Believing Lies (18 page)

“. . . and now I feel like a complete idiot,” I finished on an exhale.

“Holy shit balls!” she screamed. “What an asshole!”

“I basically threw myself at him, so I can’t blame it all on him. Because I was falling for him, I was dumb enough to make more out of it than it was. Seriously, other than myself, who was I really kidding?” I set my mug on the coffee table. “He just did what he always does. When you stop to think about it, I’m the asshole for expecting it to play out differently.”

“You’re NOT the asshole in this scenario, so get that thought out of your head right now,” she scolded. She scrunched her mouth to the side, biting her cheek as her eyes narrowed. I recognized this face. It was the one she made when she was deciding whether or not to tell me something.

“Spit it out, Sophie,” I demanded.

“Well . . . he didn’t do what he
always
does.”

“Huh?” Was she trying to imply he doesn’t always ditch out?

“From what Conner has told me, Adam leaves a girl’s bed immediately afterwards, and I mean IMMEDIATELY . . . As in ‘Thanks for the sex. Gotta go.’ before bolting out the door as he buckles his pants.” I cringed at the visual. “Plus, Conner said when Adam sleeps with a girl in his own bed, he kicks them out the second it’s over.” She paused, and a very puzzled expression came over her face. “I just realized that I’ve never seen it firsthand. I sleep there all the time, and I’ve never seen him bring anyone home.”

“What’s your point? I have no idea when he left. I fell asleep right away.” At least he gave me enough time to fall asleep. Apparently, I got more than most did in that respect; not that it was much of a comfort.

“He got home this morning. I know that for a fact because you weren’t the only one slamming and throwing shit around. He woke Conner and me up by slamming the front door when he walked in. We were going to just go back to sleep, but then we heard a loud smash, followed by several more, and we thought he was hurt or something . . . Nope, not hurt. We found him in the kitchen drinking brandy straight from the bottle. He was chugging that shit as if it was water.”

“What were the noises you heard?” I asked, prompting her to tell me more.

“Conner and I had some empty beer bottles on the counter from last night, and Adam had thrown them one-by-one at the wall. I’m telling you, there was glass everywhere. He didn’t even realize we were in the kitchen until Conner asked him what the hell happened.” She paused, and I almost shook her. I needed to know what his reply was. I was hanging on to the lifeline that he said something that would explain away this whole mess and make me feel better—even if just a little.

“What did he say?” Even I could hear the desperation in my voice.

“I don’t know if it’ll make it better or worse if I tell you.”

“I want to know.” I clenched my teeth and waited for the impact.

“He said he royally fucked up.” My face fell as my heart imploded. “Shit, Sienna. We don’t know what he meant by that. Maybe he meant he royally fucked up by leaving you this morning.”

I let out a small, humorless laugh. “And maybe flying monkeys are going to crash through the window and take me to Oz.” Despite the circumstance, she giggled at my comment. “Seriously though, we both know he meant that he fucked up by sleeping with me.”
He regretted it
. I must’ve been a glutton for punishment because I still wanted to know the rest. “Then what did he say?”

“That’s all he said. Conner asked him what he meant, and Adam just took a few more swigs from the brandy before throwing that at the wall too. I was actually a little scared. I had no idea what was going on. Conner started to yell at him, and Adam walked past him, checking Conner in the shoulder as he stalked off to his room. I heard his bedroom door slam so hard that I was surprised it didn’t break the hinges. Conner told me to get my shoes and purse, so he could bring me home. He said he’s seen Adam this way only one other time, and he didn’t want me around it. I didn’t want to just leave him to clean up the mess, and I knew damn well Adam wouldn’t be cleaning it himself anytime soon, so I convinced Conner to let me help with the glass before bringing me home.” She pulled one hand down her face in frustration. “I was completely baffled about what I woke up to until I came home and found you in a similar state. I saw the unopened vodka, which I’m assuming you were going to hit up next, and I kind of put two and two together.”

I felt bad that she and Conner were dragged into this. “I’m sorry this was your morning.”

She rolled her eyes. “Sienna honey, I’m sorry this was
your
morning. How do you want to handle this? Do you want me to have Conner talk to him?”

