Bia's War (19 page)

“Within the week, however, the
gossips began talking about Dennison’s accident, putting forward
various ways in which he could have come by the injuries he had
sustained. I wasn’t sure at first whether he had been in another
‘accident’ or if the injuries the gossips were talking about was
what I had done to his ear. I didn’t want to make it obvious that I
was extremely interested in these injuries, so I tried to be very
casual when I asked about them and it wasn’t long before I realised
it was the injury to his ear that I had bitten that was the subject
of all the gossip.”

“I tried to be nonchalant in my
attitude when Dennison was discussed, but anybody who knew me well
would have known that I was hiding something. Thankfully, those
people who knew me well, like Annie and Sam, already knew what had
happened and weren’t likely to share their knowledge with anyone
else. So none of the gossips knew that it was I who had caused
Dennison’s injury and they were all ready and eager to discuss what
had happened to him. It was reported that the pig butcher had once
again turned to drink to compensate for what he thought were the
hard blows that Fate had dealt him and that he was becoming more
and more aggressive and intolerant every time he was seen in one of
the local hostelries. He wasn’t opening his shop anymore, so it was
only a matter of time before he ran out of money to fund his
drinking binges and I shuddered to think what he would do then. I
hoped that he wouldn’t come looking for me again.”

“The weather didn’t get any
better, in fact half way through February it got a lot worse. The
snow which had fallen earlier in the winter had never melted
because the temperature was so low and then gale-force winds began
to blow, so cold they felt as though they were coming straight from
the arctic. It didn’t matter how many layers of clothes you wore,
that wind could pass through anything and there were a few cases of
frostbite among people who worked outside. The dock workers were
particularly hard hit because that cold wind was coming straight
off the sea, with nothing to take the edge off it. Every time I
went down to the warehouse I took flasks of hot tea and soup with
me and I wished that I could do the same for all the soldiers who
were huddled in trenches, trying to stay alive in that horrendous
weather.”

“Although the daylight hours
were starting to get slightly longer it didn’t make any difference
to the weather and when snow fell, it made even the middle of the
day a dark, depressing time. William was suffering a lot of pain in
his legs, because the icy conditions seemed to make every nerve
ending susceptible and he was taking a lot of the painkilling
drafts that the doctor prescribed for him. Unfortunately, they
didn’t seem to work when the pain was at its worst and he began
drinking in order to numb it, spending nearly every night at the
Red Lion. I didn’t consider that it was a good idea for him to
depend on alcohol so much, but his absence every evening made home
life a lot more bearable and Simon soon stopped asking where his
Daddy was. William stayed sober long enough each day to take Simon
to school and then to fetch him home again, leaving for the Red
Lion as Simon was having his tea. He would roll home about
midnight, when I had already gone to bed, but as long as he was up
in time to take Simon to school, I didn’t question what he was
doing.”

“One Friday, during the second
week in February, William set off to collect Simon from school as
usual. It had stopped snowing, so when they got home he announced
that he wanted to take Simon down to the market on Nelson Street
and they would both have hot chestnuts from the cart which came
every Friday. I agreed because Simon was so eager to go to the
market with his Daddy and if it kept William out of the Red Lion
for another couple of hours, then all to the good. It was already
getting dark when they set off and I did wonder if it had been a
good idea after all, but the market stalls always had lanterns lit
and I thought Simon would probably enjoy the atmosphere of the
bustling market as much as he would enjoy the chestnuts”

“I lit the lamps in the shop
that day while Hannah continued to serve customers, but then the
steady stream of eager buyers dried up and it gave me time to look
outside. It had started to snow again and even as I watched, the
tiny flakes of the first shower got bigger and bigger until they
were the size of golf balls, flying horizontally past the window
and forming a curtain through which it was impossible to see. As I
stood staring out of the window, Sammy crashed through the door in
his haste to get in out of the storm.”

“‘By, it’s rough out there,
lass,’ he said when he had shaken the snow off his face so that he
could see again. “Looks like its set in for the night again. I
don’t think I’ve ever seen so much snow in all my life. I’ve never
known a winter like this one.’”

