Better Than Perfect (9 page)

Johnny, too, seemed to have unanswered questions. He wasn’t all that talkative in the best of situations. When he was uncomfortable, or unsure of himself, he became even more withdrawn. It had driven her crazy when they were dating. Tonight, though, it gave her a chance to observe the two of them.

Zach looked so much like Johnny, she couldn’t believe she hadn’t seen it before. Denial was a powerful hallucinogen. Zach’s hair was lighter and a little longer, but she was seeing signs that it would someday darken to Johnny’s deep golden brown. Their expressions were similar, too. The crooked smile, the crinkle of the eyes when they were amused. Even their scowls were identical. But the eyes really stood out. Zach’s eyes were an exact copy of Johnny’s. A deep, dark, chocolate brown. The kind to make a girl go all gooey inside.

“You guys up for dessert?” Alice asked when they were getting close to the end of the meal. They’d talked a little bit about baseball. Johnny kept his humility. Didn’t do a lot of name dropping or making it seem too cool to have been on the same All-Star team as guys like Derek Jeter. He actually made it sound like any other job.

“No, thank you.” Johnny never had much of a sweet tooth.

“Um, maybe?” Zach cleaned his plate, having seconds of everything. “Do we have any ice cream?”

“You can help yourself.” Alice was starting to wonder if she could afford to go back to school. Zach was going to bankrupt her with his never-ending appetite.

“You sure you don’t want any, Johnny?” Zach asked, knowing she wouldn’t have any. She was more of the bite-sized dark chocolate kind of girl.

“No, thanks. I’m good.” Johnny reached for the glass of wine he’d barely touched.

“Yeah. The best.” Zach’s voice held a bit of awe. He smiled at Johnny before heading off to the kitchen.

“He’s really impressed.” Alice kept her voice low; she didn’t want to embarrass either of them. “He’s always looked up to you, you know.”

“Why is that?” Johnny asked. “Since I’ve always played on the other side of the country, how did he even know about me?”

“I’ve followed your career. Every step of the way.” Alice barely had time to explain before Zach returned with his ice cream. Three scoops. Covered with chocolate syrup. And sprinkles.

“Zach, that’s a little much.”

“I’m sure he’ll burn through those calories before he even finishes eating it.” Johnny laughed. “He’s built like I was at that age. It drove my mother crazy when I’d eat a whole week’s worth of groceries in one day.”

His mother. That was the first time she’d heard him mention her without a note of bitterness in his voice. Maybe he’d finally been able to forgive her for what she’d had to do just to get by.

“I don’t eat that much.” Zach shoveled ice cream into his mouth like he hadn’t eaten in days. “Just when I’m hungry.”

“Which seems to be all the time these days.” Alice shook her head, but couldn’t help but smile.

“So tell me something no one knows about you.” Zach gulped down another bite. “Something about your family or when you were a kid.”

“There’s not much to tell.” Johnny never did like being put on the spot. He especially didn’t like talking about his past. But then, why would he? His mother had been a prostitute in one of Nevada’s legal brothels and he’d never known who his father was.

“Did you have any brothers or sisters?”

“Nope. I’m an only child. Like you.”

“Pets?”

“No. Just my ball and my glove.”

“Did you ever name your glove?”

“No. I never did name my glove.” Johnny smiled and gave her a look that showed amusement and hope the questions would get less personal.

“I read somewhere that you lived with your coach in high school. Is that true?”

“Yes. I did.”

“Why?” Zach didn’t seem to notice he was being a pest.

“Coach Ryan was like a father to me. He was a huge influence on my game. And my life. I don’t think I would have made it to college or the majors if not for him.”

“Cool.” Zach seemed satisfied for the moment.

“It’s getting late, young man. And we have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow.” She took the opportunity to change the subject before Zach could ask any more questions. Questions she knew Johnny wouldn’t want to answer. About his mother’s profession. About her roommates who’d offered their services to Johnny, on the house. About why he couldn’t finish high school under the same roof as the woman who’d given birth to him.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just…” Zach glanced over at Johnny, like maybe he could help a fellow out. “There’s so much I want to ask Johnny and I know he’s not going to be around for very long.”

“I’ll be around.” Johnny gave him a quick smile. “You’ll see. Maybe we can play catch again tomorrow.”

“That would be awesome.” Zach jumped up, clearly excited about the prospect. “Maybe you could help me some more with my pitching.”

“I’d be more than happy to work with you.” He put a fatherly hand on his shoulder. “I think you’ve already got pretty good stuff.”

“Really?” Zach looked up at him with such admiration. No, awe.

“Really.” Johnny nodded. He meant it.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Zach’s excitement was evident in the way he practically skipped up the stairs.

“You have no idea how much this means to him.” Alice stood, suddenly aware that they were alone in the room. “He’s nervous about moving up to the big field this year. Some of the kids are so much bigger than him. He’s tall, but thin.”

“He’s got a good head for the game. His body will catch up. You’ll see.” Johnny was the voice of experience. “And I’ll be around.”

“Not for long. You’ve got six weeks of spring training. Then you’ll be on the road half the time.”

“But I’ll be here half the time too.” He moved closer, the heat from his body radiating in waves. “Look, if I’d known about Mel… No kid should have to grow up without a man in his life. I’d like to be there for Zach. If that’s okay with you.”

“Johnny, that’s…” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “That would be wonderful.”

