Beloved Purgatory (Fallen Angels, Book 2) (14 page)

The angel was still there, staring. He didn't appear
to be surprised that I was spying on him. Actually, he didn't have
any reaction at all.

I started to laugh. I would have stopped if I could
since it seemed rude, but I couldn't help it. I doubled over and
gripped my stomach. He'd stand out there all night, wouldn't he?
Glittering and staring at my window like a lost puppy.

Well, only if that lost puppy had big, inexpressive
eyes, never felt cold, and needed no love. But if that was the
case, why had I gotten up to check on him? Why couldn't I go back
to bed? Why did sleep still elude me?

It started to rain. My arms instinctively wrapped the
quilt around myself tighter.
He can't feel cold
, I reminded
myself.
He isn't crying. He doesn't cry. Those are just
raindrops running down his cheeks.

It was a horrific thought--a man, standing alone in
the rain, unfeeling as rain streamed down his face. A man whose
eyes never left mine--whose thoughts never wandered from me. And
then me, warm in my bed, trying my best to ignore him.

His hair was darkened a bit from the rain--a
tarnished gold. I pressed my finger to the windowpane. It fogged up
a bit around it, like a smoky halo. "You're not a puppy," I
whispered. Why couldn't I tear my gaze away from those big, wet,
blue eyes?

Oh Hell. I knew I was going to regret this, but then
again I'd probably regret anything I did in this situation. I
dropped the quilt over my shoulders, shoved the papers on my desk
onto the floor and put my laptop on my chair. Then I belly-flopped
onto my desk and groaned as I pushed the window open.

Real attractive, Devi, I thought as I bared my teeth
and pulled up with all my unimpressive might. Thank God only the
angel could see me.

"Get in here!" I yelled.

He frowned. "But you said--"

"Get in here!" I repeated, louder. "I can't hold this
stupid window open forever."

As those words left my mouth, I realized that I could
leave my window open forever. In fact, it probably would be open
forever, because the thing was stuck and I couldn't get it
shut.

"Get up here and help me close it," I demanded
angrily, as if it was somehow his fault.

The angel materialized next to me. I screamed, waved
my arms around, and rolled onto the floor. Luckily my head hit the
wall instead of my trashcan. Unfortunately, it still hurt like
Hell.

My eyes rolled to the back of my head. "Don't sneak
up on me, please," I moaned.

"Devi, are you alright?" I cracked my eyes open just
in time to see his bright fingertips wave in front of my face like
glow sticks.

"Let me heal you," he begged.

No.
It was the first thought that popped into
my head, but for some reason I said: "Okay."

He sucked in a breath. The wall suddenly felt too
hard on my back, and the room too small. The only light in that
cramped space between my desk and the corner came from his soft,
glowing skin, and the only sound was the rain relentlessly hitting
the roof and pavement.

He brushed the hair from my face with his damp
fingers. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. I didn't want to say it twice. Luckily, it
turned out he needed no further encouragement.

He rested his hands on either side of my head,
lifting my face closer to his. Even before light emanated from his
body like a night blooming flower, my vision began to blur. I think
because some part of me couldn't stand to look at him when he was
so near. His severe features possessed a beauty that seemed to have
nothing to do with Heaven or Earth. I thought of that little bit of
humanity as Camael.

But there was no real Camael, only the perfect face
God had sculpted, and a body that was repulsed by the natural world
even though it contained its most desirable features. That was what
bothered me the most--that my mortal heart could find a mirage more
moving than what was real.

He tilted back my head. Beyond his aqua eyes I saw
his wings spread open, and that familiar, haunting light spilled
over us.
No
, I thought, as my jaw trembled open. The light
quickly rushed into my mouth. I gasped, allowing it into my
lungs.

It pumped through my veins, seeping into my skin.
Bliss--undiluted and unqualified. I couldn't shut my eyes, couldn't
stop looking at him. I caught a glimpse, then, of what it would be
like to feel something in its entirety, without the restrictions of
a body--what pure beauty truly was.