“Absolutely not,” I said firmly. “You and Conner do not need to be put in the middle. You can call and tell Conner the very short version, so he stops wondering why his friend is going ape-shit, but that’s all. No mention of feelings, or virginity, or anything like that. Just keep it simple—Adam and Sienna slept together, and Adam regrets it, so that’s why he got so upset. Promise?”

She opened her mouth but clamped it shut before saying anything. She must’ve known I was right because she nodded.

I needed to get out of the apartment. I was feeling claustrophobic all of the sudden. “Will you go to the mall with me to buy some new bedding?”

“Shopping? When have I ever said no?” she replied with a saucy smile. She knew I was ending the conversation, and I was relieved she was letting me.

“Thanks. I’m going to shower first.”

“Sounds like a good idea. I’ll go take one too. See you in a bit.”

We parted ways, each heading to our own bathroom. I changed my mind about the shower and instead took a bath. It felt good to soak in the hot water. Some of the soreness eased away from my body, but my feelings were still raw. As the water went from hot, to warm, to finally cold, I came to terms with a few things.

First, I made a colossal mistake. One that most likely ruined our friendship irrevocably.

Second, if I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. The sick thing was that, although I was paying for it now, I was actually glad I was naïve enough last night to not have foreseen this morning. I had lived in the moment, and it was the best night of my life.

Third, my reaction to him not being here today made me come to understand that I’d been wrong. I wasn’t falling in love with him. I was already there. I just hadn’t known it until now.

The final and most important realization I came to, while shivering in cold water, was that the saying about there being a fine line between love and hate was true—I now hated Adam Korbell just as much as I loved him.

***

I spent the entire rest of Saturday with Sophie. We went shopping for a new bedspread, but I ended up not only buying a beautiful, light purple bedspread with a dark purple, oriental-inspired floral pattern, but also dark purple sheets, coordinating sheer curtains, and a new lamp. We then spent four more hours buying clothes and shoes. Sophie found a pair of red strappy stilettos. She told me I could have her other pair since I loved them so much. I knew she was trying to be nice and thoughtful, but it sent a pang of sadness through me. I remembered the last night I’d worn those red shoes and how Adam referred to them as “fuck-me-shoes.” I pushed the flirty and playful memory away with a quick flash of waking up to an empty bed. Instantly, I was scorned and bitter once more.

Retail therapy wasn’t cutting it, so Sophie suggested we go grab lunch. Eating had no appeal, but I forced myself to finish my burger, so that Sophie wouldn’t question me. I kept on a happy face the entire time for her sake.

We went home and put our purchases in our rooms, without taking anything out of the bags, and met back in the living room. Wanting to just relax, I searched through Sophie’s extensive movie collection for something to veg-out to. I shuffled through the cases, passing by romance movie after romance movie. I would rather poke my eye out than watch anything romantic. Finally, I chose
Super Troopers
, which is one of Sophie and my favorite comedies. I really needed a good laugh.

Halfway through the movie, Sophie’s phone went off. She picked it up from the coffee table and glanced at the screen: Conner. She was going to let it go to voicemail, but I wasn’t about to let her mess up things with Conner because of me.

“You should answer that,” I urged. “We’ve seen this movie a billion times, so it’s not like you’re going to miss anything.”

She seemed wary. “Yeah, okay. I’ll be right back.”

Call me childish and pathetic, but as soon as she went into her room to talk to Conner, I snuck down the hall and stood outside of her cracked door. I wanted to get any info possible without her knowing how desperate I was.

“It’s weird, but she seems totally fine,” I heard her tell Conner. “She hasn’t mentioned him at all . . . Really? . . . No kidding . . . I can’t believe he went off on you like that. What a jerk! . . . I’m sorry, Conner, but he IS being a jerk. He shouldn’t talk to you that way . . . I don’t care how drunk he is. Where is he now? . . . Still?! . . . We went shopping and to lunch. Now we’re watching a movie . . . I don’t know. Maybe she got over it already . . . Either that or she’s doing a good job of pretending that it’s no big deal . . . I know I told you that she was a mess this morning! Wait, you didn’t tell him that, did you?” she questioned in a hushed yet sharp tone. “Good . . . Yep . . . I think it’s best if he stays away from her for a while too . . . We both knew it was going to happen sooner or later. All of the signs were there. I just thought it would be later . . . He told you she was a virgin!” she snapped. “I was hoping he didn’t know. Please don’t tell her you know. It’s not something she advertises, and I think she’d be embarrassed if she knew he told you.”
No crap that’s embarrassing! Why the heck would he tell Conner that? Adam’s such a big mouthed asshole
. There was a long pause where Sophie was listening, but not commenting.
Dammit, this is getting frustrating. One sided conversations suck
. “I know, I know. I’ll come visit you at work tomorrow. Love you too.”
Love you? Whoa, she’s never told a boyfriend that before
. “Bye.”

