Before Hadley (26 page)

I tapped the door with my knuckles and waited. I couldn’t hear any rustling on the other side, but I tapped on the door again.

The door unlocked and swung opened. But it wasn’t Hadley who stood there. It was her roommate, staring me down like she wanted to kill me. She dug two fingers into my chest. “Hurt her and I will kill you.” She stepped around me and took off down the hallway.

I stood in the open doorway staring at Hadley who sat on her bed with a shoebox on her lap. “Hi.” I stepped inside, closing the door behind me.

She stared at me, her eyes dropping to my empty hands. “I expected a coffee. Or at least some licorice.”

I walked over and sat down beside her, the mattress dipping under my weight. “I gave you a lifetime supply. Are you already out?”

She shook her head.

“Did you get my texts?”

She nodded. “How was it seeing your dad?”

I thought of the creases around his eyes. His graying hair. His attempt to smile. “Sad.”

Sorrow filled Hadley’s eyes. “You haven’t spoken to him since…”

“Since before I got arrested? No.”

She chewed on her bottom lip, contemplating her words. “Did he want to apologize?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you forgive him?”

I nodded. “You showed me it was possible.”

She smiled sadly. “I’m sorry you got gypped in the dad department.”

I laughed. “Well, there’s always your dad.”             

Hadley burst out laughing. “Yeah. I’d hold off getting him a Father’s Day card any time soon.”

The thought that Hadley would eventually have to tell her parents about us turned my gut. “He hates me that much?”

She patted my knee. “I’m sure you’ll grow on him…in like fifty years.”

I laughed, knowing making amends in all areas of Hadley’s life wouldn’t be easy. But I needed to do it for her. I nodded to the shoebox. “What do you have there?”

She slowly lifted the cover. My letters sat neatly inside.

I lifted my brows. “Doing some light reading?”

She smiled. “Just getting to know you again.”

My eyes drifted shut on an exhale, loving that she’d read them. That she finally knew everything I wanted her to know—everything I needed her to know. Bottom line, she knew me. She was the
only
person who did. “I could think of a lot of ways to get to know me again,” I teased. Though had she said yes, I would’ve stripped her down right there and then.

She jabbed me with her elbow, abruptly stopping that fantasy.

I nodded to the letters. “So what do you think?”

“I think you’ve got potential.”

We laughed, and it felt so good to laugh with her again. “Potential?”

“Can you still mash a baseball?”

“Definitely. I’ve been practicing down at the sports facility,” I assured her. “And my swing’s better than ever.”

“Mr. Humble returns with a vengeance.” Her eyes widened excitedly. “Wait a sec. Lorelei knows the baseball coach. I can have her talk to him. Maybe get you a tryout.”

I placed my hand on her knee, silencing her sudden enthusiasm. “Vik already took care of it.”

She pulled in a deep breath, releasing it slowly. “So, you really are staying.” It wasn’t a question. It took something like that for it to finally register that I wasn’t going anywhere.

I draped my arm around her shoulder, pulling her into my side. In that moment, with my past behind me and my future staring me in the face with gorgeous blue eyes, I knew all was right in the world again. I had my girl. And I had my future. It was mine for the taking. “My girl’s here. No way in hell I’m losing her twice.”

Hadley turned into me and threw her leg over my hips, straddling my lap so she could look me in the eyes. “If you ever hurt me again—”

I wrapped my hand around the back of her head and pulled her to me, silencing her with my lips. I didn’t wait for the go ahead. My tongue pushed inside, having something to prove. There was no way in hell I’d ever hurt her again, but I needed
her
to know that. She also needed to know I’d never leave her or be dishonest with her again. I’d do everything in my power to hold onto her and kiss her every morning—make that every damn day—for the rest of my life.

EPILOGUE

Two Years Later

Hadley

I sat with Conner’s hand tightly clasped in mine. An excited buzz filled the television studio where we sat. A few lucky baseball fans in their favorite team jerseys filled the seats behind us.

