Between Friends (17 page)

May 3, 1991

Dear Cole,

Our dinner was by far the most romantic of my life. You certainly know how to impress a girl! Champagne, candlelight and red roses. Thank you so much. I’m sorry you had to leave so soon, but I certainly understand.

In answer to your questions: Yes, I do want to see you again and yes, I think we just might have found something special.

Lesley

***

Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Fullbright
Cordially invite you to the wedding of their daughter
Meagan Adele Fullbright
To
David Michael Knowles
Son of
Lesley Knowles
On Saturday, July 12, 1991
At three o’clock in the afternoon
First Baptist Church
Fullerton, California
Dinner and reception immediately following
the ceremony

July 10, 1991

Lindy,

Sorry not to give you any notice, kid, but it became necessary for me to head out. I didn’t have a lot of choice about this so don’t be upset. The neighbor promised to feed your cat. I know you and your mother and your brothers will have a good time at David’s wedding. He understands why I can’t be there. Seeing that he chose not to mention my name on his wedding invitation, it seems he’s not very anxious for me to come, anyway.

I’ll be in touch.

Dad

***

Lesley’s reading list for trip to Mexico with Jillian:

1. Saint Maybe
   by Anne Tyler
   
2. The Firm
   by John Grisham
   

***

Book Jillian packed in her bag for Mexico:

1. The Undeclared War Against American Women by Susan Faludi

***

COLE GREENBERG
CNN CORRESPONDENT

August 8, 1991

Dear Lesley, This note should be waiting for you when you and your friend return from Mexico. I’ll be back in town September 7th. I hope you like Chinese food (and I’m not talking take-out chow mein, either).

Until the 7th...

Cole

***

A good man is hard to find
Lesley’s fortune cookie

***

JILLIAN LAWTON GORDON

331 WEST END AVENUE
APARTMENT 1020
NEW YORK, NY 10023

October 1, 1991

Dearest Lesley,

I haven’t heard you sound this happy in years. I’m thrilled for you and Cole. You don’t know how badly I wanted to shake some sense into you eleven years ago when you abruptly ended your relationship. I understood, but I wasn’t sure I agreed.

Nothing you could tell me about Buck would surprise me. Why didn’t Lindy mention earlier that he’d borrowed money from her neighbor? The poor kid must be mortified. It’s bad enough that he left the way he did, but to place his own daughter in a financial bind is unforgivable. Lindy’s always had her eyes closed when it came to her father. I hope she sees now why you wouldn’t allow him to stay in your home. If you’d put out the welcome mat for Buck, I think I would’ve throttled you myself.

Thank goodness David and Doug weren’t put in a position of having to defend him. And as for Christopher, I’m impressed (and relieved) that he was savvy enough to figure Buck out early on.

One way and another, this whole year has been a bag of mixed blessings for you and your family.

I loved our time together in Mexico. Leni Jo informed me that she wants to go to camp every summer so I can travel anywhere I please and it won’t upset her. Is my daughter telling me that she’s a big girl and doesn’t need her mother any more? I wonder if she realizes that I still need her to need me....

I’m having trouble slipping back into the routine of going to court every day. Dealing with everyone else’s problems is fast losing its appeal. Who knows, I just might find a reason to retire early.

Mom’s been feeling a little under the weather lately, but for 78 she’s in remarkably good shape.

I know Cole is in and out of the country a lot, but as your fortune cookie says, a good man is hard to find. Cole is a good man.

Give everyone a hug from me.

Love,

Jillian

***

November 1, 1991

Mom, Remember all I want for my birthday are

Rollerblades. Love, Leni Jo

1993

Jillian’s Journal

January 1, 1993

Happy New Year!

Happy is the way I feel, too. I’m content with my life. It’s been just over six years since Monty’s death, and it’s taken me this long to feel comfortable with being a widow. Here’s the surprising thing: now that I’m finally at peace with myself, I’ve met someone. Actually, I give my soon-to-be-eighty-year-old mother credit for introducing me to Gary Harmon. He lives in the building and he, ever the gentleman, introduced himself to her in the elevator. Next thing I know, Gary and I are having dinner together once a week. He’s lonely, I’m lonely. He’s a professional, I’m a professional. He’s a widower and I’m a widow. What could be more perfect? Leni Jo thinks he’s cool. That’s a word she uses sparingly, so I know she’s sincere.

I’m not the only one with a romance in my life. Lesley and Cole are still seeing each other. Cole’s under contract to CNN and is constantly either on his way in or out of the country. How Lesley keeps track of his schedule is beyond me. The best part is that in between the numerous interruptions, they’ve managed to build a solid friendship. Cole is good for her. For the first time in her life, Lesley’s experiencing a healthy, mature relationship with a man.

Well, Dad, brace yourself—another Democrat is about to be inaugurated into the White House. Are you rolling over in your grave? William Jefferson Clinton seems to have a number of refreshing ideas, and I can’t help it, I like him and his wife. Hillary is going to rub a few people the wrong way. Strong women generally do. I’m willing to give them both a chance and even if we don’t agree on everything politically, I feel the change will shake things up.

I can almost hear you arguing with me, Dad, but I’m suggesting you keep an open mind, let them prove themselves. Hillary’s ready to take on the health-care issue and Lord knows, it’s about time somebody did.

Leni Jo loves high school and continues to excel. She’s a marvel, if I do say so myself. We’re close and we can talk about anything. She’s now starting to think about boys, but I have confidence in her good sense and her self-respect. I see girls her age in court every week who are already mothers. Babies having babies, as the social workers say. I feel such despair when I encounter these tragic girls with their often-hopeless lives—and even worse, their children. There seems so little I can do.

