Big is Beautiful (10 page)

"Are you going to the dance with anyone?" I felt brave for some reason. It really was none of my business. He'd probably had lots of girls lining up since he and Kendra had parted ways — his idea, I'd heard.

It was his turn for his cheeks to tinge red. I never imagined he would ever be embarrassed by anything. "Yeah, I'm going with someone."

"Someone I know?"

He paused for a second and kept his eyes on the floor as we walked. "Kendra."

Kendra!
I could have fallen over, and I did stumble a little. He stopped to catch me, but I honestly wanted his hands off me as soon as possible. First, he spent time Monday telling me how awful it was that she called me Big and made fun of me. Then Tuesday, he rode home with her after lying to me about it, and then today, he was going to the Ball with her! Hadn't they broken up? Didn't he say she had a mean streak? He'd broken up with
her.
So why was he choosing to take her to the dance?

And why in the world did I care so much?

"It's not what you think," he added when I didn't say all the things I screamed at him in my head.

"It doesn't matter what I think. You can do what you want. I'm not your boss. See whoever you want. It's nothing to do with me."

Matt stopped in front of me so I couldn't move. "It does have to do with you." He bent his knees so I had to look at his eyes. Man, he had pretty eyes.

I had to focus to stay mad and embarrassed.

"I meant what I said Monday. Kendra can be mean, and she never should have come up with that name for you. You aren't Big. I told her when we were dating to stop calling you that, but she didn't listen. I'm so sorry for how she acts and how it must make you feel."

"But—"

His chin fell to his chest, and he took a frustrated breath. "But I had already asked her when we broke up. We had tickets together, and it wouldn't be right not to take someone you asked."

Was he a boy scout or something?

To keep myself calm, I discretely put the cold can on my wrist to focus on the cold and not Matt. Like an idiot, I had to keep reminding myself that he wasn't mine and never would be. "Then why did you get in the car with her yesterday?"

Surprised, his eyes met mine and were huge. "How did you know about that?"

"I came out after you did. Obviously, I didn't work hard enough on my homework. Saw you getting in her car. Didn't look like you were forced."

"That's… different."

"Different?" More than anything I needed to go sit down and eat my peanuts and drink before my legs gave way.

If I didn't know better, I'd swear he was sweating. Talking about Kendra really shook him up and made him nervous. "Look, that had nothing to do with you."

My interest was piqued. "Why would anything between you and Kendra have anything to do with me?"

He sighed and lowered his head again. When he raised it up a few seconds later, he moved to my side and helped me walk toward the room again. "Nothing. It's nothing. My sister couldn't get me because she had an appointment, and Kendra took me home."

Convenient.

"It really doesn't matter, you know. It wasn't like you would have asked me to the dance anyway."

He sat me down at my desk and slid into his own. While he watched, I opened my peanuts and poured them into my drink. Heavenly.

"You have no idea what I would have done if things had been different."

An unchewed peanut slid down my throat wrong. The coughing fit that followed wasn't my finest moment. "Yeah, right. You would have asked me?"

"You never know."

Yes. Yes, I did. The dance situation was just as it should be. Matt was going with Kendra. Kendra and Matt, together again. Perfect. All was right with the world.

Yay.

"No matter what, I hope you come to the dance. It won't be bad. I promise. I'm sure you could try to get a ticket from somewhere."

"Maybe." Maybe not. Dance tickets hadn't been sold in a week.

"I'm not kidding about that dance. I would love to dance with you."

And I wanted to dance with him. Just once… if that was all I had. My magical high school moment. Entire TV networks were built around
underdog-gets-her-moment
movies. People dreamed of their
moments
. My dream had a hitch named Kendra Moses, but not everything was perfect.

I didn't see any other offers on the table. "I'll see what I can do."

"Good." He sounded pretty pleased. He grabbed the book from my bag and opened it to the right chapter. "How about we get you a one hundred?"

"Gladly."

With that, I'd been talked into going to the Red Ball.

How gullible could one person be?

