Betrayed (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 2) (28 page)

‘I’d better go,’ she says, and I watch as she turns and walks back over to Sam, who just nods in my direction and wraps Izzi in his arms, pulling her in for the kinda hug a father would give his daughter in this situation. He’s comforting her in a way I can’t do, and that rips me apart, it really does. ‘Cause I still love that girl, with every beat of my fucked-up heart I still love her. But I don’t know if I’ll ever get that close to her again. I don’t know if she’ll ever want that. So maybe I just gotta leave her alone, like they’re all telling me to do. Keep my distance and let her grieve and… what? Wait? Can I do that? Am I
willing
to do that? Maybe no-one’s ever gonna get past those barriers she’s sure as hell gonna put up once that initial wave of grief’s left her. I saw what she was like after losing her fiance; her dad. I saw that, and this, this is just as bad. This might even be worse, ‘cause it’s happened just a couple of years after Viper killed her family, it’s dredged up all those memories, too. And that’s enough to tip anyone over the fucking edge. So this could be enough to see her shut herself off from anything and anyone for good this time.

So maybe I just gotta back off.

Or maybe that’s the worst thing I could do…

Chapter Twenty-Four

Izzi

It’s been a few months now, since Zeb died. Has the pain eased any? Not much, maybe a little. I mean, I’ve washed the sheets now, I had to. But I still sleep in his clothes. And I keep his wedding ring with me, all the time. But I can smile now, when I remember the unconventional way we met; what led us to fall in love. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to tell our child how me and their daddy got together, but I
will
tell them that, although I only knew him for a couple of years, we had something very different. Very special. I’ll tell them how he became my world; how I loved him so, so much. In the end.

I look down and lay a hand on my bump. And even though I’m almost nine months gone now, it isn’t a huge bump. I haven’t really gotten that big. It’s a small, neat bump, and I haven’t put that much weight on, either, although I’ve had way too many people fussing over me, making sure I eat properly even though I don’t always feel that hungry.

Cora moved in with me not long after Zeb’s funeral. I think I needed the company, despite me fighting that for a good few weeks. I thought being strong meant I had to go through this alone but I didn’t. I don’t. And having her here, being the best friend I could’ve asked for, it’s been good. She’s been with me every step of the way through this pregnancy, because there’ve been days when I’ve missed Zeb so much, and without her here I think I would’ve just retreated into myself and wallowed in self-pity but instead she helped me. She held me when I cried, listened when I needed to talk and she’s made me laugh again, just by being my friend. I’ve finally settled down, and I think I’m ready now, to have this baby. To bring him into this world and start our life together with this crazy, messed-up family he’s going to be born into.

‘You sure you want to go to the clubhouse?’ Cora asks as she hands me a bottle of water. She won’t let me leave the house without water, says me and the baby need to be constantly hydrated but I don’t think she realizes the amount of times I need to pee on a daily basis anyway, with Junior here resting against my bladder, without adding numerous bottles of water into the mix.

I take the water and throw her a sideways smile. ‘Why don’t I just take up residence outside the bathroom.’

‘Shut up and drink it. And you know it’s gonna be busy over there today, don’t you?’

Hal’s the new President, and he’s doing a pretty good job of running a Soldiers’ chapter that, for a time, looked like it was too fractured to ever be fixed. But he’s done it. And I’m not saying he’s turned it around into the kind of club you’d let your granny hang out in, I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. But he’s a good man, deep down, and he’s trying to gain the community’s trust. Which is why he’s organzied this family fun day over at the compound.

‘Yes, Cora, I know it’s going to be busy.’

She looks at me, and widens her eyes, and I shrug.

‘I’m sorry, am I supposed to know what that means?’

‘You’re days away from your due date, and you should probably be staying home with your feet up watching a box set and eating chocolate, not volunteering to flip burgers and serve beer all day.’

I look at her, and I narrow my eyes slightly because she’s looking a bit shifty to me. I think she’s hiding something, and I don’t do secrets anymore. They cause too much trouble. They hurt. ‘What is it?’

‘Huh?’

‘Why don’t you want me to go to the clubhouse, today. You’ve never stopped me from going any other day…’

‘Mack’s back.’

I don’t say anything, because there’s nothing
to
say. ‘And?’

‘I just…’

My reaction appears to have thrown her somewhat, but I’m not entirely sure what she was expecting. Mack left town about a week or so after we buried Zeb, and I never heard from him again, I never asked Sam where he went, how he was, because it didn’t matter anymore. He was a part of my past, and I had to move on. Besides, I missed – I
miss
– Zeb too much to even care about anything me and Mack might have had; those plans we’d almost made.

‘I don’t know, Izzi. I just thought you might want to…’ She rakes a hand through her hair and I can see she doesn’t quite know how to say what she’s trying to say. ‘I don’t know, Izzi, all right? I just thought that you seeing him again…’

‘What’s the problem here, Cora? Me and Mack were over a long time ago, and a lot of things have changed since we last saw each other, so, I’m not
seeing
a problem.’

‘You’re OK? Being around him?’

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘You don’t know much, do you? Look, all I’m interested in right now is getting ready to have this baby. That’s all I can focus on. Nothing else –
no-one
else matters, all right? The days of me and Mack Slayer are over. And in reality they never really begun. It was always Zeb, in the end.’ My hand falls to my bump and I stroke it gently. ‘It was always your daddy, wasn’t it, baby?’

‘And what if he’s got other ideas, Izzi?’

I look up, and I smile slightly. ‘I think, by now, even Mack’s learned how to move on. I’m not going to avoid him, Cora, I can’t. Not if he’s back for good… is he? Back for good?’

