Bet Me (Finding My Way) (13 page)

“Hey, where’d Adam go?” I ask Jess when I don’t spot him where he was before I went into the office.

“Umm … Tucker and Andrew went outside with him” she says nervously.

I knew we shouldn’t have come here, I don’t know why I thought it would be okay. I never do anything fun and I thought all my friends would be happy that I’m finally letting my hair down, not all of them are apparently. I know Adam won’t be coming back in and I’m going to have a word with Andrew about getting rid of people I bring here. I could go follow him but I know I won’t get far before one of them drag me back here so I make the most of my time before they get back.

“So what are we going to do for fun now?” Jess asks accepting the bottle I hand her.

“I’m not sure … dance I suppose” I shrug at her and head off to the dance floor with her following behind me. The DJ plays my bar dance song as soon as he sees us enter the dance floor and me and Jess are grinding our way through it when I suddenly find myself airborne.

“What the hell Tucker! Put me down” I scream kicking and punching him as he moves us through the bar.

“Want to tell me who the hell Adam is?” he demands as soon as he sets me on my feet when we are inside the office.

“My friend” I snap “Or was until you got rid of him, which by the way you had no right to do”

“Were you going to sleep with him?” his voice is quiet turning my anger up another notch.

“Do you have a problem with that?” I ask staring him straight in the eye.

“How would you feel if I slept with someone else?” he asks not looking away from my eyes.

“Probably the same way I feel about you having sex with one of my best friends the day after you have sex with me right here in this office and then you having sex with another one of my best friend’s just last week!” I shout and walk out of the office.

I make my way through the bar with my head down, not talking to anyone and I don’t look up when Andrew puts his arm around me and walks me out to his car and then drives me home.

We don’t speak at all until we are in my bedroom and both sat on my bed.

“Why do people do things to hurt me?” I ask as I take my shoes off.

“What do you mean?” he asks me softly helping with my shoes.

“Every time I let someone in they do something to hurt me. Why?”

“Who hurt you Brooke?”

“A few people, I have no right to be upset but I can’t help it. It takes a lot for me to trust someone and let them in. I wonder why I bother sometimes”

“I’m sure no one meant to hurt you”

“I know but it still hurts all the same” I sigh and rest my head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry for getting rid of Adam” he says playing with my hair.

“That’s okay, I don’t think I would have been able to go through with it anyway” I tell him through a yawn.

“You sure did drink a lot, what was you thinking?”

“I wasn’t, that was the point, to not have to think anymore”

“Want me to stay the night?” he asks lowering us both so we are led down on the bed over the covers me curled into him.

“I have nightmares, if you don’t mind that then I’d like you to stay please”

“No problem” he pulls the cover up in front of me so I’m covered “Goodnight Brooke” he kisses my forehead.

“N’night” I yawn and let the sleep take me.

“I’m worried about you Brooke”

I turn my attention back to Andrew, I hadn’t realized I’d drifted off somewhere there. He looks concerned. We’ve had a lovely day together today which is what I needed after last night. He spent the whole night with me, every time I woke up from a nightmare he would start talking to me about one of our nights at the club, replacing the bad memories with happier ones. We went out for breakfast and then walked around town, through the park and now we are having some food before my shift at the club.

“Sorry, what did you say? I zoned out there for a minute” I admit adding sugar to my cappuccino.

“This is what I mean … I’m worried about you Brooke. It’s none of my business and you can tell me to butt out but … for the last few months you have been all over the place. I’ve seen you go from depressed to wanting to kill someone in less than two minutes. I’ve seen you cry then laugh, you have been through so many emotions I’m surprised you’re not worn out. You can’t keep doing it. You’ll end up having a breakdown”

“Trust me I know” I run my hands down my face and rub my eyes. I know what he’s talking about and I know it’s only happened since Tucker moved back I also know that he knows that too but is kind enough to not say it. We are so up and down it’s hard to keep up, but we have always been like that. He makes me happy but he brings back a lot of bad emotions and memories. When we are apart and I don’t know where he is I’m fine, but when we’re apart and I know he is not that far away my body craves him so much that I loose sleep and only he can stop it. I knew this is how it would be when I first saw him again at the club and that’s why I ignored him as best I could and treated him like any of the other men that I’m friends with, a bit of harmless flirting, some banter, I even took sleeping pills that worked. The problem is I no longer know if being with him is worth all this effort. I seem to be the only one on this rollercoaster, he jumped off a while back and I’m not sure if I want him to get back on it with me. “I think I know what I need to do, you’re right. I can’t keep going like this” I stand up from the table and collect my bags “meet me at the club; I’ll be a few hours late tonight. Please can you make sure everyone’s there.” I tell him as I search through my purse for my phone.

“It’s going to be a good night?” he asks watching me curiously.