Chapter Nine

"Seriously?" My mom squealed the next morning when I finally got up the gumption to tell her about the Red Ball and my newly acquired participation. "You're going with Matt?"

"Not exactly. He's going with Kendra. I'm going by myself. He said he'd dance with me." When I actually heard it come out of my mouth, it sounded stupid, pathetic even.

My mom must have agreed because her face fell. Probably weighing all the pros (not many) and cons (oh, there were cons: humiliation, loneliness, frustration, possible tears). "Do you really want to go, or are you only going because of this boy who doesn't seem that into you?"

Kill my buzz, Mom. Kill it good
.

I kind of thought he might be into me. Didn't he say the only reason he didn't ask me was because he was already committed to be Kendra's date?

When I'd texted Jillian the night before (the first time I'd ever used her number), she'd been excited, mainly because we'd be at the dance together and would get to go dress shopping at the same time. I didn't eat anything else after that.

My mom fixed pancakes for breakfast, and I wanted to yell at her. I loved pancakes, but two days before a dance? Though to her credit, she hadn't known.

Mom had a good question. "I'd like to go. I've never been to a dance before, and I know he doesn't like me, not
like me
like me. Why would he?"

She lulled her head to the side and gave me one of those
Are you serious
looks. "Why would he not like you? You're a sweet, beautiful girl, Brittany. You don't need to be treated like a third wheel."

"Matt's not like that. He's nice, and I like spending time with him. He's a good guy." Good glory, I sounded like a brainwashed teenager. All I knew was I had a chance to dance with Matt in public. Silly, maybe. But it meant a lot to me. I'd never been asked on a date, much less to a dance.

"I need a ticket and a red dress, though."

"How long do we have?"

I didn't particularly want to tell her that part. "Saturday."

She took it better than I expected. Leaning over the table, she started mumbling something to herself about next Saturday.

"No,
this
… this Saturday."

A light switch couldn't change as quickly. "This Saturday? As in the day after tomorrow?"

"That's what I'm saying."

"Brittany." She groaned as she got up and put her plate in the sink. "Two days? Really? Are they even still selling tickets?"

"I think they have a few of them left. I'll have to ask at school today." I hoped so anyway.

"And a red dress? You don't even have a red dress… oh wait!" She threw the plate in the dishwater. "You have the scalloped one with those lace cutouts on the bottom. Will it work?"

I knew the dress she was talking about. It was fine… for a twelve year old going to a Christmas program at church. Not a fifteen-year-old going to a school dance. I didn't want to stick out like a sore thumb. My current red dress would be an entire sore appendage. "I'd rather not wear it."

"Okay." She leaned her bottom against the sink and wiped her hands on a white dishtowel with a stripe the same yellow color as the kitchen walls. "After tutoring today, I'll take you to the store and see if we can find a new dress."

Another request from me. I'd never asked for so much. "Actually, Jillian asked if I'd go dress shopping tomorrow after school. No tutoring on Friday."

"Ah." Her head drooped and her lip stuck out a bit. Did moms pout?

"No, no… I didn't mean it like that. You can come too if you want. I'd rather you did to be honest." I needed the moral support.

"I don't want to be a burden."

"You won't be. Jillian's mom is coming too."

"She is?" It didn't take long to perk her up.

"Yeah." I walked over and hugged her. "Love you, Mama."

"Love you too, sweetie. Please don't go to this dance, though, just to impress a boy. No guy is worth it."

"I'm not. I'm doing it for me."
Mostly.
"I've never been to a dance, and I'd like to go see one."

She nodded and patted my arm. "Okay. Dress shopping tomorrow after school then."

"Sounds good." I stood on my tiptoes to kiss her cheek and went to get my backpack.

"You're not going to eat?"

In the laundry room, I eyed my plate full of pancakes without one bite taken. "I'm not hungry. Too excited about the dance, I guess."

She made a non-committal noise and washed another dish. I didn't know if she believed me or not, but it didn't matter. The bus would be there soon. I hadn't had anything to eat since the peanuts and drink. Luckily, my stomach was beginning to not complain as much over lack of food. A small blessing to be sure.

