Big Girl Panties (22 page)

Chase shook his head. “I wasn't going to say that either. But I do think this is all about you.”

Logan, tired of Chase's game of twenty questions and his mind-reading act, settled his hands on his hips and demanded, “Are you going to lay your knowledge on me or what?”

Chase went over to a minifridge and pulled out two bottles of water, handing one to Logan and opening the other. He tossed the cap basketball style, aiming for a small wastebasket on the other side of the room, and missed. “The way I see it, this isn't about Holly and her weight, although it's what you've chosen to hide behind. It's not about how you've deviated from your lifelong attraction to six-foot-tall blondes or the monthlong underground sex fest you've been preoccupied with. It's not even about the fact that you went to that gym and found out that at five o'clock in the morning, she's probably having a ball without you. It's about how scared you are that you've finally let somebody in. That there's someone out there you care about more than yourself.”

Logan went over to Chase's bottle cap and picked it up from the floor, dropping it into the garbage can. He took a minute to fully digest Chase's theory. “You think that's it?”

“I think I'm close at any rate,” Chase replied. “Everything about this relationship with Holly is a departure for you, and I'm not just talking about her looks. There was no wham-bam whirlwind involved. It was a slow building of trust and respect and finally chemistry and attraction. Sounds like the perfect setup to me.”

“Hey, wait a minute,” Logan interjected, feeling defensive, although he wasn't sure why. “You said that the minute you set eyes on Amanda, it was all over for you.”

Chase laughed again. “Yeah, but I was always open to the possibility that it would happen like that for me. Actually, I was sure of it. But we're talking about you here. Ever since I met you, you've had this attitude that women would only gum up the works for you. You've always kept your emotional barrier up. I would go as far as to say that they always had to be so one-dimensionally beautiful so that when they figured you out, you wouldn't have to harbor any guilt that they wouldn't be able to move on to someone else. Suddenly, you're one step from becoming accountable to someone. The minute you take Holly out somewhere and make that first introduction that she's your girlfriend, it's going to be all over for you.”

“I've made the girlfriend introduction before,” Logan said, trying in vain to make what he thought was a valid point.

“Not contradicting a woman you're screwing when she calls herself your girlfriend is hardly the same thing,” Chase replied.

“I did call Natalie my girlfriend before, and you know it.”

“Which one was Natalie again?” Chase asked with sarcasm. “Oh yeah, the one you brought along to Fiji last year. I figured you just said that to lull her into believing she wasn't only your most recent plaything. We were halfway across the world. Her getting pissed would have ruined the trip for all of us.”

“I fucking hate you,” Logan groaned, unable to deny any part of the assertion.

“Hey, look,” Chase easily replied, “this heart-to-heart crap is no picnic for me either. I could have done without playing Dr. Phil at seven in the morning. But if you're freaked out, I have to do what I can to help you get your head on straight. You've been spinning your wheels about this for weeks.”

“Why can't I keep my hands off my female clients?” Logan asked, getting closer to the heart of the matter but not fully committing to it.

“Because this one isn't just a client. And why are you getting so twisted up about this? If anything, it'll look like you've finally taken your head out of your ass. She's a great girl, probably better than you deserve,” Chase joked, picking up two dumbbells and pumping out a quick set of lateral lifts. “And you're forgetting, you're really not that important. People don't give a shit about you; they give a shit about themselves. Once you let her keep her clothes on for more than five seconds and start taking her out, you'll see that. You might even enjoy breaking free of your pretty-boy-stuck-on-blondes image. It was getting sort of tired anyway.”

“I made a total ass of myself in that gym this morning,” Logan confessed. “I left there basically telling her she has to quit her job.”

“That must have been fun to watch.” Chase switched to hammer curls, not terribly concerned. “I'm sorry I missed it. You're going to have to turn that around, you know.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

Chase dropped the weights with a loud thud. “It is. You just tell her you had a fit of jealousy and you're sorry. Girls become putty in your hands when they hear that kind of crap. Damn, love is making you stupid.”

