Before Him Comes Me (19 page)

“In the 40’s, there were a couple of major players in the
world of BDSM, Ray and Seabrock. One of the founding fathers of the King
Council was mentored by Seabrock. Forgive me, but some names I will not share
as they hold no relevance to the explanation and, as Garrett has indicated,
should be allowed to remain confidential.

“Upon settling in the United States, he was able to connect
with other like-minded individuals. They were few and far between but a network
formed and the group began to meet on an annual basis to share ideas, exchange
instruments and, most likely, interact in demonstrations and play.

“During this time, one of the daughters of the members was
beaten to death by her husband, an outsider, as you all are referred to by the
Community. This event provoked communication regarding the daughters of the
members and their safety.

“It is my understanding that the first match was made at the
request of one of the daughters. The members saw an opportunity to strengthen
already forming bonds and provide safe spouses for their daughters. The first
match was held at the annual King Council gathering. The daughter, brought to
the event by her father, left with her new Dom.

“In outsider terms, they were married. It’s very much like
other cultures that subscribe to arranged marriages. The difference, of course,
is that the daughters of our Community are trained by their mothers to be submissive
for her Sir.

“As part of the deal, the young Dom would join ranks with the
King Council upon the acceptance of a submissive. In this way a lasting legacy is
ensured for the Council. As time evolved, certain aspects have changed. For
instance, the ceremonies now occur on the eighteenth birthday of the Council member’s
daughter.”

Pausing to take a drink of water, Zara continues. “I am the
daughter of a King Council member. I was raised to become the submissive of the
Dominant that my father and the Council determined would be a good match. In my
family, there was never any doubt that I would walk into the Circle belonging
to my father and leave it belonging to Garrett.”

Taking a cleansing breath, Zara looks at her full plate feeling
her hunger suddenly hit.

“That’s it?” Viv squeals.

Everyone looks at her and Branden begins to laugh, “Viv,
what else did you think it was? Someone being dragged into a ceremony kicking
and screaming with ropes and chains?”

“The kicking and screaming is a very real part of it for
some of us,” Zara says softly. “However, it is our upbringing that is the ropes
and chains and they are around us securely every step of the way.”

The silence that surrounds Zara brings her out of her
thoughts and back into the room. Realizing she has stunned her audience, Zara
falters, “Forgive me. I should not have–”

“Yes, Little One, you should. I want to hear all your
thoughts. However, I do think this is a conversation for you and me to have in
private at a later time.” Garrett nods to the siblings who are eagerly
listening. “How about if we allow Zara to eat her meal and the two of you
entertain her with your tales.”

Viv is the first to respond and places her fork purposefully
on the plate in front of her. “Our story is short and tragic. Our parents were
killed and we are all that we have. I am older by birth but Branden is older by
necessity. Quite a simple and short story.”

“Viv… I am so sorry. I did not realize.”

“No worries. They’ve been gone for a long time. We’re fine. Right,
B?” Standing up and picking up his plate, Branden moves behind his sister and hugs
her with his free arm.

“We’re perfect… Sister Lady.” Viv’s smile lights her from
the inside. Returning to the table, Branden carries a pie in each hand. He
carefully sets them on the table and takes his seat. “We’ve been on our own for
years. Garrett and his family have sort of adopted us though. Hence, Thanksgiving
at my house, then Christmas with the Dawson Family.”

“Once we all graduated from college, my parents began
traveling during the holiday so it has been the three of us every year.” Garrett
leans into Zara and taps her on the nose. “We’re very happy to have someone new
join our little Thanksgiving group.”

Zara eats her dinner as the three fell into a comfortable
conversation that she knows nothing about. She is content to just listen and be
near Garrett. At times, he reaches out to explain a point, touching her lightly
on the elbow or the knee in the process, and that is all Zara needs to feel like
she belongs in the mix.

Once the dinner is over and the pies have been devoured,
Zara and Viv clean up the dishes and kitchen. As Zara assists Viv with loading
the dishwasher, her thoughts are on Garrett and the kisses that they have
shared. “You know you are smiling while doing dishes… right? Want to talk about
it?”

