Believe In Love (13 page)

Chapter 28

Back to Reality

Amber

              Two months has gone by since our wonderful vacation.  Mia and Evan are both doing well.  Mia is looking forward to starting high school with her new friends.  Hearing my brother and sister happy elates me.  I am comfortable with all the changes now and I am finally looking forward to the future.  Dylan and I haven’t spent one night apart since we’ve been back.  We alternate between my house and his.  The lovemaking keeps getting better.  I love that man more than anything in this world.  I’m tired of the back and forth between houses though.  I haven’t asked him to move because he’s the one with the great house.  Plus, he designed and built his own house.  Why in the world would I ask him to move into an old rundown house on the bad side of town?  It just doesn’t make any sense and I’ve just kept my mouth shut about it.

              I started school three weeks ago and I’ll admit that I’m overwhelmed.  I love my job and John is an outstanding boss.  He gives me projects to work on that allow me to expand my horizons and he teaches me so much about the business.  I’m still trying to get used to my schedule after work.  Tuesdays and Thursdays I go to two classes.  The other three classes I have are done online.  Dylan totally understands and helps in any way he can.  He cooks on the days I’m in school and helps with assignments if I need it.  He gives me space to do what I need to and doesn’t get upset if I’m too tired or too busy to be with him.  He tells me that it’s only temporary and it will all be over soon.  I don’t know what I did to deserve him but I’m glad I did it. 

              Today has been a very weird day.  I have been feeling very sluggish and every once in a while I get a sharp cramp.  I haven’t gotten my period in the last two months but I was never regular to begin with, especially when I’m stressed out.  Ever since the incident with my parents, my body has never been the same.  But today has been different.  If I make any sudden moves, the world spins and I need to hold onto something.  I wonder if I took on too much with all those classes and a full-time job.  Oh well if I did.  I will have to put up with it for another couple of months and then revamp at the end of the semester.

              I just had another dizzy spell and grab on to the conference room table to keep from hitting the floor.

              “Amber, are you okay?  You have been doing that all day.”  John asks.

              “I’m not sure.  It seems to be getting worse.  I really hope I’m not coming down with something.  I can’t afford to be sick with all the schoolwork and work here.”

              “Sit down and relax a bit.  I’m going to get you some water.”  He quickly leaves the room.  I can see that he’s concerned.  He returns a minute later with a big glass of ice water.  He hands it to me.  “Drink it slowly and don’t get up until you finish it.  If you feel dizzy again, please tell me.  I don’t want you driving like that.”

              “Thank you.”  I say and take the glass.  I take a sip of the water and sink into the chair.  “I think five minutes right here will do the trick.”

              He nods and continues working on the project.  We talk about the other projects we have pending and what deadlines we having coming up.  I quickly brief him on the last walk through that was conducted on another major building renovation. 

              “Great work Amber.  Have you had any dizziness in the last few minutes?”

              “No sir.  I think I’m okay and just needed a breather.”

              “Good.  Go on home and get some rest.  Have a good evening.”

              “Thank you.  You too.”

              I move quickly to my desk and grab my briefcase and purse.  I shut down my computer and head to the elevator.  I push the button to go down and within a few seconds, the doors open.  I step inside and the doors shut.  I hit the ‘1’ button and the elevator starts descending. 

              Suddenly, I feel a really sharp pain in my abdomen. The pain was so intense that it actually brought me to my knees.  I am grateful that I am the only one in the elevator.  My legs start to shake and the pain is getting worse.  I can’t get up.  The elevator reaches the bottom and the doors open but I can’t move.  I’m sweating now and still can’t get myself up.  I see a woman standing there.  She sees me and walks up to me.

              “Are you okay?”  She asks.

              “No.  I have very sharp pain in my abdomen and I can’t seem to get up.”  I answer. 

              She places a hand on my forehead.  “You’re burning up.”  She turns and presses the button on the panel to stop the doors from closing.  Almost immediately, a man’s voice comes over the intercom asking why the button was pushed.  The woman explains the situation and he tells her to please stay with me and that he was calling for help.