My term expires this year and there’s pressure to run for reelection. I don’t know yet. The thought of retiring is holding more appeal every day. I want to enjoy my daughter’s teen years and give her the benefit of my time and attention. I sometimes wonder if all the problems Lesley has with Lindy might’ve been reduced if Lesley hadn’t been forced to support the family, attend classes and divide her energy among four kids. No, I take that back. Lindy was a difficult child right from the start. Some people simply insist on learning their lessons the hard way. Unfortunately Lindy appears to be one of them.

Lesley had exciting news about David, though. He was hired by Microsoft, which is a wonderful opportunity for him. This is a company with a lot of promise. The only problem is the long hours he’s putting in; in fact, Lesley said he often sleeps right there at the corporate offices. Meagan seems pretty understanding about it all, thankfully.

Doug’s working construction for Nick’s brother. Jim Murphy has owned his own company for the last ten years and is doing very well with it. No surprise there! When Doug’s commitment to the Navy was finished, he returned to Pine Ridge. He needed a job, and I mentioned to Lesley that Jim was hiring and suggested Doug apply. Sure enough, Jim hired Doug and before long, he advanced to foreman for one of Jim’s crews. Nick would be very proud of his brother’s success. Angie sends me school pictures of the kids every year. Nickie Lynn will turn eleven in August. That child has a special place in my heart.

The year is getting off to a good start. I signed up for a new painting course and I love it. Painting relaxes me and I seem to be improving. I’ve even done a couple of portraits. There are plenty of flaws in my work, and to me they seem blatant, but no one else notices them as much as I do. I guess that’s true of almost everything in life. In any event,I put forth my best effort, work hard and stare down the imperfections.

***
January 10, 1993

Mom,

Can I borrow $300? You know I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important. I’ll need it soon. I’ve enclosed a deposit slip for your convenience. I’ll have it paid back on the first of the month. I promise.

Lindy

***

February 6th, 3 p.m.
Bring a balloon and be ready to laugh
Shh—remember it’s a surprise!
Given by: Jillian Lawton Gordon
Leni Jo Gordon

Lesley’s Journal

February 22, 1993

This hasn’t been a good day. It started off with a crisis at work—we had a small fire in the building, one floor above us. Dr. Milton handled the situation beautifully. He was calm and in control, getting everyone out before the fire department arrived. I didn’t take the alarm seriously at first and when I finally grasped that it was for real, was more concerned with transferring information onto a computer disk to take outside with me. Dr. Milton insisted I leave immediately; he firmly took my arm. Without any other choice, I walked out with him. We were the last two people to leave the building.

I went from one crisis to another. That afternoon, I had my annual appointment with my OB/GYN. Although I think the world of Dr. Milton, I feel uncomfortable about the idea of his giving me a pelvic exam. It’s been easier to stay with the physician who delivered Christopher. However, after the fire this morning, I was in no mood for an exam, but it takes weeks to get an appointment with Dr. Nelson, so I went—and I’m grateful I did. There appears to be a problem. After the wretched periods I’ve had for the last five years, this didn’t surprise me. He’s scheduling tests for next month and we discussed the possibility of a hysterectomy. If that happens, I’ll be looking at three to four weeks off work. After our disastrous morning, I didn’t mention it to Dr. Milton. I’ll wait until I know for sure and then tell him.

While I was at Dr. Nelson’s office, the nurse asked about Lindy and the pregnancy. I could see that she instantly regretted saying anything when she saw my reaction. Lindy’s pregnant? This was a huge shock! Then it hit me. She was desperate for $300 not long ago, and that’s the cost of an abortion. I realized I’d given my daughter the money to abort my own grandchild. I’ve been sick at heart ever since. Sick to my stomach, too.

I called Lindy the minute I got home, and asked why she needed the loan, which I know better than to do. Early on, I learned that it’s a mistake to give children the opportunity to lie. Wanting to correct myself, and before she could answer, I told her I knew about the abortion and asked about the baby’s father. She immediately blew up at me and demanded to know if Christopher had told me. It’s bad enough that she came to me for the money, but I consider it unforgivable that she involved her younger brother in this, too. Lindy ended up slamming the phone in my ear.

I should be accustomed to her outbursts by now, but I was upset. Still, I know it isn’t me Lindy’s angry with. It’s herself. I called her again later that evening, and she tried to sound mature and sophisticated in an effort to assure me she knew what she was doing and why. She said that ridding herself of this pregnancy was best for all concerned. I asked her if it was best for the baby. That was when she started weeping. I longed to hold her. I longed to ask why she didn’t discuss something so drastic with me first. I didn’t, because I already knew the answer. My daughter was confident that this was what she wanted. She was afraid that if she sat down and talked this decision over with me, I might persuade her to change her mind. Now she’s full of shame and regret.

Ever since we talked, I’ve been in a sad, weepy mood. I understand that I’m grieving for the loss of my first grandchild, and my failure as a mother. Poor Lindy. She assumed an abortion was an easy way out of her troubles, but there were consequences she didn’t recognize or consider. I know she feels better that it’s out in the open. It isn’t my forgiveness she needs or even God’s. Lindy has to learn to forgive herself.

***

Lesley Knowles From: Cole Greenberg To: Lesley Knowles Sent: March 15, 1993 Subject: Welcome to the World Wide Web!

March 15, 1993

Dear Lesley,

I’m glad you finally took my advice and came online. You’ll find Prodigy a great way for us to keep in contact. I’m still in Waco, waiting out this David Koresh mess. The place is swarming with ATF officials. Talking to them, I get the feeling they don’t know what the hell they’re doing. This has the potential to blow up in everyone’s faces if it isn’t dealt with properly.

I can’t say for sure when I’ll be able to see you again. Soon, I hope. What’s this about your needing surgery? It isn’t serious, is it? Let me know when, and I’ll work my schedule around it so I can be with you.