Big is Beautiful (9 page)

"Whoa!" He caught me before I even hit the ground. Limp in his arms, I was totally helpless and totally out of my league. The only thing I could think about was how close he was… and how gigantic my double chin had to look.

"Thanks." I closed my eyes to stop the world from moving.

"Why?"

"Because you kept me from killing myself on this floor."

"No, why haven't you eaten anything recently?"

Why did he care was a better question. "I don't know. Wasn't hungry I guess." Not a total and complete lie. When I thought of food, I got queasy — much like I was at the moment. Plus, I thought that maybe if I didn't eat and burned some of my built up fat stores, I would lose weight and not be 'Big' anymore. Wishful thinking and all that. My body obviously had it out for me. Acting crazy like this after only a few missed meals. I sure wouldn't last stranded in the mountains for any length of time. I'd probably resort to eating my own foot the first night.

I hated that the room kept spinning. I hated that my eyes were playing tricks on me. I hated the way Matt was looking at me… all concerned for big ole me. Concerned and upset — but I didn't get the upset part. He didn't know me well enough to get upset over this. Plus, he was Matt Taylor. I was sure girls fainted at his feet all the time.

"When was the last time you had anything to eat?"

I didn't have to think that long. "I ate a sausage and biscuit for breakfast."

"How much?"

"Enough."

"Brittany," he said sternly.

"A bite, okay. I had a bite of a sausage biscuit for breakfast."

"Lunch?"

"Salad."

"How much did you eat?"

Oh for the love of Pete, this was none of his business. I wished he'd help me back up in my seat, and we could get back to geometry. It wouldn't study itself. "Not enough, obviously."

"Obviously." He sighed and shifted to a sitting position under my body. I supposed my heavy body was cutting off the circulation to his legs when he'd been sitting on his knees. "How much exactly?"

"None. Exactly."

"Are you kidding me?" His voice was harsher than I'd ever heard it, and he seemed really perturbed about something. Well, I was perturbed about something too. I was hungry and frustrated with Matt and angry with my body for being so wimpish.

Finally, he maneuvered his legs out from under me, put his arms around my waist, and started to pull. "Come on. Let's get something to eat."

I wanted to resist it, to tell him to shove it, and I didn't need anything to eat, but truthfully, I couldn't do it. As much as I didn't want to admit it, if I didn't get food soon, I'd pass out.

My legs, encased in cement, felt weak as noodles.

"Can you stand?"

"Yeah." I hoped so anyway. I'd gone one day without food, not four.

Matt put my arm around his shoulder, and his arm around my waist. Whoa, there boy. That was way too much contact with the hunky stud. "Um, thanks, but I can do it on my own."

"Do what? Fall on your face?"

Yes, yes I could. "Among other things." He raised an unimpressed brow. "Please. I can walk. I have to have some sort of dignity, right?"

He rolled his eyes and let me go. I was glad he did. Happy to not need him, I stepped with my right foot and came down on my left knee.

Ouch.

Matt didn't fly to my rescue or immediately pull me up like I half-expected him to. A guy in the movies would, even if he was the 'bad boy' type, though nothing about Matt screamed 'bad boy'. Only this wasn't a movie. It was an overweight C student on the floor because she didn't eat one hundred of her normal three thousand calories, and her hot, popular, genius, athlete tutor, whom she nearly squashed. Yup, not even Romeo and Juliet would kill themselves for that.

"So, need some help?"

No. "I'm fine."

"Stop being so hard-headed." He stepped over me until his knees were at eye level. "Let me help you get to the snack machine. I don't want to leave you here. What if I came back and you were passed out on the floor?"

"Afraid you'd have to do mouth to mouth?" Once the joke came out of my mouth I wanted to shove it back in.

He didn't seem amused at all. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"That. Put yourself down constantly."

"I don't constantly." Did I? Oh wow, maybe I did…

"Oh please, I've known you all of three days and I've yet to hear you say one nice thing about yourself."

"Why would I say something nice about myself? Some would consider that cockiness."

"Some would consider it positive emotional health."

We were getting nowhere fast. He was getting aggravated with me, and I was getting aggravated with his knees. "Well, what about you? Have you said one nice thing to me?"

