Bite, My Love (23 page)

His begging in the field was torture to endure, but at
least
I
was in
the position of power. Now I’m immobilized and at his mercy. It’s
not wise to irritate him further by demanding he release me, but
what else can I do? This situation passed disturbing hours
ago.

“
Submit to me.”

Hold on a minute. What did I say? “Out of my
head.”

“
I told you I couldn’t.”

Broken
recording. Move on, Harmony.

“
You think this is a play for
dominance
?” Ugh, I sound
shrill. “That’s
so
not what’s happening here. I meant what I said. My wolf meant
it when she rejected you.” Tired, my head drops back. Looking past
the sheer canopy, I study the Hammerbeam roof, the rusted hinges
and sickly looking plaster between the black lines. “Handle the
rejection better.”

“
You Lycans are different. This is the only
way to reach your wolf. She
will
accept me again once I prove
myself. I’ve hurt her, and you. I have not forgotten this either –
that you are one with her yet separate. Words will never be enough
to regain her trust. Not with the way you both view things. I see
that. I must demonstrate worthiness. I
am
strong enough to hold
you.”

“
I don’t want this.”

“
That is a lie. You want me.” My mouth opens to throw that
back in his face, but he holds up a hand. “’Ware, sweetling. My
memory is absolute. I will remember every word forever. You’ve seen
it yourself in my mind.”

Is that
why Vampires are so finicky about the words they say? Why thought
and speech means so much to them? I suppose it’s the one thing they
cannot ever lose or forget. Sensation no matter how intense can be
forgotten. Time sloughs intensity. Emotion is cherished for the
sweet immediacy it brings but dulls with age. The meaning of a word
and its usage is immortal. The words I speak to him are as
everlasting as he is.

“
Your males do not allow you to question decisions. We expect
it of our Brides. We expect them to be relentless. This is where I
went wrong. Now I see clearly. I must treat you as the creature you
are. I must dominate.”

“
You’ve swan dived off the deep end and made a messy splat at
the bottom haven’t you?”

When he
just chuckles darkly, I know I’m in trouble.

Shoving
everything aside, all thoughts of betrayal, and this hollow sense
of hopelessness, I drag in a calming breath to order my
thoughts.

What do I
want?

To be
Daniel’s mate, his partner in eternity, his confidante, and his
love.

What do I
not want?

To be a
burden, or an afterthought Daniel feels he must push around, or
mindlessly protect because of a sense of duty.

Brides and wolf-mates
are
different. So we’ll have to compromise. It can’t
be his way or no way and it can’t be the Lycan way
either.

Before
anything can be resolved he has to appreciate how big of an ass
he’s been, and how deeply he’s hurt me.

He has to
feel it
, not just know the logistics of the feeling.

“
Can’t you see where I’m coming from?” He’s
privy to my thoughts,
as we have
already painfully established
, but I want
to say it aloud. “In the space of a few days I’ve gone from being a
Lycan Princess to a Vampire’s plaything with no sense of
direction.” I shake my bound wrists. “Not that the lack of
direction is a problem right now. I commanded a Pack of wolves with
the authority in my voice alone. Now? They shake off my birth right
with a shrug. As if it means
nothing
. My place in my Pack is
gone. Abolished. Everything I know – gone.”

“
I understand you are overwhelmed–”

“
Harmony is talking now and she’s not
finished. You
think
you understand, but what you’re doing is using
words to replace emotion instead of reinforce it. You say you
understand because it you expect it of yourself. How can I accept
you back when you don’t assimilate what you’ve done wrong? You
haven’t
felt
the
remorse, and
suffered
the repentance that paves the way to forgiveness.” I scowl.
“You haven’t even said sorry.”

“
I suffer repentance.” He corrects that to, “Have suffered
it.”

“
In the space of
a few hours
you’ve suffered
repentance for causing me more pain than I’ve
ever
felt?”

He opens
his mouth to protest, but his brow furrows.

He’s
finally listening.

“
Has anything been ripped away from you because of someone
else? Or have you sacrificed everything you were for them? Have you
cared so deeply your heart ached, only for the person you gave
every ounce of trust to betray you in the same breath they promise
to love you?”

Daniel
steps back.

He takes
another fumbling step as if a force grows from my body and pushes
him away.

Face snowstorm-white, he rubs a hand over his heart. “It
hurt
when Anya chose to follow her son in
death over life with me. It
hurt
when Ben chose Lee over me.” His expression is
wretched. “Perhaps I know what you mean.”

I shake
my head slowly. “It’s not the same. Ben and Lee, probably all your
people still love you even though you were a complete dick. They’ve
accepted you for what you are, and will give you forgiveness the
moment you ask for it.”

“
They punished me for wanting to protect them and our way of
life.”

“
Your family was right to punish you. Even so, that punishment
could never hurt like what Daddy has done to me.”

This is
not a pissing contest as to whose family sucks the most, but I have
to drag the miserable stuff up to get him to see sense.

I’m a
Pack wolf with no Pack.

It’s not
his fault, I chose that, but I sacrificed everything for him,
including my hard won freedom, and he gave it all up.

“
My family drained me near death.” His voice is quiet with
dread “My legs were mutilated.” He rubs them hard to check they’re
still functioning rather than ghost limbs. “Oh, my pride could
withstand such reprimand from the Child.” He bows his head in
reverence. “I rebelled and failed. It was Lee’s right to dispense
justice not just as a Bride, but as our Queen.”