My hand grazed the door when she yelled at me again. "I'll buy the dress, but it's up to you to get the ticket. How much are they?"

Brought back down to Earth. "Twenty dollars, I think." The only concrete thing I knew about the dance was from the flyers around the school. A few days ago a sign said
Last Day to Buy Tickets: $20
. I hoped someone had some left and I could get one. If not, it wasn't a huge deal, right? I didn't have a date or anything.

****

Feeling a bit dizzy, I got off the bus in uncharted territory. People like me didn't go to dances… at least, I didn't think we did. Having never been to one, I had no way of knowing. From what I gathered from extensive research (i.e. TV), the outsiders either didn't go, or they congregated together in one corner.

This had all the makings of being a disaster.

Oh well… you only lived once, right?

The first order of business was to find out who had extra tickets to the dance. If I didn't have a ticket, I couldn't go, and all of this worrying would be for nothing.

I was at my locker, getting my books out like normal when Kendra's grating voice screeched from behind me. "Seriously, Big. Move your enormous backside so others can get by. We do this every day! Is it so hard to be considerate of others?"

It appeared so.

"Apparently." One of her little nasally minions snickered. When Kendra laughed, the others did as well. Such a cult. No one could think for themselves. They were probably afraid to.

"Sorry." I sighed and scooted my bag over without looking up at her.

Kendra pranced by me and didn't even attempt to whisper. "Waste of space." The rest of the girls followed, totally ignoring me… or rather, pretending to ignore me. If only they would really ignore me, my life would be complete.

Jillian walked up beside me. "What's their problem?" She never ventured to my side of the school in the mornings. Being a freshman, she stuck mainly to freshman hall. From what she told me, her mom normally dropped her off at school right at the bell, and she went straight to first period. It was beyond nice to have the backup this morning, and I wished — not for the first time — that I could ride to school with her. Unfortunately, we lived on opposite sides of town, and it would be silly for her mom to come over just to get me. Silly, but it would have been so nice.

"You're here early." I stood up, slammed my locker, and put the strap of my backpack on my shoulder.

Jillian looked more made up than usual. Her sun-blonde, elbow-length hair was straight as a stick, and very shiny. Very pretty. I wished I had pretty hair like hers. Mine was in a ponytail with a small braid coming from the front of my side part and fastened around the elastic band holding my hair. At least a three chin day for sure.

"My mom had to take my little brother to the doctor this morning. She dropped me off, and I thought I'd come see my bestie."

"You mean get the gossip face to face from the phone call last night?"

"Exactly." She grinned from ear to ear and put her arm around my shoulders.

"I'm glad you did. I have a question."

"How did I get so awesome?" She overdramatically tossed her hair over her shoulder.

"Yes." I deadpanned, wanting to get this conversation over with before Kendra came out of the bathroom.

She looked dumbfounded. "Really?"

"No. Do you have any idea if you can still buy tickets to the Red Ball?"

"Ah. Gotta date. No ticket."

"More like got a dance invitation, need the password."

Jillian scrunched her forehead, either from thinking too hard or getting a migraine. "I thought they stopped selling those a few weeks ago."

"They did." Kendra strolled out of the bathroom like the cat who ate the canary. Her favorite time had arrived. Telling me how stupid I was. Perfect. I had a bad feeling about this. Kendra's golden hair hung perfectly over her shoulders in styled waves and her nearly zero percent body fat body fit inside her expensive clothes perfectly. This was going to be loads of fun.

I wanted to walk away and never come back, but I had to weigh how much I really wanted a ticket. Would I really have to ask Kendra for help? God was having a big laugh at my expense.

Suck it up, Brittany. She's just a person, just like you. God made her. He made you. Cut from the same cloth as it were, except my cloth was plus-sized. Get over it.
I tried to hide the contempt I felt inwardly. "Do you know if there are any more tickets?"

She stared at me, then she laughed like it was the most ridiculous question ever. Little did she know the ticket was for a dance with her date.

"I didn't know you were dumb on top of being a fat—" and she inserted a word I'd never been called before.