Conner had already conducted interviews with all the major sports networks, everyone interested in the story of his past and how he turned his life around. Guys completely ate up the story of the thief who could crack any safe, while women…well women wanted a piece of my man. Who could blame them? He was hot, exuded that same confidence I’d seen the first time I laid eyes on him, and he could mash a baseball like no one’s business. And did I mention how his ass looked in those baseball pants?

Today, however, he wore a gray suit with a periwinkle blue tie that brought out the blackness of his eyes. I’d picked it out, teasing him that he didn’t have enough female fans and that the blue would push them over the edge. He knew how jealous I got about all the female attention he received—not like it was anything new, but he had no trouble convincing me over and over again in our bedroom that I was it for him.

His agent walked over and whispered something into his ear that I couldn’t quite hear with all the noise surrounding us. Conner nodded before his agent disappeared again.

He squeezed my hand. “He thinks New York is gonna make a last minute trade with Florida.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means we may be moving to Florida.”

I smiled. “They’ve got lots of grad schools with art programs I could transfer to.”

His brows lifted. “Yeah?”

I nodded. “And Cass, Vik, and Lorelei will all be nearby.”

He smiled. “True.”

I considered the harsh winters up north. All the snow. The bulky clothes I’d have to buy. The boots. “And…I’d take warm weather over cold any day.”

He laughed. “Funny. Because I’d take you anywhere I can get you.”

I glanced around the crowded space. “Do we have time?”

He threw back his head and laughed. “Twice this morning wasn’t enough? I’ve definitely created a monster.”

I smiled, trying to hold onto this special moment. Trying to capture the feelings of it all. The happiness. The excitement. The accomplishment. It was Conner’s time. He’d worked so hard to get there. Sure, he’d made mistakes along the way, but he’d changed because of them. And now, life was granting him his wish.

“What are you thinking?”

I shrugged. “Just how happy I am for you.”

He leaned in, his fresh scent wrapping itself around me like a warm blanket. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

I leaned in, pressing my lips to his. “You’re finally getting your dream.”

His eyes narrowed, the skin between his brows pinching together. “You think this is my dream?”

I glanced around the room. The excitement was palpable. “Obviously.”

He shook his head. “You silly girl.
You
. You’re my dream.”

A ripple rolled through my belly taking up permanent residency. Even after all the time that had passed, Conner had the power to affect me. To turn me into a pile of goo with a few small words. “I don’t believe you.”

His eyes flicked around the room. “If all of this didn’t happen, if it all just went away, I promise you, I’d be okay. But if you went away, if you never came back into my life, I’d be nowhere near okay.”

The sincerity in his eyes and his heartfelt words stole the air right out of my lungs, glazing my eyes with tears. “Conner, I—”

“Conner,” a deep voice called.

Our eyes shot to his agent who approached eagerly with his hands clasped together. “You’re going number one.”

Conner said nothing, just cupped my cheeks and pulled me to him, kissing me gently. When he pulled away he looked to his agent. “Thank God. My girl hates the cold.”

Applause ensued as the commissioner of baseball entered the studio and stepped to the microphone behind the podium. “For the first pick in this year’s baseball draft, Florida selects…Conner Cartwright.”

The fans in the studio erupted in cheers as Conner stood up, pulling me to my feet and wrapping his arms around me. “Was there something you were gonna say before my agent interrupted?”

“Get up there,” I urged with a giant grin on my face.

“Nope. Not until you tell me.”

“You’re crazy.”

He smiled down at me, his nose brushing mine. “Yup. Now spill it.”

I tried pulling loose, but his strong arms wouldn’t release me. “Fine, I love you. Now get up there.”

“How much?”

My eyes widened. “You know how much.”

“Say it.”

“You’re my everything, Conner.”

He smiled his cocky grin then dropped his lips to mine and kissed me for everyone watching to see. “I love you, too. I’m never letting you go again.”             

I could feel the impatient eyes in the room on us. “Would you just get up there?”

He laughed and made his way up to the commissioner who shook his hand and handed him a Florida ball cap. Conner pulled the cap down over his dark hair, staring at me the entire time like no one else occupied the room, forget everyone watching at home. He placed his hand over his heart, tapping it twice. I got it. I completely understood. Baseball was his now. But I was his forever. And Conner Cartwright was without a doubt mine.

