Besieged (33 page)

She places her hand on my forearm. "I know you love her, and I truly think you can make her happy Theo. God knows she deserves some happiness." She smiles warmly at me. "That's why I'm telling you this. I'm hoping it might help you to see why she didn't tell you. She's going to need you over the next few weeks. Lilly is a closed book, and there is a lot more to the story. I hope that one day she tells you, but be warned it's not pretty. All you can do is respect her for what she's overcome. She hates weakness and loathes pity. Remember that."

"I doubt she'll even want to see me after today." I swallow hard, crippled by the prospect that I may have messed up irrevocably.

"Lilly will do what Lilly does best, she'll push you away because you hurt her, exactly the same as you pushed her away because she hurt you. You should know by now that Lilly is worth fighting for." I can see how much Molly loves Lilly. "I've known her for twenty years Theo, she's never been happier than with you."

"Thanks Molly. I will fight." I promise her.

It turns out that fighting is really difficult when the person you're fighting for won't see you. I make an appointment with Josh on Thursday to try and see her. When I arrive at his office he tells me she's taken annual leave for the remainder of the week.

I try her at the flat. I call her. I email her. Nothing. Molly keeps me updated on how she is via the occasional text, but that's the only contact I have to Lilly's life.

By Friday night I've fallen into a deep depression. I feel as though the best part of my life has just vanished and all that's left is the benign details. It's as though all the colour has been washed from my world, leaving me in muted tones of grey.

My phone rings, shrill through the silence of my living room. The display reads Hugo.

"Hugo, I told you I'm not coming out." I say curtly.

"Theo. Look, I'm at the club." He pauses. "Lilly's here. Mate, she's absolutely wasted. Molly's just come to find me. She can't get her to stop." His voice is as serious as I've ever heard.

"Well fucking cut her off. Jesus Hugo." I grit my teeth.

"I have, but well let’s just say the sharks are circling. They keep buying her bloody drinks. I've already had four kicked out, but they just keep coming. She won't listen to me or Molly. That girl is on serious self-destruct mode Theo. You need to get the fuck down here."

"For fuck’s sake. Give me ten minutes."

"Thank you." He sounds relieved.

I leave the Range Rover parked on the curb right outside the club, before jumping out and jogging inside. The bass of the music thrums through my body, the flashing of strobe lights and coloured lasers across the dance floor daze my senses. I turn when I feel a hand on my arm. Molly's face is white. She looks like she's been crying.

"Molly. Are you okay?" I ask, concerned.

"Theo. I'm so glad you're here." Before I can reply she throws her arms around my neck and hugs me. "Thank you." She says against my shoulder. I push her back and look at her face.

"Molly, where is she?"

She points across the dance floor. At first I don't see her, until I spot the form of a woman slumped and being physically held up by a man. Another man stands close behind her.

Once again, the familiar rage of the past few days surfaces. A rage that only she has the ability to rile in me, derived form a fierce need to protect her. I feel it burn through my veins. Except this time I have a target for it. An outlet.

"Molly, follow me." I say coldly.

I storm across the dance floor with one thing in mind.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Theo no!" I hear Hugo's voice nearby, but I'm too focused to turn away. I don't even break stride as I pull my elbow back and drive my fist forward with all my force into the face of the guy behind her. He goes down hard and doesn't move.

"Ah, shit." Hugo appears beside me. I turn to look at the guy still holding Lilly. She's slumped forward, barely able to hold her own weight.

"I'm going to give you three seconds. If you're still fucking touching her you're a dead man." I roar over the music.

I wrap an arm around her waist and pull her backwards against my chest. The guy steps away, holding his hands up before seeing to his unconscious friend.

I brush the hair off of her face and look at her, her eyes are shut as her body falls limp in my arms. "Theo." She says so quietly I can barely hear her.

"Its okay sugar, I've got you." I scoop her up and hold her against my chest as I carry her out of the club.

She mumbles incoherently, but otherwise makes no attempt to move.

"Is she Okay?" Molly jogs along beside me, her heels clicking along the pavement.

"She's unconscious. I'll make sure she's okay." I say shortly, because I don't want to shout at Molly, but right now I want to just for letting her get into this state.

"Okay." She whispers. "Thanks Theo." I nod.