“I never said I loved her.” Logan made one final grasp at the straws of his life as he used to know it.

“You never had to,” his friend replied. “But you might want to get it out of the way, so you can start to get your sanity back.”

Logan left the Walkers' house only slightly less confused than before he got there, grateful that Amanda had not woken up. In his current state, he could never have withstood her taking a turn at him. He was already muddled.

Nobody knew him better than Chase did. All of this fighting what felt natural was only making Logan crazy for no good reason. He wasn't being superficial, he was just in deeper emotionally than he had ever been before, and it was easier to project the discomfort onto Holly. So what if she wasn't a Victoria's Secret model? She was adorable and she excited him. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it. In hindsight, to think anyone would give a flying fig about who he chose to spend his time with was ludicrous.

Chase had been right about many of the things he said, but not all of them. Logan was not in love. Sure, he loved Holly; he liked to believe he loved everyone. But he wasn't
in
love with her. He would never leave himself at that sort of disadvantage. Once said and out there in the airwaves, it was like some sort of noose that slowly strangled the fun out of everything. Love was an outdated concept that maybe worked for hopeless romantics like Chase, but his friend had always been the exception to every rule. Logan wasn't about to start buying into the notion that just because he was infatuated with Holly, he was in love. The only reason he was so interested was because she respected his space. He was actually doing some of the pursuing for once. She wasn't clinging to him, and it represented challenge. Good sex and common interests did not a lifetime commitment make, and Logan was not about to ruin either by taking that sort of leap. Holly didn't seem ready to take it either. It was a nonissue.

Logan got home, showered, and dressed for work, thinking no more about anything except how to get their relationship back on track. With an hour to kill before his first client arrived, he got back in his car, and as if it had a will of its own, he found himself back at Bodyssey.

When her shift was over and Holly emerged, she found Logan leaning casually against the driver's-side door of her car.

“Hi,” she said, looking as puzzled as she had when he last saw her. She leaned up against the car next to hers and looked down at the ground between them. “Care to explain what happened in there before?”

He shook his head and exhaled loudly. Then he reached over and grabbed hold of her shirt where it covered her belly. He gave a tug and pulled her away from the spot where she was leaning. It achieved his desired result—unbalancing her and bringing her crashing into the solid wall of his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and kept her there despite several people walking by them to enter or exit the gym.

“It wasn't you” was all he told her, not going any farther by way of explanation. “I should be saying I'm sorry. And I am.”

Holly smiled up at him. He didn't need to explain anything. He was all over her like a cheap suit and it was heavenly. It was hard to think of anything besides it. Whatever happened, he would tell her when he was ready. He was there and apologetic and that was enough for her. “It's okay.”

“I-I took some antihistamines; I think I may have had a reaction to them,” he stammered, knowing he had no right to her ready acceptance of his apology.

“Histamine rage,” she said in agreement, nodding. “Makes perfect sense to me.”

He gave her a quick kiss before standing them both up straight. “I have to get to work.”

She walked him to his car, which was parked several rows away. They said nothing but intentionally kept playfully bumping into each other. When they reached it, he opened the door and turned back to her. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Waiting for you,” she told him happily.

“My last client is at seven. I know that doesn't leave much time, but maybe a movie or something?”

“Netflix awaits,” she said.

“No,” he told her. “I want to take you out. I would suggest catching the end of the Kings game, but I know I need to have you home before you turn into a pumpkin.”

Holly grinned again. “No worries there. I don't have a job anymore.”

Logan's look of surprise was followed by one of barely contained joy. “You quit your job?”

Her grin grew wider and she glanced back at the building. “Sort of. I gave them my two weeks' notice and they promptly fired me. Seems they don't handle rejection very well in there. They did tell me I could remain a member though. I may do that. I met some really nice people. Guess I liked people more than I thought.”

Logan's joy was short-lived as he realized his actions may have been what motivated her. “Oh my God, Holly, please tell me this didn't have anything to do with my foolishness.”

