Bittersweet Deceit (29 page)

“And what would that be?”
My heart beat a bit faster.

“Your submission
, Lainie. I will take you how I want. I’m not into pain so I will never intentionally hurt you, but when things get rough, it can happen.”

“Your
words are making my pussy pulse,” I blatantly admitted.

“I’
ve never known anyone like you,” he said, working his thumbs into my arch.

“How do you mean?”

“For one, I don’t think you realize how passionate you are. You have this innocence about you and yet when you’re lost in sex, you lose it entirely. It’s sexy as hell.”

“Thank you,” I said, embarrassed by his word
s.

“That’s exactly what I mean. You’re blushing.”

“I don’t mean too,” I said.

“That’s that beauty in it.” He switch
ed to my other foot and said, “If you’re serious about submitting to me, then we need to talk about a few things.”

“Why did my stomach just drop?”

He massaged between my toes and said, “Maybe you know what I’m going to ask. Have you submitted to Mason?”

“I’m not sure.”
I shrugged.

“
Have you let him spank you?”

“Yes.” That was an easy one, I thought.

“Whip you?”

“No, but he has used a paddle.” I worried that my answer would upset him but he
still seemed calm.

“Okay. Has he tied you up?”

“Once during one of our games.” I felt the pulse in my neck.

“How?”

“You want me to tell you how?” My respiration increased.

“Yes.”

I eyed him and then said, “My arms were handcuffed behind my back and over a chair and my ankles were tied to the legs.”

“Do you feel they were tied securely?”

“My feet?”

He nodded.

“No.”

“Did you have anal sex with Mason?”

My eyes widened. “I’ve never had anal sex.”

“Anal play?”

I shook my head and said, “No.”

“How does your pussy feel now?”

“Very hot.”

“Good.”

“Are we done?” I asked.

“No. Did you have rough sex with Mason?” He used my foot to drag me to him, situating me onto his lap, his legs straight out underneath me. His hard cock bobbed behind my back.

“Maybe during two role playing scenarios, but I don’t know if you would think so.”

He spread my thighs and dipped his fingers
past my labia. He whispered into my ear, “You’re already mine; you just haven’t accepted it yet.”

His assertion caused my nipples to flare
, and my clit to twitch.

“I’m going to let some of the water out so I can better play with your pussy. Tell me about the two scenes.”

“The first, professor/student, he held my head down against the desk as he paddled me and then fucked me from behind.”

Stay
lightly pinched his way up one thigh and down the other, making me squirm. “Did it make you come?”

“Yesss,” I said.

“And the other?” He bit my shoulder and continued to pinch closer to my pussy.

“Um
, spy versus FBI agent. That’s the one where he tied me up. He spanked me and fucked me hard from behind. He was mad about you.”

“Interesting. Did you
come?” he asked as he tugged on my labia.

“Ahhh ... yes.”

“Was I on your mind too?” He yanked on the other side.

“Yes, but I didn’t want you there.”

He abandoned my pussy and began working on my nipples. “And now?” He squeezed harder than before.

“I want you inside me over and over again.”

“Oh, I will be and more, Lainie. I’ll penetrate you in every way known to man.” One hand twisted my nipple until I cried out and the other snaked down to my saturated pussy. “See how wet you get for me.”

“Yesss.”

“Think this over. If you submit to me, I’m going to take your ass. Do you know what that means?” He plunged two fingers into my entrance, his thumb making a trail around my pussy.

“Yes, I think I do.”

“Your clit is so hard; it’s poking out and pulsing under my thumb. Tell me what I mean.”

“You
’re going to fuck my ass with your cock.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’ll do.” He circled around my bud and I moaned as
I thrashed about in his lap.

“Will you tie me up?”

“No, because your submission will be so much sweeter when you give it to me without restraint. It’s a gift of immense trust and you will find it has its own kind of intimacy.”

“
Oh, Stay, that feels so good.”

He teased my clit and said, “I want to hear you say that you’ve never gotten this wet for a
nother. Never so hot.”

