Behind the Stars (27 page)

The water was frigid, but I used my tank top to scrub. As I sat on the bank, drying in the hot sun, I thought about everything I’d heard and seen. I’d returned to my old life, and it was about the same, if you didn’t count the wild Indians. But I wasn’t the same. And me being different while everything else remained unchanged left me feeling restless and unhappy. Like I didn’t belong here anymore. At least not in the way I used to belong.

I thought about Star coming out of Jackson’s tent, and how the fact Jackson had always swore was fiction hit me right in the face. He’d always denied anything between him and Star, always dismissed my fears, but being with Gallatin had changed something in me. I didn’t ignore things anymore, especially when they were right in my face.

I rested my chin on my knees, watching the spring water trickle by and thinking about the past, about Yolanda’s criticisms and D’Lo’s comments. Everything had changed for Jackson and me, but instead of fast like a tornado that wrecked my life all at once, it was long and slow-moving like a hurricane. Only, I’d been one of those people who’d refused to evacuate, and I’d lost everything. I’d never wanted to believe Jackson was with Star, but now, having returned to the camp and seeing what I’d seen, I knew the truth.

When I got back to Jackson’s tent, all the guys were gone, and he was alone. It was the first time we’d been just the two of us since leaving the alien camp, and he looked up when I came in and smiled. It was the same smile that used to melt my heart, but now my insides stayed solid.

“I heard you guys talking,” I said. “Dee said I should go back and try to get the others out?”

Jackson’s smile faded. “Yeah. You up for something like that? It’d be dangerous, and you’d have to do it alone.”

I wondered if he even knew how he’d gotten out of the alien camp or the role I’d played in his escape.

“I’m not afraid.” I walked over to the box they’d used as a table and looked at the map they’d scratched on the back of a piece of cardboard. It looked like he’d used a charred twig.

“As long as they’re eating, nobody at the camp can help us,” I said. “I’m not even sure they’ll be able to run.”

“Why not?” Jackson asked.

“There’s drugs in the meat.”

It was a legitimate concern, and I was hoping it’d buy Gallatin’s party time to get out.

“How’d you figure that out?” Jackson reached for my waist and pulled me down beside him on the blankets he was using for a bed.

I leaned back on his arm, and he slid a flyaway piece of hair from my eyes. In the past, I might’ve kissed him, but now his affectionate gestures fell flat.

“Flora had that bad anemia, so I was giving her my meat,” I said, sitting up and slipping my arms into my coveralls. “I think it’s the only thing they’re drugging.”

He nodded, watching me. I felt the tears rising behind my eyes at the mention of her name.

“There’s something you’re not telling me,” he said.

I sniffed and wiped my nose on my sleeve. “She died two days ago.”

“What?” He sat up fast. “How? Did those—”

“Overdose. It was my fault.” My voice was thick, my guilt heavy. “I thought I was helping her, giving her my meat, but I was... killing her.”

Jackson jumped up and pulled me to him. “It’s not your fault. It’s them. That’s why we’ve got to take them out. For what they’ve done, for Flora.”

I sniffed and shook my head. “You’re wrong about them.”

“I’m not, you’re just too kind-hearted to see the truth. It’s hard for you, being a girl and all.”

I almost laughed, but I didn’t. “And don’t forget how small I am.”

“No,” he shook his head. “You seem bigger now.”

“Like I gained weight or something?”

He smiled. “No. You’re still too skinny.”

I stood and walked over to the tarp-door. I was bigger, but it was all inside growth. And after what I’d seen and done, it was time to clear the air and stop living lies. Time to move on.

“When we got here, I noticed Star coming out of this tent.”

I heard him exhale and roll over behind me. “Did you?”

I turned and stared at his back. “How long have you two been getting together?”

“You’re not going to start with that again.”

“Jackson.” I walked to where he was lying and placed my hand on his lower back. “Don’t lie to me now. Not after all that’s happened.”

He rolled over and pulled me to him. “I love you,” he said, holding me down and pressing his mouth to mine, pushing my lips apart.

I tried to move away, but I couldn’t. He’d always been stronger than me. Finally I was able to turn my head.

“Stop,” I breathed.

