Bittersweet Deceit (4 page)

A layer of perspiration began to form between us.

He continued his long thrusts while my contractions began to subside and I floated in the ethers of my release. Still rock
-hard inside me, I knew I would have another explosive climax before he finished.

A melody interrupted the play and Mason said, “Shit.”

I recognized the ring tone.

“I have to take it,” he said, pulling out of me.

“I know.” I wavered out of the room and into the bathroom. I struggled to focus on the mundane actions required to clean up instead of on the harsh reality that had just interrupted my time with Mason. From the wicker top shelf, I retrieved a washcloth. I turned on the hot water
and waited for it to warm up while I removed my heels, the garter belt, and stockings. After cleaning my saturated labia, I rinsed out the washcloth and then sat on the toilet with my head in my hands. Ragged breathing in my throat and chest signaled the impending breakdown. “No!” I said out loud.

As I washed my hands in the sink, I shook my head at my reflection.
What the fuck are you doing?
I grabbed another washcloth and removed the smudged makeup from my eyes. I wrapped my robe around me, sighed, and went out into the hall.

Mason waited for me on the overstuffed
, beige couch in the living room. “I’m sorry, Lainie.”

“Yes, I know. Please, just go.”

“I’ll let you know when I can get away again. It sucks that we were interrupted but damn, baby, you were sexy as hell.” He held his arms out to me and said, “Come give me a kiss goodbye.”

Unable to resist him, I complied. I fell against him, his kiss confounding me. My heart broke with every departure
, fracturing into a million pieces until he returned and his presence slowly re-glued each tiny piece together again. Every time my heart went through its demise and resurrection, the more fragile it became. Melting into his embrace, I thought,
If I could just stay right here.

When we broke apart, he said, “I have to go. I’m already running late. I left the jacket and the other props in the closet
.”

I looked away and said, “Okay.” I held open the door for him and watched him walk out of my life once again.

M
usic from my iPod alarm clock rocked me awake Monday morning. My journal and favorite pen lay on the nightstand. I had struggled to fall asleep the night before, berating myself for doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different outcome. If I didn’t write down all my thoughts and feelings, extracting them from my mind, I may not have slept.

As always
, after seeing Mason a low-grade anxiety had taken hold of me, and I had wondered how long I’d have to wait to hear from him again.

But today was another day
, and I would focus on my work. I turned on the coffee maker and headed for the shower. Once out, I tied my sandy-brown hair back in a twisted up ponytail and put on an outfit that I sold at the shop at the time: loose fitting, crepe, white shorts with a wide cuff, and a sheer, long-sleeved, thin-collared white
blouse that matched perfectly. The shorts had long ties that hung to my knees. I slipped on a pair of high, navy platform shoes and a pair of hoop earrings. I would accessorize more once I got to the shop, adding a bangle or two.

After applying a thin layer of mascara that highlighted my
hazel-green eyes, I finished off the look with a lilac lipstick. The coffee maker had finished its job so I poured the dark liquid and creamer into a to-go cup. I grabbed my purse, a yogurt, and a banana and left for work.

Bella Boutique
didn’t open until ten o’clock that day, but I always like to get there at least an hour before. I enjoy having time alone to check on the inventory and eat my breakfast before I unlock the front door.

The entrance to the back of the store
opens right into the storage room, which is also my office. A few boxes that needed to be sorted and tagged waited for me that morning.

I sat
at the desk and checked my email and Facebook on my laptop. No messages from Mason. I refused to be the first to reach out. It was easier on my heart to wait for a message instead of waiting for a response back. I turned on the store stereo system to help drown out my thoughts.

After
finalizing an ad to be placed in the newspaper and online, and finishing my breakfast I turned the sign around on the front door and unlocked it.

The morning breezed by and at
11:25 a.m., Samantha
arrived to start her shift with lunch in hand for us both. It had become our ritual. She placed the food in the back for later. She towered over Jacqs even though she was the younger sister, and where Jacqs got the curves, Samantha had a slight frame. Her shape and her long, flowing, white-blonde hair made her look younger than her twenty-five years.

S
he performed miracles on the front window displays, so I gave her the freedom to work her magic. At first I worried about her slipping back into her drinking and drugging ways. According to Jacqs, Sam had never properly mourned the death of their father and once she became a teenager, alcohol and drugs had become her salve. But I no longer had any concerns. She really seemed to have turned her life around.

She
opened and started unloading the boxes I had placed behind the checkout counter. “Hey, Lainie,” Sam said, she leaned over and kissed my cheek when I approached.

Although I hugged Jacqueline and Mason often, I had personal space issues. It took me a long time to get close enough to a person to want to press my body and heart against them. The only other exception was Catherine, whom we called Cat. Bond also brought Cat into our circle of friends. Neither Cat
, nor Sam knew about Mason.

“How was your weekend?” she asked over her shoulder as she folded the new designer T-shirts she pulled from the first box.

“It was
great to see Jacqs yesterday. You?”