“It’s going to be one I remember for a while, let’s make it an excellent one” I smile grabbing my phone and then head home.

***

I walk into the club through the back entrance and go straight into the office to see Will. As soon as he sees me his expression goes from happy to surprise to concern as his takes in my casual outfit of jeans, converse and a plain black tee.

“Everything okay Brooke?” he asks concerned.

“Everything’s fine, I just wanted a word before I go out there” I explain and then tell him my plans.

He takes the news rather well, he doesn’t like what I’m doing but isn’t that surprised which makes me think that maybe I have been more unstable than I thought.

“Give me a knock before you do it okay, I’m assuming you’re going to wait until the end of the night?” he asks hopefully.

“No I’m only staying for an hour or so but yeah I’ll knock the door for you” I say over my shoulder as I leave the office.

Lucy’s behind the bar training the new girl Will hired to help out in the week.

“Hey Luce” I greet and pull her into a hug.

“Brooke, this is Chloe, Chloe this is the owner, Brooke”

“Nice to meet you, you’ll fit in well. It will be fine” I assure her with a smile because she looks nervous. She’s very pretty with blonde hair and bright blue eyes, slim, taller than me at about five foot eight and looks as if she will be a lot of fun when she gets over her first day nerves. “Lucy will look after you, you’re in great hands”

“Everything okay?” Lucy asks noticing my clothes.

“I’m not staying long tonight. I have some stuff I have to take care of but I wanted to pop in to see everyone” I reassure her with a smile when she starts looking concerned. I notice Andrew has done as I asked and called in Jess, Mel, Dan, Zack, Tucker and the rest of the band. I head to the end of the bar where they are all sat.

I get them all their drinks, not needing to ask what they want and add a shot each for everyone. Andrew joins me on my side of the bar and helps with the drinks.

“All sorted?” he asks me quietly, I rang him before I came in to tell him what was happening but asking him to keep it to himself. I nod and grin up at him making him smile and hug me kindly. “You’re going to be fine” he kisses my cheek.

“Here you guys, you know, one or two of you could change you’re choice of drink once in a while, mix it up a bit. You’re all very predictable” I tease the group as I hand out their drinks.

“We don’t need to add any excitement to your night, you do that all by yourself” Derek teases back making me chuckle.

“Speaking of excitement, are you two going to be putting on a show tonight?” Cam asks excitedly. He always gets excited when Andrew and I do bets and challenges; he enjoys my losing and embarrasment way too much.

I look to Andrew who is grinning.

“Definitely” I answer with a wink and laugh when he rubs his hands together in anticipation.

“Everything okay Brooke?” Mel asks me turning from her conversation with Tucker smiling.

“Never better” I assure her, noticing they are linking arms.

“You’re not staying long” Tucker notes, looking at me for the first time since I walked over, making my decision easier.

“Nope, only for an hour or two” I answer still smiling to let him know all is okay but he frowns at me when Will walks out of the office and hands me a coffee. I never drink anything other than alcohol at the club. I don’t always get drunk, five out of six nights a week I only have one or two beers but I never drink anything else and he knows that.

The conversation quickly turns to a group discussion on club events that are coming up, I make comments when necessary but generally take a backseat from the conversation not making any commitments but not declining any either. I watch as Lucy and Chloe struggle with the amount of customers so I give them a hand until the line clears a bit and introduce Chloe to the group. I notice Tucker looking her over, I don’t know if it’s because I’m watching for it but I’m not all that surprised by it I think it’s something he always does I just haven’t paid that much attention to it before now.

After about two hours since I came here the music lowers and I look up to Andrew standing on the bar, microphone in hand.

“Guess where I stayed last night” he asks the club.

I laugh and climb up on top of the bar with him taking the mic Lucy holds up for me. “Let me guess, with the girl of your dreams and it was the best night ever?” I tease making the crowd cheer.

“I would ask how you know that, but you were there” the cheers get even louder.

“Did you have a good night?” I ask laughing.

“Of course, didn’t get much sleep though” he winks at the crowd.

“I’m worth it though” I smirk back at him.

“Did
you
enjoy it?” he asks and the crowd goes quiet waiting for me to answer.

I pretend to think about it for a minute “Well you did snore but it was bearable” I wink to the crowd and turn to Lucy. “Can you knock the office door for me please?” I ask away from my mic, she frowns but does it.

“We shouldn’t have waited so long to do it” he teases.

“If I knew you liked to cuddle I would have asked you over last winter” I tease back laughing at how our innocent night together is proving to be such entertainment.

As soon as Will walks out of the office into the bar I nod at Andrew to let him know it’s time.

“Okay ladies and gentlemen, I know you’re all waiting for me to challenge Brooke to do something but that’s not going to be happening tonight” a loud groan goes up around the club and Andrew shushes them. “Tonight however we say goodbye” he turns around ignoring the confused mumblings and faces of the club and gestures towards something to Lucy. I can’t help but grin and chuckle as she hands him a massive bunch of pink and red roses.