In the past such a gesture might’ve excited me, but now it made me mad. I pushed against him hard and stood up. “Is this what you want? This type of life?”

“I want you. I’ve only ever wanted you.”

“Then why do you go to her?”

He exhaled loudly. “Come on, Pip. It’s not like I really slept with her, not for real. It was just... a release. That’s all. Like blowing off steam.”

All the air rushed out of me at once and no more was coming back in. My heart beat loudly in my silent head, and I felt the pressure grow behind my eyes. I thought I was ready to hear this, to know I’d been made a fool of, but now that he’d said it, that he’d confirmed my fears, I was having a physical reaction.

But it wasn’t the heartbreak, it was the loss. I’d been holding onto him since I was a kid, since I’d lost my mom. He’d taken her place as my comfort, my safety, and that rug had just been whipped out from under me so fast. I was stumbling, trying to find my new legs. And I was embarrassed.

I couldn’t believe I’d trusted him, and he’d taken advantage of my trust. That they’d all been right, and I’d refused to listen. I was so angry—over how I’d looked up to him and how he’d abused that privilege. How because of him, I’d given up something that might’ve been real and beautiful to come back here.

“I never want to see you again,” I said and walked out of the tent, tears burning my eyes. I wouldn’t let him see me cry. I wouldn’t let him misinterpret my tears as being for him. I’d grieve losing my dream, but I wouldn’t let him think I grieved losing him.

I ran back to the spring where I’d cleaned up earlier. It was late afternoon, and I was alone in the twilight. I dropped weakly onto the bank to watch the sun disappear. Golden rays reflected off the rippling currents, and I remembered Gallatin and the time we’d spent together. In that moment, I longed with everything in me to have that back.

I remembered the prayer I’d made way back on our first day of captivity, when I’d strained all my muscles hoping to push my prayer to the front of God’s line. If ever there was a time any prayer deserved priority, this had to be it. There had to be a special line for broken dreams and missed chances. For those who’d worked so hard and tried to do everything right and still lost. A way to help them regain what had to be.

The sunlight glowed amber as it slipped behind the trees, and as my damp eyes closed, I saw golden ones in my memory.

––––––––

Y
ellow-orange flames cut into the dark sky as I slowly walked back to Jackson’s camp. My mind was distracted by thoughts of Gallatin, wondering if he was even still on this planet, when I saw the huge bonfire they had built in the center of the shelters. The closer I got, the louder the noises grew. It sounded like Mardi Gras in New Orleans—not that I’d ever been that far from home. I’d only seen it on television, like most things.

Shrieks and laughter, singing and the sound of sticks banging on hollow logs or makeshift drums filled the night. I slowed my pace and carefully picked my way back to where I could see the shirtless boys, their bodies striped with animal blood, dancing around the fire. Some yelled, some chanted, and in the flashes of firelight I could see their glazed eyes. Thomas must’ve harvested that patch of wild mushrooms, and they must’ve eaten them.

At the head of the fire, higher up on an outcrop of stones jutting from the side of the hill sat Jackson with D’Lo on his right and Russell on his left. Eden hung on Dee’s arm, but I didn’t see Star with them. I wondered if she was still in Eden’s tent or if she’d already moved her things back to Jackson’s.

The revelry was in preparation for their attack on the alien camp, and for all I knew, that attack would take place tomorrow, unless D’Lo and I successfully bought some time. Watching the boys thrash about in the firelight, I felt an eerie chill. Even though I knew they’d done something to alter their mental states, I couldn’t help watching their eyes as they dipped their fingers into little pots of animal blood and smeared it on their cheeks, foreheads, and chests.

The skinny one who’d approached me with the rabbit danced to the center, holding the carcass of what looked like a beaver or possibly a raccoon over his head. He yelped and jumped up and down, and his fellow dancers circled him, pumping sticks up and down. Another rotation and he threw the animal on the ground. The boys all lifted their sticks and jammed them into it as one. A dull
thunk!
sounded and they all howled like gleeful wolves. One of them jumped forward and dipped his palm in the blood and slapped it on his chest, leaving a perfect, brownish-red handprint. My stomach roiled in my throat at the sight.

They danced on like they were possessed, and if I were Braxton, I’d probably start praying in tongues—if only for my own protection from them. They had no restraints, no reason to care about their target, and they’d been given permission to go as far as they dared.

