Before You Leave: A Romance Novel (15 page)

“I’ll stay. You’re right, we do need to talk.” I eventually tell him, putting him out of his misery.

Tiny lines form at the edge of his eyes making his face softer than usual as a large smile beams on his face.

“We best go in then.” Taking a key from his key ring he unlocks the door, holding up a finger to tell me to wait. Entering I can hear him pressing some buttons while a beeping is sounded. The noise shuts off and he guides me into his house.

Stepping onto the shining tiles on the floor, the entrance hall is more spectacular than his apartment. The marble effect flooring with its sandy colouring compliments the white washed walls and paintings hanging on the walls bringing colour into the room.

“Kieran, this is beautiful.” I manage to say as I follow him towards the back of house passing a staircase I have only seen in dream magazines. Guiding my hand along the end of the banister, the marble is cool to touch even at this time of the day. Kieran enters into the large kitchen that opens up to the garden.

“Is that a pool?”

“It is. Nearly every house has one.”

“Kieran your house is stunning.”

“I know, you’ve already told me.” Kieran winks and then stops to open a large door, “I would offer you a glass of wine but you’re on tablets from the doctor so how about an ice cold fruit cocktail?” He asks while looking into the fridge that was hiding as a cupboard.

“Please.”

“Pop your butt up on that stool there and watch this genius at work.”

I sit up on the stool that he pointed to and rest my elbows on the counter opposite him, waiting for the show to begin. Watching Kieran bend into the fridge, the long shorts he is wearing shape his backside nicely. I can feel my cheeks go red, unable to believe I just had that thought. Filling his arms with an array of different fruit and tubs he eventually kicks the door closed. Balancing the items in his arms, he reaches the island between us and let them tumble on to the counter.

“Right just a few more items.”

“I did have a very filling brunch not long ago.” I remind him.

“I know but this will be a healthy boost. This drink,” he says while picking up an orange in his hand to show me, stopping midway to feel my cheek with the back of his hand. “Hey are you hot, your face looks very red? Wait here I’ll turn up the air-conditioning.”

“No, no its fine must have been the journey here.” I lie.

“Are you sure you’re ok? You are still recovering you know.”

“I’m well, now go on genius.” I say as cringe at the thought of my blushing.

“Right as I was saying, hold on what was I saying?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, his humour is contagious.

“You were saying you needed a few more items.” I answer once I catch my breath.

“Gold star to the gorgeous woman at the counter.” He says while raising his eyebrows in unison.

There is no escape; I know my cheeks are burning so much that even Aloe Vera couldn’t cool them.

“Oh Julia, you blush.” I try and cover my face to stop him staring at me but he holds onto my wrists and gently lowers my arms back onto the counter. “Don’t hide, I like it.”

Kieran’s brown eyes bore into mine and something stirs between us giving me butterflies again, confusing me. I blink several times in hope he looks away but he doesn’t. Reaching up he touches my heated cheek with the back of his cool hand and this time I lean my head onto it. Gently he brushes his hand to the back of my neck.

“What are you hiding?” Kieran asks with his soothing tone.

I bite my lip to stop the tears that I know want to escape. “My life.” I manage to answer.

“Will you tell me about it?” His deep brown eyes show concern in them and at that precise moment, I know I will tell him everything. Nodding, he reaches over with his lean body and brushes his lips over my closed mouth.

“Sorry I just couldn’t resist doing that.” He confesses and turns away from me back to the fridge.

Touching my mouth with the tip of my finger, I want to keep the kiss embedded on my lips. Kieran turns around with a yoghurt pot in his hands and I quickly move my hand away.

“Did I press too hard on you, oh god I’m sorry.” He asks and looks closer at my mouth.

“No, no I err I was just putting on some gloss.”

“Really? You don’t look like a gloss girl and I didn’t taste any from you.”

“Maybe it is a very clever lip gloss, a non-tasting one.”

“Hmm not sure about that, I am pretty good at tasting lips.”

“Oh,” my heart feels heavier from those few words he dispelled.

“Can I taste them again, for research purposes of course?” He asks leaning on the counter with his elbows.

“Maybe you should try someone else’s, they might have much nicer gloss than me.” I reply backing away a little.

“You’re not jealous are you?”

“Kieran I hardly know you. Do you think it would be best if this fruit cocktail is made quickly and we can find somewhere to talk?”

“You’re right. I’m sorry again. I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was very ungentlemanly of me. It won’t happen again.”

“Apology accepted.” 

Kieran backs away and starts squeezing the oranges to put the juice into the blender. Cutting up the strawberries he throws in with the blueberries and a few spoonfuls of Greek yoghurt before putting on the lid. Pressing the button, the blender wheezes the ingredients together and it makes a purple shade of liquid. Taking out two tall glasses from a cabinet, Kieran fills them both and then pops in a straw. It isn’t until he places one in front of me that he speaks again.

“A fresh fruit cocktail for you made by this genius. Now it’s time to talk.”

Walking around the counter, he puts his hand out for me to take. With the glass in one hand and Kieran’s in the other I allow him to guide me to the large patio doors. Unlocking one, Kieran lets go of me while drawing back the doors back into a concertina effect. As each of the screens fold into the other it leaves the patio exposed. Coming over to where I’m standing, he takes my hand again and leads me to the outdoor seats. The wicker-framed chairs are thickly cushioned and when I sit down, I want to stay there forever, sinking comfortably in the seat.

Sitting opposite me, Kieran places his glass on the low wooden table between us. I take a long suck on the straw; my cheeks go inwards in doing so. With my mouth full of delicious cool flavours, Kieran watches me with intent. It takes me two swallows to empty my mouth and still his eyes pierce me.

“It’s the way I drink, I love letting the flavours mix in my mouth first, to taste.” I explain quickly, shrugging my shoulder as I do.

