Biker (10 page)

Moving slowly, she rolled her suitcase into her bedroom. She tried not to focus on the emptiness Todd left behind. Even though she knew she would survive the break up, the empty space he left certainly didn’t make things easier.

To distract herself, she rummaged in her suitcase for the cigarette pack from Blaze. She held it in her hands, studying the number, which she had memorized now from looking at it so often.

Would she ever call him?

Doubtful.

But it was nice to have it, and it served as a reminder of all the things life could offer her now that she was single.

After her night with Blaze, she had managed to have a great time with Liz and Quinn. They had spent their days lounging by the pool, and their last few nights wandering the strip. They had seen a show and had even gone to a comedy club one night. Her friends had kept her mind off of Todd, and she eventually found her mind filled with thoughts of Blaze instead. Every casino made her think of him, made her remember the way he touched her.

Of course, Noelle had been terrified that she would be discovered or arrested, too. Thank goodness they had stayed far away from the Mirage. If Noelle ever returned to Vegas, she didn’t think she would ever feel comfortable setting foot in that casino again.

It was after ten at night, and Noelle was exhausted, even though she was still on Vegas time. Leaving her suitcases still packed, she changed her clothes and went to bed. She would deal with everything else in the morning.

* * *

I
t was after ten when Noelle woke up, but she felt more rested than she had in a long time. She didn’t have much food in the house since she had planned to be gone for a week, so she breakfasted on a pop tart and a diet soda. That would have to do for now.

She took the money Blaze had given her and carefully stowed it in the bottom drawer of her desk. She would deal with that later. She set to unpacking her suitcase, and started a load of laundry. Quinn had offered to help her go through the condo tomorrow, so she would save that task for later. And Quinn would make sure that she didn’t cry over every last thing.

Instead of focusing on everything that reminded her of Todd, she washed the bed sheets and folded laundry. Then she scrubbed the kitchen, cleaned the bathrooms and vacuumed the floors. When there was nothing left to clean and nothing left to distract her, she decided to run to the grocery store. But before she could leave, she remembered that she had vowed to call Vivienne.

Noelle tried to think of the last time she had spoken to Vivienne. It had been months ago; probably for Vivienne’s birthday in early spring. Noelle picked up her phone, and took a deep breath before calling. Vivienne would be at work now, but she always answered calls.

The phone rang twice and then Noelle heard her older sister.

“Vivienne Russell,” her sister answered in her crisp, work voice.

“Hey Viv, it’s Noelle.”

“Noelle! How are you? I’ve been wondering how you’ve been!” Her sister’s voice turned warm and motherly, and Noelle felt a pang for the older sister who had raised her. Noelle knew it had to hurt Vivienne that she kept her distance, but she was pretty certain that her big sister understood why.

“I’m alright. Actually, not so great at the moment, but that’s not the reason why I’m calling. I’ve been meaning to call you for a while. Sorry it’s taken so long.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me, Noelle. I know that you’re busy.” There was a pause. “What’s going on?”

Noelle sighed. She didn’t want to dump her problems on her sister, but she might as well tell her what’s going on. “Todd and I broke up. Actually, he left me. For someone else. We had a trip planned to Aruba this week, and the night before we left he told me that he didn’t love me anymore, was seeing someone else, and that he was taking the other woman on
our
trip.”

“What?” Vivienne sounded horrified. “But – Todd seemed so
nice!”
Vivienne had only met Todd a handful of times over the past few years. The sisters only saw each other two or three times a year, despite the fact that they only lived forty minutes apart.

“I know,” Noelle said dejectedly. “He was nice. Well, I guess he wasn’t actually, but that really isn’t why I'm calling. I ended up going to Vegas for a few days with my friends; I just got back last night. I’m not going to lie – I’m devastated, but I know that I’ll get through this.” She thought of the two hundred thousand dollars sitting in her bottom desk drawer.
That
was certainly going to help her get through.

“I know you’ll get through this,” Vivienne said. “You’ve been through worse.” Noelle knew just what she meant. The sisters were forever bonded over the horrors of their childhood. Poor Vivienne was even more scarred than Noelle, since she lived there until she was twenty. Noelle had been fortunate enough to escape at twelve, all thanks to her sister.