Over my shoulder, I said, “Never
, Stay. I’m so aroused by you I’m shaking.”

“
Stand up,” he ordered.

I stood in w
hat was left of the bath water. He dried me off and helped me out of the tub. After drying himself, he grabbed a towel, and circled his arms around me. He walked me over to the bed.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“No.”

“Lay down for me and put your ass on the towel, all the way to the edge of the mattress. There, that’s good.” He opened the drawer and retrieved a bottle of oil. “Spread your legs wide and to the sides. Nice. Your pussy is beautiful and still shiny from your juice
s.

“What are you going to do to me?”

“Give you a small taste of what you will get if you decide to submit to me.” He lowered down on the carpet on the side of the bed.

I piled two fluffy pillows under my head so I could see what he planned to do to me.

He coated two fingers in oil and lowered his mouth to my pussy licking up my juices. His coated fingers rubbed around my anus but didn’t penetrate. “You taste so good, OC.” He climbed over me, his hard cock hanging down, and kissed me deeply. His tongue grazed below my bottom lip catching some of my essence that his mouth had lay there. After nipping my bottom lip, he said, “You continually challenge my restraint.”

He knelt back down and resumed his oral and tactile treatments. As he continued to pass back and forth over my anal opening
it relaxed and then reflexively tightened up again. Then he lightly sucked on my clit and wiggled a finger into my bum.

“Ohhh...”

“Do you like it?” he asked, holding his finger still.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly.

“Well, Lane, hang on because we’re about to find out.” He forced more of his finger inside and moved it around. With his head raised, he said, “Oh you like it. Your pussy just spurted come on my face. So hot.”

Then I lost myself in the sensations eddying through me, gripping the comforter beneath me
with both fists. The one finger in my anus shifted and pressed while the other caressed around the rim. His tongue, his blessed tongue, choreographed its soft sensuous dance around my clit and into my wetness. The duel sensations had me at the edge of a riotous climax.

He stopped and said. “I know you’re close. You will take another finger first.”

I rapidly shook my head back and forth.

“Oh
, OCDC, but you will. Breathe out slowly for me. There you go.” And then he inserted another finger.

I felt so stretched and full, I had no idea how I would ever take his cock inside of me. “Ohhh ... ahhh ... oh, oh, oh.” My whole body arched, every muscle stretched and as he continued to penetrate my ass with his fingers, I screamed, “Fuuuck!” The shocking intensity had me panting and twisting as my release clutched and racked me over and over again.

“That was spectacular. It will take all of my willpower to take you slowly when the time comes.”

He held me as I hummed in the afterglow.

“You’re turn,” I said with a yawn.

“You will pay me back tomorrow when I ask.”

“Okay,” I mumbled.

“I’m going to eat something and be right back to snuggle you close.”

I must have dozed off.

When Stay came back, he spoo
ned me to him and I struggled to fall back asleep.

I lay there, trying to
let sleep find me again, but visions of Mason’s face felt branded on my brain: the tears in his eyes, his desperate expression, and his attempt to get me to stop and listen to him. Quietly, I lifted the covers and rummaged into my bag for my T-shirt and boy shorts. I set and plugged in my phone and then slipped out of the room.

In Stay’s office/meditation room, I found an unused notebook and a pen.
In the living room, I settled on the couch facing the windows and started to journal with Rusty purring at my side.

I was so angry at Mason that I couldn’t get past the hurt to hear what he wanted to say. I couldn’t get past my own hurt to see that he was hurting too. Maybe I should have listened to him. Maybe he really did love me.

Each time I feel Stay pulling me closer to him
, I feel my heart reaching back for Mason. The horrible mental tug-of-war is leaving me completely off-kilter.

I can see what’s going on here
, the bargaining stage, and yet I can’t stop it. And if I am bargaining, that means depression is still to come. What the fuck? If I’m not depressed yet, I can’t even imagine. I know Mason didn’t die but it sure feels like a death. He’s dead and gone from my life, and I’m the one who chose it.

