Bittersweet (26 page)

His sweet innocence pierced Laney. Until now, she’d gone through most of her life with that selfsame wide-eyed wonder.

Suddenly she felt old … terribly old.

The boys—I have to be strong for them. They’ve been through so much
. Laney took possession of the dishcloth and scrubbed her face. Then she twisted and stooped.

Ruth and Hilda both grabbed for her.

“I’m not fainting. I’m finding the loop so I can swag up my skirts.”

“Why?” Hilda looked completely baffled.

Laney looked at Ruth and nodded.

Ruth gave her a bolstering smile. “She’s staying busy.”

“Go on down,” Laney said. “I’ll wash up and be right there.” The cold water didn’t remove the blotchiness of her skin or the puffiness around her eyes, but Laney smoothed her hair, then pinched her cheeks so they’d be rosy. As she reached for the doorknob, she prayed, “Lord, please give me strength.”

Colin seated her at the supper table, then took the chair beside her—both things his older brother should have done.

Is Galen sitting next to Ivy now, sharing a private Christmas dinner?

Josh seated Ruth and brushed a fleeting kiss on her temple as he took his place to her left.

Josh and Ruth never behaved indiscreetly, but the affection they held for one another always showed. Fleeting looks, a brief kiss—those small gestures proved their marriage was satisfying.
I
thought Galen was being respectful of me. The most he ever did was hold my
hand for a few stolen moments. For Ivy to be with child …
Laney feared she was going to be ill.

“Miss Laney?” Dale tugged on her sleeve.

“Hmm?” She tried her hardest to push aside any thoughts other than what the little boy wanted.

“I can’t figure something out. Beef is meat that comes from cows.”

She nodded.

“And pork is meat that comes from pigs.”

“Yes.” She took a small serving of mashed potatoes after placing a dollop of them on Dale’s plate.

“And turkey is meat that comes from a turkey, and chicken is meat that comes from a chicken.” He sucked in a big breath. “So why don’t I ever get the gizzard when we eat pork or beef? I like gizzards a whole bunch.”

Laney passed the potatoes to Colin and accepted the meat platter from Ruth. “There’s a reason for that.” She put a small serving of roast on Dale’s plate and an even smaller piece on her own. It was a waste of food to put anything on her own plate—she had no appetite whatsoever.

“You gonna tell me what the reason is? Is it ’cuz I’m the littlest, so the big people eat it first?”

“Oh no.” Laney forced a smile. “Cows and pigs don’t have gizzards.”

“Oh. So Hortense and Mr. Snout don’t, and none of the piglets will, either?”

“No, they won’t. Only things with wings have gizzards.”

Ruth laughed. “Laney, I imagine your Miss Genevieve would be suffering apoplexy about now.”

“Who’s Miss Genevieve?” Sean licked at his milk mustache.

“A lady who was the boss at the fancy girls’ school Laney attended,” Josh said, making a face. “She liked lots of fussy rules.”

“Teachers at those schools are stiff-rumped, sour-faced biddies,” Hilda declared. “I’ll bet not a one of them ever gnawed on a juicy rib or had a pillow fight.”

“Or went barefoot or dug up worms to go fishing,” Ruth added on.

“Seems like
you
should have been teaching
them
stuff.” Sean slathered honey on his roll. “They don’t know the important stuff about life.”

If only life were really that simple!

“Wait. I got a question!” Dale clung to the table on both sides of his plate and looked at Laney with wide blue eyes. “Miss Laney, angels got wings. Do they have gizzards?”

Laney managed to murmur something about asking God when they got to heaven. Her answer seemed to satisfy the little boy. The rest of the meal blurred together. Laney couldn’t eat, so she moved the food around on her plate.
What is Galen doing now?
He was supposed to be here, but he’s with Ivy instead
.

“You boys did a good job eating,” Hilda said, bobbing her head approvingly. “Go and take a cookie off the tree—but be careful. I don’t want any of my trinkets to get broken.”

“Don’t worry, Hilda,” Josh said as he stood. “We’ll be careful.”

Hilda leaned back and gave him a baffled look. “What do you mean,
we
, Cowboy?”

“Mr. Josh is a boy.” Sean scooted free from the table. “You said us boys could get a cookie. Do we eat the cookies in here or out on the porch?”

“The porch is too cold.” Ruth looked at Laney. “Don’t you think so, Laney?”

Laney nodded.

“Since it’s Christmas, I think it would be okay if the boys ate their cookies in the parlor.” Josh pulled Ruth’s chair from the table. “Let’s all go together. Hilda, stop fussing about clearing the table. Let’s all go enjoy your wonderful German tree.”