“I know my schedule won’t make it easy, but I want to be a part of his life.” He actually sounded excited. “It’s not the same as having his father here, but I’d like to think Mel would have stepped up if I’d had a son and couldn’t be there for him.”

He had no idea how Mel had stepped up.

* * * *

Damn. He liked the kid. A lot. It surprised him. But it also made it possible for him to accept their dinner invitation. It hadn’t been that bad. Considering the torture of sitting in the same room as Alice. In the house Mel had given her. With the child he’d given her.

But Mel wasn’t here anymore. Johnny was. Did that mean he could just forget what they’d done to him? He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to forgive them. But knew he had to try.

For the kid’s sake.

“Can I help you with the dishes?” Johnny stood with his plate. Feeling awkward that he needed to even ask. There’d been a time when they worked as a team. They could read each other’s body language to find out what the other needed. He’d never had that kind of connection with anyone else.

“Thanks.” Alice gathered her dishes and Johnny helped with the rest. “I usually have Zach clear the table, but he really does need to get cracking on his homework.”

“He’s a great kid.” Johnny followed her into the kitchen.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve him.” She sighed. A dreamy, proud, awestruck kind of sigh. Stopping him from blurting out something about her having slept with his best friend.

“You’ve done a hell of a job with him.”

“I had a lot of help. Frannie was amazing, especially in those early years.” Alice let out another sigh. “And Mel Senior has been wonderful, too. He takes Zach golfing. And sailing. They both take him to museums and art galleries. Expose him to all that San Francisco has to offer.”

“That’s great.” Johnny helped her load the dishwasher. “How about your family? Do they spend a lot of time with Zach?”

“We spend some time up there every summer.” Alice rinsed the plate she’d already cleared off. “They’re not real close with him, like they are with my brother’s kids. But you know?”

Yeah. He knew. Alice had never been close with her parents. She’d been the reason they had to get married. They hadn’t exactly neglected her, but it seemed like they never fully appreciated her either.

“It’s a good thing he has one set of grandparents he’s close to.” Johnny didn’t have any. His family had consisted of him and his mother. And he hadn’t had much of a relationship with her growing up. She tried, but Johnny couldn’t get past the shame of her profession to feel especially close to her. It was out of guilt more than love that he bought her a house in Vegas as soon as he was able. He sent her money, made sure she was well taken care of, but he didn’t visit very often.

“Yes. It is a good thing.” Her hand shook a little, and the plate nearly slipped as she reached for the dishwasher.

Johnny rescued the dish, placing it carefully in the lower rack.

“Thank you.” She rested her hands on the counter, steadying herself.

“Do I make you nervous?” Johnny slid his hands around her waist. He couldn’t help himself. It felt so natural. Like old times.

“A little.” But she leaned back against him. Sighing.

“Ali.” He breathed her in. Her hair smelled good. Familiar. Was it possible she still used the same shampoo she’d used in college? He nuzzled her neck before spinning her around and lowering his mouth for a kiss. A long, slow, deep kiss that almost transported them back in time.

Almost.

“Johnny. I can’t…” She pushed him away. “I can’t do this.”

“I can finish the dishes. No problem.” Johnny had said the first thing to come to mind. Damn. He was a fool. To think she could want him. “Still not over your husband?” He backed up, putting much needed space between them.

“No. Not that. I …” She looked up at him, her eyes stormy. A deep, dark blue.

“How did it happen?” Johnny had spent the last few days wondering. He could have done the research, but he needed to hear it from her. “How did Mel die?”

“A car accident.” She held her head high and steady. But she didn’t look at him; she gazed off in the distance. Into the past. “It was raining. And we’d had a fight.”

He willed his feet to stay still. As much as he wanted to pull her back into his arms, he knew that wasn’t going to make everything okay. “What was the fight about?”

She folded her arms across her chest. Shutting him out. Maybe trying to shut out the memories. “Mel wanted to have another baby. But Zach was starting school, and while I enjoyed helping in his class, it wasn’t enough.”

“You had dreams of your own.” She’d wanted to be a teacher almost as much as Johnny wanted to play baseball. Maybe even more. “And you didn’t want to put them on hold any longer.”

“Yes, but that’s exactly what I’ve done.” She picked up a dishcloth, but didn’t return to the sink. “I jumped right into the foundation and never looked back. Until recently.”

“You’re not happy with your work?” Johnny inched closer. His lips were still humming from their kiss. “You need something more?”

“I thought about going back to school. I miss Nevada.” She closed her eyes and inhaled as if she was trying to catch a whiff of the sagebrush they’d grown up around. The smell of home. “I want to go back and finish my credential. I’ve even filled out the application, ready to send… But I can’t take Zach from everything he knows. I can’t take him from his grandparents.”

“He’s almost in high school. He’s going to move on in, what…five years?” Johnny wasn’t sure exactly how old he was. Only that Alice told him she married Mel because she was pregnant. They got married the day after graduation. Imagine his surprise when he’d opened a wedding announcement instead of news of the commencement ceremony he’d missed.

“I know. And that’s even more reason for me to move forward, but…” She blinked hard. She’d never been one of those weepy females. She’d cried when he was drafted, but not when she’d said goodbye. “I don’t know if they can take another loss.”

“You really care about them, don’t you?” Johnny admired her loyalty. He just wished she’d directed some of it toward him.

“They need me.” She turned her attention back to the dishes. “Maybe it’s just not meant to be. It seems like every time I try to take that final step, something comes up. Getting pregnant, then Mel’s accident.”