“Oh hell no.” Holly was quick to set him at ease, a coy smile forming on her lips. “I realized weeks ago that it was never going to work. I was getting tired of falling asleep on your shoulder at seven thirty every night, instead of in your arms.”

“Be ready by eight.” He kissed her before sliding into the driver's seat. “Tonight we celebrate.”

Chapter Twenty

T
hey started dating, with Logan slowly integrating Holly into his life. And not much actually changed. They did a lot of going out with Amanda and Chase. There were charity parties, sporting events, concerts. She slipped into the man cave without him even noticing. Logan accepted every invitation in his attempt to show his newly minted status as taken. At first, Holly was shy, intimidated by the stares of the people Logan introduced her to. Logan suffered from bouts of momentary discomfort as well. He felt defensive and at times troublingly unsure when running into an ex, all long and blond, and seeing the ex's intrigued if not amused reaction as he introduced his pudgy cherub. Some of his friends and business associates weren't always so discreet about covering up their double takes.

But when Logan and Holly were alone, he was confident about his choice. She willingly went along with whatever he chose to make important, even if his choice was time alone, which had become less and less frequent, as the sex with her was still so much fun. Hell, everything attached to Holly was fun, because even the most mundane things to him were brand new to her and she embraced them fully. Still, he felt guilty for his spurts of nagging doubt.

“Hey, do you have an extra toothbrush I can borrow?” Logan asked as he entered the bathroom one evening, exhaling into his cupped hand and then bringing it up to his nose for an improvised bad-breath test. Holly was standing in front of one of the sinks, staring at herself in the mirror. He could tell with one glance at her mirrored reflection that she was troubled. “What's the matter?”

She immediately came clean. “Nothing. Everything. I can't do this.”

“Do what?”

“I can't go to this party. I can't go to this party with you.”

“Why not? It's a party. They're supposed to be fun. You suddenly have something against fun?”

“Sure. Fun for you. Look at you. You're gorgeous. Look at me. People will wonder what the hell I'm blackmailing you with.”

Logan laughed while sneaking up behind her, wrapping his arms around her, and resting his chin on top of her head. “Stop being ridiculous, you're beautiful.”

She looked at them in the mirror and tried to get the words past the lump in her throat. “No, Logan. You're beautiful. I'm so completely not.”

Logan straightened back up and grabbed her shoulders, then turned her around to face him. When she kept her eyes cast downward, he crooked his finger under her chin and lifted it, insisting she bring her eyes back up to his, and asked gently, “Holly, this isn't like you. The whole insecurity bit. What's this really about?”

She stared into his warm brown eyes and struggled to find her voice. She had never lied to him and wasn't about to start now.

The words tumbled forth. “You think I don't see the differences in us? You think I don't see the way people look at us? Like I don't deserve you? I don't really mind so much when we're out in the general public. In fact, it's flattering in a demented sort of way. But tonight is all about the beautiful people's club otherwise known as your world.”

Logan was momentarily taken aback. So, she had tapped into his innermost feelings. The ones he wasn't proud of, the ones he thought he had successfully repressed, the very ones that had crossed his mind just an hour before. Tonight would be different. Tonight wasn't about a charity function; it was about the hottest ticket in town, and everyone who was anyone was sure to be in attendance. Tonight, with Holly on his arm, he would be making a statement, loud and clear, that he had never made before. She was so astute, so in tune with him, whether he wanted her to be or not. It wasn't that she wasn't worthy, just that she wasn't what he was used to. Which in turn meant that all the people he knew weren't used to her either. They would adjust, he was sure. She was so damn cute, standing before him in her pink cashmere sweater and modest black wraparound skirt. How could he possibly explain that it wasn't about her, but about his own growth?

He spoke evenly, his words measured. “Holly. I thought I had always been clear. It's not about the package, but about the
whole
package. You are easily the smartest, wittiest, most sincere person I know. Not to mention adorable and positively delectable.” He placed his hands on both sides of her head and tilted her face up to him. He unhurriedly lowered his lips onto hers, effectively silencing any further retort or complaint.