Zara shakes her head no but she feels her smile broaden. “Figures.
Fine… change of subject. Are you glad you didn’t marry or whatever Garrett that
night in the circle thingy?”

The plate slips out of Zara’s hand and crashes to the floor shattering.

“OH FUCK!!!” Viv shouts.

“I am so sorry. I really am sorry. It just slid right out of
my hands,” Zara exclaims mournfully. As she bends to pick up the pieces, Branden
and Garrett rush into the kitchen.

“I see how you are,” Branden says with a huge grin on his
face. “I cook you a nice dinner and you break the dishes.”

With broom in hand, Viv shoos Zara back and quickly sweeps the
broken pieces into a pile.

Shaking, Zara turns to face Garrett and finds herself
wrapped into his arms. “Hey, it is not a big deal. I just want to make sure you’re
okay.”

“G, are we going to wait to tell her this is my dead parents’
china?” Zara’s hands fly to cover her mouth to hold in the gasp.

“Branden! Don’t be an ass. She’s upset,” Viv says from
crouching on the floor picking up the broken pieces.

“Z. Hey, it’s okay. There’s no significance to these plates.
You could break all of them. Seriously. I’m just glad you’re fine.” Branden
walks over and touches Zara’s arm then bends down to help his sister.

Looking up into Garrett’s eye, Zara whispers, “I am so sorry.”

Garrett responds by lifting her chin and planting a soft
kiss on her lips, then repeats the kiss one more time before releasing her.

The four work in relative silence to finish the last of the cleanup.
Once done, Zara comments on the showplace of a kitchen, “Branden, you have a
beautiful kitchen.”

“Thanks, Z. It’s the only room of the house that I gave a
fuck about during the renovation.”

“Yes, and he wasn’t particularly helpful either,” Viv says
walking around the island, leading the way to the far end of the living space.

“I’m a chef. I want what I want.”

“Okay… you’re not a chef even if you do cook very well,
thank you very much. But you were difficult on the kitchen,” Viv declares as
she plops onto the far end of the leather sofa.

“Imagine if he would have cared about the entire house,”
Zara says matter-of-factly.

Everyone starts to laugh. Garrett grabs her by the shoulders
to prevent her from sitting on the sofa and guides her to a big leather
recliner. Sitting down, he pulls her onto his lap and he squashes back into the
chair to get comfortable. Branden turns on a football game and they all relax.

After the game, they put on a movie amidst pleas for mercy
by the guys for food. Pizza is ordered and eaten while watching
Galaxy Quest
.
Zara feels Garrett’s stare as she bursts into another fit of laughter. She had
never seen the movie and it quickly becomes one of her favorites. Once the
movie ends, Garrett helps Zara to her feet and then stands up behind her.

“Let’s talk,” he says with a wicked smirk on his face. Zara
feels a blush take over her face. Her eyes center on his as he takes her hand
and escorts her away, but not before she catches Branden rolling his eyes at
Viv.

“Talk. That’s what you kids are calling it today.”

“Garrett, as excited as Zara was that you made it back
today, I’m thinking ‘talking’ is the last thing on her mind,” Viv grins at her
proclamation.

“You guys stayin’?” Branden asks before they are out of
sight. Garrett stops and lifts his hand to Zara’s chin to draw her eyes to his.

“Are we staying here tonight? It means homemade breakfast by
Chef Branden.” His asking takes Zara completely by surprise. She nods, looking
deep into his eyes.

I get lost every time.

“Looks like my lady wants to stay. See you both tomorrow and
I am NOT working out at the crack ass of dawn so don’t even ask.”

Chuckling as he makes his way to the kitchen with the pizza
boxes, Branden yells out, “Wasn’t askin’!”

“Goodnight, Branden. Thank you again for an incredible
dinner. Viv, thank you for creating the best bathtub experience ever,” Zara
says over her shoulder while being led up the steps.

“Shit! Hold on!” Garrett dashes back down the stairs to
disappear into the kitchen. Zara can hear Branden laugh at whatever is happening
in the kitchen. Garrett reappears making his way back up the steps with bottles
and glasses in hand. “Lead the way, Little One.”

