Beyond Doubt (20 page)

It had been two full weeks of silence from Aaron. The first week I didn’t attempt to reach out. I felt foolish and absolutely childish, and I never liked to admit when someone else was right, especially if it highlighted that I might be wrong. Hopefully that would pay off in my chosen profession, but it didn’t bode well for my personal life. It was a trait I was going to work on.

By the second week, I had my apology to Aaron all worked out, and I even wrote a letter to Gabby about my feelings for her brother. It stayed in my jewelry box until the time was right. Or now I should say if the time would ever be right. I had left several messages on Aaron’s voicemail, sent texts, and emails, and he didn’t respond to any of them. Of course, that pulled me to the wonderful interwebs where I searched and searched to see if any new images of him with someone else were posted online. Thankfully there weren’t any, but that didn’t mean anything necessarily. I think he had plenty on quick dial. The thought made me queasy.

But I had to get in the zone because today was my final driving class on the motorcycle, followed by my endorsement test, and it was the first time I’d be using the bike that Jason built for me. It wasn’t anything fancy. I wanted a basic bike to learn on, and I felt the safest knowing Jason rebuilt it for me. It felt odd going through the motions when the person I started to do it for might possibly not be in the equation any longer or maybe he never was.

My phone buzzed and it was Jason, right on time. He was downstairs waiting to show me my new two-wheeled wonder. Shaking the disappointment away, I took off for the elevator and hoped it would put me in better spirits.

When I made it downstairs, Jason was standing on the curb with a plate of baked goods.

“Is this what she’s been up to?” I asked, giving Jason a big hug.

“Indeed. Hopefully, you have someone to share them with.”

My insides twisted at the realization that I actually didn’t have anyone to share them with, and why wouldn’t Jason know that? Did I become that inconsequential?

“I’ll put these on the seat until you go upstairs. Now let’s check this baby out. I can tell you Gabby is absolutely going to flip when she finds out you’ve learned to ride. And Aaron. Hell. He’s going to think he died and went to heaven.”

A lump formed in the back of my throat and my gaze fell to the sidewalk. Please not now, not in front of him.

“Brandy, you okay?”

My movement went from a slight nodding gesture to completely shaking my head. The tears began to spill down my cheeks and the embarrassment of the situation was almost as stifling. I mean I knew Jason but not that well and here I was bawling in front of him. He took me into his arms and hugged me.

“Whatever’s going on…It’s going to be okay,” he said, stroking my hair.

“I don’t think it is. I think I blew it with Aaron before it even had a chance to go anywhere.” I sniffed into his chest.

“Aaron doesn’t like complication. He’s a smart guy, but he doesn’t seem to understand that’s what relationships are made of—complication. Lots of tiny bits of emotion, history, and dreams all bundled into one big complicated mass that’s a ticking time bomb of great passion or great heartache.”

“So he didn’t tell you anything?” I asked, stepping back and trying to regroup.

“He didn’t. He usually keeps to himself when it comes to relationships. I was surprised he even told me what he had about you. He’s really struck by you. Frustrated, definitely—but completely enamored. I’ve never seen him cut himself off from options, if you know what I mean.”

“Unfortunately, I know exactly what you mean, more like who, but I think that might not be the case any longer. He’s not answering my emails, texts, calls.”

“Listen. Don’t give up on him. He’s a good guy… a really good guy and once you peel back the layers, you’ll see that he’s worth fighting for. But he’s not used to the relationship thing. You might just have to be persistent and patient.”

I drew in a deep breath. “I’m nothing if not persistent. Now let’s see that bike so I can get to my last class.” I attempted a smile and Jason patted my shoulder before unlocking the trailer.

“Also, we’ve just about cracked the code on all of those text messages. Once we do, he or I will let you know what we find out. But it’s looking really strange so far so be extra vigilant.”

“Thanks. Hopefully, it was a fluke. I haven’t had anything weird happen for a while.”

“Well, just be careful. Things aren’t sitting right.”

He pulled out the ramp and climbed in. Seconds later he backed out a rebuilt motorcycle, completely fitting what I was looking for.

“It’s a 1964 Honda CB 160. We completely tore it apart and rebuilt her from the ground up. She’s better than most new bikes and the perfect size for a beginner.”

“It’s gorgeous,” I said, as he backed the beautiful red bike into place.

“You want to take it around the block?” he asked, handing me the matching helmet.

Nodding, I slipped the helmet over my head and fastened the buckle.

“You ready?” he asked.

“I am.” I lifted my leg over the seat and settled right onto the leather. “This is really comfortable. Way better than the ones at class.”

Jason started laughing. “I bet.”

Feeling the lift of exhilaration that I was beginning to enjoy here and there, I flipped the ignition and nodded at Jason as I began to take off. The traffic was light, and I managed to sneak right into the lane as the wind began to beat against my body. There really was something freeing about being so out in the open and connected with the road. I turned toward the water and watched the many admiring eyes as I rode past all the wandering tourists and Seattleites. I felt an itch to keep going, but knew I needed to get to class and felt comfortable enough to ride there on it. Taking the last right to meet back with Jason, I felt a wave of excitement at what I was about to accomplish.

Jason was waving as I pulled up behind him. I was grinning so much, the muscles in my cheeks hurt.

“You’re doing amazing. It’s like you’ve ridden for years.”

“Yeah?”

“Totally. You’ll get your endorsement no sweat.”

“Can I ask a favor? I know you’ve done a lot for me already…”

He nodded.

