Betrayed (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 2) (30 page)

I turn my head slightly and smile at Mack, and his face breaks into a huge grin but I can see the fear still there behind his eyes. He had no fucking clue what to do here, and yet all he
had
to do was
be
here. And he was. And I’m so grateful for that.

‘Thank you,’ I whisper.

‘You did all the work, darlin’.’

‘You were here. You stayed. Even though I all but told you to fuck off, you stayed. And I needed you here so, thank you.’

He gently kisses my forehead, and for a few seconds it feels like something’s happening. And I don’t know what, it’s all a bit confusing, but I’m distracted by paramedics rushing into the kitchen and a flurry of activity taking over and whatever that moment was, it’s gone.

A whole new chapter of my life begins right now.

And I don’t think it involves Mack Slayer.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Mack

I was never going anywhere. The second I set foot back in this town I knew I wasn’t leaving it, not without her. And if that wasn’t gonna happen then I knew I was still staying. Still waiting for some kinda hope, something that might give me a sign that I was doing the right thing, that there might be a future out there I can actually deal with. And right now I ain’t seeing it, but I ain’t a quitter no more. So I stayed. And I’m back, I’m part of this chapter again and it’s good, to be part of something that gives me some focus. I think I need that. Focus.

‘You ready?’ Hal asks as he joins me outside. I’m getting the trucks ready for tonight. We gotta job on that’s gonna mean some of us brothers taking a bit of a road trip.

‘All done.’

I slam the back doors of the truck shut, pull the chain through them and fasten the padlock. It’s empty in there at the minute, but we’re gonna have a full load in a day or so.

‘You sure you want to do this?’

I look at Hal. ‘I’m getting kinda tired of you questioning whether I’m ready for this. I’m ready, and I ain’t gonna spend no more time proving myself.’

‘Just need to be sure, Mack. This is something that could go badly wrong if the authorities get wind of it. And I know Sam’s got his law enforcement connections and all that shit, but there’s only so much they can do. We’re gonna be dropping one hell of a lot of weapons in a few days time, and we need to keep our profiles low or we could piss off some really crazy people.’

‘I’ve handled Russians before.’

‘Yeah, I know…’

I grab Hal by his cut and throw him back against the truck, ‘cause, man, I’m pissed off now. I’m tired of this, and I’m done. ‘I’ve dealt with way worse shit than this, Hal, believe me. And you better believe this, too. I’m back. And I ain’t just back to make up the fucking numbers, OK? Those days of me being messed-up and off my game, they’re gone. All that, it’s fucking over. So when I say I’m ready for my old job back, don’t think for one minute that I’m fucking joking, ‘cause I ain’t. This club is mine. Always has been, it’s been my freakin’ life, and I ain’t gonna let Cooper down no more.’

I let him go, throwing him back against the truck, and I turn away and rake a hand through my hair because all that shit, I meant it. Every fucking word.

‘Y’all lost faith in me, I get that.’

My voice is quieter now, I’m calmer. And I turn around and look at Hal but he ain’t angry, or ready to fight back. He knows what’s happening here.

‘I get that. But I’m back now. And I’m ready.’

He just looks at me, and his eyes – yeah. He knows. That throne he’s sitting on, he better not get used to it. I’m fucking back. And it’s time everyone knows that I’m coming for it…

Izzi

Milo Samuel Milek Zebrowski. He’s almost six months old now and that little man is my whole world. As every day goes by he looks more like his daddy, and I was right, when I looked at him just minutes after he was born and knew that he had Zeb’s eyes, because he does. He’s a tiny carbon copy of his father and I love him so much, I can’t even describe the strength of feelings I have for my son. They go beyond anything I’ve ever felt before, this love, it’s overwhelming, and it saved me. I miss Zeb with every inch of my still-fractured heart, but our son – he saved me. He pulled me back and he gave me a reason to carry on; to live again.

‘How’s my grandson today?’ Sam asks as I push Milo’s stroller into the clubhouse. And I know that, technically, Milo isn’t his grandson, even though he
is
a blood relative. But I can’t think of Sam as anything other than a father-figure now. He’s my substitute dad, and he’s been there for me in a way nobody else has been, other than Cora. Milo’s second mommy. Without those two I probably would’ve struggled in those first few weeks after Milo’s arrival, but with their help we found a routine that worked, and my life is a very different one now. But I like it. It’s still a touch unconventional, because the club is still very much a big part of my life, they’re my incredible support network and I love them for that. I need this place and the people in it. I need them. But there are little bits of my world now that actually verge on normal – when I’m feeding Milo or singing him to sleep or playing with him on the living room rug while cartoons play on the TV in the background. Those are the times when I know I can do this.

‘He’s fine.’ I reach into the stroller and lift out my beautiful, dark-haired boy. ‘Aren’t you, kicker?’

‘Give him to me, come on.’

I hand him to Sam, and I smile as I watch him kiss Milo’s tiny cheek and Milo giggles and I feel a swell of love so real and so deep flood through me.

‘Cora not with you?’

‘She’s at
Six
. She’s working today, so,
we
thought we’d come see you guys.’

He looks at me, and I frown slightly.

‘What?’

‘Mack’s outside.’

I shrug. ‘So?’

‘Izzi…’

‘No, Sam. Zeb’s only been gone…’

‘It’s been over a year now, sweetheart.’

