Before Now (Sometimes Never) (25 page)

“What does what mean?”

“For you and me. What are we?”

I smile. We’ve been here before, but I was a chicken-shit then. She wants it clear this time and so do I. No more bullshit. I hold her face in between my palms and touch the tip of her nose with a kiss. “You’re mine. I’m yours. I want everyone to know it.”

“But Jessie—”

“Jessie can deal with it. If he can’t, then I’ll move. But he doesn’t get a say in this. And neither does Bree. This is between you and me. The only person’s opinion that matters to me is yours. I’ll be yours until you tell me differently. Only yours.”

“You can’t take that back,” she murmurs. “You can’t flip out and take off on me again.”

All I want is her trust. I know I don’t deserve it, but
I will
earn it. I want her to have no doubts. I want to be the person she knows she can always count on. “I may flip out from time to time, but I will never take off again. You’ll see. You’ll get tired of me being around so much.”

“I’m not so sure about that. You’re too fun to look at.”

“I’m even better to touch,” I say, smiling at her deviously.

“And to taste.”

Fuck.
I go completely still because I just promised to take this slow, but I’m already thinking about ripping her clothes off and tossing her onto my bed. She laughs at my reaction.

“You’re going to be in trouble if you keep talking like that,” I warn her.

Lucy arches a brow in challenge and I growl.

“You decide when we stop because I don’t think I’ll have that ability,” I tell her. I wait for her to acknowledge me. As she nods, I slam my mouth against hers and start showing her how much she means to m
e.

33

Lucy

I had a hard time finding the stop button. When he starts touching me, everything else fades away. It’s just me and him. His hands, his mouth, his chest pressed into mine. His legs tangled with mine, his scent engulfing me, his words whispering in my ears. I get caught up in his taste. I get lost in his caress. And I never want to find my way back. I could live in the moment forever.

I know it’s not like this with everybody. I know what Park does to me is special. Everything feels so much better because it’s him. Because I love him.

It also means things can hurt so much worse
, too.

How do you love someone and still protect yourself? How can you give your heart away and trust it will be safe in another’s hands?

I don’t know.

But I guess I’m going to find out.

He’s going to be here soon. We decided last night, while we were twisted in the sheets, our hair tousled and our fingers intertwined, that today we were telling Jessie and Bree. I’m not looking forward to the aftermath. Bree can be seriously scary when she’s angry.

She thinks I deserve better, and I love her for it. But what she’ll need to understand is I want Park.
He’s not perfect and neither am I. We aren’t going to have an easy relationship, but that’s okay. Nothing of worth is simple.

My phone beeps an alert and I know it’s time. I look at myself in the mirror. Even though my tummy is a little queasy, I look calm. And happy.

“Okay, Lucy. You can do this,” I tell my reflection. I’ve pissed Bree off plenty of times. She always gets over it. And Jessie…he’ll eventually see that Park is different. He’s not Jared.

God I hope that’s true.

I catch movement over my shoulder and turn just as Park pushes my window open. I watch him, the way his bicep flexes with his movement. How his hands curl around the windowsill. The grin that lifts his cheeks.

“Hey, gorgeous.”

“Hi,” I return.

He glides inside with ease and makes his way directly to me. As his long fingers knot into my hair, I breathe out in relief. I hadn’t realized how worried I was, but now that he’s here, touching me, I notice the way my whole body relaxes.

I still feel sick to my stomach and I’m still shivering with nerves, but I’m good now.

Like
all over, from the tips of my toes to the roots of my hair, I feel joy. The kind that makes you feel light. Makes you feel invincible.

“You ready for this?” Park asks, his lips brushing my hair.

“Yep. Are you?”

“I’m actually kind of excited.” He pulls back, his fingers moving to hold each side of my jaw.
“Everybody will know how I feel about you.”

I frown, my brows pulling together.

“What?” he asks, his features matching mine.

I shake my head slowly and he drops his hands. “Everybody will know but me. How do you feel about me, Park?”

“You’re everything I want.”

It’s the simplest sentence. Just four words. How does he do that? How does he make something so plain mean so much?

People have no idea how so few words can affect a person.

He
has no idea.

I tug his shirt, pulling him against me until I can
reach his lips. I need them against mine because I feel like a crybaby at the moment. I want to burst into tears because I believe him.

When I’ve kissed him thoroughly, I pull back slowly, making sure to soak up every last bit of his lips. “Let’s do this.”

He smirks. “Do you think Bree will go for my nuts or just throw shit at me?”

I bite my lip and shrug. “It could go either way. Or, more likely, both.”

He winces. “Just promise you’ll kiss any injuries I incur.”

I laugh quietly. “Promise.”

I start for the door and he grasps my hand, tugging me back. “Just one more thing,” he says slowly. “I need to borrow something.” I raise a brow and he steps into me. “I’ll return it, I swear.”

“Okay…”

Park wraps his arms around me, embracing me tightly and touches his mouth to mine softly. My lips curve up and then I feel his do the same as it occurs to me this is what he wanted. A hug and a kiss.

“All right,” he murmurs. “I’m ready now.”

I think I like sweet Park.

***

Bree’s eyes narrow as soon as Park and I enter the living room, our fingers clasped together tightly.

Her lips twist and she sits forward, perching on the edge of the couch. Jessie’s gaze barely touches on us before he reaches for Bree.

“Nu-huh,” she hisses.

