Between (28 page)

“
Are you really here?” I asked. “And now?” His body seemed real enough beneath me but I was afraid to believe it.

“
I know it’s hard to imagine, but it’s true.” The corners of his eyes crinkled merrily as he grinned at me.

“
But what happened? Where have you been? Here at the cabin by yourself the whole time?” The idea that he’d been a day’s drive away for the last six months while I’d been agonizing over his loss was more than my mind could bear and a note of accusation crept into my voice. He shook his head, his forehead creased in a frown, his eyes reflecting the pain I’d lived through.

“
Of course not. I would have done anything in my power to come to you. You cannot think…” His voice trailed off and his gaze bored into me, demanding an answer. I shook my head and he breathed a heavy sigh. He stroked my arm and continued softly, his voice wavering.

“
No, when you were taken away before my very eyes, there was naught that I could do. I tore the place apart like a mad man, crazed with anger and pain. But it didn’t matter.” He broke off, unable to speak for a moment, fighting for control. He squeezed my hand and swallowed hard, his face etched with the agony of that moment. “I stayed here at the cabin for the longest time, hoping that by the grace of God, somehow you’d come back.”

“
You didn’t go back to transporting then?” I had always pictured him that way, moving on with his duties of taking souls to heaven. Surprise flickered across his face.

“
No, love. Once I found you… no, I never went back. I was not fit for it any longer. My every thought was of you and you alone.” He stopped then and kissed me, the desperate longing clear in his embrace. My heart ached at the thought of him living through the same kind of torment I’d known. He pulled away and gathered my hands in his own, stroking them as he continued.

“
I don’t know how long I stayed there. Time is not the same there as it is on earth, you remember? Since you cast the sun and the moon, it can be any time of day for as long as you want. So one day can feel like a thousand years or just an instant.” I nodded, remembering that magical place. “So I don’t know how long it was, but it certainly felt more like a thousand years that I stayed here in this cabin, raging like a lunatic and weeping like a child.” He gave me a half-smile and I pulled him tightly to me, kissing his temple and stroking his hair.

“
And then the most wonderful and horrible thing happened. An angel of the Lord appeared before me, blazing bright like white fire, filling me with the greatest sense of peace and joy that I’ve ever known. He said, ‘Greetings, Aiden Alexander MacKenzie MacRae. God is pleased with you and has opened the way of heaven to you. Come with me.’ But at that very moment, I heard your voice in my head, screaming. You said,
‘Aiden, where are you? Oh please, Aiden, don’t leave me!’
”

“
You could hear me?” I stared at him in shock.

“
Aye, I heard you, every thought that you sent me. And every word was like a drop of water to a man dying of thirst. It kept me alive and I ached to hear your sweet voice again, but hearing your pain, your agony, and being powerless to help you… It was the worst torture I could possibly imagine.”

“
I’m sorry, I didn’t think you could hear me. I only did it because it made me feel closer to you, to hold on. I never meant to hurt you.”

“
Ah love, don’t be sorry.” He brushed a curl off my cheek and smiled softly at me. “You don’t know what it meant to me, to hear your voice, to know you were thinking of me. I only wish you could have heard me, too. But I know you didn’t because of the thoughts you sent me. If only you could’ve heard how much I love you, and how I missed you, too.” He stroked my hair and kissed me again, his lips soft and warm against mine.

“
So you didn’t go to heaven, then, because of me?” My chest was leaden with guilt but he smiled at me, understanding clear in his eyes.

“
Oui, c’est vrai, ma chèrie.
But you should not feel bad. I made it worse, no doubt, by casting memories of our time together. I listened to your sweet voice in my head while I watched us make love on the sand… your beautiful body… No, I couldn’t leave you. Not even for heaven.”

As he spoke, he ran his hand over my neck to my breast. My nipple stood stiff in the cool night air, pressed against my nightgown.
His thumb circled it and a shiver passed down my spine, my flesh recalling the wonder of his touch. His mouth sought mine and I lost myself in his kiss, his hands roaming over my body like they were memorizing every curve once again.