“I agreed with Sam but my mind
was concentrating on Simon and William. I had expected that they
would have been home by now, because it wasn’t that far to the
market and if they were only buying chestnuts, it wouldn’t have
taken very long. It was completely dark outside by that time and
most people had returned to their homes. No-one would want to go
outside again on a night like that.”

“We closed the shop and I set
about making tea for us all, expecting Sammy to say that he would
go home to sort a meal for his other two girls, but he didn’t. He
hung around in the kitchen and was unusually silent, while I
bustled around him, setting the table for us all to eat. I couldn’t
speak because I was far too worried about Simon and his
whereabouts, although I saw the glances being exchanged between
Annie and Sam. It was Peter who put my worries into words, however,
when he innocently asked, ‘Where’s Simon? Why hasn’t he come home
for his tea?’”

“That was the final straw for
me. I dropped the serving spoon I had been holding and swung round
to look at Sammy.”

“‘Do you think something’s
happened to them?’ I asked, my voice quivering with the fear which
was clutching at my stomach.”

“‘What time did they go out?’
Sam asked. ‘It can’t have been too long ago because Simon was at
school today, wasn’t he?’”

“‘Yes, Simon went to school and
William brought him home after school tonight. Simon wanted to go
and get hot chestnuts from the stall at the market, so William took
him there. But the market will have ended ages ago. They will have
packed up and gone when the snow got heavier, because all their
customers will have gone home. I thought William would have brought
Simon home long before this.’”

“I dropped onto a chair and
rested my head in my hands. My brain was whirling with thoughts of
all that could have happened to them and I could feel the panic
welling up inside me, threatening to escape and take all my
self-control with it. Sam sat down next to me and took hold of my
hand, forcing me to look at him.”

“‘Don’t panic, lass,’ he said,
very quietly and calmly. ‘They’ve probably taken shelter in one of
the pubs near the market place and they’re waiting for the storm to
pass. When the snow stops, they’ll likely come straight home.’”

“‘You don’t believe that any
more than I do.’ I replied. ‘Something’s happened to them and
that’s why they haven’t come home.’ I had an overwhelming sense of
doom, even though my sensible side was agreeing with Sammy that
they would have taken shelter somewhere out of the storm and that
they would return home when the snow abated. In my mind, William
and Simon’s disappearance had something to do with Butcher Dennison
and once that connection had formed, I couldn’t separate the
two.”

“I stood up and began pacing the
kitchen floor, my mind jumping from Simon to the pig butcher, back
and forth, back and forth until my brain was reeling with the worry
and I was almost running round the kitchen. It was Annie who put
into words what we had all been thinking.”

“‘Hannah and I will stay here,
in case William and Simon come home. Why don’t you three go round
by the market and see if anyone has seen the pair of them?’”

“Sammy showed that he was nearly
as worried as I was because he didn’t hesitate. He was pulling his
coat on almost while Annie was still speaking and stopped only long
enough to urge her to lock all the doors and not open them unless
he or I spoke to her. I was as quick as Sammy and wrapped myself
into my thick winter shawl and donned my gloves while Annie shoved
Peter’s arms into his coat and pulled a woollen hat onto his
head.”

“We set off into a complete
whiteout, unable to see the hands in front of our faces as the snow
whirled round us, deadening all sound apart from the wind and
hiding all the familiar landmarks such as houses and roads. In
order to walk along King Street we had to join hands in a line and
Sam felt his way along the house fronts so that we knew we were
going in the direction of Lorne Terrace and the market. I was the
middle one of the line of us, with Sam on my left and Peter tugging
my hand on the right side of me. The gusting wind was so strong
that it was only these two anchors that stopped me from being blown
over and I worried how we were ever going to find anyone in those
terrible conditions. A picture of soldiers huddled down in trenches
while the snow raged around them popped into my mind and for a
second I almost believed that I was seeing the front line of a
battlefield, until the wind gusted again and the snow formed white
pillows in front of me. I learnt years later that it is possible to
have mirages in a whiteout, the same as people have in
deserts.”