‘And you think that’s all it takes to get over the man I loved?’

‘Mack’s been good to you, Izzi.’

‘I know he has. And he knows I’m grateful…’

‘And
you
know why he stayed, don’t you?’

Yes, I do. And I’m not getting into this because I didn’t ask him to stay, he knows how I feel. Yes, he’s been good to me and Milo, he’s been there for me and he’s helped me, but they all have. All the brothers here at the club, they’ve all been there for us.

‘Don’t, Sam.’

‘Milo needs a father, Izzi.’

‘Did you really just
say
that?’ I can’t believe he actually said those words, and I can’t help laughing. ‘Seriously?’

‘He loves you. He loves this boy, he was there, Izzi. When you pushed Milo out, he was there, he’s got a connection to that boy that…’

‘I can’t believe you’re standing there, saying this…’ I drag a hand through my hair and step back, I’m still stunned. ‘Milo has plenty of male figures he can look up to, Sam, they aren’t exactly in short supply around here, are they?’

‘It isn’t the same, Izzi. And you know that. Mack, Zeb… neither of them had a real father to guide them, to be there for them, and I should know. I let Mack down, and Kes – he didn’t know how to be a real father to Zeb. We let our sons down. Are you gonna do the same to yours?’

I stare at him, letting his words sink in, because I still can’t believe I’m hearing them. ‘Don’t you dare tell me I’m letting my son down. Don’t you fucking dare.’

‘You could’ve made him leave, Izzi. If you’d wanted to.’

I frown and stare at him again, what the hell is he talking about?

‘You always knew he was staying because of you, but if you’d wanted him to leave he would have...’

‘He did what he wanted to do.’

‘And you didn’t stop him.’

‘We’ve been here before, Sam.’

‘And this time there’s no Zeb to…’

He knows he’s overstepped the mark now, I can see that. And I’m trying to keep my anger in check because I didn’t come here for a row. ‘I loved Zeb, it was never Mack. I loved Zeb, and I still miss him every fucking day, every time I look at Milo…’

‘I know, Izzi, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry, darlin’, but things are so very different now.’

‘And you don’t think I know that?’

He bows his head and leans in to kiss Milo again, and I feel something shift inside me, something that hits me hard like a kick to the gut. Something I don’t want to feel, but it’s there.

‘I miss him, Sam.’

My voice is quiet now, all the anger gone to be replaced by a realization that scares me to my very core.

‘I know you do. We all do, Izzi.’

‘Not like
I
miss him. You don’t know how I feel inside, every day, from the second I wake up to the minute I close my eyes, because he’s still there. He’s inside me, all of the fucking time, and I don’t want to lose that feeling, because I can’t let go of him yet. I’m just not ready, Sam.’

‘You can’t live that way forever, Izzi. You can’t cling onto the past and let it drag you down, and nobody’s saying you have to forget Zeb. You’ll never forget him, and that’s OK. That’s fine. That’s normal. But you’re still so very young, sweetheart. And you still have a lot of life left to live. Are you sure you want to live it on your own?’

‘I’m not
on
my own. I’ve got Milo. I’ve got you and Cora, and the club…’

‘And you know that isn’t what I meant.’

‘Maybe I should go…’

‘Talk to him. Go and talk to Mack.’

‘And say what? Hey, Mack, how about taking on a still-grieving widow and her child? You up for that?’

‘Izzi…’

‘I’m fine as I am, Sam. OK? So just leave it. Can you keep an eye on him, please? I need some air.’

I head outside and sit at one of the tables out front of the clubhouse. It’s a beautiful day, warm but not too hot, and the sky’s a clear, deep blue. And for a few seconds I just sit there and look up, counting the few, tiny clouds that are scattered about.

‘Want some company?’

I shift my gaze and look at him. Mack. All messed-up dark hair and heavy stubble. He seems to have lost the beard now. ‘Sam send you?’

He frowns, and I realize he probably has no clue what I’m talking about so I quickly change the subject.

‘You settling back in here OK?’

‘Like I ain’t ever been away, darlin’.’

His eyes lock on mine but I break the stare and drop my gaze, focusing on the wedding ring I refuse to take off. ‘Good.’

‘This is my club, Izzi. I just lost sight of that for a while, is all. But now…’ He sits forward and looks out ahead, clasping his hands together between his knees, ‘now I’m gonna get it back.’

I feel his eyes on me and I turn to face him.

‘New starts and all that.’ He laughs quietly, and I feel that kick to my gut again. ‘Or, y’know, an old one reworked.’ He smiles, and I can’t help returning it. ‘How’s Milo doing?’

I briefly look down before my eyes once more meet his. ‘He’s good. Growing bigger every day.’

‘Be walking before you know it. Giving you all kindsa trouble then, huh?’

I smile again, but I don’t say anything. I don’t really want to move this conversation any further along.

‘Anyway…’ He sighs and stands up, digging his hands into his pockets. ‘I’d better get going. Got work to do, now I’m back.’

I watch as he heads over to the large truck parked in the compound and starts talking to Hal and Franky, Hal’s Sargeant-at-Arms.

‘What’s going on over there?’ I ask Sam as he sits down beside me.

Sam looks over, but he doesn’t say anything at first. So I look at him, and take Milo back from him.