“
Respectful.”

“
Rationality. I do not lack it, sweetling.” Resentment flits
across his face. “Despite what you and others think.”

I look
down at my bound body. Back at him. “We’ll polish that gemstone
another time.”

“
But to just throw me away like I
was
nothing
.” Purple-veined lids shutter glowing eyes. He grips the
bedpost and rests his forehead against it, afflicted with a revival
of helplessness. “They dumped me on enemy land to be savaged
by
a Pack of dogs
. Lest you forget this has all been far removed from pleasant
for me.”

Unbelievable.

I was right there with him, empathizing, and then that
arrogance.
Pack of dogs?
Does he forget I’m royalty to said dogs? That even as an outcast, I
always will be by blood? How obliviously insulting can a body get?
So steeped in his own condescension he can’t hear how offensive
he’s being. “You got what you deserved. You were an obnoxious prick
about Ben choosing Lee, and you lashed out at the people closest to
you like a spoilt pup.”

His head
bumps the wood. He holds it with both hands wringing. “I do not
deny I overreacted to a perceived slight.”

My mouth
drops. He’s demented in the worst way. “Overreacted? That’s how
you’re choosing to describe the attempted murder of your leaders
mate?”

“
Why not? I acted impulsively in anger. I was overwhelmed.
Driven by the need to exact vengeance on the couple destroying
everything I’d worked for. Overreact is the apt word.”

He really
is trying to rationalize what he did.

“
You’re not taking
responsibility
for your
actions. You’re attempting to explain them away. You. Were.
Wrong.”

The wood
creaks as his hands twist. “I was beleaguered in
heartache.”

“
You
deserved
your ass kicked as
punishment for your crimes. I am
banished
for standing by my mate.” I
writhe in the bed. Not a lust induced undulation, but a pissed off
flailing that’s as useless as this heart-to-heart. “My people no
longer recognise me as part of them. I’ve lost my culture, my
friends, my family.
Everything.
You repaid this gift by screwing me over the
first chance you got. That
is
betrayal.
That
is
pain.”

He
releases the bedpost and rests his fists on the bed. The muscles
over his ribs contract as he hunches over.

“
You do not need a Pack anymore.” He sounds unhappy at the
mention. “You have me.”

I glare
at the claret canopy overhead.

If I
weren’t so mad, I’d consider the sudden lull ominous. My scalp
prickles. I take that as a sign to fix my attention back on the
diabolical Vampire who holds me prisoner.

Daniel’s
face is stony as he places his hand on my ankle. Artful fingers
stroke my skin tenderly, a soothing petting. “I have confessed
regret for hurting your feelings.” He grazes his fingernails up my
calf to draw circles on my kneecap. His stony expression is
replaced with a wicked one. “If you consider my actions from my
perspective you’ll forgive me.”

“
Doubt it.”

“
You might even realise you’d have done it
yourself.”

“
I’d
never
be so presumptuous.”

“
Presumptuous.
That’s four syllables, sweetling. I’m rubbing off on you. Who
knows what other traits of mine you might pick up?”

“
Nobody could learn to be as conceited as you. No matter how
long they spent in your charming company.”

The bed
dips as Daniel crawls over me.

“
Harmony, be angry. Shout and hit me if you must. I’ll take
it. But you will not leave me. I did what I thought was best and I
won’t apologize for that. Rather than fighting to alter my way of
reasoning – something that is not going to happen – why can you not
accept we are different? That we always will be different, and will
do things to each other that hurt because of it?” He traces the
edge of my hairline with his forefinger. “I don’t want you to
change. I find delight in your strange ways. Can you not feel
affection for mine?”

“
I feel more than affection, Daniel. I love–”

He clasps
a hand over my mouth. “I’m not ready to hear it.”

I poke
his hand with my tongue until he moves it. “Will you ever be ready
to say it?”

He
smiles. “I already have.”

“
No you haven’t.”

“
Silly wolf.”

“
Yeah, I have to agree. My ‘silly’ wolf is submissive to you.
I’m changing, Daniel. It goes deeper than the blood, so you can’t–”
I bite my tongue when tears threaten to fall. “You can’t treat me
like this. I’ll disappear. Do you want to spend the years of my
life with a shadow of who I am?”

Tensing
at the reminder of my short future, he licks away my tears, and
brushes a kiss to the corner of my mouth. When he lifts his head
his face is gentle. “Our Brides are not subservient the way your
instincts drive you to be. They defy us should they need to. You’re
allowing your wolf to act like she’s mated to a Lycan
male.”

But I
remember how he acted when we joined the first time. The possessive
way he bent me over held me down and bit my shoulder.

‘
That was the wildness in me reacting to the need in you, not
some base Lycan trait.’

I grind my teeth together.
“Base
Lycan trait?”

I despise
how easily derision towards my kind comes to him.

Tension
returns to his mouth before he forces himself to relax. “These
differences between us will not go away because we wish them
to.”

Will I
ever get him to say sorry? He acts like it’s a physical
impossibility for his mouth to form the words. I know he feels
remorse, and makes up for mistakes with his actions, but hearing a
sincere apology when he’s said something hurtful would
help.

“
So
I
must be the one to
change.”

Admittedly, I haven’t accepted that he has to feed off Humans
to survive. Not only feed off their blood, but their soul as
well.