              I am still kneeling on the floor.  The nice woman turns to me again.

              “Hold on honey.  Help is on the way.”

****

              A couple of hours later, I wake up in a hospital room.  I remember being brought by ambulance to the hospital but I don’t remember what happened after the doctor started to press down on my abdomen.  I look around and realize that I’m alone.  I start to panic because I know Dylan is probably frantic that I didn’t come home.  I look around but don’t see my purse anywhere.  I push the nurse button next to me.

              The door pushes open and a short woman walks in.  She’s older and has the sweetest face.  “Hi there.  How are you feeling?”

              “I’m not in pain anymore but a little disoriented.”  I answer and she nods her understanding.

              “I’m glad about the no pain and the disorientation is normal from the sedative.  The doctor will be in shortly to explain everything to you.  Can I offer you some water or ice chips?”

              “I would love some water please.”

              “You got it.”

              “Do you know where my purse is?  I need my cell phone so I can call my boyfriend.  He must be so worried about me since I never came home.”

              “Is his name Dylan?”  She asks.

              “Yes.” 
How in the hell does she know that?

              “I’ll send him back.  He has done nothing but drive everyone crazy trying to get to you.  The doctor didn’t allow any visitors so we had to keep him in the waiting room.  He is frantic.”

              I smile and she pats my hand.  She walks out.  A few minutes later, Dylan runs into the room.  He stops when he sees me and stares.  He walks up to me slowly.

              “Hi baby.  I’m so sorry.”  I start and he puts his finger to my lips.

              “Are you okay?”  He asks.

              “I don’t know.  The doctor should be here soon.  I have no idea what happened after I got here.”

              He leans down and kisses my forehead.  “Shit.  I never want to get that phone call again.”  He whispers.  I wrap my arms around him and hug him tight. 

              “What happened?”

              I tell him what happened in the elevator and what had been happening throughout the day.  He listens intently but doesn’t interrupt.  I finish the story and look at him.

              “How did you know?”  I ask him.

              “One of the paramedics saw your business card and called the office.  John called me and we have been waiting since.”

              “I’m so sorry I scared you.”

              “That doesn’t matter.  You are okay and that’s what matters.” 

              The doctor walks in and right up to my bed.  “Ms. Mitchell, I am Dr. Peters.  I was the doctor that was attending when you got here.  You had a very high fever and your body was shaking heavily.  I had to sedate you in order to get you to relax and so that I could perform a proper exam.  After a thorough examination and follow up testing, it is confirmed that you miscarried.  I’m very sorry.”

              “What?  What are you talking about?”  I ask him.

              “Did you not know you were pregnant?” 

              “No, I didn’t.”

              “Well, I’m sorry to have to tell you this.  I need to run some additional tests and I am waiting for the OB-GYN to come down and do a complete examination.  She will be able to give you more answers.  Are you having any pain?”

              “No, not right now.”

              “I have you on some pretty strong pain meds.  If you start feel pain, please tell the nurse and she will give you more.”

              “Thank you.”

              “You’re welcome and I’ll be back later to check on you and to hear what the other doctor has to say.”

              I nod and he leaves the room. 

Chapter 29

Scary Stuff

Dylan

              When the doctor leaves, Amber looks up at me and tears fall from her eyes.  I immediately embrace her.  I cannot believe that in one simple sentence, our lives could be changed forever.  Amber miscarried a baby we didn’t even know she was carrying.  My heart is breaking.  We didn’t know about the baby but it doesn’t make the hurt of losing it easier.  Instead, it feels like I just got punched in the stomach and I can’t breathe.

              “I’m so sorry.”  Amber keeps murmuring to me.

              “Why are you apologizing gorgeous?”  I ask as I pull back so I can see her face.  Tears continue to stream down her face.

              “I couldn’t keep our baby safe.  How did I not know I was pregnant?”