THE END

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Thank you readers for taking the time to read Hadley and Caynan’s (and Conner’s) story! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed living in their heads for almost a year. Also, thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, and spread the word about
Until Alex
and
Since Drew.
I would not have felt motivated to continue this journey without your love for those characters.

To my husband for his support and willingness to share me with my imaginary friends. To my awesome little boy for understanding my busy schedule. Just know I always have time for you. To my family and friends for your enthusiasm over this dream of mine. It means the world to me that you care so much. To my fellow romance junkies,
Heather, Kim, and Kerrie for reading it before anyone!

To my wonderful editor, author
Stephanie Elliot
, for not only being a fantastic editor, but also a cheerleader and friend. Can’t wait for your next book,
Sad Perfect
, to hit shelves!

To my amazing beta readers for all your thoughtful and constructive feedback. I truly appreciate the time you took out of your busy lives to help me. Author
Sierra Hill
,
bloggers and friends Dali at
TJ Loves to Read,
and Kat, Neilliza, and Michelle at
Four Chicks Flipping Pages
.
You girls are awesome!

Last, but certainly not least, to cover creator extraordinaire Letitia at
RBA Designs
for another beautiful cover. You are so fabulous to work with and so patient when I have annoying little changes I need you to make. Thank you for bringing Caynan to life!

CONTACT INFO

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https://www.facebook.com/jnathanauthor

https://twitter.com/@Jnathanbooks

https://www.goodreads.com/jnathan

Jnathan.net

[email protected]

Enjoy a Sample of
Until Alex

PROLOGUE

HAYDEN

Alive
.

You learn early on it means living, breathing, undead.

But don’t tell my mom that. She’d only hear the lyrics to her favorite Pearl Jam song. The one she’d been obsessed with since high school. The one that blared through the iPod dock on her dresser.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her as happy as she was tossing shirts and shorts into the open suitcase on her bed. Her long brown curls bounced in time to the beat of the song.

Ten minutes before, she’d woken me up. And in the most angelic voice she uttered the words I’d longed to hear. “We’re leaving, Hayden. We’re finally leaving.”

I jumped out of bed and stuffed my T-shirts, shorts, and hats into my backpack and joined her in her room. If I’d forgotten anything important, it could be replaced wherever we ended up.

With all the excitement and hasty packing, my mom shoved up her sleeves. Purple and yellow bruises covered her arms. Noticing my wide eyes from my spot on her bed, she shoved the sleeves back down, clearly forgetting what they concealed.

What they always concealed.

The last note of the song drifted through the speakers. I waited anxiously for the next song to begin—knowing her happiness and the twinkle in her eyes would continue.

But the song never played.

“What are you doing?” His emotionless voice traveled over my mom’s shoulder, sucking the life right out of the room.

Goose bumps scattered up my arms.

My mom froze. Her face drained of color. And though her body blocked me from seeing the doorway, the terror in her eyes told me what I already knew. We weren’t leaving. We weren’t getting our fresh start. 

She turned around slowly, her shoulders slumped. Even at ten, I could tell she was defeated. We both were.

I wanted to make a move, to tell him to leave us alone, but I sat frozen to the bed. It’s what always happened when he took that tone with her. I was so small, the smallest in the fifth grade. And weak. So very weak.

And as much as I tried to be strong, tried to defend my mom when he became violent, he just tossed my feeble body to the side, oftentimes locking me in a closet to keep me out of the way. I was a nuisance. It’s all I’d ever been for him. 

“Hayden and I were just getting away for the night—”

Whack
.

“Liar.” The word dripped with hate as he lowered his hand.

My mother cupped her cheek as she twisted around, checking to be sure I remained safely behind her. Her icy blue eyes misted over. Not from the slap. She’d endured worse and never cried. Her tears were for our missed opportunity. Our foiled chance to escape once and for all.

“Please let us go,” she whispered.

