Big Girl Panties (24 page)

“M-maybe it's a hot, buff guy thing? Borderline-insulting terms of endearment?” Tina stammered in the attempt to come up with a positive spin.

“Then the hot buff guy thing is not for me!” Holly practically shouted before blowing her nose. Weeping again, she added, “I guess I should be congratulating myself. I must have gotten down to a weight where it's worth letting people see his great work. He could at least have had the decency to say it to my face, so that when I heard it, it didn't come out of left field.”

“You just used a baseball term there.” Tina suddenly smirked.

“Why wouldn't I? I live sports all day long,” Holly snorted, ramping up again. “I watch ESPN twenty-four hours a day, just to have a clue what he's talking about. I made everything that was important to him important to me. And for what? So I can be his best buddy until he gets tired of playing with me? He never once made a plan based on anything I like to do. Like botanical gardens or modern art or opera.”

“Since when do you have an interest in opera?”

“That's not the point,” Holly snapped. “The point is I lost myself in him. I was so blown away by the fact that he was interested in me, all I could think about was how to keep him. Like I should consider myself so fucking lucky to have him. I'd had misgivings all along that something wasn't right about the whole relationship, but he made me feel paranoid for thinking it. All the while he's been looking at me like some sort of testament to how fabulous he is. And whose side are you on here?”

“I'm on your side, but you have to admit, before it got all messed up, it sure did sound like you were having a blast.”

Holly stopped, took a deep breath. “What are you saying?”

Tina waited before answering. “I'm just suggesting, maybe it isn't all that bad. I haven't seen the two of you together, and in the beginning I had my reservations, but from everything you've told me, he seems nice enough. You always sounded like you were having so much fun with him. Who cares if you were doing all the things he likes to do? When you first met him, you didn't give a crap about anything anyway.”

“It almost sounds like you're defending him.” Holly sniffed again.

Tina clarified. “No way. I'm pro-Holly and you know it. I'm just wondering if maybe you're not a better fit with him than you think. Okay, so the guy made a bonehead move and said something unflattering about you. Maybe he did it before he really knew you. It's not like he consistently refers to you as the troll living under his bridge.”

“Neither one of us knows that. Maybe he does. And you don't understand,” Holly said, her eyes welling up again. “It's not that he said it, it's that he never said it to me. Which means it holds a ring of truth for him. I can't stay with him. Not if thinks he's better than me.”

“So did you tell him to get lost?” Tina asked, switching gears. By the sound of Holly's voice, trying to change her mind was futile. Tina knew Holly's quiet determination when she heard it.

“No.” Holly scoffed at her own stupidity. “I stood there like an idiot the whole night, knowing that they were all laughing behind my back, not saying a word.”

“That doesn't make you an idiot, Holly. It makes you tough. And the better person.”

“You know what, Tina?” Holly sighed desolately. “I can't keep doing this. Not if ten pounds means he's going to be finished with me. Now that I know this is out there, I feel like he's not into me, but his own creation. Every time I see him, I'm going to ask myself if it's in the back of his mind. I went along with everything that man wanted, afraid if I didn't, he would walk away. I catered to him and never once made him even work for it, thinking the whole time he was better than I deserved. Turns out he was thinking it, too. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to.”

“And you shouldn't have to. It was him that didn't deserve you. None of them deserve you. This whole thing just breaks my heart,” Tina said sadly. “I knew he was too good to be true. People like him are never held accountable for acting like assholes.”

Holly sniffled loudly. She took a moment before saying, “But what if they were?”

“Were what?”

“You know, held accountable.” There was another pause and Holly asked, “Do you think you can get any time away?”

“I guess so,” Tina answered slowly, then asked suspiciously, “Holly? Why do I get the feeling you're up to something?”

“Because I am. There'll be a ticket waiting for you at the JetBlue counter. Let me know when you're going to arrive.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

N
early a week later, while dressing for their Halloween party, Amanda mentioned to Chase how relieved she was that Natalie wasn't invited to the party and hoped she wouldn't be crashing it.

“Why do you care if she shows up or not?” Chase asked. “It's for charity. As long as she brings her checkbook, I say let her in!”

“I just don't think Logan or Holly needs the aggravation.”

“Stay out of it,” he growled playfully. “Logan knows how to handle his exes, and Holly has always seemed to take them in stride.”

“I guess so,” Amanda said apprehensively. “But Natalie really takes pleasure in going for the jugular. After what happened last week at Bases Loaded, I wouldn't care if I never saw her again. She can keep her money.”

“What happened?” he asked indulgently. “Did I miss a good old-fashioned catfight?”

“Hardly.” Amanda sniffed with distaste. “It was more of a sucker punch and a hasty exit.”

“Amanda.” Chase stopped what he was doing to regard her with his eyes narrowing. “Why are you speaking to me in metaphors?”

“Forget it,” Amanda said hastily, feeling the weight of his stare. “It's nothing. Everything's fine. I just don't like her.”

“What aren't you telling me?” he asked, this time not quite so indulgently. “Spill it.”