I quickly scurried back to the couch before she opened her door and came back to join me. I spent the rest of the movie trying to decipher what I’d heard, but it was like trying to put together a puzzle when some of the pieces were missing. I wished I knew the whole conversation, but there was no way I was going to ask her.

As soon as the movie credits started to roll, I said I was tired and went to my room. I turned on my light, and to my dismay, I saw the large bags holding my new bedding. I hadn’t thought far enough ahead to throw them in the washer when we got home, and I didn’t like to sleep on bedding that I hadn’t washed first. I went to the hall closet and grabbed the bedspread and sheets that had been on the bed when my room was still the guest room. I changed the sheets and grabbed a pillow. I held it under my chin while I pulled off the old pillowcase and pulled on the new one. I tossed it back on the bed and grabbed the second pillow and brought it to my chin. The smell of sandalwood and soap broke through all of the defenses that I had carefully constructed since the moment I got out of the bathtub this morning. I went to pull off the pillowcase that carried Adam’s scent, but my fingers refused to tug. I just couldn’t do it. I slammed the pillow back onto the bed with a huff. I tossed the bedspread on with little care.

I stripped down to my panties, put on a cami, and shut off the light before crawling into bed, furious at myself for being so weak. Why was I going to torture myself? I rolled over and smelled the pillow, inhaling deeply. Like a child would cling to a teddy bear, I clutched the pillow close to my chest. My anger at myself, at him, at this whole situation was only a mask covering the sadness underneath. Tears fought behind my eyelids to break free.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Fight it!
The tears that I refused to shed didn’t give a crap about what I wanted. The fight lost, my pillow was saturated within seconds.

Chapter Fifteen

The following morning, I awoke with my arms still around the pillow, embracing it tightly. Still sleepy, I pulled it to my face and nuzzled my cheek on the soft fabric, allowing myself to get lost in the scent that still lingered there.
Adam
. My eyes popped open.
What am I doing?
In a knee-jerk reaction, I threw the pillow from my bed. I closed my eyes and tried to will myself back to sleep, but it was pointless. I sat up and looked at the pillow lying on the floor.
I should burn it
. Okay, burning it would be extreme. I just needed to wash the damn pillowcase.
Goodbye, Adam. Hello, Downy
. I got out of bed and snatched up the pillow. I took a step toward my bedroom door and froze.
Don’t be weak, Sienna!
I let out a sigh that was so long and dragged out that it sounded as if I was deflating. I turned around and very gently placed it back on my bed.
I should kick my own ass
. My mental ass kicking was postponed by the sound of my phone. I looked at the screen and groaned before answering.

“Good morning, Mother.”

“Good morning, Sienna. I’m calling you because your aunt, Constance, invited us for a visit.” That she felt it necessary to clarify that Constance was my aunt was ridiculous. As if I knew so many women by the name of Constance that I needed her to specify she was talking about her sister.

I couldn’t stand more than five minutes in Constance’s presence. Plus, she lived in Minnesota, which would equal a few hours stuck in a car with my mother. These were the two reasons that the words “No thanks” hung on the tip of my tongue. “How long would it be for?” I inquired instead.

“Until Friday.”

“I can’t. Courtney is coming back on Thursday, and we all have plans.” I had a legitimate reason to decline, so I didn’t even have to make up a fake excuse as I’d done in the past.

Like a used car salesman, she decided to lower the price to make the sale. “That’s alright. I would love for you to join us, so I’m willing to cut our time short and have you back by Wednesday evening.”