When we broke away, he frowned down at me. “You’re skinnier than I remember. You’ve not been eating well.”

I barked a joyless laugh. “Yeah, grief will do that to you.”

My words hung in the air between us like the smoke. Part of me wanted to take it back because I could see that it stung him, but part of me needed him to know that I’d been in just as much pain.

I’m sorry, love. I know that I promised you I’d never leave.

My blood froze as his words formed in my head and I gaped at him, my mind struggling to figure out why I could hear his thoughts again. I held his face in my hands, trembling with emotion, and sent the message back.

You never did leave me, Aiden. You were always with me.

He crushed me against his chest and we both cried, overcome with relief at our reunion and grieving for the pain that the other had endured during our separation. “But how?” I asked. “I still don’t understand. How can you be here now?”

To my surprise, his face split into a huge grin. “Oh lassie, I prayed and prayed. Oh, how I prayed to be with you again, but I didn’t know how it could be, since I didn’t want you to have to die again to be with me. But God is a marvelous and merciful wonder, I tell you the truth. I heard your cry there at the end and I knew you were in danger. I was worried out of my mind and I called out to God in agony to please spare you, even though I knew it meant we couldn’t be together.

“
Instantly, the angel reappeared before me, his peace and beauty washing over me like a river. He said, ‘God has heard your prayers and has granted you new life. Go to her, Aiden. You are free.’ And there I was, in the center of the room filled with smoke, with your limp body at my feet. I was worried at first, for you weren’t breathing, but when you turned to look at me and called my name… I thought my heart would burst in my very chest.” He shook his head in awe, his face beaming with joy.

“
Thank you, God.” My heart rejoiced as I breathed the prayer and Aiden squeezed my hand.

“
Amen!” His voice was loud in the stillness of the dark night, but I didn’t care. I wanted to shout it from the mountaintops, I was so elated with the sheer wonder of it all. I hugged him close and laughed, the grief and pain of the last six months dissipating like the smoke in the air around us. Finally whole once again, I wanted to stay in that moment forever.

He kissed me then, his lips reacquainting themselves with mine and his hands wound in my hair, his fingertips circling my temples and massaging my scalp. His mouth moved to my ear and jaw and the tingling sensation I remembered from his touch echoed all throughout my flesh.

“
Mmmm…” I purred and closed my eyes, reeling in the sensation of his hot breath on my neck. He stopped and hooked a finger through my necklace, pulling it forward so that the charm and the ring rested in his palm. He stared at it for a moment, surprised, but then he smiled.

“
Ah, I’d forgotten that you told me about the ring. When I heard your voice in my head, I couldn’t believe it was true, but sure enough, it was gone from my sporran. I’m so glad you had it.” His eyes sparkled as he unhooked the necklace and removed the ring from the chain. “But it doesn’t belong on your neck, my bride.”

I held out my hand and he slipped the ring on my finger, closing his hand around my own and holding it to his chest just as he’d done the first time.

“
I think it’s probably safe to go inside again. I don’t want you to catch a chill.” He kissed me lightly and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. He lifted me off his lap and stood up, then gathered me in his arms and carried me across the threshold.

A thin film of smoke lingered in the air, but the cross breeze had ventilated the cabin so that only a lightly acrid scent remained, clinging to the furniture and draperies. He set me on my feet at the base of the skinny stairwell and I pulled him up the stairs behind me, my heart hammering in my chest. A sudden wave of nervousness swept through me at the thought of being intimate with him again.

While we were apart, I’d spent a great deal of time reminiscing about the times that we’d made love, the longing for him so intense I thought it would break me. But the details had become somewhat blurry over the remainder of the school year and my memories were more like snapshots frozen in my mind. I could only clearly remember a specific look here and expression there, along with the beautiful lines of his muscled body.