“Speaking of which,” Vivienne said slowly, “I've been meaning to call you too. I heard from someone in the old neighborhood.”

Noelle’s heart rate picked up. That was how she and Vivienne referred to the area where they grew up. Noelle had never made any friends there, but Vivienne had kept in touch with a handful of girls with whom she had gone to high school. Noelle had a feeling they had helped Vivienne deal with a lot of her problems. While Vivienne had never come out and said it directly, Noelle was pretty sure there were a couple of years where her father had pimped her out.

“Yes,” Vivienne continued, “apparently there was a small blurb in the paper last month about our father. He was arrested, and this time it stuck. His trial is next month, and it sounds like they have him this time. I don’t know if he’ll ever get out if convicted.”

Noelle sucked in a breath. She wasn’t sure what she should feel, but truthfully, she felt nothing. Her father deserved to rot in prison, and all Noelle could think right now was that he'd had it coming for a long, long time.

“Noelle? Are you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m here. That’s really, umm, interesting. Actually, I feel kind of numb. All I can think is that the bastard had it coming.”

Vivienne let out a nervous laugh. “Yes, I kind of thought the same thing myself. I haven’t given it much thought. And you shouldn’t either.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t.” Noelle picked at the hem of her shorts. “Hey, maybe we can get together soon. Do lunch or something.” Talking to Vivienne always made her miss her, and at the same time made her feel terrible for avoiding her.

“I’d like that. I’m seeing someone new right now. He’s really great – maybe you can meet him.”

“I’d love to!”

Vivienne lowered her voice. “I know it sounds crazy, but I think he’s 'the one'. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”

“That’s wonderful, Viv, I’m really happy for you!” And Noelle
was
really happy for her sister; she deserved someone amazing. Vivienne had a hard time with relationships, and again, Noelle knew it stemmed from their childhood.

“Thanks! His name is Brian, and I know he would love to meet you too. Let’s email in the next week or so and set up a time. Maybe later this month?”

“Sounds perfect.” Noelle paused. “And Viv?”

“Yes?”

“Sorry, it took so long to call you.”

“Don’t worry about it, Noelle,” she said softly, “I understand.”

And Noelle knew she did.

“Okay, I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Talk soon,” Vivienne echoed before hanging up.

After they hung up Noelle sat in her living room thinking about her sister. She had to make a better effort to keep in touch with Vivienne. They only had each other now, and Noelle had to accept, and even embrace, that part of her past where Vivienne had loved her, protected her, and saved her.

Noelle ran out and did her grocery shopping, her thoughts straying again to Blaze. She wondered what he did day in and day out. How did he help out the biker gang and what kind of hold did his father have on him? She remembered his cryptic words as they were leaving the clubhouse. Blaze would have to take over the gang eventually, though he didn’t seem to truly want that future for himself.

Of course her hands went mindlessly to the cigarette pack again. She wanted desperately to call him, but what would she say? Besides, she was clear across the country now in boring old Pennsylvania.

Noelle brooded all afternoon, her thoughts consumed by Blaze and his sexy tattoos and toe-curling bedroom moves. She brooded until Liz arrived, smiling broadly and holding a pizza box.

“Dinner!” she sang.

“Hey! Come on in.” Noelle held the door open and Liz bounded inside.

“How’s it going? Your place looks super clean!”

“Thanks. I actually spent most of the day cleaning. I guess I'm okay...”

Liz frowned and scrutinized Noelle's face closely.

“Well what did you expect, Liz? I mean it hasn’t even been a week. I thought I was going to spend my life with the guy.” Noelle felt tears prick at her eyes, and frustrated, she wiped them away.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I don't mean to interrogate you. You just seemed so happy in Vegas...” she trailed off, at a loss for words.

“I know. That trip was great and it definitely kept my mind off things. But now that I’m back home,” she shrugged. “I’ve been thinking about moving.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. Maybe into something like you have.” Noelle thought of Liz’s cute little townhouse.

