Bittersweet Darkness (30 page)

She looked around at the rest of the chairs, Christian, Tara, and Ryan. They were all watching her with various expressions of amusement and she scowled again. It was becoming her perpetual expression. She stalked over and took the chair next to Ryan.

“Nice dress,” Ryan said.

She sniffed.

He grinned. “You’re a combination of total mess and sexy as hell. No prizes for guessing what you two have been up to.”

“Piss off, Ryan.”

“You know you’re supposed to feel all relaxed and mellow right about now. Why am I getting the impression that romance is not blooming in Hell?”

“You are so funny. Not.”

“And Our Lord Asmodai isn’t too happy either.”

Faith gave him a quick peek. He was sitting, hands resting on his thighs, eyes narrowed as he stared from her to Ryan.

“I bet he ordered you to call him ‘My lord’ or ‘Master’ and got all pissy when you told him to go to Hell.”

“A bit pointless considering we’re already here,” she snapped.

“Yeah, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll have to think of somewhere else to go to.”

Her lips curled into an involuntary smile. Ryan had always been able to drag her out of her darker moods.

“Can we get on,” Ash drawled giving them a pointed look. Faith wiped the smile from her face and shifted in the chair trying to get comfortable, but she was sore.

Ryan opened his mouth to say something and she glared. He shut it again.

Christian rose to his feet. “They’re gone for now. But we need to find a way to get them off our backs and Roz’s for good.”

“Does anyone know where Piers and Roz are,” Ash asked.

“No idea, and no way to contact them. We thought it best. But Piers will check in at some point.”

“So we need to either offer Raphael something he wants more. Or threaten him with something he wants even less than an abomination on the loose.”

“Don’t call her that,” Tara said.

Ash grinned. “I’m sure Roz has been called worse.”

He’d said there wasn’t anything between him and Roz, but there was real affection in his voice. She wasn’t sure she liked that. She rubbed at the back of head, trying to ease the tension and sensed Ryan watching her.

“Are you all right?” he whispered when she cast him a sideways glance.

“So-so.” The rest of the painkillers were in her pants pocket on the floor of Ash’s bathroom. She had a feeling she’d need them soon. Little black dots were dancing in front of her eyes.

“Any ideas?” Christian said.

She felt like she didn’t belong here. What could she offer to this discussion? She was in too deep and way out of her depth. Why had Ash even brought her here?

She felt like wailing,
I want to go home.
But it wouldn’t be true. Her apartment had never felt like a true home. Just a place to keep her things. She hadn’t had a home since her mother died.

God. She was wallowing in self-pity, and that never did any good. But she couldn’t seem to shift it. She glanced up and found Ash watching her, a small frown on his face and she flashed him a patently false smile.

He looked away. “I say we lure Raphael to a meeting and we kill the fucker.”

Faith told herself that he didn’t really mean that. He was trying to shock her. He wouldn’t really kill an angel. Would he? Then she had a thought. The colonel had said the new boss was called Raphael. She shook her head. It couldn’t be anything but a coincidence and she didn’t want to interrupt them. But she’d mention it to Ash after the meeting. If he was still talking to her.

“Only as a last resort,” Christian said.

Shit, so maybe he had meant it.

“The meeting part is good though. Maybe we could try and arrange that and see how inflexible they are on this.”

“We’re talking about angels here—they’re about as flexible as a lump of granite.”

A knock sounded on the door. Faith peered over her shoulder as it was pushed open and Shera appeared. She glided across to Ash and spoke quietly with him for a few minutes. At one point, Shera’s gaze flicked to her, and Faith wondered what was being said.

Ash rose to his feet. “I have to go.”

“Can’t whatever it is wait?” Christian asked.

Ash rubbed almost absently at his arm “Unfortunately, no. He probably could, but he won’t. I’ll be back and we can finish this.”

“Ah,” Christian said. Obviously, he must have realized whom Ash was meeting.

She thought Ash might stop and say something to her, but he strode past without even glancing her way. She bit her lip and blinked. Shit, she was turning into the sort of woman who burst into tears at every moment. If being in love did that to you, she was glad she’d left it so late in the day.