From my perch one my left leg, I could tell that caught his attention. "Have I said anything bad?"

"No."

"Well…"

I'd punch him in the shin if I had the strength to raise my arm. "Nothing. Forget it." I shuffled my drained body, trying to stand.

He put his hands under my arms and helped me into a seat. While grateful, I was still pretty miffed, and I wasn't sure why. Embarrassment mostly, I assumed. This conversation had gone way past math and down a path I didn't want to go down. Talking about my 'feelings' to anyone scared me, much less someone like him.

I leaned my elbow on the desk and flopped my forehead onto my hand. I'm sure I looked like a million dollars — Bitter Brittany struck again. "I'm sorry I've been snippy. Thank you for helping me. It's very nice."

"Don't mention it." He squatted next the desk and ran his fingers through his hair nervously. "Look… um. If you ever need to, you know, talk about anything. You can. I won't judge."

Yeah, right he wouldn't judge. Everyone judged. Hadn't he told me the same thing once? Well, why not? He wouldn't leave me alone until I told him something. "It's… look, I've not been the smallest girl in school for a very long time. I know that. I think I'm nice and have a great,"
don't say it
, "personality." Ugh. "But when people make fun of you daily for years, no matter how hard you try, it eats at you — no pun intended."

He leaned back on his feet and seemed to consider that. I wondered if he'd ever had to deal with peer pressure and not fitting in, then I thought better of it. Captain of the football team? Cheer captain sister? His only problem was which girl to date on Saturday night.

Matt stood up and held out his hand. "Let's get you to the snack machines before we run out of time. Ms. Bennett will have my hide if I don't get you ready for the test tomorrow."

"I will too." I smiled. It felt good to smile. Normal.

He held my hand for support. We walked down the hall with his arm around my waist to the snack machines. Once we got there, I leaned on the drink machine and laid my head on the flyer taped to it. I didn't really care what it said. I just wanted a snack — well, my body wanted a snack.
I
wanted it to shove it. Guess I couldn't always get what I wanted.

"What's your pleasure?" Matt fingered change in the palm of his hands while looking at the snack machine's limited selection.

A good question. What did I want? I wanted to be smaller so Kendra Moses couldn't make fun of me. I wanted to have good grades so I wouldn't have to go to tutoring. I wanted to go on a date with Matt… Wait, where did that come from?

"Peanuts." The word flew out of my mouth. "I'd like some peanuts." I reached into my jean pockets to get some change. Before I could pull it out, he put his hand on my arm to stop me.

Two words: Elec Tricity.

"I'll get it." His voice cracked. Had he felt it too?

"No, I can."

He laughed a little. His face lit up when he smiled. It was a good thing. "I know you can, but let me, okay?"

My mama always told me if a boy bought food for a girl, then it was a date. Matt was technically buying me food, so technically we were on a date. Worked for me. It was as close as I'd ever been to one. Maybe as close as I'd ever be.

"Okay," I conceded and tried to stay calm. Matt was just being nice to me because he felt sorry for me. Poor little Big had to have charity, right? It couldn't be anything more.

"Here ya go." He handed me the peanuts. "Drink?"

"Full service, huh?" I smiled despite knowing better. If I let myself, I could get lost in the illusion that he actually liked me. That would be dangerous and only lead to heartache. I liked my heart un-aching. Made things easier.

"I aim to please." He shot his thousand watt dimples at me and I melted. Matt shifted his body to look at the selection of drinks. His elbow grazed my chest and I thought I'd fall over right then and there.

My breath caught, and I couldn't make myself let it out. Seriously! I was fifteen years old. I shouldn't be acting like this around guys, should I? Kendra Moses always knew how to be around guys. Truth be told, from what I'd heard, Kendra Moses knew a lot of guys, biblically speaking, of course.

Matt finally noticed me and a line formed between his brows. "You're not going to pass out on me again, are you?"

Maybe, yeah, but it wouldn't be from the same reason as before. The other had been because of silly physical issues like food. This… well, I guess if I really thought about it, it would be a physical need too. Just not as pure. "Nope. I'm just standing here."

"You don't seem to be breathing."