“They had a little altercation is all,” Amanda said quickly. “Natalie quacked at her and she demanded to know why. I told her about Logan's penchant for bird references, and we laughed, sort of, and moved on. See? Not even worth telling you about.”

“You did
what
?!” Chase resumed putting the finishing touches on his costume, laying the green wig flat over his own hair while scolding her. “Mandy, how could you tell her? Holly's your friend. What got into you?”

“What was I supposed to do? Lie to her face, point-blank? Strangle Natalie in the middle of a nightclub? Why don't you ask Logan that question? He's the one who gave her the stupid nickname, then blabbed it to enough people for Natalie to hear about it. Why aren't you directing this lecture at him?” She finished applying her red Betty Boop lipstick, gave her cleavage a heave, and checked to make sure her dress covered her bottom. By the way her Jolly Green Giant sounded, Amanda wasn't sure how long it would stay covered. But they were twenty minutes from meeting a house full of people, so she figured she was safe for the moment. Besides, if he spanked her now, he'd get green body paint all over her, and that was a little too obvious, even for them. He shook his head at her reprovingly and put on his big green feet, and they went downstairs.

The mansion had been transformed into a haunted castle. From the entrance gate on, jack-o'-lanterns and shadowy ghouls graced the lawn. Creepy music started at the bottom of the driveway and led all the way to the front door, which was covered in would-be cobwebs and mist. At the entrance to the Walkers' ballroom were two dry-ice machines that blasted eerie clouds of fog as each guest passed by them. The great room was also theatrically decorated and forebodingly dim, with the exception of strobe lights that flashed to the bass of the DJ-driven dance music. In half-hour intervals, the house lights came on for ten minutes so that guests could better mingle, eat, and admire other partygoers' costumes.

An hour into the party, Holly still had not shown up. Logan arrived, alone, assuring Amanda that he'd spoken to Holly and everything was fine. “She's just running late. She's been fighting a cold,” he told his hostess through the wads of cotton in his cheeks, the glue on his Godfather mustache pulling slightly.

Amanda had no choice but to believe Logan and move on. She had guests to mingle with, caterers to supervise. It felt good to have something to do again that she could take credit for. Chase had originally balked at the idea of a costume party, but one look at him stomping around in his big green feet and leafy toga made all the finagling worth it. They were posing for a photographer from the
Daily News
when Holly walked through the door.

Luckily, they had just taken the picture, so the smiles were already pasted on their faces. With perfect timing, Holly came in just before the DJ's set was over and the lights went up. When she spotted Logan, she ignored all others and made her way over to him. As people started to notice her, a path began to clear.

Logan's pleasure at seeing Holly changed as soon as he got a good look. She was wearing a dress not unlike Björk's infamous Academy Awards gown. It was far too small; Holly was nearly busting out of it, folds of skin spilling over the top and sides of the bodice. Cellulite dimples abounded on her bare thighs. The hideous swan boa, complete with head and beak, was threaded through a plastic six-pack holder with a couple of Coke cans still dangling from the rings. The bird's eyes had big X's on them. A cardboard slice of pizza with real pepperoni pasted on was duct-taped to its beak. Unwrapped Twinkies and Devil Dogs hung from the dress hem, some of them crushed within the feathers. Other feathers were dipped in chocolate. People were beginning to stare. Cameras flashed. She was a messy sight. But Holly was oblivious to the attention. Her eyes were locked on Logan, her mouth frozen in the same spiritless smile that she'd been wearing for the better part of a week when she was forced to come into contact with any of them.

Logan felt the heat rise up his neck, took a quick look at the people around him, and spoke to Holly as a very shaky Vito Corleone.

“What's with the getup, babe?”

“I'm a swan. Get it?”

And then in front of all Logan's friends, his colleagues, and the press, Holly hauled off and clocked him. And all hell broke loose.

A deafening “
Oh
” erupted and the room brightened like a giant flashbulb. From the corner of his rapidly swelling eye, Logan caught a brief glimpse of the Jolly Green Giant and Betty Boop, their jaws slack. Various versions of shock on other partygoers' faces became a whirling blur. And as the birds started to sing and stars swirled around his head, he saw the remnants of a retreating fudge-encrusted tail waddling away, back into the fog from where it came. Before completely losing his balance, Logan said:

“She coulda been a contender.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

T
he party was over, in every sense of the phrase. Holly already knew the layout of the house, so when she disappeared through a side door, she seemed to magically vanish. She left bits of broken cake and pure pandemonium in her wake and was gone before security could get their hands on her. Logan never actually lost consciousness, so when they questioned him, he insisted the situation go no farther. Chase and Amanda wanted it left alone as well. Word of the incident spread like a quick-moving brushfire. But it happened so fast and there were so many guests coming and going that by the time the night was over, the story had morphed into Logan's walking in on some woman dressed like the devil's dog trying to make off with the silverware and a fight ensuing.

At least he got to sound like a hero and not the jerk he really felt like.