Had she just thought the word love?

She was in love with a demon.

And she’d thought dying was a bad idea. This had to be way worse.

She sat staring straight ahead, as she considered asking Christian if there was any way she could get the hell out of Hell. But then he’d make her forget, and however bad she felt she didn’t want to forget Ash.

Maybe she could lie and say she would work for them. That way he might let her go. Could she get back to Earth? Or would they have to wait for Ash to come and open one of those portal things and fly her up. Afterward, she could go and tell that nice doctor that she really wasn’t feeling well.

What had he told her to look out for? More spots danced before her eyes and she shut them tight. A sudden pain jabbed her in the back of the skull. She gasped, then clamped her mouth closed as nausea rose in the back of her throat and the sour taste of vomit flooded her mouth.

“Hey, are you all right?”

She opened her eyes to find Ryan crouched in front of her. For a few seconds, she didn’t dare answer.

“Faith?”

She swallowed and forced a nod. But it was a lie. Another shaft of pain buried itself in her brain.

“No, you’re not.”

Taking a deep breath, she licked her lips. “It’s just a headache.”

“Do you still have those painkillers?”

“They’re in my pocket upstairs.”

Shera approached them at that moment. She gave Faith a strange look. “I’m to show you to another room,” she said.

So he’d had enough of her already. Faith knew the thought was unfair. After all, she was the one who had told him she didn’t want a relationship. Ash probably presumed it was what she wanted. “Shera, my clothes are on the floor in the bathroom—”

“They have been taken for cleaning,” Shera interrupted.

“There were some pills—”

“They are in your new room.”

God, the woman was efficient. “Thank you.” She needed to lie down. Trouble was, she didn’t know if she would ever get up again. The pain was constant now and shadows lurked at the edge of her vision. As she pushed herself to her feet, she swayed.

Ryan put out a hand and steadied her. “Come on; let’s get you your room and you can tell me exactly what’s going on.”

She didn’t object when he kept the hand on her arm. Her knees buckled and she almost fell to the floor but strong hands scooped her up. Christian had come up behind her. He must have moved superfast. Now he held her against his chest and frowned. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. Just…” She waved a hand around the room “It’s all a little overwhelming that’s all. I’ll be fine when I’ve had a lie down.”

She caught Ryan giving her a skeptical look and knew he wouldn’t be satisfied with that. And she wanted to tell him. Maybe wanted him to stay with her so she wouldn’t be alone when the darkness came.

“I’ll show you the way,” Shera said.

The room she took her to was actually next to Ryan’s. At least Ash hadn’t put her in the dungeons. Once Christian had laid her on the bed and left them, Ryan found her pills on the dresser and handed her two, then disappeared into the bathroom. He came out a few seconds later with a glass of water.

Faith dragged herself up and rested her back against the headboard. She took the pills and gulped some water clearing her mouth of the sour taste while Ryan pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed.

“Relax for a few minutes while they kick in,” he said. “Afterward, we talk.”

She nodded, but didn’t speak. Resting her head against the pillows, she closed her eyes. She could almost feel the drugs working, the pain fading from her head, though when she opened her eyes, her vision was still shadowed by darkness.

The doctor had said the end would be quick once the symptoms came. She was supposed to get herself to hospital, though he’d said they couldn’t do anything for her. Maybe it was simply a more convenient place to die.

“Well?” Ryan asked.

“I’m dying.”

He was silent for a long time, his face expressionless, which was good because she really didn’t need pity right now.

“I had an aneurysm the night I blacked out—a blood vessel burst in my brain. A little one that time. They did some tests and apparently there’s a bigger one in there waiting to go.”

“Can’t they do anything? Operate.”

She shook her head then wished she hadn’t. “No. It’s in a bad place. They can’t get to it.”

“How long?”

“Soon. I think.”

“Soon as in weeks, days…hours?”

“I don’t know.” She looked away over his shoulder not wanting to see his expression. “Hours, I suspect.”

Ryan shoved his chair back and got to his feet. He paced the room a couple of times then punched his fist into the wall.