Here I’m contemplating submitting to Stay while my heart is still so wrapped up with Mason. How do I heal and reconcile the past when I’m so caught
up in something new. How do I move onto something new while I’m so caught up in the past? How can I possibly still want Mason, need his touch, when what Stay offers me is far
more intense and captivating? And he’s not married, is kind, sexy as hell, desires me, and his cock—wow. I thought I would never enjoy one so large, but I was so wrong.

I don’t hold my breath with Stay. What does that mean? I think it’s more like our breathing gets in sync so don’t end up holding it in. Still
, it seems odd.

I can’t believe I let him play with my ass but I have to admit—

“What are you doing?” Stay said, squinting at the light coming from the floor lamp.

I
was startled, and felt like I was caught doing something wrong. “Journaling. I tried not to wake you.”

“I rolled over to pull you toward me and you weren’t there. I
became concerned you left again.”

“I’m still here.”

“As I see.” He flashed me a sleepy grin. “Come to bed and I’ll massage your back until you fall asleep.”

Leaving the journal on the coffee table, I let him lead me back to bed.

I
awoke to the sun shining in from the wall of windows. The empty bed beside me took me by surprise. Tiptoeing through the apartment, I found Stay meditating naked in front of his altar. Backing out slowly, I headed to the bathroom for a shower.

Once dressed, I wandered to the kitchen in search of food. I finally felt hungry. “Oh, that smells good.”

“Sit at the table and I’ll bring the food over.” He wore a short plaid robe, and I guessed nothing else underneath. “Would you like some orange juice with your coffee?”

“Just some water please. Are you sure I can’t help?”

“Be right there.” He carried a tray over to the table and deposited our plates and beverages.

“I’m starving,” I said.

“That’s a good sign.” He leaned over, gave me a quick kiss, and sat down on the same side as I, facing the windows.

“Thank you so much for last night and this meal
. Is this turkey bacon?” I asked.

“Yes. I don’t eat any mammal,” he said, sticking a piece of bacon in
to his mouth.

“
I haven’t heard that one before. So you’re not a vegetarian, but won’t eat mammals. Clearly you eat eggs and cheese. Is that Gouda in the eggs? Yummy and smoky.”

“Yes it is. Good sense of taste.
I also eat seafood and poultry.”

“Of course you do.” I chuckled slightly
, remembering our dinner out.

“H
ow are you feeling this morning?” He rested his elbow on the back of my chair and held the nape of my neck.

My nipples responded to his touch. Trying to ignore it, I said, “My pussy feels well used, which I like
, and I’m okay over all.”

“Can I read your journal from last night?”

I practically spit out the coffee in my mouth. “I don’t let anyone read my journal.”

“You leave it out on your nightstand. You don’t think Mason ever
had a look?” He took a sip of coffee.

“It’s called privacy, something I think you
and I value differently.”

“So I won’t like what you wrote?”
he asked.

“No,”
I said, my lips pursed in annoyance. Why did he have to keep bringing Mason up? In anger, I said, “Fine, go read it.”

“You’re mad,” he stated.

I looked up at him and took another bite of the bacon.

He brou
ght the journal over and read the passage. “So I’m sexy as hell and what we have is more intense. I can live with that. There goes you’re head shaking again. Just say what you’re thinking.”

“And the rest of what I wrote?”

He caressed my knee. “OC, sweetheart, I know you still need to grieve Mason, which is why I agreed to keep things casual.”

“This doesn’t feel casual.”

“It’s whatever we make it. If you need space, just tell me.”

I tried to assess the truth in his words. “Okay. Tonight I plan to sleep at home alone. We can meet up at Red’s in our own cars.”

“Sounds good.” He continued eating as if my request was perfectly fine. When he swallowed, he said, “But I will fondle you at Red’s in front of everyone.”

“That didn’t sound like a question.”

“It wasn’t. Have you thought about submitting to me? I can’t think of much else myself. Especially the way your ass took to my fingers. I want inside there.” His comments sent my heart racing.