Finally I saw movement above. Jackson stepped forward and raised both his arms. He was shirtless as well, and I watched his familiar torso, streaked with the blood of rabbit or deer, move as he commanded the attention of his bandits. I stayed in the shadows at the edge of the light. My place wasn’t on the ridge with him anymore, and I didn’t want it to be. I didn’t want to be associated with his “army.” I didn’t even recognize these boys anymore.

“The time has come for brave men to act,” he said. “Before we were born, our grandfathers fought the communists. And when our country was attacked, our fathers punished the Arabs. They fought each other, and they fought world domination.”

A loud cheer interrupted his speech, and the tribe resumed dancing. Jackson waited a moment then spoke again.

“Tonight our enemy is from beyond our world. Still, our ability to meet their challenge remains strong. We know where they are now, and we will make them
PAY
!”

The boys let out a collective war cry and jumped up and down. Dexter shook his stick in the air. Jackson continued.

“Our plan is to use our strongest natural weapon. Fire. We’ll firebomb the camps in the night while they sleep, and as they try to escape, we’ll pick them off with spears, rocks, and branches. We are not afraid to do whatever it takes to defend our country!”

More victory cries, Jackson smiled and waved his arms. Russell’s expression said he thought they were acting ridiculous, but D’Lo’s face was grim. I hoped his mind was on our friends like mine was. Eden’s eyes sparkled as she squirmed around his arm, and I could tell she was fascinated by the spectacle. I wondered where her sister was hiding. Star hadn’t spoken to me, and I hadn’t seen her since we’d walked into camp and she’d disappeared into her sister’s shelter. But I knew her personality. I was sure she was somewhere biding her time.

Jackson waved his arms, and the dancing and shouting quieted down. “We need your help!” Several voices led by Dexter shouted back. “Tell us what to do!” and “We’ll help!”

“We need glass bottles, and we need gasoline. We need rags and men with strong throwing arms. Meet at my tent tomorrow with these things when the sun reaches the center of the sky, and then we’ll prepare. In two more days, we’ll be heroes!”

Shrieks followed by a long yell of excitement gave way to more dancing and drumming on the logs and even the ground. The boys ran around the fire, whipping their heads and flailing their bodies. I couldn’t move, until I saw a guy dance too close to the fire and step into it. He yelped in pain, but he was caught up and shoved back into the circle rotating around the edge of the pyre.

At that I dropped back and made my way behind the shelters to where Jackson’s large tent was draped. I had no intention of sleeping in it, but I also knew I couldn’t sleep on D’Lo’s floor. From the looks of things, he’d have company, and I wasn’t interested in being anywhere near what was happening here. I planned to start back tonight, but when I stepped into Jackson’s tent, a little
yip!
flew from my mouth. There she was, sitting on the bed. Star’s dark eyes glittered, and she fixed me with a hateful smirk.

“So you’re back,” she said. “So what? Nothing’s gonna change.”

My heart beat fast, but I shook my head. “You can have what you want—your place, my old place, whatever. I’m leaving.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Where are you going?”

“Back. To try and save the others.”

“And how are
you
going to do that?”

I didn’t like her emphasis on the
you
, but she had a point. “I don’t know.”

My nemesis blew air through her nose and turned away. I stepped over to the box holding the maps and ran my finger down the line leading to the alien camp just as the entrance flap lifted, and Jackson, D’Lo, and Russell entered.

“Acting like fools,” Russell said.

“Dexter’s group’ll round up the supplies, and we’ll be ready by tomorrow evening.” Jackson nodded at his second in command. “Once Yolanda’s safe.”

I cut in there. “I’ll start back tonight.”

“Yeah, about that,” Jackson started, but I wasn’t letting him stop me.

“You said we couldn’t waste time.”

“I’m not sure you’re the right person for the job, Pip,” he said.

“I can do the job.”

“In the dark? Sure. That makes sense. Tell me your plan.” I didn’t like his sarcasm.

“She’ll use Gallatin,” Dee said.

Jackson frowned at him. “Who’s
Gallatin
?”

D’Lo nodded at me. “He worked with Prentiss. They got to be friends, and he let us escape. With you.”