Bet Me (Finding My Way) (9 page)

“I swear, if one more person calls me a whore, I will go terminator on their ass” I sigh as I lean against the bar.

I watch as the crowd starts clearing when the DJ calls closing. Sophie pulls her arm around my shoulders and hands me a shot.

“Anywhere else?” she asks staring pointedly at my lip.

“No, I kind of asked for it this time; I couldn’t help but torment her”

“What happened?” She asks

“To cut a long story short; my dad never wanted me, he wanted a boy. He didn’t like me, could never love me. She had an affair with Sam and got pregnant with Phin. My dad was also having an affair and was leaving us the day he died. Oh, and I have a brother that I never knew about until this evening. I’ve met her though and I’ve met the boy, it’s Will’s wife and eldest son” I explain tiredly.

“Wow” is all she says, taking it all in.

“Yeah. Officially the most bizarre night ever”

“I can’t believe it”

“Neither can I. You couldn’t make this stuff up”

I answer the door and frown at Tucker stood on my doorstep.

“Morning” he greets me, without his usual charming smile.

“Hey” I step aside to let him in still frowning, wondering how the hell he knows where I live.

“I gave Matt and Sophie a lift over here when they came up for your birthday” He answers my unasked question.

“Oh,” is all I reply and lead him into the kitchen “Coffee?” I offer, he nods and sits at the table.

“So, what brings you here?” I ask as soon as I’m sat down opposite him.

“I think we need to talk”

I knew this conversation was coming; it’s one of the reasons I don’t stand around and talk to him at the club. “Okay” I say cautiously.

“I know you’ve been avoiding it but I think we need to, after what happened in the office”

Yes, I remember that clearly, this man sat in front of me is the only one who can make me forget everything apart from how I much I want him inside me with just a kiss. I remember how his hands felt gripping my thighs … his lips on my neck … moving inside me.

“You need to stop thinking whatever you’re thinking otherwise we won’t end up talking” he scolds.

“Well if you don’t mention sex, I won’t think about it” I snap embarrassed.

“I came here to apologise” he admits softy.

“You don’t need to apologize for anything” I insist.

“You’re wrong; I have a lot to apologise for, starting with betraying your trust the first time. I had no right to tell someone else what you told me. You trusted me and I betrayed that even knowing how hard it must have been for you to tell me in the first place. For that I will always be sorry. Those things I said to you in the café, in front of all of our friends and people who you didn’t even know. You have no idea how much I regret that.

“I can’t believe how stupid I was, I had all these feelings for you and I didn’t know what to do with them. Then after we slept together in the afternoon, I went looking for you a few hours later and you weren’t in your room. Sophie didn’t know where you were.

“I didn’t know what was happening, I thought you regretted it. I thought you were ashamed of what we did. Then when I saw you the next day and you said that you were at a hotel, I lost it.

“I should have let you explain. I should have asked you to speak to me in private. I should never have lost my temper with you. More importantly I should never have said what I did about what we did the day before. What I called you after telling you that I used you. To this day I still don’t know why you didn’t try to kill me. You didn’t even say anything horrible to me though, you never said anything bad to me or about me.

“I also want to apologize about what happened in the office at the club. It shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have followed you in there and I shouldn’t have kissed you.

“Since I came here you have welcomed me back into your life and treat me the same as you treat all your other friends when you shouldn’t even have to look at me. I know that I don’t deserve to have you in my life at all, you’re too kind and you’re so happy, I don’t want to have the chance to be able to ruin that for you … again” He shakes his head and looks down into his cup.

I honestly don’t know what to say to that, I want to tell him that he should regret it all, but I can’t because I don’t. I want to tell him none of it matters but it does. I try to put what I feel into words, searching deep through the emotions that I feel towards him.

“I appreciate you saying all of that and taking the time to come here and apologize to me. But, there really is nothing to be sorry for. Yes at the time I was hurt, angry and humiliated. You were one of the reasons I left but I’m not mad at you for that, for any of it.