Yet there was nothing blurry or frozen about him now as he stood before me next to the bed, his face glowing with the moonlight. He was very much alive and his chest was firm and warm under my hands. My stomach clenched as I envisioned his naked body against mine and I coughed to cover up my irrational anxiety. He glanced to the side, taking in my blankets and pillow on the twin sized bed under the eave, and raised one eyebrow as he stooped to remove his boots.

“
I couldn’t sleep on our bed without you,” I explained, my voice barely more than a whisper.

“
Ah,
ma chérie
…” He put one arm around my waist and pulled me close. “You’re trembling. Are you cold? Or… maybe scairt?”

I shouldn’t have been surprised at his observation since he could read me like an open book, but I was. I dropped my eyes to the floor and nodded slightly, feeling like an idiot. He lifted my chin with one finger until I was forced to meet his gaze.

“
I understand, Lindsey. Truly, I do. But you’ve naught to fear from me. I would wait a thousand years for you, more if I had to. We don’t have to do anything tonight if you’re not ready. I am content just to be with you.”

My lip quivered and he put both arms around me, holding me close to his chest. “No more tears, love. I think we’ve both shed more than our fair share and there isn’t any need for it now. Come, let us just get some rest, aye?” But his compassion emboldened me and I shook my head, squaring my shoulders and taking a deep breath.

Do it now, before you lose your nerve.
I told myself, straightening up as I stepped back from him, my face set.

“
No,” I whispered and pulled my nightgown up over my head in one swift motion, dropping it to the floor at my feet. A breeze was blowing through the room from the open window and I stood before him in only my panties, shivering with the chill and nerves, the silver charm on my necklace dangling between my breasts. I’d never felt more vulnerable and exposed in my life, but I trusted him implicitly and for some reason, I desperately needed him to know it.

His gaze swept over my body, his face wordlessly asking if I was sure. He took a step toward me and reached out, cupping my breast with one hand. His natural body heat was like a brand on my ice-cold skin and I twitched involuntarily when he touched me.

“
Gracious, you’re freezing.” He stopped, concerned, but I took his hand and placed it over my heart, which was thumping like a bass drum. Conflicting emotions played across his face.

“
What do I do about you, lass? You stand before me here in the moonlight, your skin the palest ivory, shaking with cold and fear.” I started to protest and he silenced me. “I can see it in your eyes. Don’t lie to me.” He gathered his thoughts for a moment and continued, his warm hands wandering over my skin.

“
And part of me wants to gather you in my arms like a wee child, to protect you and keep you safe and warm. At the same time, your body is so beautiful that I want to make fierce love to you until you cry out underneath me. Honest to God, Lindsey, I want to own you, to possess you, to make my claim on you so there’s never any question that you belong to me and me alone.” His eyes burned with a primitive lust and his jaw clenched as he grabbed my hips firmly with his hands.

“
And yet, the truth remains that the very breath in my lungs is because of you,
mon coeur
. And I know very well that I wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for your love.” His eyes locked onto mine, his voice steady and strong in the still room. “So as much as I want to make you my own, I'm the one who’s bound to you. I belong to you, Lindsey MacRae, body, mind and soul. I am yours, if you’ll have me.” My heart pounded against my ribs so hard I could hardly breathe. I closed my eyes and spoke to him in my mind.

Make love to me, Aiden.

He swept me up easily in his strong arms and placed me gently on the bed. He undressed quickly and covered my body with his own. The warmth of his skin spread through me like a wildfire as he kissed me.

It’s Aiden, here with me, at last.
I told myself, hardly able to believe such a miracle had occurred, and the excitement grew in my chest, igniting the passion within me. I stroked his body and kissed him madly, abandoning any trepidation in my joy at being with him again. The movement of our bodies was not fluid and graceful, but filled with desperation and desire, pain and loss, need and lust. We consumed one another until the chasm that had separated us was forgotten and we could lie in each other’s arms, completely exhausted and finally fulfilled.