“I don’t think I’ve seen anyone do that before.”

“I don’t think I’ve had anyone stare at me while I drink before.”

“I could watch you do that all day.”

“So you can laugh?”

“Of course not, why would I laugh at such a cute thing you do?”

This time I fight the heat rising on my cheeks as I answer him, “Because Ryan hated me doing it.” In that instant as the words left my mouth I feel like I am betraying Ryan. Speaking about the flaws he picked out on me in the past year. He too thought it was a cute habit I had until a few months before our engagement. In the end I had to consciously change my ways around him. Today I didn’t think and slipped back into my old ways.

“I’m not Ryan and I think it’s sweet you can be relaxed enough in my company to be yourself.” Kieran tries to reassure me.

“I’m sure that would change if I was around you too long.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Just because.”

“I am not going to pretend I know what you mean but I do think we need to be honest with each other.”

“Why do you want honesty? I mean in a few days’ time I’ll be gone, you’ll be doing whatever Kieran does and our lives will go on.”

“Is that what you want?”

“I don’t think it’s what I want but the fact is it’s going to happen.”

“And what if I told you I want more than that, that I want you.”

“Don’t say things you don’t mean Kieran. I told you, my life is complicated.”

“And mine isn’t?” Keeping his voice low as he says the words.

Taking another mouthful of the fruit drink I absorb what he says. Letting it filter through my thoughts I look out towards the pool. The lights are lit underneath the surface even though it is the middle of the day. It looks so inviting and I would love nothing more than to jump in and stop talking. I have to do this so we can both move on.

“Ok then Kieran, do you want to hear my story or tell your own first?” I ask knowing as soon as he hears mine I’ll be sent back to the hotel.

“Lady’s first I think.”

With his legs apart and sitting on the edge of his seat, he leans his forearms on his knees waiting for me to begin.

I start by telling him about how Ryan and I met, how Sarah introduced us at a party and how it was Abigail that came with him, a revelation I had only learnt recently. I explained about his business that was progressing and that he worked long hours to achieve what the shop represented. Focusing on the tiles on the floor I smile as I go into detail of how Ryan proposed to me and then moved into my apartment, which was about the time he had to move out of his own due to differences with the landlord. I then gave a brief outline of our wedding plans. Kieran didn’t interrupt at any time, allowing me to live in the past while explaining it all to him. Until I got to the part of the day it all went wrong. My words become harder to speak only a whisper can be heard and my voice doesn’t sound like mine. I close my eyes and instantly I am taken back to that day, the phone call, and the cup smashing on the floor before I collapsed. The tears trickle down my face and I let them, having no energy to hold them back. Moving from his seat, Kieran wraps his arms around me and I lay my head on his shoulder and cry. His hand soothes my back, moving in a circular motion and my body crumples in his.

When my tears eventually stop, I lift my heavy head and Kieran hands me a tissue. I wipe my eyes while he inspects my face, looking all over like he is searching for something I haven’t yet revealed, and he would be right, I haven’t. Not yet anyway.

“I’m sorry, your shirt is all wet.” I apologise to him, trying to dap the dampness with a tissue.

“That’s nothing. Are you ok though? Do you want to talk anymore?” Resting his hand on my thigh, he waits for my answer.

“You wanted honesty didn’t you?”

“I do but if you are exhausted then it can wait.”

“If I stop then I might never tell you. I have never told anyone this.”

“The accident?”

“No before.”

“Do you want me to stay here or go back to my chair?”

“Can you stay right where you are? You are giving me the strength to carry on.”

“I’m not moving.”

I continue talking while threading the tissue through my fingers. “The night before the accident Ryan was in the shower. He had come home late after another busy day. It was happening a lot but he said it was because of the business and that even Abigail had to put in her overtime too. I had no reason to doubt him. He loved me, I adored him and our wedding date was getting close.

His phone buzzed.

I never looked at his phone before, I just didn’t, but it buzzed a second and then a third time and the message lit up the screen. I couldn’t avoid glancing over at it.” I stop talking to settle my hands from shaking. Kieran takes them into his and rubs them.

“What did you read Julia?”

With a shaky voice I tell him before I break down again. “
Have you told the bitch yet before it goes too far?”

Kieran pulls me onto his lap. Holding on to me he starts to rock gently. And I let him. I don’t know how long we are there but when I open my eyes again the sun is starting to set.

“Hey, you are okay?”

“How long have we been like this?” I ask still feeling exhausted and shivery.

“It doesn’t matter but I think we need to go inside away from night bugs and get you warmed up. Can you walk?”

“I’m sure I can.” A little dozed I climb off his lap and take my half emptied glass in with me. As we go back inside, Kieran closes off the garden again with the screen windows. I walk over to the kitchen trying to keep my mind occupied and start washing up.

“Julia, do you know who the text was from?” Kieran asks while guiding me away from the sink to the cream lounge area. Sitting me down, he sits close by and turns to face me.

“I thought about it. Haven’t stopped thinking about it since that day. I wondered if she was at his funeral, did I shake her hand, did she cry when his coffin was lowered into the ground? After he died, I died too. I was mad at him for leaving me, mad at him for dying without me knowing who the other woman was. I didn’t know if he loved me, truly loved me Kieran. The guilt ate away at me. I lost my job, my friends lost their patience and I stayed at our home slowly decomposing. The day you saw me coming off that plane was the first time I’d left my place in a long time. Sarah had to give me a couple of tablets and I drank some whiskey to leave. You could say I was dragged here. The clothes I’m wearing are what Sarah packed. The sunglasses I wear are hers. I had no reason to live and I wasn’t. And look at how I’ve repaid her. I’ve been sick, lost and hospitalised. No wonder Abigail was pissed off with me.”