“I
... what if I change my mind?” I noticed my hand trembling and placed my fork down.

“We can always revisit it.”

“Okay.” I nodded.

“Okay? Are you saying
, ‘Stay, I want you to use me and take me to places I’ve never considered’?”

“Yes, Stay, I want you to fuck and use me every way to Sunday. If I didn’t have to get to the shop... I’
m already wet sitting here.”

“How much time do we have?” he asked, opening his robe revealing his straining erection. He didn’t wait for my response and gathered all the items on the table back onto the tray and set it on the floor.

I stood and removed my jeans and lace panties. “Not long.”

“
Lie down and bring your hips to the edge.”




I arrived at wo
rk fifteen minutes later than usual, but I wasn’t the least bit bothered by it. My pussy still felt a bit swollen from our romp on the dining table. The two orgasms he sparked in me still hummed under the surface of my skin. I could get used to regular morning sex.

In the office
I checked the mail, email, and paid a few bills. Once I opened the shop, the day flew by.

Over lunch Samantha asked me, “What time are you heading over to Red’s?”

“I’ll leave here around five or so. Jacqs and I are meeting early to catch up.”

She touched my arm and said, “I know you’re very private but I’m dying to know. Will you tell the group about you and Stay?”

“I have a feeling he plans to make it very obvious. You’re coming right?”

She wrapped up the other half of her sandwich and said,
“That sounds like him. Yes, after I put Sarah to bed.”

“Great. I might need the
support.”

She smiled
. “You can count on me.”




When I arrived at Red’s, I didn’t see Jacqs car.

“She’s running a bit behind,” Red said, pulling the last clean plate out of the dishwasher. His hand made the dinner plate seem like a saucer; his big frame loomed over most things in the space, even me, though we were fairly close in height.

He and Jacqs made quite the pair, her so petite and
him so tall and broad.

“Is it just us?” I said, glancing out back.

“Yes. Can I get you something to drink?”

“I’m good. So how are things going with the triad?” I asked.

“Let’s go outside and dunk our feet. It’s gorgeous out.”

“Okay.” I slipped off my sandals by the French doors leading out to the pool and rolled up the bottoms of my jeans.

Red didn’t need to worry, his casual attire of khaki shorts and rust-colored T-shirt was perfect for the warm, spring day, and allowed him sit right down at the edge of the pool without any fuss.

Bordered by palm trees,
a large stone deck surrounded the Jacuzzi and pool. His two-story home sat on the Intracoastal Waterway, allowing him to keep his small yacht right behind the house.

We both sat on the edge of the pool, enjoying the sun and slight breeze.

“Everything is going well,” Red said, inclining with his arms behind him. “I believe we are all waiting for it to come to head. Between us, I want to ask Jacqs to marry me. I can’t do that until Jacqs and Bond have moved on.”

“Good thing you’re a patient man.” I shuffled my feet in the water.

“I heard Stay stopped being patient.”

“Does everyone know?”
I felt that I was about to shake my head and stopped myself.

“
I think that’s a safe assumption. How’s that going?”

I
slanted my head in his direction and said, “It’s a complicated answer to an easy question. I’m not over my previous relationship and—”

“Jacqs told me what happened. Sorry
, Lane.”

I stared down at my feet in the water. “Yeah, thanks. Does she tell you everything?”

“Another safe assumption. Does it bother you?”

I rocked my head back and forth, deciding. “Not really. I trust it stays with you.”

“Always. So Stay? You know Jacqs will grill me later.”

“He’s
an incredible man but sometimes I feel like I’m moving forward in a relationship that I’m not fully in yet. That didn’t make any sense.” I made eye contact with Red to see if he got it.

“It makes perfect sense. I’ve known Stay a long time. When he wants something, he throws his whole self into it.”

I kicked my feet and said, “I know. I’m just not in the place where I can do the same.”

“You’re worried about hurting him.”

“Shouldn’t I be?” I asked.