Faith winced.

When he came back to her, he had his expression under control. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“Don’t be. I feel the same way. I thought I’d come to terms with it, but now it’s here.” She gave a helpless shrug. “I don’t want to die.”

“God, if only Roz was here.”

“Why?”

“She’s a healer. It’s part of what she does and there is absolutely no way to find her. Christ, why the hell couldn’t you have told me earlier?”

He sounded truly angry. “Would you have?”

“Hell no.” He took a deep breath and sank down into the chair, reached out, and took her hand. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Would you stay with me?”

He nodded. “Of course. But don’t you want Ash here? I thought you two had gotten pretty close.” He gave her a look. “You haven’t told him?”

“No. He doesn’t know.”

“And don’t you think he should.”

“We sort of had a fight. I told him I could never care for a demon.”

“And did you mean it?”

She gave a very small shake of her head. “No. But he told me he was starting to care for me, and I thought it was best. It didn’t seem fair, letting him think I was going to be there when I wasn’t. I thought this way, he’d hate me a little, and he wouldn’t be so upset when I…”

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

“I know. But I panicked. It never occurred to me that he would care.”

“No, I wouldn’t have put bets on it either. That’s why he seemed so pissed off just now?”

“I guess.”

“When he comes back, you’ll tell him?”

“Yes.” A weight dropped from her as she said the word. She didn’t want to die with Ash hating her.

“I’ll let Shera know you want to see him as soon as he shows up.”

“Let’s hope he’s quick.”

“Shit.” Ryan ran a hand through his hair, got to his feet, and pulled the rope beside the bed.

A knock sounded on the door almost immediately. Ryan crossed the room and opened it slightly, then spoke in low tones to whoever was on the other side.

He came back, sat, and took her hand again. “Do you have any family?” he asked. “Anyone I should contact?”

“No.”

“Why don’t you lie down and relax. You know, doctors have been known to be wrong before.”

“Of course they have.”

There was something else she needed to tell Ryan, in case she didn’t see Ash.

“Ryan, there’s another thing. Not about me, and I don’t know whether it’s important or even if it’s nothing more than coincidence.”

“What is it?”

“The colonel, my boss at MI13, he told me that there was someone new in charge there. Someone who was shaking the place up, demanding results. His name was Raphael.”

For a moment, Ryan frowned, and then his expression cleared. “You think he might be this angel guy Ash was talking about, the head angel?”

“I don’t know, but I have a hunch, and you always told me never to ignore my hunches. Besides, I hate coincidences.”

“Wouldn’t he be a little noticeable with the white wings and all?”

“I thought that at first, but if Ash can appear human, maybe angels can do the same.”

“I’ll mention it when we get together again.”

At the next meeting, where she would be absent. Well, she’d hardly contributed anything anyway. “Good.”

She slid down the bed and rested her head against the pillow, closed her eyes. She didn’t want to sleep. In case she never woke up. But the shadows were tugging at her mind. The headache was gone now and she could almost pretend that she was all right.

Ash’s face flashed across her mind, the last thing she saw before the darkness dragged her under.

Chapter Twenty-four

“You wanted to see me?” Ash said not trying to keep the impatience from his voice. If this was some sort of power play, and Luc had called him here because he found it amusing to have Ash within his power, well then he was going to be pissed off.

A small smile flickered across Lucifer’s face, as if he knew exactly what Ash was thinking.

He hoped the smug bastard would get to the point soon. He wanted to get back to Faith. He wondered how she’d felt when Shera had shown her to her new room. Maybe a little time apart, and she might miss him.

Who was he kidding?

She’d never love a demon.

She’d said so.

But something about her as he’d stalked out of the meeting had tugged at his heart. She’d looked so vulnerable. She was the one who had hurt him.
He
hadn’t said he could never have anything to do with a human because they were inferior beings with minuscule lives.

He’d been angry. That’s why he hadn’t tried to talk to her. He was never at his best when he was angry and would probably have said or done something he’d regret. Like screwing her against the wall. Not that he really regretted that, it had felt too fucking good.