Observant, wasn't he? "I'm just…"
Planning the names of our not going to happen kids.
"…ready to get back to work. I need to do well on the test tomorrow. My academic life depends on it."

He smirked. "Guess we'd better get on it then, but if you make a hundred, I expect a hug."

The next words came out of my mouth before I thought. "Man, if I get the bonus right, I'll kiss you."

And there it was.

I didn't mean to stare at him, but I couldn't look away. My mouth kept opening like a goldfish, but nothing would come out.
Perfect, Big. Just… perfect
.

He surprised me. His eyes sparkled from amusement or embarrassment for me, I couldn't tell which. "Guess we'd better get on it then."

Why was he flirting with me? And
was
he flirting with me? I'd never been flirted with to my knowledge, except for the before-mentioned Eric. Or was he like this with all the girls? Kendra Moses included. Wow, never thought I'd be in the same company as her. "I… guess." What was I supposed to say to that?

Matt laughed, not a mean laugh, more like an amused one. Not mean-amused either, fun-amused. I needed food quick before I started rambling. "What do you want to drink?" Not,
Do you want a drink?
He had already decided I needed one. Well, if he was buying.

I motioned my head to the lime green and yellow button with white letters. Lemon-lime sodas were my favorite. I didn't care what brand.

He put a dollar in the slot, pushed the button, and out popped my drink. When I took it from him, the can froze my fingers, but where they touched Matt's remained warm. It was a strange feeling. A doctor should probably check it out.

"Thanks." I smiled, so ready to make my way back to the room, eat and drink, and learn all about congruent triangles with missing variables or whatever it was we were doing. My brain melted to mush.

Before I could take off down the hall, Matt asked me the most surprising question. "Are you going to the Red Ball?"

I stopped mid-step. The what? Why was he asking? No one had brought it up. Had my cheeks become their normal shade of red again and made him think of it?

When I couldn't form words right away, he used his thumb to point at the red flyer hanging on the drink machine. The one I had laid my head on earlier, but not paid much attention to. "Red Ball. You know. Valentine's Dance?"

Of course I knew. I wasn't an idiot — most of the time, but I didn't know why he cared. "I don't know. I doubt it."

"Why? It would be fun."

"For you, but not for me."

Leaning on one foot, he narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "There you go again. We aren't that different."

As night and day. "Whatever. I can't dance, and when I try…"
I look like an elephant warbling on a balance beam. Not sexy at all.
"It's not good."

"Nobody can dance. That's not the point. There isn't much actual dancing anyway at one of these things."

A fact he would know being a senior and having been to a dance or two in his day. Dateless sophomore me had never been to one. "Doesn't matter because it's this Saturday, and I don't have a dress or a way to get there or a—" I couldn't believe I was fixing to admit this. "A date."

He got quiet like he had to think about something very important. For a split second, I found myself thinking that maybe…
maybe
… Matt Taylor would ask me to the ball. It seemed so far-fetched and way unlikely, but my heart started beating faster and my breathing didn't want to come any more. Matt had been so nice to me. It wasn't beyond reason for him to ask me, maybe even like me some and want to hang out in some place he wasn't forced to be with me.

"I'll tell you what…"

Here it comes!
I fiddled with my lips, not wanting to lick them in front of him, but man, they were getting dry.

"…how about…"

Oh. My. Word!

"I save a dance for you if you show up."

Deflated.

I couldn't breathe again, but for different reasons. Why in the world would I ever think Matt would ask me to one of the biggest dances of the year? I'd allowed myself to 'go there', and now I was paying for it.

Still.

The promise of a dance — even just one — with Matt in front of everyone, including Kendra, seemed too good to pass up. "I'll think about it."
And praying with that thinking.
Could I be Cinderella for just one night, or in this case, one dance?

"I hope you come. I think you'll have fun."

My definition of fun had to be different than his. "Maybe. Thanks for the offer."

He nodded, put his arm around my waist, and helped me down the hallway toward Geometry. He didn't hold me up, but stayed close enough where he could catch me if he had to. Must have been why Victorian girls swooned all the time. Boys tended to stay close for fear of another
spell
. I had to admit it wasn't a bad idea.