BetweenTwoBillionairesCompleteStripped (22 page)

He smiles at me,
that charming smile I fell in love with. I don't return the kindness
though. I simply point to the outdoor seating area and lower my eyes
again, not wanting to look at him any longer than I have to. This is
the man who broke my heart. The one who destroyed my world. I can't
let him get to me. Not now. Not again.

I finish my duties
and lockup with my co-worker. He glances at Tristan when we leave the
building, and I give him a weak smile, showing him it's alright, not
that I'm really sure he cares in the first place. He was probably
just curious.

“
Hey.”
Tristan rounds the corner. His hands are in the pockets of his jeans,
and he looks uncharacteristically shy.

“
What
do you want? And if this is about the car, Ethel is home all the
time. Well, except for on weekends. And at night. Shawn can drop by
and ask for her any other time. He knows where we live.” I
brush past him, staring out at the traffic.

“
This
isn't about the car,” his voice is soft and soothing.

“
If
it's not about the car, then we have nothing else to talk about.”

“
You
never allowed me to explain things.” He steps up beside me. I
can see him in my peripheral vision, but I don't turn to him.

“
I
don't think I want an explanation.” It's a lie. I need an
explanation. I don't understand what happened, and if I don't have
some kind of closure, I'll probably never heal from this.

“
Of
course, you do.” He sees right through me. “I know you're
confused about what you heard.”

“
There's
nothing to be confused about.” I shake my head. “You set
me up to sleep with Shawn. If you loved me like you said you did, you
wouldn't have done something like that. You completely toyed with my
emotions and screwed with my head until I didn't know if I was coming
or going. Until I didn't know if you were the bad guy or if Shawn
was. It wasn't until I heard the two of you talking that day that I
realized you're both bad guys. And I'm sorry, but I don't have a bad
boy fetish.”

“
That's
not it at all,” there's offense in his tone. “Neither of
us are bad guys. You just don't understand my situation.”

“
Explain
it then.” I turn to him abruptly, the pitch of my voice rising
in time with his. “You want to explain it. Explain it. You only
get this one chance though. And if you lose your composure and pitch
a fit like you did in the car, then you can just leave. I've dealt
with enough emotional battery when it comes to the two of you. My
patience for it is shot. If anyone has a right to be upset here, it's
me.”

His eyes widen in
surprise. This is me in full anger mode, and I mean every word I say.
I'm not going to stand here and listen to another one of his
emotional outbursts.

“
Let's
sit.” He gestures to one of the tables, oddly the same one that
Shawn and I sat at the time he came to visit me after work. Their
brains must really be in sync.

I follow him and
sit, trying to keep my nerves from going haywire. The tension between
us is wound so tight that I'm worried one of us could snap at any
moment. My body is on guard for a fight, though I don't know why. If
it came to that, fight or flight, I would pick flight. I want to yell
at him, but I don't have it in me.

“
Explain,”
I say the word firmly, enunciating it. Right now, I'm all ears. This
is going to be rich; I just know it.

Tristan looks
towards the street. “To explain what you heard, I need to tell
you more about what happened with Kelly. And what happened to me in
the past.”

“
I'm
listening.”

He glances at me.
“When I was in high school, I used to play football. One day at
practice, I got injured. It was an accident, but as I result, I'm
unable to have children.”

My mouth falls
slightly agape. That explains why he wouldn't pull out. Why it didn't
bother him at all.

He continues, “Kelly
was a lot like you. She was . . . beautiful and vibrant and sweet.
She also wanted children, but I was unable to give them to her. In
fear of losing her, I never told her. We lived this fantasy where we
were going to get married and everything was going to be perfect. We
talked about the house with the white picket fence. Two kids. A dog.
The perfect family.” Tristan bites his bottom lip for a moment,
then shakes his head. “I took things too far. We got engaged,
and I still couldn't tell her. I mean, it's not like I never
approached the subject. We discussed adoption a few times, but she
always said she wouldn't be interested until we had a few kids of our
own. She wouldn't have wanted me if she knew.

“
Shawn
told me I should tell her. He said it would be alright. That if she
didn't want me after she found out, it would be her loss. That wasn't
true though. I loved her so much. I knew I would be the one on the
losing end.” He sighs, “In the end, I couldn't tell her.
About a month before the wedding, I broke up with her. I said a bunch
of nasty things, things that weren't true. Anything I could to drive
her away. It hurt me so bad, but I wanted her to hate me. And in all
of that, I never told her the truth. I never told her the real reason
I couldn't be with her anymore. It was because I loved her so much
that I wanted a better life for her. I wanted her to have the kids
she always wanted. The family she always wanted. The family she
couldn't have with me.” Tristan's eyes water as he speaks, and
I can feel pain radiating from him. I know what comes next without
him even having to say it. Being hurt so deeply by someone you're
madly in love with.

“
That
night, she killed herself. She even wrote out a suicide note saying
that if she couldn't be with me, then she didn't want to live. She
said that she died of a broken heart. The gun had nothing to do with
it.” Tears are streaming down his face now. Despite myself, I
move over next to him to offer support, but he holds his hands up to
keep me away. “No. You're not supposed to coddle me. I don't
deserve sympathy for this.”