Now there were three of them left: Logan, Chase, and Amanda. They were in the den, Chase pouring them all well-deserved, stiff drinks from behind the bar. Logan sat on the couch holding an ice bag to his eye. Amanda sat beside him, concern evident on her heavily made-up face. He looked so pitiful, and it wasn't just because of the impending shiner that would be following him around for the next week. He knew he had fucked up. Hell, they all had.

“I think the swelling has gone down.” She tried to sound optimistic.

“Twenty-four to thirty-six hours, but thanks anyway.” Logan shifted the bag of ice.

“Thank God you didn't go with calling her Frankenstein; she might have broken a bone.” Amanda gave a halfhearted smirk, and then the three of them exchanged silent meaningful looks, pondering the validity of the statement.

Chase came from around the bar with all three drinks and set two of them down on the table, holding on to his own. “What do you think that was, a right hook?”

“Nah. Her left foot was out. Definitely a cross, and I have to admit, perfectly executed. I think I even saw her hand twist right at the end. I knew all those kickboxing drills would come back to haunt me.” Logan laughed at his own joke, despite the added throbbing it caused. He sighed. “You know, all the references to birds and animals are supposed to be very Zen. The whole man-being-one-with-nature thing.”

Amanda sat back, kicked off her shoes, and put her feet up on the coffee table. She took a swallow of bourbon. “Logan, I'm really sorry I didn't tell you,” she said earnestly. “And she really seemed fine when she found out. You could have tried to cut this off at the pass. At the very least, taken your beating in private.”

“Speaking of which, you and I have an appointment to keep.” Chase tipped his drink toward her and downed it.

“Are you insane? Can't you see we are in the middle of a crisis here?” she instantly protested, shooting Logan a look. “And that we have a guest?”

Logan rolled his one good eye.

A crisis brought on courtesy of your meddling. And Logan isn't a guest.” Chase pointed toward the door. “Upstairs, Betty.”

Amanda didn't move a muscle, in full rebellion. “I don't think so. Take it down a notch, slugger.”

“No? Did you just tell me no?” He took a menacing step toward her—as menacing as a green giant got, at any rate. “I guess you feel comfortable enough to make this a spectator sport?”

Amanda tilted her head to one side and peered up at him from the couch, completely unaffected. “Why not? Considering how ridiculous you sound, I guess I should be grateful you didn't go all dom in the middle of the party. Not to mention, it's like you don't even care that Logan is clearly suffering.”

“Hey, that's right,” Logan interjected. “Thanks for being there for me, buddy.”

“Trust me,” Chase remarked sardonically with a touch of defensiveness, “I probably could have. With the
Swan Lake
spectacle taking place, no one was looking at us.”

Both Amanda and Logan continued to stare at Chase, nonplussed, from their respective spots on the couch.

“Amanda Cole Walker.” Chase's voice got louder, infuriated and threatening. “You have exactly three seconds to be up and on your way to that bedroom, or by all that's holy, I'm going to spank you all around this house!”

That got her off the couch. She marched right up to him and stood on her tiptoes, face-to-green-streaked-face, and gave his chest several meaningful pokes.

“Don't you dare try to bully me in front of our friends, Chase.”

“Will you two just shut the fuck up?!”

Chase and Amanda stopped, midshout, and turned to look at Logan, who threw the ice bag on the table. He stood. “Good God. The two of you are certifiable, you know that? Amanda, I love you, I really do, but you just don't know when enough is enough. Heaven forbid you should let me find my own girlfriend in my own time. And, Chase, this is just as much your fault. You and your rose-colored glasses and romantic notions. You want to talk about meddling? Nobody worked harder than you to push the two of us together. Why I ever listened to you in the first place is a mystery. Oh yeah, now I remember: because you started telling her to find someone else! Then you convinced me to assault her, which pretty much sent the message that all bets were off when it came to creativity!” His fury at the whole fiasco was building—fury with them, with Holly, and mostly with himself. “Thanks to all the really wonderful advice from the both of you, I just managed to screw myself out of the first real relationship of my life.” He clapped his hands together, signaling the grand finale. “Our work here is done. The three of us have collectively turned the most beautiful swan I ever knew into the ugliest duck around!”

Chase didn't miss a beat. “That was very poetic. Wouldn't you agree, Mandy?”

“I certainly would, honey. I would also add corny. Is this where we applaud, or do we wait for the encore?”

They both looked at Logan as if the punch had given him brain damage, and Chase continued. “We could wait for the encore, but we'd just have him wasting more time before going to get her back.” They waited patiently for Logan to realize the obvious.

Logan took one sweeping bow, and without another word, he ran for the door.

And then there were two.

Silence lingered, and then Amanda clucked her tongue.

“Oh my God, you totally meddled,” she sang, her face a mask of pure delight. When Chase caught on to her insinuation, a moment later, he threw his jolly green head back and laughed. He wagged a finger at her.

“Don't even think about it, little girl.”

Amanda sauntered out of the room, humming a little tune. Chase watched her leave and smiled, shaking his head. She might never be able to turn the spanking tables on him, but he had a pretty good idea his Amex card wouldn't be sitting down for a week. He followed after her, whistling a little song of his own.