Liz nodded slowly. “I thought you were worried about paying your mortgage, though. I mean, a townhouse would probably be more expensive than your condo.”

Noelle couldn’t exactly tell her about the money. “I know. I was just thinking that if I could get a good deal on a townhouse and maybe push the sale price up on the condo...” She shrugged again. “It's just an idea. A daydream, probably.”

“Well if there’s anything I can do to help with that, let me know. Now come on, let’s eat.” Liz carried the box into the kitchen, Noelle took out two plates, and they both dug into the pizza.

Noelle surveyed the kitchen as they ate, and it struck her that Todd's presence was everywhere. She was beginning to realize that she couldn’t stay in this condo. At the same time, she recalled Blaze’s words about getting in touch with him if she needed more cash.

Could she really be part of another heist again? She was assuming that was what Blaze had meant. But the promise of more cash,
and
seeing Blaze again was so enticing. Financing a townhouse would be no problem if she had another chunk of cash.

Noelle pushed the thoughts from her mind. How could she possibly consider willfully committing a heist? It was one thing to be a clueless pawn, as she had been at the Mirage; it was another thing entirely to be a willing participant...

Was she crazy?

Well, in a way, yes, she
was
crazy!

“Hey,” Liz said, glancing at the medicine bottle Noelle had left sitting out on the counter. “How are things with, you know,” she nodded towards the bottle.

Besides her sister, Quinn and Liz were the only other people who knew about her illness and the battles that came with it. Todd had known, but that no longer mattered.

“Fine, everything’s fine,” Noelle said quickly, not wanting to discuss her bipolar disorder. The words alone made her feel crazy, and she already felt itchy within her own skin just by Liz asking about it.

“You’re sure?” Liz asked carefully, “I mean, I know we had fun in Vegas, but it was really kind of out of your nature to run off with a stranger.” She looked relieved, as if she had been wanting to say that for a while.

Noelle was impressed that Liz had actually said something. She had been wondering if one of her friends was going to speak up and ask her about leaving that night with Blaze. Had they assumed it was just a rebound thing, or were they secretly wondering if it was a symptom of her illness beginning to spiral out of control?

And honestly, Noelle wasn’t quite sure herself.

Her illness caused her to act irrationally at times, and to not always think through her decisions, which in turn led to carelessness, impulsiveness, and risky behavior.

“I know,” Noelle agreed, “I’m not sure why I left with him. Maybe it was a combination. But I’ll tell you one thing – I don’t regret it. I will
never
regret it!”

Liz nodded thoughtfully. “You did use protection, right?”

“Of course! I’m not that crazy!” Though Noelle knew in the back of her mind that protection had been the last thing that she had been concerned about. If Blaze hadn’t brought out the condom, what would she have done?

She shuddered at the thought. Maybe her illness was factoring into things more than she had realized.

Noelle enjoyed the rest of her night with Liz, and true to her word, Liz helped keep Noelle’s mind off Todd. The following day Quinn showed up, and patiently went through each room with Noelle, helping her purge anything that had been left behind by Todd, or reminded her of him. When Quinn left that night, she took with her three huge trash bags destined for Goodwill.

Noelle began to accept her new life without Todd. She kept herself busy during her last few days off, and then returned to work at the start of the next week. At work, she went through the motions, and made a deliberate effort to focus on the sick children in her care. On her lunch break, she found herself mindlessly doodling the Widowmakers logo on her napkin.

Her co-workers wanted to hear all about her trip to Aruba, and they were shocked to hear about Todd. After Noelle broke the news about Todd, they were kind enough to give her space and not ask any more questions. However, as Noelle moved through the week, she felt as if something was missing... and it wasn’t Todd.

There was an excitement within her, a need for adventure that she suddenly craved. She knew that Blaze had awakened something deep within her and now that she had a taste of it, she was desperate for more.

She wanted more Blaze.

All week she wrestled with her thoughts of Blaze. More than once she had been tempted to dial the number on the cigarette pack, but she always stopped herself. Part of her hated the fact that he had given her that number, had dangled the opportunity of
more
in front of her.