“
Tristan,”
his name trails off my lips. I don't know what to say. There are no
words that can comfort him. He made a mistake, and they both paid the
price for it. He'll have to live with this forever.

“
That's
what happened.” He nods, whipping his eyes on his bomber jacket
sleeve.

“
So
how does what happened with us and Shawn play into all of this?”
I ask as I slide back over onto my bench. It feels a bit insensitive
changing the subject, but also necessary to keep him held together.
He's so close to breaking; I can see it, the faint trembling on the
surface.

“
I
know you want kids too.” He stares out into the distance. “I
can't give them to you, and I didn't want to make the same mistake I
made with Kelly. You'll want kids from my blood, and Shawn is my
blood.

“
I
want you, Sarah.” He looks at me for the first time since we
sat down. Really looks at me. And his expression is so earnest. But
as quickly as we have that moment, he turns away again. “Shawn
isn't like me. He's never going to get married. He doesn't want the
same things I do, but he does want me to be happy. I made him agree
that if I found someone again, that she would have to be willing to
accept both of us. I don't mind sharing you with Shawn. Shawn's the
only thing that's safe and stable in my life, and if he has you, then
you'll be safe and stable too.”

“
Do
you not realize how convoluted that sounds?” I quirk an eyebrow
at him. “You're basically saying that you want me to sleep with
Shawn because you're afraid I'll die otherwise.”

“
It's
hard to explain. I just feel better knowing you're with both of us.”
He shakes his head.

“
And
how does Shawn feel about all of this?” Screw Shawn. How do I
feel about all of this? I can't believe I'm actually interested in
their warped relationship. It's just so wrong that it's fascinating
to me.

Tristan smiles.
“Shawn likes you a lot. He thinks you're a wonderful girl. That
you're perfect for me.”

“
What
about him? You've essentially made this into a poly relationship
between us. Is he just going to have sex with me? I mean, I'm not
even ready to have kids yet.”

“
Yeah,
about that,” he pauses, searching for words. “Can't we
all just be together?” He looks at me, posing an honest
question.

My heart fills with
a deep sadness. Now I'm the one looking away. “You know,
Tristan, I never really wanted him. It was always you.”

“
I
know, but would you have stayed if I had told you the truth?”

I stare down at the
cold concrete, imagining what my life would have been like with
Tristan if none of this trickery had ever happened. Things would have
been perfect up until the point that I found out he couldn't have
kids. It's true that I want kids of my own, that I want to know what
it feels like to have a baby inside of me. Not now, of course, but
later on down the road. Maybe Tristan and I wouldn't have even stayed
together that long. Who knows? But if we did . . .

First and foremost,
I would have been pissed at him for not telling me. I would have felt
like I wasted my time with a man who couldn't ultimately give me what
I need in life. My heart would have broken anyway. And if I would
have forced myself to stay in a relationship with him despite his
shortcomings, resentment would have followed. Yes, things would have
ended eventually.

“
So
this is how it has to be if we're going to stay together? You, me,
and Shawn?” My eyes move back up to his face.

He meets my gaze.
“If you love me, you also have to love him.”

I sigh deeply, “I'll
have to think about this. It's a lot to digest in one sitting.”

“
I
know. I'm glad I got it all out though. This was eating me alive.”
He glances up at the trees.

“
If
I do agree to this, I want no more deception. No more manipulation.
No more hiding things or lies. You tell me everything. Both of you.”

He nods.
“Everything.”

“
I
need to get home.” I stand up, feeling like my head might
explode from all of this new knowledge. What he's asking of me is so
bizarre. It's hard for me to process it.

“
I
could give you a lift on the bike.” He points to his motorcycle
with a smirk, getting up to walk me towards the parking lot.

“
I
think I'll pass.” I give him a sarcastic look.

“
I
know. I was just teasing.” He walks beside me, so close that
our shoulders are almost touching.

We get to his bike,
and I pause to say my goodbyes. “Well, I guess I'll text you
sometime then.”

“
Do
it soon, please. I hate being kept waiting.” He brushes a
strand of hair behind my ear, causing a shiver to run down my spine.
That electricity is still there. Despite everything, I still have
feelings for him.

“
I
don't know how long it's going to take me.” I shake my head,
feeling weak.

“
Can
I kiss you? Please.” When I don't respond, he leans in. Our
lips meet in the sweetest most chaste kiss. My heart throbs with pain
as I realize this might be our last kiss. That all depends on the
decision I make. I close my eyes, savoring the taste of his lips, not
wanting the kiss to end. When he pulls away, I know I must look like
a lovesick fool, standing there with my eyes closed, with my mouth
slightly parted as if I'm trying to breath in his essence. “I
love you, Sarah Palmer.”

I lick my lips and
walk away from him. I can't say anything. I can't think enough to
form words. I just need to get away. Get away so that I can make
sense of all of this—so that I'm not intoxicated by his
presence.

CHAPTER THREE

I lay in bed
thinking about my options. There are really only two. Be with both
Tristan and Shawn, or stay single and hope something better
eventually comes along. Something better would probably eventually
come along, but the truth of the matter is that I love Tristan, and I
like Shawn a lot. Tristan is romantic and caring. Shawn is aggressive
and exciting. They're both well off, and being with them could change
my life. It already has.