“I don’t look back and regret anything, okay, maybe the whole telling Beth stuff, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t know if you’ll understand, but when I left that room, I never planned on leaving.

“Sure I was mad as hell and thinking about ways I could torture you, but then I was sat on my bed and I remembered all the nights you stayed with me, just because when you were there I didn’t have nightmares. I remembered all the times we spent laughing and bickering. I loved you. When I was with you I was happy. I hadn’t been that happy since before my dad died. That was nine years I didn’t realize I was unhappy for. You showed me that my life didn’t have to be the hell it was. That gave me the strength I needed to move away.

“I don’t regret a single second I spent with you, the good or the bad, the laughing, the bitching all of it because you saved my life and not just by literally tackling the man who tried killing me but by just being in my life, you pulled me out of the hell I was living and into the light.

“And Tucker, for that I will always be grateful and I will always owe you. If it wasn’t for you doing that, I don’t know where I would be right now.” I wipe away the tear that’s silently rolling down my cheek. “You have no idea that means to me” I finish glad that he came over here because I would have avoided this for as long as I could. But now I know how much I’ve needed to tell him what he did for me.

I will always love him for it and maybe that’s why no one ever comes close to meaning as much to me has he does. To me, he means true happiness.

“You never fail to surprise me, you have had so many terrible things happen to you, yet you can turn them around and only see the good,” he shakes his head “I completely understand what the guys mean when they ask if you’re real”

“I’m far from perfect Tucker, people only see what I want them to see, no one sees when the simple things set me off into a full blown tantrum. No notices when sometimes just one word can make want to cry or hit someone. No one notices when I’ve been up all night crying because everything is just too much for me to handle. No one notices that when something has triggered a rough memory for me, I immediately do something to take my mind off it. No one notices that I do everything I can to avoid being alone with a man because deep down the fear is still there. Ridiculous I know, but my point is no one notices any of this stuff because no one sees past the smile”

“The people who care about you do” he says softly but firmly.

“They don’t,” I shake my head at him and smile sadly “Ask anyone, Lucy, Andrew, Mel, Jess, any of them, ask them why I do the bets, how the whole thing started, what they won’t tell you is that it started from me and Andrew having a conversation about scars and then me suddenly changing the subject and betting him that I can balance a jug of beer on my head,” I laugh at the memory “Ask them why my ‘boyfriends’ don’t last longer than a month, they won’t tell you it’s because I avoid being alone with them and the men give up trying as soon as they catch on.

“Why do you think out of all the types of businesses in the world that you can I buy, I bought a club? Because it’s always full of people” I shrug “No one sees past the bullshit, they only see what they want. Some see me as the girl who likes to have fun with her friends. Some see me as a woman that knows how to increase business. Some see me as a cock tease. Some see me as a careless young girl with too much time and money on her hands. Some people see me as a girl who has worked her way through eighty percent of the men who go to the club and finally, some people see me as just a normal person, they’re the ones I like the best” I laugh quietly,

“So no I’m not perfect. I’m still as fucked up as I always was, the only difference is that now I’m happy with it. I accept it and make the best of it.”

I watched confused as he gets up from the table, I walk to the kitchen doorway to watch what he’s doing. He doesn’t say another word to me and doesn’t look back as he leaves my house and walks away.

“Well that went well” I sigh to the empty kitchen and snort; I do not need to start talking to myself as well.

I meet up with Jess and Lucy for lunch, still a bit confused by Tucker’s behaviour this morning. I know everyone has noticed my mood but isn’t saying anything.

“So what are the plans for tonight” Jess finally asks referring to the shirts me and Lucy had to pick up on our way here.

“Basically we have to go to work wearing a top with a stupid saying on it,” Lucy grumbles back making me chuckle softly, Lucy hates the theme nights at the club. “Who comes up with these things anyway?” she complains to me.

“Will does” I answer not looking up from my drink.

