Believing Lies (34 page)

ME: I never cheated on you. It’s your baby. Call me please. I love you.

As I drove toward Adam’s house, I called Sophie and explained what happened. She told me she was with Courtney, Conner, and Zach at The Turning Point and would get Conner to leave with her right away.

They were in the living room when I entered the house. I stopped abruptly when I saw the tears on Sophie’s face and the pissed off look on Conner’s.

Conner pointed directly at me. “You fix this,” he ordered.

“I’m trying. I’m so very sorry.” I watched his face slightly soften. “Please tell me he’s here,” I begged.

He slouched his shoulders and shook his head. “I haven’t seen him, and his phone is off.”

I fell into Sophie’s waiting arms, and we held each other tightly. The tears I’d kept at bay on the way over escaped once more, saturating her shoulder. I kept apologizing over and over between labored breaths. I was such a child, thinking that by saying I was sorry enough, everything would magically be better.

She tried to console me. “Courtney is going to stay at The Turning Point in case he shows up there. Zach called his roommate and told him to call us if Adam went to their house, and he’s going to start going to various bars to look for him.”

Conner was on his phone with God knows who, asking if they’d seen Adam.

“You told Courtney and Zach?” I asked Sophie.

“Yes. I’m sorry, but they needed to know if they were going to help.”

“I understand.” We let go of each other, and I took a step back. “Oh my God, Sophie. He hates me so much right now. I messed up everything.”

Conner ended his call and was leaning against the wall, arms crossed. “You should have told him the truth a long time ago,” he said matter-of-factly.

I started to hyperventilate. Sophie grabbed my hands in hers. “Honey, you need to calm down. This isn’t good for the baby. You need to think about the baby right now.” She was right. I needed to focus on the baby. Somehow I forced myself to calm my breathing. I sat on the couch and hung my head in my hands. Sophie sat next to me and began to soothingly rub circles on my back. “There you go. Deep breaths. He may just be driving around and will walk through the door any minute. We just need to wait.”

“Screw waiting. I’m going to look for him.” Conner grabbed his keys off the coffee table. “Sienna?” I looked up and found his face full of concern. “She’s right, go lay down on his bed and keep yourself as calm as possible.”

I nodded once.

“I’m going to try to find my best friend before he does something really stupid.”

“I’ll call you if he shows up or if I hear anything,” Sophie told him.

“Thanks,” he clipped out. He paused for a moment. “Don’t leave before I get back. We have a lot to talk about.”

She stiffened, and I could see the unshed tears glossing her eyes. “Are you going to break up with me?” she asked him, panic in her voice.

A look of deep pain crossed his face. “Why would you jump to that conclusion? I’m mad at you. Dammit, Babe, I am so fucking mad at you right now, but that doesn’t mean we’re breaking up.”

During all of my selfish lies, I never really thought through how Conner would react when he knew Sophie had been keeping this secret for me. Now their relationship was affected, and I was the asshole who was responsible.

***

It was pitch black when I woke. Adam’s pillow was still wet, so either I was crying in my sleep or I hadn’t been asleep for very long. I found my phone still clenched in my hand, so I slid the bar. It was quarter to one. I used the light from my phone to navigate to the bedroom light switch and opened the door. The living room light was on, but the room was empty. I could hear Sophie and Conner talking from behind his door, but couldn’t make out what they were saying.

I went to the bathroom on autopilot, and then went back to Adam’s bed. I left the light on, hoping it would help keep me awake. I tried calling his phone again, only to go straight to voicemail. This time I left a message.

“Adam, I wish you’d answer your phone. I never did, and never would, cheat on you. I’m pregnant with
your
baby,” I explained, my voice wavering. “What you heard was out of context. Trenton found out I was pregnant and came to find out if it was true.” I hesitated. “I love you. I am so desperately in love with you.” I choked back a sob. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the baby. I was scared you’d leave me. I was scared you would stay for the wrong reasons. Hell, I was just scared.” My voice had become so strangled, I could barely continue. “I’m at your house. Please come home.”

I laid back down and started to look through pictures on my phone. Lots of pictures of Adam laughing, smiling, or giving me some goofy face or smirk. Pictures of us together, looking so happy and in love. I finally pushed my phone into the pocket of my hoodie, and I nestled my face into his pillow and inhaled his familiar scent.