“Can you give me Aaron’s address?”

Jason’s expression fell as he thought about what I was asking. He knew his friend better than anyone, and he knew as well as I did that showing up out of the blue might really blow up in my face.

“Please? I can handle it. No matter what I find.”

He let out a deep sigh and nodded. “Yeah. I’ll give it to you.”

He programmed the address into my iPhone and briefly explained how to get there. Aaron lived closer to the country than the city, which completely took me by surprise. I’d just imagined that he was someone who wanted to be near the action.

“Thanks, Jason,” I said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll run the goodies upstairs and be on my way. Wish me luck.”

“You aren’t going to need any luck. You’ve got this. And Brandy?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t give up on him. Even if you find him doing something stupid.”

My stomach knotted as I took the tray of brownies and cookies upstairs. Jason knew something and he just wasn’t telling me. That much I knew.

I passed the driver’s test with flying colors and was so unbelievably proud of myself that I did the unthinkable and texted my mom the good news. It only took a few seconds for an immediate response back from her, asking if I’d lost my mind. I quickly texted Ayden and Mason, and they didn’t believe me so I sent them a selfie of me on my brand new bike holding the endorsement. Mason wanted me to come over and show off my new bike, and Ayden wondered what drug I was on. This new me felt absolutely amazing, and if nothing else, I wanted to thank the person who helped me get over my fears. The entire time I was testing, I imagined being on the Jet Ski with Aaron. The way he went into the turns, and the first feelings of absolute freedom that crept in.

I texted Aaron and hoped for a response but expected none.

My surprise is ready. I hope you are.

And none was what I got.

I tucked my phone in my leather jacket and got ready for my ride, trying to push the sadness away. I needed to focus on my drive to his house. I only had one stretch of highway and the rest was back roads. The weather was beautiful with the sun blazing in the sea of blue, and I couldn’t ask for better driving conditions. As I started the engine and slowly took off from the parking lot, my mind began to wander to different scenarios. Would I show up and some woman would be rolling out of bed behind him or would I get there and find an empty house because he was shacking up somewhere else? And why were all of my scenarios involving other women? I needed to keep myself sane and upright. Those were the two rules I had for myself. And to get home before dark.

The scenery passed in a blur as I kept my speed between forty and fifty before pulling onto the freeway. My pulse began racing as I merged in between two very aggressive drivers, but I didn’t panic and continued at freeway speeds that were surprisingly pretty fun and made the bike feel even steadier. I passed several exits, feeling more and more confident and finally hit the exit I needed. My heart started beating faster, and I realized it had absolutely nothing to do with riding this bike, and everything to do with possibly seeing Aaron.

A grocery store sat sprawling at the main intersection where I took a right and began my drive through the rolling hills and country roads where meadows were more frequent than houses. With every mile the anticipation of seeing him was increasing and so was the doubt.

I turned onto the rural road where his driveway was supposed to jet off from. As I drove along, only slowing to read addresses off of mailboxes, the nervousness turned to eagerness. Spotting the correct address painted in silver on a black mailbox, I turned down the private, gravel road and began second-guessing my bright idea of showing up to his house unannounced.

I was a planner. Always had been. But here I was about to drop in on Aaron and hope for the best and with his track record his best day might be the worst day in my life. I drove the bike slowly along the gravel drive, avoiding potholes and large rocks the best I could while trying to focus on where I was driving.

Once his home came into view, I knew I couldn’t back out now. The house sitting at the back of the property took me aback. It wasn’t sprawling and extravagant like I imagined. It was understated and cozy with a small stoop tucked into its modern architecture. Slowing my speed even more, I drew in a breath as I spotted a small workshop with the garage door rolled up. My heart was hammering as I noticed some sort of light glowing from inside the garage. Was he in there?

I glanced at the house and saw a shadow move across the upstairs window and my insides fell. Aaron couldn’t be in two places at once. I spotted a large Cedar tree and parked underneath it, turning off my engine. I let out a deep breath and unfastened my helmet, only to be met with crashing music coming from the garage. He had to be in there. So who was wandering around inside his house? Maybe I imagined it. Hopefully, I imagined it.

I hung my helmet on the handlebars, shook out my hair, and slowly walked toward the garage opening. As I got closer, I realized the glowing light was actually sparks flittering across the cement floor, and I slowed my stride unsure of what I might see. Maybe it wasn’t Aaron inside the garage after all.

The music was blaring, and it wasn’t at all what I expected. Old Rage Against the Machine transitioned to Prodigy. This wasn’t the Aaron I knew, but it certainly was one that I wanted to get to know. As I turned the bend, I saw a large metal sculpture in the corner of the garage and Aaron standing on a ladder, welding along the top of the piece that looked to be the star of the show. Even though the arc was nowhere in sight, I shielded my eyes as I attempted to take in the scene unfolding in front of me. The sculpture was absolutely magnificent. The curls of the metal sprung from a cavity that looked like it represented a mouth opening wide, displaying an intricate pattern of wood and metal pieces intertwined throughout.

Aaron continued to attach pieces, switching between a small soldering gun and a welder, stopping only momentarily to stare at his creation. His head would bob to the beat of the music every so often, and I felt completely conflicted as I stood and watched something so personal unfold in front of me. But I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to move. Watching him stand on the ladder, his lean body stretching as he attached pieces of metal was beyond exhilarating. It fed something inside me and told me to fight for whatever it was I thought this could be.