“Will he be there tonight?” she asks cautiously. I nod at my cup, tonight is the first night I will be seeing him since that night last week when he told me my dad was having an affair and I have a brother that is Will’s step son.

“Will you be okay?” Jess asks putting a comforting hand on my arm.

“I’ll be fine, I’m sure he will keep his distance and probably stay in the office for most of the night, it can’t be easy for him either, he was best friends with my dad and he’s married to a woman who loved him and has to look at that little boy everyday and see my dad in him” I shrug. I think I have come to terms with it a little better now.

“Tucker came by to see me this morning” I tell them frowning.

“What did he say?” Jess asks she knows more about our relationship than Lucy does. I’m not sure why I have held back on some of the things I have told Lucy about Tucker but I don’t really feel comfortable talking to her about him.

“It was a little strange, he came over to talk about what happened before I left and then once all was said and done and we’d both apologized for the past, he just walked out” I frown again remembering that he just stood up and left.

“What do you mean?” Lucy says with her own frown.

“We were talking and he just stood up and walked out, didn’t say anything to me, no goodbye or anything… just left without a word,” I shrug still not understanding. “I’m glad we talked though, I feel a lot better about him being here now” I admit.

“Well as long as you’re happy because it looks like he’s going to be sticking around for a while” Jess puts in.

I open the bag at my feet and look at my top for the first time since collecting it. Once I see what is printed on it I quickly shove it back into my bag.

“Oh my god, what does yours say?” I ask Lucy who looks into her bag and pulls out a neon pink tee the same as mine just hers has ‘
Pat me’
printed on the back with an arrow pointing down.

“I’m going to kill him!” she sighs shaking her head “yours?” she asks and I hold up my top that has two hand prints on the chest area and underneath in capitol letter its reads ‘
Squeeze me
’

“Think we can get him one that has a target over his chest that reads ‘
shoot me
´?” I ask hopefully only half joking.

Both girls just laugh and we say our goodbyes to go get ready for what is obviously going to be a terrible night.

When I walk into the club it is already starting to fill up quickly. I spot Lucy and Will in some sort of discussion, Lucy seems to shouting at him but Will just looks slightly amused. I head over there to see what the problem is.

“If one more person touches my ass” Lucy is shouting at him.

“Hey, it could be worse Luce!” I say as I join them and point to my chest, I have a shirt on undone over it and glare at Will.

“We were going to get you one but with what we were thinking about having printed on it, there would have been too much blood” I tell him but it has no effect on him. He seems to be enjoying himself.

I look around and can’t quite believe my eyes; he has turned the club into some sort sex themed carnival. There’s a kissing booth that I’m sure he expects me and Lucy to take turns in. Two big stands catch my eye there are two big digital weighing scales on barstools with signs above them reading ‘I
f this reaches one hundred Brooke will do a bar dance, coins only’
the other one reads “
If this reaches one hundred Lucy will do a pole dance, coins only
”.

“We don’t even have a pole,” I turn to Will confused and a little shocked. He points towards the stage and I see a temporary stripper pole has been put up. “You’re kidding me” I mutter.

“I’m not doing it, I’ve already told him to take the sign down” Lucy says loudly.

“Brooke you’re going to have to take the shirt off” Will instructs me smiling.

I shrug and remove my shirt so I’m just in my tee. I hear someone laugh behind me and turn my head to see Andrew and Tucker shaking their heads at me.

“What?” Will asks. I turn around for him and show him the back of my top. “You’ve ruined it!” He complains making Lucy laugh.

“I have to make people work for it” I tell him sweetly referring to the message on the back of my top that I added earlier, it reads ‘
Only if you punch the manager first’

“Sometimes ,I really dislike you” he grumbles and walks back into the office defeated. I shrug and get out my pen to write the same on Lucy’s back.

“I love you” she sighs laughing and we both get to work serving the customers.

Andrew and Tucker spend the night teasing us about how quick our scales are filling up and asking when we will be going into the kissing booth, we get through it by ignoring them.