Zara holds the glass door open. As he passes by, Garrett drops
a kiss on her unsuspecting lips. Grinning, Zara walks past Garrett to open the
door to his private residence. Garrett gestures Zara to enter and kicks the
door closed behind him with his foot.

Walking over to the coffee table, he begins to carefully
unload the bounty stolen from the kitchen. “I didn’t know what you were going
to be in the mood to drink while we talked, so I brought options. I can go back
down if you want something else. Branden said that you had a virgin version of Viv’s
favorites earlier. He volunteered to make more if you would prefer that.”

“Garrett, whatever you brought up for me is perfect. Thank
you.” Zara makes her way to sit on the sofa. Garrett sits down next to her and hands
her a bottle of water and Coke. Zara gives him a quick smile.

“Not bad for fifteen seconds.” Chuckling, Garrett begins to
pour himself a drink. “Which would you prefer?”

“Just water. Thank you,” Zara replies softly.

Garrett untwists the cap and hands Zara one of the bottles
of water he carried up. “I’d like a quick shower. Would you like me to run you
another bath?”

“No, thank you. I will be fine here.”

He leans in to look deeply into her eyes, as they sit
silently together. Zara gazes back and after a few seconds, Garrett crosses the
last few inches of spaces between them and gently presses his lips to hers. When
he pulls away, he lightly tugs on Zara’s lower lip.

Grabbing his drink, Garrett walks into the bedroom and out
of sight. Zara sets the water bottle on the coffee table and collapses against
the back of the sofa. Covering her face with her hand, she takes a deep breath
and allows her mind to open to the thoughts she had been keeping at bay since
the Circle Ceremony.

The lack of conversation with her mother comes crashing in
like water being released from a broken dam. The joy of having freedom granted to
her in every area of her life, yet being abandoned by her family because of
that freedom causes a hollow space in Zara’s heart. Zara realizes the only way
to have the relationship she really wants with Garrett is to become the person
she had never been taught to be.

I need to be me.

Sitting up, she closes her eyes and places her hands on her
thighs with her palms facing upward. Taking slow deep breaths, her mind clears
and her body settles. Images of the beach drift into her thoughts, how the warm
sand gives way under foot with each step approaching the shore, how the
temperature of the sand gradually cools as the water’s edge comes closer. She
can almost feel the frothy cool water as she stands ankle deep in Lake Michigan.

“Little One, did you fall asleep?” Garrett whispers as he
sits down gently beside her. Opening her eyes, Zara gives him a smile. “If you
are tired, we can talk tomorrow.”

“Garrett, I am fine. I was just thinking.”

Garrett repositions himself so that he is leaning back
against the back of the sofa and places his bare feet of the coffee table. “Actually,
I was thinking too, I was thinking about your first night in Michigan at the
beach house. I was in the shower that night wondering how the conversation
would go when I gave you the necklace.

“A lot has changed since that night, yet a lot is exactly
the same. For example, you have changed quite a bit. When you talked about the
Community, I sat back in awe of how comfortable and confident you were. It was
fun to see you engaging with my friends during the movie. Little One, you seem
to be more comfortable in your own skin. Having not spent any time with you in
the last couple of months, I was blown away at the difference.”

Zara picks up the bottle of water that is in front of her
and takes a long drink. Slowly screwing the cap on and setting it back on the
table, Zara scoots herself against the arm of the sofa and shifts her legs
underneath her body. The position gives her some space between her and Garrett.

“Zara, what are you thinking about so loudly at the end of
the sofa?”

Taking a deep breath, Zara knows this is a moment where she
needs to be completely open and honest with him.

This is it.

“Garrett, you are right. I have changed, and hopefully, I
will continue to change. But in all the changing I am doing, I am finding me. I
am figuring out what I want for me and whom I want to spend my time with. I hope
through all the changes I have made that you can still see me, Zara Faith.”