“We made our way slowly along
King Street until we came to its junction with Middlesbrough Road,
turned right and crossed over this main road and continued down
Lorne Terrace towards the market place. It seemed to have turned
even colder since we had left the shop, with the wind coming
straight towards us as it blew in from the North Sea, laden with
snow and carrying the bitter chill from the Russian steppes. Many
people say it can be too cold to snow, but that night was the
coldest I have ever known and the snow was unrelenting as the wind
whipped it against our bodies.”

“There were very few people
about because the weather was so bad and those who were outside
were hurrying as fast as they could with their heads down against
the wind, intent on reaching home and shelter. Sam had to grab at
arms as they went past in order to ask them if they had seen
William and Simon. The answer was always in the negative and, by
the time we crossed onto Station Road without any trace of them, my
apprehension had reached fever pitch. I had a fear on me unlike
anything I had ever experienced before, although I would have been
hard put to have justified why I was so fearful. It was animal-like
in its intensity and it made me want to sit down on the pavement
and howl my fear to the skies.”

“I tried to keep this fear to
myself, but as we passed the bright lights of the Red Lion, I could
see an answering fear in Sammy’s eyes as he held my arm to stop me
moving on.”

“‘I’ll go in and see if they are
sheltering in here,’ he yelled above the noise of the wind, nodding
towards the public house. ‘I can ask if anyone has seen them if
they aren’t there.’”

“Peter and I waited outside in
the cold. I wouldn’t have been seen dead inside a drinking
establishment like that and I knew that Annie wouldn’t allow Peter
inside a public house since one of his contemporaries had taken him
in as a joke two years before and Peter had drunk beer until he was
sick. It was so cold, standing there in the snow and the wind and
my inner voice was screaming at me that something terrible was
going to happen which I needed to stop, but I didn’t know where to
go to stop it. I didn’t care if William was dead drunk in a ditch,
as long as Simon was safe. If I could only find Simon and take him
home, where we could be warm and safe from any harm.”

“Peter could feel the fear
coming off me. He could often sense the distress of others because
his own senses were so simple and clear cut and they didn’t drown
out the feelings of others. He stroked my hand as we stood, linked,
waiting for Sammy to come out of the Red Lion, hopefully bringing
Simon with him.”

“But that was not to be. Sam
came out of the Lion alone, shaking his head when I asked if anyone
had seen William and Simon. We continued to tramp along Station
Road until we reached the Lord Nelson public house. This time, Sam
just nodded in the direction of the front door and I nodded back.
He went inside, once again leaving Peter and I huddled together in
the wind and the snow. I tried to think about all the poor Tommies
sitting hunched together in their trenches as the wind whistled
above them and the snow did it’s best to bury them before the Hun
killed them, but I was all out of empathy that night. I could only
think about Simon and how much I loved him. Even Butcher Dennison
and what he had done to me couldn’t penetrate my brain that night.
There was a refrain going round and round in my head – Simon,
Simon, Simon. Please be safe, my baby, please be safe.”

“Sam came out of the Lord Nelson
and, once again, he was alone, shaking his head at me as I looked
at him in hope. So we set off again, quartering the streets around
the market place, only stopping at each public house so that Sam
could go in and enquire if anyone had seen William and Simon since
the market closed and only getting negative answers. Peter and I
stood and let the wind and the snow whip our faces as we waited
with less and less hope at each bar.”

“I hadn’t realised how many
streets there were in our town or how many drinking establishments
and by the time we had tramped each street and visited places like
the Cleveland Bay and the George IV, my face was frozen into a
rectal grimace and my arms, legs and feet were so cold I could no
longer feel them. Eventually, as we reached the corner where King
Street crossed Middlesbrough Road for the second time that night,
Sammy stopped and held me back. As we hesitated on the pavement, I
realised that it wasn’t snowing quite as heavily as before and the
wind had dropped to only gale intensity.”