He leaned in closely. Now I could see him and the anger in his dark eyes. “Go? Go where?” The overhead light reflected off the shiny gold badge on the front of his uniform. The one that earned him respect from everyone in town. Everyone who didn’t really know him. “Who’ll want you?”

My mom sniffled. Or it could’ve been me. At that point, we both wept.

Needing to be closer to her, and wanting to keep him in my sights, I crawled to the foot of the bed. If I could see him, maybe I could protect her.

His white knuckles gripped her wrist like a vise. No wonder she hadn’t moved away from him.

“Please.” My voice came out low. Or was it that I just couldn’t hear it with my heartbeat pounding in my ears? “I have a game in Austin tomorrow. Mom thought you were working late so we were going to make a trip out of it.” I prayed my lie deflected the attention off of her. Because given his cold empty glare, she needed me.

Whoosh.

His fist slammed into my stomach. The wind knocked right out of me as my body folded and I toppled back onto the bed.

“Hayden!” my mom screamed, breaking free of his grasp and rushing toward me. She braced me in her arms as I gasped for breath. “It’s okay, baby. Mommy’s here. It’s going to be okay.”

It wasn’t. But I let her soothing words wash over me as I struggled to catch my breath and regain what little strength I had.

And then she was gone. Ripped off me like she’d been caught up in a tornado. Perfume bottles crashed to the floor as her body slammed into the dresser. Her scream echoed as glass from the mirror shattered over her.

My eyes shot to the monster.

His big hands were braced on his knees, his breaths deep like he’d run a marathon. He watched through beady eyes as my mother steadied herself to her feet.

I wanted to hit him. To knock him back. To
kill
him.

I jumped down from the bed and lunged at him. A vicious backhand to the face propelled me onto the floor. Black spots clouded my vision. My head spun. My nose was surely broken, but none of that mattered. I needed to get to the phone on the nightstand. If I could just call—

Click
.

My head whipped around.

He held something black in his right hand. He lifted it, extending it out in front of him.

Shock seized every part of me. It couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be happening like this.

“Please,” my mother begged as he aimed the barrel of his weapon at her. She edged as far away from me as possible. She always kept his attention off of me. Always protected me. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

A calculated laugh escaped his lips. “
Now
, you’ll do whatever I want? Weren’t those the vows you promised me ten years ago?”

She didn’t dare answer. She just took another step toward the bedroom door, stretching the distance between us.

“Then
he
came into the picture.” He spun around with his gun aimed at me. “He ruined everything. He took you away from me.”

I cowered to the carpet, preparing for the pain. For the nothingness. “Mom, run.”

“
Noooo
!” she screamed, racing across the room and throwing her body over mine.

“He got your time. Your affection. Your love. It was all supposed to be
mine
!”

Three shots crackled through the air. 

Three times my body jolted. I opened my mouth to scream, but the sound got cut off by the sight of blood spreading like a rush of ink through my mom’s shirt. Within seconds, her grip loosened and her body peeled away from me, sinking to the floor.

Sobs ripped through me as I scrambled to my knees, slipping on the pool of blood surrounding her lifeless body. “Mom, wake up.” I draped myself over her stomach, unable to look at her head where one of the bullets hit. “I’m here. I’m right here.” With trembling arms, I tightened my grip, burying my face in her blood-soaked shirt. A putrid metallic smell replaced her floral scent.

God, please help her. Please.

“You’re gonna be alright, Mom. Just stay with me.” I couldn’t hold her tight enough to stop her from hurting. To stop her from slipping away. To stop her from leaving me all alone. “I love you so much.”

Guttural, unable-to-catch-my-breath, sobs poured out of me. And still, as my world crumbled around me and pain overwhelmed my being, I needed to get to a phone.

Click
.

A quiver rocked through me.

I closed my eyes with my arms still wrapped around my mom, the woman I loved more than anything in the world. The woman who’d carry me over to the other side. To the light.

I braced myself for the impact of the bullet, praying for a quick death. Praying to be far away from him and the nightmare we’d been living.

But the impact didn’t come.

I cracked one eye.

The monster stood over us with his gun to his temple and his eyes locked on mine. “This is all your fault.”