‘I don’t know.’

I go over to her and kiss her on the cheek. ‘It’s going to be fine, OK? Come on. Let’s get out of here. It’s a beautiful day outside and this one in here seems to be giving me a few hours off from the constant kicking he’s been indulging in lately. Let me enjoy it while it lasts.’

‘He’s probably kicking ‘cause he’s getting ready to come out.’

‘Get the car keys, Cora, and let’s move it.’

She grabs the keys from the hall table and turns around to look at me. ‘Izzi?’

‘What?’

‘You know I’m gonna be here for you for as long as you need me. You know that, don’t you?’

I smile, and I hug her, and that feeling of everything starting to come together; that darkness I felt after losing Zeb, it’s finally starting to lift, and I have to look forward now. I have to. For our baby’s sake. ‘Yeah, I know. But you might regret saying that when the sleepless nights and the endless diaper changes start taking over our life.’

‘Then we need to make a list of babysitters,’ she winks as she opens the front door. ‘You and me, sister, we ain’t gonna be stay-at-home mommas
all
of the time.’

Mack

‘You missed this place, huh?’ Hal hands me a beer and smiles as he slaps my shoulder.

‘Not really, no.’ I down a mouthful of beer and take a look around the compound. Some of the brothers are over by the workshop lifting kids onto Harleys while their dads look on and wish they had one of their own. Most of the old ladies are manning the food and drink or painting the faces of those kids who aren’t interested in bikes, and there’s music blasting out and everyone who’s come here today seems quite happy to mingle with the kinda people they’d previously been a touch wary of. The atmosphere’s good, it’s nice. But I know it’s just a front, this place ain’t gone all family-orientated, not really. ‘This your idea?’

Hal leans back against the wall and lights up a cigarette. ‘Gotta keep the women happy.’

I laugh, and he smirks, and yeah, it’s kinda good to be back. ‘Tell me you ain’t gone completely PG-rated.’

‘
You
were willing to take us in that direction.’

‘Yeah, well, I was messed-up. My head wasn’t in the right place.’

He blows smoke into the air and takes another long drag. ‘Got a few things going down with the Black Dogs.’

I raise an eyebrow. ‘You still doing business with Kes’ old crew?’

‘Sam don’t seem to mind. He’s quite close to their President, got a lot of connections with one of their chapters in L.A.
 
They’re making a lotta money outta weapons coming in from the Far East, apparently. Need more clubs to work with them, spread the load, so to speak.’

‘This chapter need that kinda cash?’

‘We always need that kinda cash, brother.’

I down another mouthful of beer and take another look around.

‘She’s coming today. To help out. She’s gonna be here.’

I turn to face Hal. ‘How is she?’

He shrugs and takes one last drag on his cigarette. ‘Sam not keep you up-to-date?’

‘I didn’t ask.’ I didn’t want to. After I left here, a little after Zeb’s funeral, I guess cutting all ties became the best option. I spent weeks – months – on the road, just riding, stopping off at various Soldiers’ chapters, staying for a few days, partying and fucking and forgetting all the shit I’d left behind; all the what ifs and could’ve beens. Then I’d get back on my bike and ride some place else and do it all over again, but I got tired, after a while. Days just riding, nights of partying and very little sleep; too many women who meant fuck all, I got tired. Eventually. And I guess, somewhere in the back of my mind, I’d subconsciously been counting the months, ‘cause I woke up one day, and I knew. I knew Izzi was about to have her baby. Zeb’s baby. I knew. And now I’m back here, and I’m trying not to let that be the reason I’m back, because it’s got nothing to do with me. I’m trying. But I think I know – that’s exactly why I’m back. I didn’t miss this. I missed
her
.

‘She’s doing OK, now. We all been looking after her, making sure her and the baby are good. And Cora, she moved in with Izzi, after the funeral.’

‘They a couple?’

‘No, Jesus, Izzi ain’t no way ready for that. She still sleeps in one of Zeb’s shirts that she ain’t washed since he passed. Carries his wedding ring everywhere with her. No, Cora’s just being a friend, is all. She’s helping her, y’know? ‘Cause I think Izzi needed that.’

‘And the baby?’

‘Baby’s fine. Due any day now. Sam’s got everyone on red alert, ain’t no way that girl gonna be alone when that kid comes into this world.’

I finish my beer and look around again. I need to know how she is, how she looks, and then I see her walking through the crowd, laughing and chatting with Cora, and she’s beautiful and quite obviously pregnant in a short black dress and biker boots. Her hair’s a little longer than I remember it, and she’s got her hand on her perfectly rounded bump, and she looks so much more – I don’t know. I don’t know how to put it. She looks like she’s living again.

‘So, you back for good?’

Hal’s voice cuts into my thoughts and I drag my eyes away from Izzi. ‘Maybe.’

‘Be good to have you back, y’know? Lotta water under the bridge now, Mack. A lotta new starts happening.’

I look back over at Izzi. She’s surrounded by some of the Soldiers’ old ladies, and they’re all touching her bump and I guess the ones who are mommas are giving her advice and I watch, and even from where I’m standing I can see a kinda sadness wash over her. She didn’t ask to do this alone, without Zeb, but that’s what she has to do. Yeah, she’ll have all the help she’ll ever need but there’ll always be a part of her that feels alone. And when the hell did
I
start feeling all this shit again? The second I stepped back inside this compound, that’s when.

‘Yeah. I know.’

I push a hand through my hair and turn back to face Hal.

‘So? You staying this time?’ he asks, biting the top off a bottle of beer.

‘Like I said, Hal. Maybe.’