“Just be exactly where you
are. That’s all you can really do, and be honest about it. I believe these things have a way of sorting out. I’ve never been happier in my life since Jacqs. It wasn’t ideal timing but we’re managing. Plus you can always trust Stay to be upfront.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “To a fault sometimes.”

“Agreed. So it’s your coming out tonight.”

“Apparently it’s not necessary since everyone already knows. I’m certain he plans to make it abundantly obvious.”

Red touched my arm and said, “Grant him that. He’s liked you for a long time.”

“You
’ve all turn pining into a fine art,” I said.

Red had loved Jacqs for years before he finally made his feelings known.

“Want to help me put the food out? I’d like to check in with Jacqs too.” Red stood and grabbed each of us a towel to dry off our legs.

“Sure.”

Red and I set up the house for the gathering in companionable silence. The love that he shared with Jacqs was highly enviable, and I wondered if I could love like that or even allow myself to be loved that way. I never had before.

After laying out the spinach dip and veggie platter I went to the bathroom to check my appearance. I wished Stay would show so I could stop feeling so anxious about being with him with all our friends.

Jacqs finally made it home and after making out with Red while I stared at the floors and ceiling, she waved me to follow her upstairs.

“I’m going to quickly change,” she said, stripping off her work clothes. She threw on a flowery, short, halter dress. “Sit”
—she patted the bed beside her—“Have you changed your hair? I really like it.”

“I didn’t blow it dry this morning. I think I heard the door,” I said, sitting down next to her.

“Give me the scoop.”

“Ask Red,” I said, lying back on the bed and folding my arms underneath my head.

“I’m sure you didn’t tell him about the sex. How’s the sex?”

I raised an eyebrow and said, “Too good. It’s all too much.”

She patted me on the thigh and said, “I’m happy for you. Red is too much too, and I love every minute of it. Give it time.”

“
Uh-huh.”

“That sounded like Stay’s laugh.” She stood up and checked her hair in the mirror.

“Can I hide up here?” I asked, sitting up.

“Buck up
, girl, and face the music.”

Stay watched me walk down the steps
, and before I reached the bottom he swept me up in his arms. “It’s good to see you. I missed you today.” He then kissed me and I let him. It was no mere peck but a sweltering kiss. He accomplished what he intended—to make me hot and bothered.

“You’re a naughty man,” I whispered into his ear.

“Just remember you said yes, and you’ll get a taste of how naughty I can be.”

“Stop that,” I said.

“Which part?” He bit my ear lobe and whispered back, “The part that made your nipples hard or the part that caused your neck to flush and your breathing to accelerate?”

“Break it up,” Cat said. “Are you going to
be all over each other like Red and Jacqs? I’m certain he has an extra room. Use it.”

“Cat, I’m
certain
you don’t want to use up one of your lives,” Stay teased. “I plan to kiss and grope her often.”

Cat
hung her arm around my waist and said, “Lainie, if you don’t put your man in his place early on, trust me, you’ll regret it.”

“Excuse me. I’m standing right here,” Kev said and he didn’t look happy. “Just remember whose night it is.”

I had a feeling she was to be topped and he planned to show her who was boss.

The
evening breeze beckoned us all, so we settled outside with the food and drinks. Stay sat right by my side and was the perfect gentleman. He gave me plenty of space and I didn’t feel smothered like I thought I might.

I sat back watching
our friends shift from one conversation to another. I really loved all of them, even Bond now too.

“Let’s go for a walk,”
Stay said after we had finished laughing at Bond and his ridiculous impersonation of a dancer at his club.

“Sure.”

We walked away from the group, down the short yard, and onto the dark dock that extended out over the Intracoastal Waterway.

He led me to the end of the
pier and we sat down, our legs hanging over the edge but not touching the water. He scooted me closer to him, draping my right leg over his left. In his arms, he swept me up in his kiss, seizing my mouth and making me dizzy with lust. He slid my hand into his jeans over his cock. His penetrative stare told me what he wanted.