“Tonight we say goodbye and good luck to Brooke because she is leaving us” he announces, I hear a glass smash and turn to see Lucy has dropped a bottle of vodka after hearing of my departure she looks up at me confused and with tears in her eyes I smile at her sadly.

“We will be sad to see you go and miss all the entertainment you provide. We’ll miss hearing you laugh, argue and that sexy little growl you do. We’ll miss seeing smile, pout and that stubborn thing you do when you’re so sure you’ll win a bet you have no chance of winning” he smirks at me. ”But most of all we will just miss you being here” He hands me the flowers and kisses me on the side of my mouth.

“Thank you Andrew I’ll miss you too” I hug him and then turn to the crowd. “I’ll miss all of you as well and I’ll miss being here six nights a week” I say into my mic.

“How long you’ll be gone, are you coming back?”

“I don’t know yet” I answer without answering; this is something I haven’t figured out yet.

“I won’t be taking my phone with me so I will only be contactable by email. I want you all to take care of my friends and be nice to them, they mean a lot to me” I tell the crowd. “I know you’ll have just as much fun here with me gone. I’ll try not to get into any trouble while I’m gone, and I hope you’ll all do the same” I tease them. “I really will miss every single one of you” I hold back the tears that are threatening to spill over. “Now if you’ll all excuse me, I have a few people I need to say goodbye to before I leave” I turn to get down of the bar but Andrew stops me.

“If you would all join me I’d like to make a toast” he hands me a shot but I shake my head at him reaching down for my coffee.

“If you could all raise you’re glasses … This is for you Brooke, good luck and I hope you’re not gone too long. To Brooke!” He shouts and the crowd all echo ‘To Brooke’ I smile and raise my coffee at them all.

Lucy pulls me in a hug crying softly.

“I don’t want you to leave” she sniffs into my ear.

“It’ll be fine, I promise. I don’t want to either but I have to” I squeeze her back.

“You promise to come back”

“I’ll try” is all I reply without promising “Take care of everyone for me okay?” I ask to distract her she nods at me and lets me go.

I head to the customer side of the bar to make my goodbyes to everyone else.

Everyone hugs and kisses me goodbye all asking me to promise that I don’t stay away too long, a few ask me why I’m leaving but I don’t answer directly. Tucker doesn’t say goodbye to me in front of the group he leads me to the office. Will looks up at our entrance and stands to hug and wish me luck and walks out with a ‘have fun’ and a kiss on the cheek leaving me alone with Tucker. This is the hardest goodbye but at the same time the easiest.

“Is this about what I did? Because I’m sorry for that” he asks looking at me but avoiding my eyes.

“It’s not about that, although that helped” I admit.

“Don’t leave because of what I did. We weren’t together then Brooke” he pleads making me frown.

“It’s not about what happened Tucker, I’m not upset about that, I’m more upset about the lie” he starts to talk but I cut him off “You may not have lied to me directly but you asked two of my best friends not to talk to me about something you told them you had already talked to me about. You lied to them to keep something from me. That’s what I had a problem with. If I had known about Mel I wouldn’t have let what happened in here the night after my birthday happen. If I had known about you and Lucy straight after what me and you did then nothing further would have ever happened between us”

“Brooke I…” he starts

“I know sex might not mean a lot to you, but it does to me. What we did, every time we did it, it meant a lot to me. That you could do that with me and then a few hours later do it with my best friend, that tells me something Tucker”

“Does it tell you that what happened with me and Lucy was something I did to try and block out the feelings being with you brought back?” he asks pleadingly.

I shake my head at him sadly “No, it tells me you got three out of three”

“And you didn’t sleep with Andrew last night?” he asks unbelievingly.

“Why are you asking a question that you already know the answer to? If you don’t know the answer to that then you don’t know me. I slept with Andrew yes but I didn’t have sex with him” I let out a long sigh, surprised that I don’t feel like crying. “I have been so up and down since you came here, I don’t even know which way is up any more. You make me really happy and I’m going to miss you like you wouldn’t believe but I’m not going to miss the stuff comes along with it. You make me so happy that you also have the power over me to make me crazy”

“I’m not going to let you walk out on me again”

“I’m not walking out on you Tucker, I’m walking out on us”

“You can’t leave me, I love you Brooke. I want to be with you. Now. Always.”

“I know you love me and I love you too but are you in love with me? There’s a very big difference. I’m trying to decide which one it is for me. I think you’re in love with the idea of me. We have so much history that I’m comfortable to you. I know we have passion but that can run out. Then where would be? Two people who are relatively attracted to each other but not in love? I can’t live with that possibility. You mean too much to me for me to ever risk resenting you”