My hands rose through the light and clutched his
wrists.
Stay with me. I want to be in your arms forever.
I
didn't know where that voice came from. It wasn't mine, but it
hummed through me, overtaking my consciousness and leaving me with
an intense, consuming desire I knew I could never fulfill.

And then he let go.

His damp fingers left trails of water on my cheeks. I
pressed my own hands to them, wiping them away.

What just happened? He'd healed me--that much I
knew--but he'd done something else. Ecstasy still flooded my veins.
The intimacy with which he'd held me had branded itself into my
memory. I didn't want any part of that light that blinded me to all
else, even love.

How could I tell Oz what had just happened? That I'd
asked for it? And would he even understand if I tried? I didn't
even understand it. Oh God, why had I asked him to heal me? It
hadn't been a terrible pain--just a light pounding in my head, and
a soreness in my muscles.

Forget it, Devi. It was nothing. It meant
nothing.

I looked up. The angel crouched over me. His chest
rose and fell rhythmically, unaffected by how close we'd been. "Do
you feel better?"

Of course that would be all he'd ask.

A few raindrops fell from his nose to the center of
my chest.

"You're getting me wet," I said.

His eyes darkened. My pulse spiked.
No. No. I did
not just say that
. But I had said it. I'd just told a heavenly
being that he made me wet.
Gross, Devi. Get ahold of
yourself.

"I don't mean it that way," I blurted out. "I just
mean that, you know, you're raining on me."

He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me up. My
cheek smashed into his chest. "Hey, what do you think you're--"

He set me down on my feet, stepping back.

"I'm sorry for raining on you," he said with a
completely straight face.

I searched his face for any sign of humor, but didn't
find it. The angel was completely serious. He wasn't teasing. He
was sorry for "raining on me."

Though my lips twitched, I tried to answer him just
as sincerely. "It's okay. I shouldn't have made you go outside. It
was mean."

"You can send me anywhere, as long as it isn't too
far from you."

"Well, that kind of limits my options, doesn't it?" I
muttered as I glanced over at the desk. "Damn!"

The angel stepped back. "What is it?"

"The window! Shut it!" I called out as I grabbed a
towel off the floor and flung it over my desk.

He reached over the desk and shoved it silently and
effortlessly.

I mopped up the rest of the water that had pooled up
on my desk. Thank God I'd moved my laptop.

"Thank you," I murmured, then: "But you're still
wet!"

"I don't mind," he said. Beads of water still clung
to his forehead and cheeks. He made no effort to wipe them away,
and it bothered me.

"Well I do, especially when it's all over the floor
and..." I couldn't continue. Obviously I didn't care about the
floor. If I did, I'd clean once in a while. No, I just didn't like
thinking of him being cold, even if I knew he couldn't feel it.

I grabbed the quilt and threw it over his shoulders.
"There," I whispered as I crossed the front of it over his chest.
He looked absolutely ridiculous decked out in baby blue and Barbie
pink squares, kind of like a teddy bear superhero.

"Now you're quilt is wet," he said.

"Part of it is yours, too," I said without
thinking.

He frowned.

"I just mean that my grandma made it for me and Kai
and..." I couldn't finish, or even look at him anymore. I tapped
the quit--well, actually his shoulder, and turned around so he
couldn't see my face.

"You can sleep in the closet tonight," I
whispered.

I cringed. The closet was a step up from the lawn, I
guess, but it just sounded bad. Like Cinderella's evil stepmother
bad.

"Are you sure that's alright?"

I groaned. Did he have to act like Cinderella--all
happy to slave away for me and dedicate his life to my comfort and
stand for twelve hours in cramped, stuffy spaces?

"It's fine," I said, then threw myself down on my
bed. "Just be sure to keep the door shut," I yelled into my
pillow.

For a moment there was silence, and then a soft:
"Thank you."

***

The sound of clucking chickens woke me up the next
morning.

Kim
, I thought as I swung my arm over my eyes
and reached blindly for my cell phone. She'd set the ring tone to
that a few months ago, and I still hadn't figured out how to change
it. The first time it had gone off I'd been eating
Dim Sum
with my mom, and one of the servers had just plopped a bowl of
chicken feet on the table.