“B, just listen,” I say, my tone composed. I want her to be okay with this—need it, actually. But I’m keeping this relationship. Whatever it is. Wherever it takes me. I’m keeping it.

“Are you really this stupid?”

“Whoa,” Park says. His voice is full of warning, but Bree ignores him. She crosses her arms in front of her and shakes her head harshly.

“He cheated on you,” she spits. “Don’t be a doormat.”

“Baby, calm down,” Jessie whispers.

“No. She’s being stupid.”

Park’s hand squeezes mine almost painfully. “
Hey. That’s enough. You don’t agree, fine. But don’t call Lucy stupid.”

“Oh, my God. Are you for real?” She stands up and places her hands on her hips. I’ve seen the gesture more times than I can count. She’s gearing up for a fight.

“I know you think this is a bad idea,” I begin.

She barks out a dry laugh. “Bad idea? No, Lu, the bang
s you sported in ninth grade were a
bad idea
. This is insanity. He treated you so wrong.”

“I did,” Park agrees before I can respond. “And I’m going to regret it f
orever. But Lucy and I talked and she’s giving me another chance.” His eyes dart over to Jessie before sliding back to Bree. “And I’m going to prove to her, to you, to everyone, that she can trust me. I care about her and I won’t hurt her again.”

“Pretty words Park. You should be
a performer. Oh, wait. That’s your job.” She rolls her eyes. “I told you to stay away from her.”

Park smirks. “I tri
ed. Couldn’t. And again, Bree, I do not answer to you.”

Jessie rests his hand on Bree’s hip as she opens her mouth to reply. “Stop,” he says firmly. He looks at me, his eyes studying my face. “This is what you want?”

I nod. “Yeah, it is.”

He nods back and glances at my best friend. “It’s their choice. Their business.”

Her mouth drops open. I think mine may have as well. “It’ll be our business when he fucks her over. Again.”

“If that happens we’ll deal with it then.”

Both of her brows shoot up and she makes a disgusted sound. “You know what?” She throws her hands up, the movement jerky. Angry. “I don’t care. You do whatever you want and when he hurts you again, I don’t want to hear about it.” She stalks past us and out the door. I flinch when it slams loudly.

Why is someone always walking away from me?

“You knew?” Park says and I flinch again, pulling away from my thoughts.

Jessie leans back, resting his head against the back of the couch. He props his feet on the table. “Not at first, but I added until it equaled this.” He flicks his index finger back and forth between me and Park.

“And you’re cool?” Park questions.

Chuckling, Jessie sits forward again. He props his elbows on his knees and looks at Park
. “Bree will come around. And as long as Lulu’s happy, I’m cool. You fuck this up—that’s a whole different story.”

34

Park

This is my first show since the infamous beat down. It’s also my first show with a girlfriend. I keep a tight grip on Lucy’s hand as we move through the crowd. It’s a good turn out since we’ve been M.I.A. for more than a month.

I’ve never had to side-step a fan before, but things are still unstable with Lucy and I’m not about to fuck this up because some drunk chic
k is getting handsy. Before Lucy, I would have been trying to remember the girl’s face so she could take me home after I played my set. But now I’m holding the hand of the only person I want to go home with.

I purposely m
aneuver us around the frisky female earning me a few slurred curses.

Lucy’s
eyes widen and I pull her tighter to my side. I press my lips against her hair. “Stay close. I may need protection.”

Breathing out a surprised laugh, Lucy shakes her head. “You’re on your own, buddy. That girl is scary.”

I glance over my shoulder and shudder. “Hell yeah she is.”

“I’m pret
ty sure you can handle it,” she says, her mouth turning up into a smirk.

“This may come as a shock to you, but I have
no idea how to handle women.” Both of her brows rise and her head tilts slightly to the side. “That I’m not having sex with,” I amend.

She pauses, frowning at me. “So what you’re saying is you don’t know how to treat a woman if you aren’t seducing her?”

I squint at her, not sure how to answer that question. But yeah. That’s exactly it. Lucy’s eyes narrow and I decide it’d be better if I kept that information to myself. I’ll just have to figure it out. “Come on. I need a drink before I’m on.”

Tugging my keys from my pocket, I hand them over to Lucy. “Keep a hold of these for me?”

“Why?”

“So you can drive. I don’t drink and drive.”

She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and my gaze is instantly drawn there. “I’ve wanted to ask you about that.” She accepts the keys, tucking them into her pocket and I lean into the bar.

“What about it?”

The bartender stops in front of me, smiling invitingly. “Haven’t seen you in awhile,” she says. Resting her elbows on top of the bar, she inclines forward giving me a perfect view down her shirt.

Is this what it’s always like? Have I never paid attention before? My brows draw together as I try to remember if I ever got with her. She obviously knows me, but I don’t recall her at all.

“Missed you around here,” she continues and her eyes drop, scaling my chest.

I almost laugh because I have absolutely no desire to
draw this out any longer.

And I almost want to hug her because this is the moment that I’m absolutely certain, without a shadow of a doubt,
that I am mind-blowingly, 100% in love with Lucy Braden.

I tug Lucy
up onto the stool. “Did you want something?” I ask, my voice low. She shakes her head and I reluctantly turn back to order a beer. The bartender sets it down in front of me slowly, eyeing Lucy before she moves on to take the next order.

I
take a long drink, watching Lucy the whole time. She’s struggling with something and it makes me nervous. Especially with my new insight. 

“What did you want to ask me?”
I prompt again now that there are no more distractions. I’d rather just get it out and over with.