, just like he sucked Bryce’s cock. “Gimme the lube, Bryce,” he panted, when he finally pulled away from the kisses. “And let me get your dick in my mouth. Fuck, I love... Love the way it feels, sliding over my tongue. Love how you taste.” The cold in Bryce’s chest was melting already, and his dick was hardening again. He grabbed the lube from the table and offered it up to Zac. He’d said that things were easier in the here and now, and they were. So much better, so much easier, with Zac here to put the lie to all the ugliness he’d been left to imagine. His voice was remarkably steady when he said, “Have me.