I'd just about had a heart attack and, needless to
say, hadn't eaten any.

"I can't believe you're calling this early on a
Saturday," I grumbled.

"Devi, it's noon. Like a quarter past noon."

I rolled on my side. "Whatever," I said. I didn't
even have enough energy to be upset that I was beginning to sound
like her.

I opened my eyes.

I shrieked.

Camael rushed forward and put his hand over his
mouth. "It's alright, Devi. It's just me."

I gave him the wild eyes. Yeah,
just him
watching me sleep, which I explicitly told him not to, and then
muffled my screams.

I guess there was a good reason for that last bit,
though. It wasn't like I wanted anyone else to hear. How would I
explain my outburst?

I picked up the dropped phone.

"Devi! Devi! What is it!" My friend wailed on the
other line.

"Uh, it was nothing. I just saw a cat."

Kim sighed. "Wait, you screamed because you saw a
cat?"

I cringed. She had a right to be skeptical. I loved
cats. I would probably have at least ten by now if my mom wasn't
still mourning the death of our last one.

"You didn't sound happy. I thought there was a
strange guy in your room."

I bit the insides of my cheeks, staring at Camael.
Well, that is why I'd screamed, but I couldn't tell her that.

"Well, just a cat."

A pause. "Right. Where was this cat, exactly?"

"I saw it out the window."

"You saw a cat outside, and you got scared? Devi,
aren't you still in bed? You can't even see out your window clearly
from your bed."

She had me there. "I saw a shadow of a cat walking
around on the floor."

"Can this cat fly?"

Damn her inquisitiveness! Couldn't she just let it
go? "Well, I thought it was a ghost cat. Or a ninja cat. Or ghost
ninja cat."

"Ghost ninja cat?" She repeated slowly. I cringed.
This was just getting worse and worse.

I heard a sigh from the other end. "You're pretty
crazy, you know that?"

Yeah, I knew it. I didn't say anything though. Just
glared at the angel for making me sound like an idiot.

"Anyways I'm glad you're okay," she said.

"Me too," I whispered, then continued in my most
upbeat voice: "So what are you doing tonight?"

"Was going to Brenda's Halloween party. But I can't,
because, you know, I padded the quarterback's car. I'm a little
afraid to face everybody."

Yay! She had to be a loser on Halloween, which meant
she would hang out with me. "Well why don't you chill with me and
Jasmine?" I asked.

Kim inhaled sharply. Then there was a long pause.
"Jasmine?"

"Yeah. You don't like Jasmine?"

"It's not that I don't like her. I just...Devi, are
you actually alright with taking the blame for what happened? I
mean, I should have been punished too."

I bit my lip. I couldn't tell her that my punishment
included weekly meetings with Forneus. She would probably burst
into the principal's door and demand to be punished as well if I
let that slip.

"Kim, you have too much to lose, and I don't have
anything to lose. I mean, I doubt any of the colleges I apply to
will care that I got into a little trouble for pulling a harmless
prank. You're colleges though..."

I could hear her flicking something--probably her
nails against her bedside table. Kim often did that when she was
upset. "I just don't like it. You were the one who hesitated at
first, who told me to think it over, and I just rushed into
it."

"Yeah, well, I don't regret it at all. We had fun." I
found myself smiling, for some reason.

"It's doubly worse with Jasmine. I don't even know
Jasmine. She might be really hurt..."

"I don't think Jasmine minds," I replied.

"You can't just say that!" Kim's voice was starting
to get a little loud. "Jasmine has been home schooled, for Christ's
sake. She's the new kid." There was a rustling in the background,
and then I heard her muffled voice: "Oh God, I took advantage of
the new kid."

I paused to think of what to say next. I couldn't
just go on as if nothing had happened. Kim was sensitive to those
sorts of things because she had been new once. At that time I'd
been the one to take her under my wing--or rather, she'd forced
herself under it.

"I just can't face her," Kim said.

"That's just cruel," I whispered. "You can't abandon
her like that when she has no friends."

"I know, but what am I going to say, though?"

"Don't worry about it. Jasmine isn't like that."