After they ate cookies, Ruth slid her hand into Josh’s and gave it a squeeze. Laney’s heart twisted.
I wanted Galen and me to have a
marriage like theirs—loving and accepting
.

“I’ve never allowed candles on the tree before, but this year is different.” Josh smiled at Ruth. “My wife wanted them, and I’ve relented.”

Sean and Dale clapped their hands with glee.

“I have buckets of sand and water in here,” Josh said. “I want everyone to listen to me. If the candles start a fire, you’re all to leave. Do you understand me?”

Everyone nodded.

Josh slapped Colin on the back. “I think you’re plenty old enough and tall enough to help me light the candles. I know at home you use flint and a striker, but Ruth bought some of these Lundstrom safety matches. We’ll start at the top of the tree and light around and down.”

As the two set to work, Dale grabbed Laney’s hand. Ruth took Laney’s other hand and gave it a squeeze. The flame on each candle turned into a golden nimbus. Laney’s tears blurred the sight so the entire tree looked like it wore a glowing halo.

“I wish Ma and Galen were here,” Sean said, his voice wistful and soft.

“Me, too.” Dale tugged on Laney’s hand. “Miss Laney, why are you crying?”

She knelt beside him and held him close to her side. She wanted to shelter his beautiful innocence. In the midst of today’s tragedy, he was completely unscathed.

“The tree is so beautiful,” Ruth said, “I think Laney’s speechless.” “Almost,” Laney rasped. “It’s a wondrous sight.”

“I’ll never forget today,” Sean declared, his voice filled with awe.

Neither will I
. Laney swallowed hard.

Dale hitched his arm around her neck and tilted his head so his temple rested against hers. “Miss Laney?”

“Mm-hmm?”

“’Member on my birthday how I got to blow out the candles on my cake?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t think I can blow all these out. Does that mean I don’t getta make a wish?”

“Christmas is Jesus’ birthday.”

Josh finished lighting one last candle.

Dale thought for a moment. “So do we sing ‘He’s a Jolly Good Fellow’ and help by blowing the candles out for Him?”

“Never did that before,” Hilda grumbled.

“But nobody’s better than Jesus.” Dale’s logic framed the whole issue innocently, yet profoundly.

“You’re right,” Josh said as he and Colin stepped back to take in the sight. They all stared at the tree, and then Josh began to sing. After the song, Josh lifted Dale. “You blow out the very tiptop candles. The rest of us will help, too.”

One by one, they extinguished the candles. Wisps of smoke trailed upward, momentarily battling the scent of the evergreen.

The light was gone, leaving only charred wicks on melted candle nubs.
Like me. The love-light in my life can’t burn brightly. It barely shone
before being snuffed out. Oh, Galen … why?

Dale wiggled in Josh’s arms. “That was fun. Can we do it again?”

Josh set him down. “No. Some things are special, so you only do them once.”

Like getting married
.

“Or once a year,” Ruth added.

Sean reverently touched a glass star hanging from the tree.

“Next year, we’ll bring Ma and Galen.”

And Ivy
. Laney bit the inside of her cheek.

“And now for a special surprise!” Ruth looked to Josh. “I can’t wait anymore.”

“We getta eat another cookie?” Dale touched one of the big sugar cookies Hilda had baked. Hanging from the boughs by scarlet ribbons, they looked more than tempting.

“No. A different kind of surprise.” Josh motioned for them to all be seated.

Laney froze. The handkerchiefs she’d embroidered for Galen, the dress for Mrs. O’Sullivan—all of the special gifts would be drawn out from their hiding place. She looked across the parlor and mouthed to Ruth,
I can’t bear this
.

Ruth came right over and pretended to straighten Laney’s cameo. She whispered, “Don’t worry. Josh took care of things.”

After they’d all taken places, Josh lifted the tablecloth that hung from beneath the tree clear down to the floor. “In church, Pastor Dawes spoke of gifts at Christmas. I think there are some gifts here, too.”

Ruth had selected a different book for each of them. Sean and Dale received wooden ball-and-cup toys. Josh made a big deal over how Colin was growing into manhood and presented him with his first tie. Hilda had made an apron for Ruth and another for Laney; they gave her a new skirt and shirtwaist.

“Hmm. What could this be?” Josh squatted down and peered beneath the table.

“What?” Sean tilted his head.

“Maybe you and Dale had better drag it out. It’s under there pretty far.”