After he felt her tension give way and her hands creep around his waist, he opened his mouth, probing the warm recesses of hers. His hands moved down her back to cup each of her buttocks and with one motion, he lifted and deposited her onto the wide vanity that ran the length of the bathroom wall. The loud thud and subsequent creak of the suspended marble trying to support her weight stopped them both in their tracks. Logan pulled back and saw her eyes grow wide and fill with tears of mortification.

“This thing is used to some Softsoap and a hair dryer sitting on it. Don't even go there,” he told her gruffly, quickly kissing her again. Holding back the tears as well as the emotion that was behind them, she rested her hands on his shoulders and tried to focus on his warm lips, which were demanding her attention. His fingers drifted to her knees and began to pull at the hemline of her skirt until most of her leg was fully exposed. He leaned forward more, pushing, until her back was fully against the mirrored wall before his lips made their way down to her faintly perfumed neck, his hands wandering inside her skirt. He leisurely toyed with the elastic rim of her panties while she ran her hands through his hair and then stopped when he wedged his finger inside them to purposefully slide into her. She moaned with desire at the intrusion, dropping her hands, fully disposing of any lingering thoughts about anything except the feeling of his hand. He deliberately rubbed, moisture joining friction, and she spread her legs farther apart.

He suddenly withdrew, pulled her legs forward, and lifted the skirt to the middle of her full thighs. He reached beneath the now-bunched-up material, stuck his hand under her bottom, and insistently pulled at her panties. She wriggled and soon they were freed. He finished pulling them off and let them fall carelessly to the floor. He went down onto his knees and, bringing her legs forward, drew her closer to the edge of the vanity. He stuck his head beneath her skirt. The stark contrast of the cold marble against the skin on the back of her legs and his warm breath at her center was foreign and fantastic. When his lips touched the soft folds of her, she braced her hands against the marble and shifted to give him better access.

“Oh, Logan,” she breathed, feeling an embarrassment of a totally different kind, which she quickly abandoned as she began to throb. His tongue sensually danced around her core, his hands determinedly at her hips to hold her in place. He greedily licked and nipped and sucked, and all the while she squirmed and ground herself against him until he felt her start to clench, and his mouth was wet with her. She moaned, deep and guttural, and he pulled away, unwilling to let her climax without him. He quickly stood and pulled her off the vanity, and they both fumbled with his belt in a race to free the raging erection from his pants. She unzipped him and he hastily removed them and his boxer briefs, not willing to waste any more time than necessary before taking her. He dropped to the floor, bringing her down with him, and lay on his back. Holly lifted her skirt, straddled him, and with his help, guided herself onto him.

“Yes, baby, yes,” he groaned, filling her, and reached under her sweater, not taking the time to remove her bra and instead pushing it up to massage handfuls of breasts. He circled his thumb around taut nipples and she joined him with a groan of her own. She pulled the encumbering sweater and bra up over her head and tossed them into the neighboring bedroom, desperate to feel his hands all over her.

She rode with him deep inside her, his thick hard sex stretching her, passing all of her sensitive spots. Her rhythm sped up, matched by his pelvis moving in opposition, nearly removing himself from her, only to vigorously fill her again. His hands left her breasts to grab her roughly at the hips and hold her while he took over and glided her up and down. It was a torture that was both relentless and exquisite. Holly threw her head back and gave herself over to his torment. Before long, she felt the familiar tingle that would soon leave her breathless, the tiny tingle that would suddenly explode into an uncontrollable fit of tremors. She surrendered, unable to do anything more than say his name over and over, more pleading and gasping with each repetition. It was music to his ears and he quickened his pace just a fraction more, his own release looming. He felt her stiffen above him and then she began to writhe in orgasmic spasms. He drove in one final time before shuddering into her.

She collapsed onto him and Logan held her tight, right on the bathroom floor.

“Let's get this party over with,” she purred. “So we can get back here and do this again.”