I shot up like a bullet when his doorknob turned. I felt a mixture of relief and anxiety as I watched him stagger into the room. I could smell the heavy scent of alcohol. He didn’t even notice me initially, but when he did, he stumbled and used the wall to right himself.

“Thank God you’re back. I’ve been so worried.” I began to move toward the end of his bed, so I could get up to help him.

“I don’t care. In fact, I don’t care about you at all,” he said coldly. “Get the hell out of my room.”

I tried to keep my voice calm as I said, “No. I’m not going anywhere until you let me explain. You need to listen.”

“I don’t need to do shit,” he told me, his words slurring together. “You know what, you actually did me a favor. Now I can stop pretending and go back to having fun.” He stumbled backwards a little and ended up in the doorway, using the doorknob for support. “You have your secrets. Well, guess what? I have a few of my own.” A wicked sneer twisted his lips. “For starters, you were just convenient. You were always around thanks to your cousin. You had a tight little body and the whole good girl thing going on, and frankly I was bored with the randoms. I wanted to see if I could corrupt you.” He winked at me. This wasn’t the fun, flirty, cocky wink I’d grown to love. Nope, this was a “fuck you” wink. Before I could even form a coherent response, he continued to lay into me. “You were a challenge, and I don’t back down from a challenge. It was so easy to make you think it was your choice to sleep with me. Shit, you played right into my hand.”

I tried to squelch the crushing pain in my chest. “Please stop, Adam,” I pleaded. “I know I hurt you, but you don’t mean any of that.”

He laughed, a bitter bark of a laugh. “Oh, but don’t I? Around the clock sex with the little virgin who turned into my own personal nympho. Every guy’s wet dream, right?”

“But you said you loved me,” I breathed out, swallowing the lump in my throat

I swore I saw pain flicker in his eyes, but then it was gone. “You were getting bitchy and needy, so I said it to keep you in line,” he explained flippantly.

I thought back to the pictures on my phone. “No. I don’t believe you. You’re trying to hurt me, and it’s working.” My gaze pinned him. “But what we have is real.”

He looked at me with a mixture of anguish and fury. “No, it isn’t!” he yelled.

Conner and Sophie appeared behind him. Conner touched his shoulder, but Adam jerked away. “Dude, you’re totally wasted. You need to stop talking. You’re not seeing the whole picture.”

He shook his head. “Nah, man. I may be drunk, but I see crystal fucking clear.”

Sophie tried to reason with him by saying, “Adam, please stop. You need to listen to Sienna. You love her. You know you do.”

“That’s where you’re all wrong!” he bellowed. He took a few steps toward me and held his eyes to mine in a steady, unwavering stare. “I don’t love you. I loved
fucking
you, but I guess so did Trenton.” I winced as his words stabbed deep. He cocked his eyebrow and smiled. “I got to pop your cherry, and he got to pop a bun in your oven. I certainly got the better end of that deal.” Cold, harsh, humor laced his tone, and he chuckled to himself. “Shit, instead of punching the guy, I should be thanking him. I dodged a fucking bullet.”

Conner held Sophie back from charging at Adam.

My heart was imploding from the force of his vehement rejection. I got off of his bed—the bed that I’d never spend one more second in—and took the few steps necessary to come face-to-face with him.

“You dodged a bullet? Is that how you really feel?” I asked, my voice shaking.

He seemed reluctant to answer. As I waited for his response, a lone, traitorous tear escaped my eye. Adam’s hand went to my cheek, and he very gently brushed the tear away. The rest of my tears began to flow freely. I looked at him through my blurry eyes and wet lashes and found his expression looked tortured—absolutely tortured. I could tell he was warring with himself.

“You’re breaking my heart,” I breathed out.

He snapped his hand back like my skin had just burned him. He leaned in close to my ear, and the smell of alcohol assaulted my senses. “Good. I hope it fucking shatters. I thank my lucky stars I was smart enough to wear a rubber every time.” It was a whisper; a harsh, brutal whisper.

He got his wish; my heart shattered into a million jagged pieces. I must have died, because I had just been thrown into my own personal Hell. I was destroyed. He had destroyed me, heart and soul.