Zara exhales. Slowly, her eyes begin to journey from her
feet to Garrett’s torso, his chest, shoulder, neck, and finally to his… HUGE
SMILE!!! Her eyes lock onto his and she cannot help but return a smile.

“So you found yourself?” he asks.

“Probably not all of me, but I am discovering new things,
and I am becoming more comfortable. I like school. I like my classes. I’ve
selected my classes for next semester already. I have friends…” Zara’s voice
dwindles off at the end.

“What are you not sharing with me?” Garrett asks, reading
her like a book.

Zara looks away and feels her eyes fill with tears. Tensing,
she works to block the negative emotions flooding her. Every fiber of her body
vibrates as again she fights eighteen years of being taught by her mother to
keep her emotions hidden.

Without warning, Garrett stands. He moves to the end of the
sofa, lifts Zara into his arms and sits in her spot, settling her onto his lap.
“Okay… Tell me what has upset you, and this time, don’t force it back down
inside.”

Zara’s heart clenches. She knows it is now or never, time to
peel away the layers of preconceived notions of a Dom and allow Garrett to be
himself as much as he is asking her to be herself. Her sight blurs from the
tears collecting in her eyes.

Zara snuggles deeper into Garrett’s arms. “I called my house
today and my mother answered the phone.”

“Shit!” he said, squeezing her tighter.

“She said I made my choice. Then she hung up.” Each word out
of Zara’s mouth becomes softer than the last.

“Little One, I’m sorry. We should have discussed this sooner,”
Garrett speaks quietly as he runs his hand up and down Zara’s back. Some of her
tears escape and form streams down her cheeks. “I’m sorry I wasn’t with you
when you reached out to your family. Let’s make that an agreement between us…
any reaching out to the Community will be done when I am with you.”

Zara nods. The two sit together in silence. Zara is no
longer crying but the sadness lingers deep within her.

Garrett, seeming to be in no hurry to move, is the first to
speak. “Will you tell me how school is going?”

“Of course. First, El and Lil are amazing. They have been so
helpful every step of the way this semester. El is even teaching me to use her
camera a little. I am loving that. You should see my dorm room. The walls are
covered with pictures we have taken around campus and of each other. El says it
is important to document our college memories.” Giggling, Zara sits up so she
can look into Garrett’s eyes while she is speaking.

“Most of the dorm studies together after dinner in the front
rooms. Oh, Beth… she works at the front desk. She really needs a better job. She
is brilliant, and studies computer science. Beth is the girl that the dorm
hired to come in early to assist in getting me settled. You had her deliver my
dinner. And she–” Zara stopped. Her eyes dipped down to Garrett’s chin.

“She what?”

Zara’s chin dips lower almost resting on her chest. “She
really needs a better job. Can you give her a job?”

“Little One, I can’t promise anything but I will ask around.
Okay?” Garrett tilts his head to get a look into Zara’a eyes. “What else
besides job placement is happening with you at State?”

“Everyone says it has been unseasonably warm and I am in for
an awful winter. I have only seen snow a couple of times and it was only a
dusting on the ground. I am looking forward to seeing real snow. I registered
for a much tougher class load next semester.” Zara stops with a gasp.

Garrett looks at Zara with a puzzled expression.

“I should have consulted you prior to registering for
classes. I apologize. Ollie said that it was better to get into an advisor as
soon as possible so my chances of getting into my classes were higher. I really
am sorry. I used your credit card to pay for the classes.”

Garrett lifts Zara’s hand up to his lips and presses a kiss
into the palm. “First of all, that is your credit card to use as you need to
and I would only ask that you consult me if you need to make a large purchase
such as a car. Not that I would tell you that you couldn’t have it, but I would
have you purchase the car from a different source of funding. Does that make
sense?”

Zara nods.

“I’d expect you to select your own classes. I only chose the
first semester’s classes because of timing. Zara, this is your college
experience, not mine. I am here to advise, as is Ollie, but only if and when
you ask. And, yes, it has been an unseasonably warm autumn but the temperature
has dropped and will drop again sharply… soon. You are going to need snow gear.
How are you doing with clothes?”