              “Listen to me.”  I say and move to sit next to her on the bed.  “Some women have no symptoms and often don’t know.  It’s not uncommon.”

              She nods.  “I haven’t had any symptoms at all.  Today was the only time I felt off.”

              “See, how would you have known if you didn’t have any symptoms?”

              “I haven’t gotten my period but I didn’t think anything of it since I was never regular to begin with.”  She wipes her face.  “Why wasn’t I able to keep that baby?”

              “I don’t know but it happened.  I don’t want you beating yourself up for something you didn’t have any control of.  Even though we didn’t know it existed, we need to mourn he or she.  It wasn’t meant to be and we need to remember that.  You can mourn but please don’t blame yourself.”

              She nods her understanding and I embrace her again.  “I love you so much gorgeous.”  I tell her and she sobs into my chest.  I hold her while she gets it all out.  Tears flow from my eyes too. 

              “I love you.”  She manages and I hold her tighter.

              The door opens and a woman with a white coat walks in.  She has her hair pulled up into a tight bun and she nods when she sees us.  I nod back my understanding.

              “Sweetheart, someone is here to see you.”  I tell Amber and she looks up. 

              “I’m so sorry to interrupt.  I am Dr. Sing and I am the OB-GYN called by Dr. Peters.”  She tells Amber.

              “Oh yes.”  Amber says and I get up off the bed.  I stand next to Amber and she reaches for my hand.  I grip her hand tightly.

              “I have looked over your chart.  I’m so sorry about the miscarriage.  Unfortunately, these things happen and sometimes we have no idea why.  We drew some blood and I ordered some tests done and I was looking for a few specific levels that would point to something specific.  Your blood results came back normal.  That being said I can safely tell you that your miscarriage was just something that happened.  Nothing you did or anything specific caused it.”

              I can see Amber physically relax at the doctor’s words.  She was so afraid that she had done something to cause the miscarriage. 

              “Dr. Peters performed a DNC, which is a procedure that cleans the uterus after something like this happens.  He noted his findings and there was nothing abnormal.  Tomorrow, I will perform a sonogram of your abdomen to confirm that everything is okay.  In a month or so, I would like to see you in my office so we can make sure you are healing properly and any other concerns you may have.”  She smiles as Amber.  “Do you have any questions for me?”

              “Will I be able to conceive again?”  She asks and my heart stops at that question. 

              “I see no reason why you couldn’t.  You are perfectly healthy and this happens sometimes.”  She says and I sigh in relief. 

              “When will I be able to go home?” 

              “We are going to keep you overnight for observation.  Once I am done with my sonogram in the morning, you should be okay to leave tomorrow afternoon.”

              “Thank you.”  Amber says.

              “My pleasure.”  She says and shakes both of our hands.  I kiss Amber’s hand as the doctor leaves the room.

              “Do you feel better?”  I ask her.

              “Yes but I am heartbroken for the child we lost.”

              “I know love.  Me too.  We always will be.”

****

              I didn’t leave Amber’s side that night.  I refused to go home when she told me to.  John came to see her a little while ago and told her to take the rest of the week off to heal.  I am sitting in the chair next to her bed, watching her sleep.  My gorgeous girl keeps suffering.  I wish I could protect her from all of it but I can’t.  She is so strong.  I think I would have lost my mind by now.  I know how I’m feeling about losing a baby I never knew.  I can’t even imagine how she feels having lost her mother, her father and now our baby. 

              When I got the phone call from John saying that Amber was being taken to the hospital, I nearly lost my shit.  I wanted answers and I wanted them now.  No one was telling me anything and I lost my cool with a few of the hospital staff.  It wasn’t right on my part but I was scared.  I owe them an apology. 

              Amber and I decided not to tell our families about the miscarriage.  There is no reason to tell them now.  My mom has been all over me to propose already but I keep telling her that it isn’t the right time.  After what happened today, I’m starting to rethink waiting.  Just the thought of possibly losing her scared the hell out of me.  Now, I don’t see any reason to wait any longer.