The boys grunted and tugged until they pulled out a wooden box. “Wow, it’s heavy.” Dale looked at Josh. “Betcha it’s for you.”

“Actually, Ruth gave me this pocket watch this morning. Isn’t it a beaut?” Josh showed it to the boys. They admired the handsome cover.

“The fan that belonged to my mama was broken,” Ruth said softly as she opened a beautiful ivory-and-silk creation. “Josh found one just like it. I’ll always treasure it.”

“Oh, Josh.” Laney looked at her brother. “That was so thoughtful of you.”

“Ruth? Laney?” Hilda acted confused. “Do you know whom that big box is for?”

Josh stroked his hand across the top and let out a low, appreciative whistle. “Cherry wood. Smooth as silk. I guess we ought to open it. When we see what’s inside, maybe we’ll know who’s supposed to get it.”

“Okay!” Sean scrambled to unfasten the latches. Dale was more of a hindrance than a help. Josh helped them open the lid.

“It’s gotta be for you, Mr. Josh.” Sean reached in and touched the wooden handle of a tool.

“I don’t know. I already have plenty of tools. What does this say up here?” Josh ran his forefinger across bright red lettering on the inside of the lid.

Colin read aloud, ‘Geo’—that’s short for George—‘Parr’s Juvenile Tool Chest.”’ He straightened up and shot Josh a disbelieving look. “Those are real tools, but they’re for boys!”

Josh chuckled. “Yep. They sure are. I think they’re just the right size for your little brothers. What do you think?”

Sean and Dale whooped. While they took out the tools and admired each one, Josh handed a leather sheath to Colin. “A young man needs his own knife.”

Colin’s ears and neck turned red, but his delight was unmistakable.

Awhile later, Laney watched as Josh and Colin carried crates out to the wagon. Gifts for Mrs. O’Sullivan, Ivy, and Ishmael were inside. Laney wasn’t sure whether the gifts for Galen were with them. After this morning, Josh might have kept those things out.
I still want Galen to have the handkerchiefs. No, maybe I don’t. I’m not sure
.

Staying busy had helped a little—but now the boy’s exuberance and innocence gave no respite from reality. Laney melted onto the settee.

Sean giggled. “Lookit what Dale did!”

Laney motioned to him. “Dale, come here.”

“I didn’t do nothing.”

“You buttoned your coat funny. Here. I’ll help.”

Dale drew closer and whispered loudly, “’Member at the fair how Hortense liked the cookies? Mr. Josh said Miss Hilda wants to leave the rest of the cookies on the tree for a few days. When you come on Friday, do you think you could bring one for Hortense and another for Mr. Snout?”

“No,” Hilda blurted out.

“Why not?”

“Laney’s going to be very busy for the next little while,” Ruth said.

Dale shook his head. “Laney and me are partners. She told me we got a ’sponsibility to each other. Partners don’t slack off or give up. Never, ever. No matter what. That’s what Miss Laney said. And Miss Laney comes every week to check on our business. She’ll come—won’t you, Miss Laney?”

Laney clearly remembered telling him that.
But I never once
imagined these circumstances
. Laney looked into his big blue eyes.
His
eyes are just like Galen’s
.

“You don’t have to bring cookies.” Complete trust shone in his features. “You don’t even have to bring cookies for me or Ma or my brothers, either. So you can just come and visit me and Hortense and Mr. Snout.”

“I …” She tried to smile. “I’ll do my best.”

“I knew you’d come!” He threw his arms around her. “You’re the bestest partner ever!”

Josh tickled Dale’s sides and pulled him away. Squatting in front of the giggling little boy, he said, “Laney’s going to need some extra time to do some things. If she can’t make it over, I’ll come. You can show me, and I’ll be sure to tell her what a great job you’re doing.”

“Like when Sean does the dishes an extra night ’cuz Colin has to study?”

“Exactly.” Josh straightened up. “A family works together and helps out.”

Sean heaved a loud sigh. “I wanted Laney to be family. Now we’re stuck with Ivy.”

Laney didn’t speak. Couldn’t. The pain she’d tried so hard to hold back crashed over her in relentless waves. Her eyes swam and her nose tingled from the tears she tried not to shed.

Colin cleared his throat loudly. “That tool chest is huge. Are the both of you boys thinking you can carry it between yourselves?” With that distraction, Josh and Colin managed to steer them out to the wagon. Ruth remained behind. She started to embrace Laney, but Laney pushed away. “I can’t go. You know I can’t. Please go along with them. Let me know how—” she took a choppy breath—“how everyone is doing.”