I recline the passenger seat of the Range Rover and lay Lilly down on it. I brush her hair to the side and stroke her cheek. The feisty, take no shit woman seems so far away now and it breaks my heart.

When I get her home I carry her to bed. I take off her dress and manage to dress her limp body in one of my T-shirts. I climb into bed with her and hold her, wishing desperately that I could shield her from all the shit the world has already inflicted on her.

I'm cooking dinner when Lilly finally steps into the living area. She's been out cold all day. Her eyebrows are pulled together in confusion.

"Hey." I say, trying to break the silence.

"Hey." Her voice is raspy. "How...Why am I...?" She stammers.

"Hugo called me last night. Asked me to come and get you. He was worried." I say curtly whilst still cutting veg.

"I...I can't remember." She stares at a spot on the ground. "Thank you." She whispers before turning to descend the stairs again.

"What were you thinking Lilly?" I say through gritted teeth, trying hard not to allow my anger to surface. "Anything could have happened to you last night." She stills, her back still turned toward me. Her shoulders stiffen.

"I just needed to forget again." She whispers. I say nothing. She sounds so lost. "It’s easier to pretend it never happened.” She pauses. “Any of it. So I got drunk, and I forgot..." She takes a step toward the stairs.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

She stops and glances over her shoulder. "Home." She says quietly.

"Lilly." I say her name, my voice breaking, one word with a thousand different words hiding behind it, words I wish I could tell her.

She takes a deep breath, her shoulders rising and falling. "Please don't. I can't do this Theo." Her voice is a broken whisper which rips my chest open.

"Look I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what happened to you, more than you can possibly know. And I'm so fucking sorry for the way I reacted to it. I just...I want to protect you from anything that would hurt you. I was hurt that you didn't tell me. I thought you trusted me." I inhale shakily. I step around the kitchen counter and toward where she stands at the top of the stairs with her back to me. "Please just stay for dinner so we can talk." I plead.

“I need to go home.”

“Please Lilly, just give me a chance.” I beg

She sighs. "Okay. I'll stay because I owe you, but then I'm going home." She turns and walks through the open french doors and out onto the patio.

Chapter 22 – Lilly

I lean on the railings that surround Theo's huge patio, the light in the pool makes the entire space glow a luminescent blue. I stare out over the vast city. The lights glitter like a thousand firefly's in the distance. I feel so removed from my surroundings up here.

I don’t know what I was thinking last night. It was drinking to forget that got me attacked in the first place. Maybe there’s a subconscious part of my brain that likes misery, that doesn’t want to be happy. God knows I can’t actually remember what happiness feels like. I think I’m the closest to it when I’m with Theo, and now that’s ruined too. I’m self-destructive.

This week has been awful. I got date raped, big deal. I don’t remember it. I was in a coma apparently, I woke up and I was fine. Do I feel violated? Of course. Do I want to kill the fucker that did it? Yes. Do I feel like a victim? Never. I will never be a victim. Theo, Molly, George, the press, they all make me feel like a victim. I feel horribly fragile and I'm angry at myself for allowing such weakness.

"Lilly." Theo stands behind me holding out a bottle of water.

I take it from him, my fingers lightly brushing his. "Thanks." I mumble.

He motions for me to sit at a small table pushed up against the railings. I sit, the cool metal of the chair sending a chill up my bare thighs. Theo sits across from me.

"I hurt you Lilly, and I'm sorry. I want to protect you from anyone who would harm you, not cause it." His head hangs low, the shame rolls off of him in waves. He looks dishevelled. Dark circles have formed under his beautiful eyes.

"I should have told you. The reason I didn't tell you Theo is because you've never made me feel anything but strong." I meet his pained gaze. "You're the last person who I ever wanted to look at me the way you're looking at me now." I turn and look out over the city, unable to meet his gaze for the first time since I met him.

"Looking at you like what?"

"Like I'm a wounded animal. Like you feel sorry for me." I swallow hard.

His face blanches. "Of course I feel sorry for you Lilly. I'm not a heartless bastard. Jesus." He frowns.

"I don't want your pity Theo." I snap back.