When he was certain I heard him, he fired once.

CHAPTER ONE

ELEVEN YEARS LATER

HAYDEN

My eyes snapped open. I wished I could blame the mid-afternoon sunlight seeping into my living room for the sweat dripping down my face and my heaving chest. But I couldn’t.

Most people endured a rare nightmare. One that rocked them to the core. But not me. The same two plagued every one of my dreams. Unfortunately, they weren’t strange figments of my imagination. Explorations into the deep recesses of my psyche. They were real memories. The worst I possessed.

I would’ve given anything to erase the horrid images from my mind, but they were my penance. My cross to bear.

I sat up from my black leather sectional, the focal point of my living room. It’s the one place I normally fell asleep,
if
I fell asleep. Running my hands through my unruly hair, I scanned my apartment. For a guy, I kept it pretty clean. Of course I only cared about my flat screen. Without the white noise it provided, my bare walls closed in on me.

I stood up, working the kinks out of my neck. I should’ve grabbed my bag and headed to the gym, but I walked to the window at the rear of my apartment instead.

Late August in Texas didn’t see many trade winds, so the trees and flowers surrounding the building sat idle in the balmy afternoon air. Luckily, a well-maintained pool flanked the rear of the property. And since most of the residents were elderly and rarely left the building, I was the only one who ever used it.

Walk away, man.  Walk away.

I should’ve gotten something to eat. Taken a shower. Met up with Remy and the guys. But my damn eyes had a mind of their own. And they sought the sole picnic table. The reason I stood at the window in the first place.

Since moving in three years ago, it had been an ordinary picnic table. But for the last four days, it had become the very bane of my existence. Maybe not the actual piece of lawn furniture, but the unfamiliar girl seated on top of it. The one with her head buried in her knees and the coffee-colored waves of hair spilling over her body, bawling her eyes out.

Four days ago, she rolled into the parking lot in a killer black BMW sports edition. She lugged an oversized brand-name suitcase up the flight of stairs to the second floor, clearly not realizing the building had an elevator.

From my peephole, I watched her pull the suitcase down the carpeted hallway and approach the door diagonal to mine. Katherine, the owner of the building and a total babe for an older chick, greeted her with a sympathetic smile before stepping aside to let her in. Though they didn’t hug, the girl was obviously staying with her, and not renting an apartment.

Sure, I looked like a creepy stalker staring out my second floor window, but I wasn’t. At least that’s what I kept telling myself. I just couldn’t ignore the fact that the girl hadn’t stopped crying in four days. Nor the fact that I felt like shit for not going down to check on her.

Don’t get me wrong. My apartment was a revolving door of one-night stands, each convinced they’d be the one to change my ways. And never once did I feel bad for tossing them out after I screwed them. They knew exactly what they were getting when they agreed to go home with me.

I didn’t do relationships. Too much trouble. I didn’t care about other people’s problems. Got enough of my own. And I didn’t do kindness to strangers. Strangers didn’t care about me.

Bottom line. I kept people at arm’s length.

A shrink would attribute my aversion to relationships to the trauma I suffered when I was ten. But I’d been left to self-diagnose since I never saw a shrink. Bouncing around foster homes left little time for that. And truthfully, I wanted no part of baring my soul to some stranger. Fuck that.

If I learned one thing from my messed up life, it was that you didn’t let people in, and you didn’t let your emotions out. You couldn’t. I wondered if I even had any. Emotions that is. Because if you asked me, life had hardened me beyond repair.

And just because I felt like a total dick watching the girl on the picnic table bawl her eyes out, it didn’t mean I’d gone soft. Not by a long shot.

Maybe it was her shoulder-shaking sobs that kept my feet firmly planted by the window. Maybe it was the fact that she didn’t seem much younger than me. Nineteen. Maybe twenty. Or perhaps it was the way her body scrunched into a ball that made her appear so small. So fragile. So broken. Like she needed someone to take care of her.

Jesus Christ. Listen to me.

I was one step away from playing sappy love songs and watching fucking chick flicks. I dragged my fingers through my hair and drew a deep breath. I needed to get the hell away from the window.