Leaning forward to grab the bottle of water, Zara also picks
up Garrett’s glass and hands it to him. Regaining her position on his lap, she
unscrews the top and takes a long drink. “Viv has managed to keep my clothes
rotated for the season without me ever seeing anyone in my room. It is amazing
to everyone that I have never had to do a load of laundry, not even my linens,
since I have been in school. I am guessing I have you to thank for that. Garrett,
I am capable of doing laundry. It seems like I should be contributing in some
small way.”

“Little One, I did laundry in college. You aren’t missing
anything. Trust me. I want this to be a special time for you. College is the
only time in life when you should not have the crazy responsibilities of life. Don’t
worry… laundry will be waiting for you when you get out of school, but for now
I can give this to you, so let me do it.”

Zara moves closer to Garrett’s face. Keeping her gaze
averted, she eases closer until she is only inches from his face. She draws her
eyes up to his and looks deep within. Zara holds her breath seeing Garrett run
his tongue across his lips. Unsure what to do next, Zara leans in the last inches
to press her lips to his. As soon as they meet, Garrett’s hand comes up behind
her head and takes control. The tension she was unaware she was holding dissolves
away and she presses her body against his. Sliding his tongue into her mouth to
explore the tip of her tongue, he then brings his tongue back out and lightly
slips it along her bottom lip.

Please never let this end. No. No.

To Zara’s disappointment, Garrett pulls away. “Okay. Tonight
is for talking. As much as I would love to spend hours kissing those lips of
yours, tonight we need to talk.”

Zara drops her eyes and nods. She begins to pull back, but
Garrett’s hand behind her head does not allow it. He pulls her face back, looks
in her eyes and plants a firm kiss on her lips.

Zara opens her eyes when he pulls way but he is still
holding the back of her head, “Never think that I do not want to kiss you. We haven’t
spent time together in months and you have just said you wanted to start
spending more time together. You and I, especially because of our backgrounds,
need to be sure we are always on the same page. Understand?”

“Yes, Si… Garrett.”

“Your discussion about school seems to be lacking in a
couple of areas. Is that to save my feelings? I am curious to hear about the
parties as well as the dating. To some degree, the dating.”

Zara swallows. Garrett wraps his arms around her and pulls
her into his chest. “What’s up, Little One?”

“The two times I agreed to go out with different guys, it
was awful. El said that it was a good idea to go just to verify my feelings
before I ‘laid my cards on the table’ and she was right. The entire time, I
just kept wishing I was with you,” Zara says mournfully. Garrett squeezes his
arms tighter around her.

“Excellent segue. You and I. My first reaction is to say
yes. Let’s start seeing each other. In fact, my initial reaction was to drive
you home and put your collar around your neck.”

Zara slides off his lap onto the sofa next to him to be able
to get a better view of his face while he explains his comments.

Yes!! PLEASEEEE!!! Be my Sir.

“But I wonder if that is the best thing for you at this
point.” Garrett finishes his thought and Zara’s heart sinks. “Little One, you
are living your dream. I don’t want to short-change that by throwing a
relationship into the mix. College is about exploring options. Are you wanting
to be with me because you are seeking a connection to your past?”

“NO! I am looking to be with you because I want you! I have
missed you. Garrett, I felt something those days we were together before you
dropped me off at school. It has been awful not speaking to you or seeing you
all this time. I check my phone a hundred times a day hoping that you will text
me. I am not asking for the entire Circle Ceremony again. I understand I missed
that opportunity, but I very much want to see you and spend time with you.”

“How about you focus on wrapping up your very first semester
and getting through your finals, then come spend your winter break with me. We
will fly down to the Caymans to spend Christmas with my parents and Branden and
Viv. You and I can go off for a few days alone and really spend some quality
time together.”

“I would love to spend the holidays with you and your
family. I was hoping you were going to ask me. Lil and El invited me to Miami over
a month ago but I declined. Notices just went out that everyone has to vacate
the dorms for the entire break so I didn’t know where I was going to go if you
had not asked.” Zara’s nervous giggle does nothing to mask her relief.