He reaches across the table and grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him. "What do you want from me? What am I supposed to do with this Lilly? Tell me, because right now all I want to do is find the piece of shit that did this to you and kill him." He closes his eyes and takes deep breaths. His jaw twitches with the strain. His fingers move and cup my cheek.

"I need you to do what you do best." I inhale deeply, leaning into his touch. "Be strong, make me feel strong." I meet his desperate gaze, his features so strained.

"I don't know how." His hand drops away as his eyes become desperately sad.

"You don't need to, it's just you." I think back to the way he was in my office that day. The anger, and the hurt in his eyes. "You walked away Theo. You found out and you walked away. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

 "I didn't handle it well. I'm so sorry." He looks ashamed of himself.

“This is why I warned you. I told you I had some shit in my past.” I bite my lip. "The look in your eyes when you were in my office...it was disgust." A wave of emotion threatens, my chest tightens with it as I speak the words. He moves and crouches in front of my chair. He brushes his thumb across my cheek, making my skin tingle.

"No. Never. The only disgust I feel is toward the bastard that did this to you. I'm in awe of you Lilly. I always have been, long before I knew about this. It hasn't changed anything." His lips pull up in a small sad smile.

I stare at him for a long time, studying his deep blue eyes, his full lips. He grabs my face in both hands and leans his forehead against mine. "I'm so sorry sugar." He breathes against my lips. For the first time in days I feel as though I can breathe, as though he's physically pumping oxygen into my atmosphere. "I love you." He whispers. I crumble and fall against his chest, gravitating towards the safety of his embrace. He wraps his strong arms around me, holding me tightly. I bury my face in his neck, inhaling the wonderfully rich scent of him. "It's okay. I'm here." He whispers over and over. Theo is not a man to take comfort in, but he’s my man to take comfort in.

I pull back and press my lips to his firmly. He kisses me tenderly, making me feel his love. I melt into him and fuse my body against his, as though his very essence is essential to my survival right now. My hands cling to his back as he holds my face, stroking his thumbs over my jaw as his lips soothe me.

I pull at the hem of the oversized T-shirt I'm wearing, pulling it up and over my head, leaving me completely naked. He holds my face as he pulls back slightly.

"Lilly, we don't have to do that." He whispers, though I can see the desire in his dark eyes.

"Make me feel strong Theo." I whisper against his lips, a groan rumbles from his throat before his lips crash back down over mine. I claw at his shirt and pull it over his head. My hands run over the thick muscles of his torso, my fingers trace the lines and valleys of his abs, before hooking into the waistband of his jeans. He stands abruptly and drops them to the ground before stepping out of them. The sight of Theo naked is something I will never get used to. He's perfect in every way. His broad defined chest, those chiselled abs and his guidelines which drop down to his beautiful cock and his thickly muscled legs. He's all man, so incredibly virile and pure alpha male.

He bends down and picks me up around my waist. I wrap my legs around him, his feverishly hot skin heats the insides of my thighs as they press against him. I crush my lips to his as he moves us. He sits on one of the sun loungers, holding me so that I’m hovering just above his cock. His hand slips between my legs, brushing against me gently. His teeth graze my earlobe. His touch is gentle, careful. His lips, tongue and teeth work over my exposed throat. He dips a finger inside me and my body tightens, trying to pull him deeper, begging for more. His finger retreats and is quickly replaced with the head of his cock. He lowers me onto him before pulling back up. He holds my arse, his biceps bulging as he flexes my weight easily. I run my hands over his strong muscles, complimented so beautifully by the ink work winding over his skin.

"Please, Theo." I whimper. His lips leave my neck and his gaze meets mine, he holds my stare as I sink all the way onto him. I cry out, the feeling of him buried inside me is exquisite. His intense blue eyes grip me, making it hard to breathe. That one look makes me feel loved, adored, wanted, needed and strong. I feel unbreakably strong in this man's arms.

I rock my hips against him, my eyes never leaving his. He just holds me close whilst I take what I need from him, his forehead against mine, placing gentle kisses on my face and lips. His hands stroke my back, my face, my hair. This is more than sex, this is something I can’t explain. Some things just don’t need an explanation. When I finally climax I cry out his name as my body trembles. He growls my name, his eyes never leaving mine. The moment is so unbearably intense, yet so incredibly sweet.