I stretched my fingers across Adam’s chest and forcefully pushed him away from me. He stumbled backwards and swayed until he found his balance. Conner released Sophie, and I took her by the hand.

“Will you drive me home, please? I don’t think I’m up to driving right now.” My voice was calm, almost completely detached.

She squeezed my hand. “Of course, honey. Come on.”

Conner stepped in front of us at the doorway. “Sienna, he’s hurt, and he’s drunk. He’s lying. I know how he feels about you. You mean the world to him.”

I choked back a sob. “I wish I could believe that.”

Conner looked toward his friend sadly before looking back to me. “Please tell him. I don’t want to be the one to do it.”

I gave him a solemn nod. This was my responsibility. It had to be me. I turned to Adam, who was staring at me completely emotionless.

“I loved you with everything I had, and I gave you everything I had to give. I’ve never slept with anyone else,” I explained, keeping my voice resigned to prevent it from wobbling. “The condom didn’t work. I’m having
your
baby.”

I watched the blood drain from his face. He slammed his fist into the wall so hard he punched straight through. Sophie and I jumped, startled by his reaction. His knuckles came out bloody, and he clenched his hurt hand to his stomach.

The agony that I felt all the way to my bones was crushing me. I couldn’t watch or take any more. Conner moved out of the doorway, so Sophie and I could leave the room. He gave me the most sympathetic look imaginable as we passed. I didn’t deserve his sympathy.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

With my head slumped against the cold glass of Sophie’s passenger side window, I watched the bright lights of the city passing by and tried to numb myself to the excruciating pain in my chest. But my efforts were futile. It hurt. It hurt like a bitch. However, I hadn’t cried a single tear since I left Adam’s house, and I was hoping to keep the waterworks at bay for as long as possible.

Sophie had tried to talk to me when we first got in her Jeep, but I told her I just wanted to be left alone. Talking would lead to crying, of that I was certain. The radio was off, and the silence provided its own form of solace. It was already very early in the morning, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. Well, not exactly. I really wanted to drown myself in a bottle of tequila, but that obviously wasn’t an option.

I didn’t pay attention to anything else from the moment we pulled into the parking level of our apartment until we were right outside of our door. I’d been too busy trying to keep my mind blank.

“What the hell?” Sophie wondered out loud.
Oh, yeah, the pizza
.

We got the garbage can and some cleaner and went to work. I took some of my frustration out on the sponge as I scrubbed at the now dried and crusty sauce. Sophie assessed the damage to the door, finding it was fairly minor. We could wait to call the superintendent until after we woke up to have it fixed. We parted ways with a long hug and drawn out “goodnight.”

Once in my room, I violently pulled off my clothes and threw them in the hamper. I put on a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a T-shirt and flipped off the light. Exhausted, I crawled into bed and laid down my head.
Sandalwood and soap
. I breathed in deep and let the memories flood in: every kiss, every touch, every look, and every promise.
I’m such a fucking idiot!
He was right; he played me so easily because, even in my memories, I was fooled. Not once did I ever question his sincerity. I’d truly believed he loved me as much as I loved him—only to find out it was all a colossal joke, with me being the ultimate punch line.

I felt the hot tears escape my closed eyes. I climbed out of bed and turned on my light. I looked at my bed, and my mind played a sick, cruel joke. I pictured Adam, laying there with a playful smile on his lips. I blinked, and he was gone. I wanted him gone permanently, so I let every horrible and hateful thing he said tonight slice into me over and over again like a razor blade. I felt every word slash and rip at my very soul until it was completely and utterly shredded—until every part of me was mangled, and nothing was left but a bloody mess.

I sat on the edge of my bed, tightly gripping my comforter, and began to shake. I was falling in a horrible tailspin, about to crash and burn. Unable to keep it in any longer, I got off my bed, sank to my knees, and freaked the fuck out. Clutching my head in my hands, I screamed like a crazy woman. I had a total mental breakdown as I screamed over and over again, my fingers tugging my hair until my scalp burned. Anger and shame rolled through me in uncontrollable waves of burning hot lava. I felt helpless, and I loathed the feeling. I picked up my lamp, ripping the cord from the wall, and threw it at my mirror. As I watched the glass splinter and crash to the ground, I remembered.