“Oh yeah? I’ve been meaning to call
her. Mom plans to invite her to dinner sometime this week, but I’ll probably see her on Wednesday at Red’s. You’re going, right?”

I nodded.

“The weekend was good,” Sam continued. “After I left here on Saturday, I spent the rest of the evening chasing Sarah around the park. That daughter of mine has enough energy to power three people.”

We laughed together and then I said, “
I love the new window display. Where did you find the headless mannequins?”

“Have you been in attic lately?”

“I avoid hot, enclosed, spider-laden places.”

“Lainie”
—she laughed, doubling over—“you are an interesting bird. You come across so put together and confident, and now I find out you’re afraid of spiders?”

She
continued to crack up until I shot her a dirty look that just made her laugh harder.

“I never said I was afraid of them, I just choose to reduce the chance that I
will have to take one out.”

“
Uh-huh,” she said, giggling.

“Was there anything else of interest up there?”

“Besides spiders the size of your hand?” She raised her eyebrows and smiled. “Actually there is this white, wire mannequin. Circles of wire form this cool-looking, off-the-shoulder dress with a diagonal hem. It’s hard to explain, but I think it has a lot of potential.”

“That sounds interesting, can’t wait to see it.”

“I need some help getting down. No, I’m not asking you to help.” She shook her head. “We need a strong guy to move it. You would think wire would be light, but it’s large, and the base is really heavy.”

“What wil
l you use it for?”

“I’
m not one hundred percent certain yet,” she said while opening another box that contained short leather skirts. “It’s pretty cool as an art piece, but I was thinking we might try hanging beach wraps in such a way that it makes a multicolor skirt on the bottom. For the fall and winter, I was thinking we would use it to feature scarves.”

“I trust your judgment. When do you need it by?”

“No rush. Do you have a price list for the skirts or is it the same as last time?”

“Same.” The door chimed, signaling a customer, so I
went to the front of the store to offer my assistance.

Samantha and I rotated nights that we stayed until
closing. She mostly manned Saturdays on her own since Mason’s wife expected him to be “golfing” unless he had plans to take his kids to the beach or some other activity. Sunday the store remained closed. On a rare occasion, I had taken a spontaneous “lunch” away from the boutique at a moment’s notice, leaving Sam to man the fort and eat on her own. No such call came that day.

After
I locked up for the night, I heard my cellphone ring and ran into the storage room hoping to see MM across my screen.

“Hi, Dad,”
I said, slumping in my desk chair.

“Don’t sound so disappointed,” he said. His voice
was kind and concerned.

“
No, I’m happy to hear from you... I was just expecting another call.”

“Mason?”

“Yes,” I said, with a sigh.

“How’s that going?” I heard him clear his throat.

“Same. I know ... I know I should move on, but I haven’t summoned the courage yet.”

“I understand.”

“You do? Why are you always so sweet to me? Shouldn’t you be giving me a hard time for my stupid choices? You know Mom would if she knew.”

“Love can be complicated and of course, I’m worried for you. These things never
seem to end well.”

“Are you speaking from experience?”
A knot tightened in my gut over the thought of my father cheating on my mother. Not that I would have a hard time understanding it. My mother wasn’t someone you could easily connect with or become attached to. I never understood my father’s loyalty to their marriage. As horrible as it is to say, I have long wanted something better for him.

“
I was in love once, before I met your mother, and wasn’t an affair per se, but I would have moved heaven and earth to be with her. She had other priorities, or at least her family did and she went along with them.”

“Do I know her?” I couldn’t fathom my father being passionately in love.

“No, honey. Unfortunately she died many years ago.”

“Oh
, Dad, I’m so sorry.”

“My point is that sometimes love takes us places we never thought we
’d go. I’ve heard enough stories from friends over the years to know affairs often have tragic endings and it’s usually the person in your position that suffers the most.”

I knew he was right
, but how do you let go of the greatest love of your life, knowing you might spend the rest of it in search of something even remotely close? Or even worse, settle like my father must have. “Where’s Mom?” I knew Dad would never be talking to me this openly if she was home.

“She’s out with
Maxine helping her coordinate her latest fundraiser.”

Maxine was my mother’s best friend who she had known since her dorm days in college.

“Water towers for drought areas in Africa,” he continued.

“Well
, at least it’s a good cause this time around.”

“It seems to keep your mother busy and we know
how your mother despises idleness.”

“Oh, yes, that she does. How is she handling your retirement?”

“I make sure to be out of her hair as much as possible. George and I meet at the park next to Hollywood Beach to play chess and cribbage. I guess it’s where all the
alter cockers
go to live out their remaining days.”

“Dad! You’re not that old.”

“I’ve taken up walking along the beach too and I’ve dropped five pounds. Think I might be down to a beer belly instead of a full keg.”

I laughed and said,
“That’s excellent. Maybe we can meet up at some point for a walk.”

“I would love that. So listen
, baby girl, your aunt is coming to town in a few weeks and your mom is planning one of her soirees. Please tell me you’ll come.”

Both my father and I hated
her parties, and I avoided them as often as I could. However, I couldn’t say no to my dad. “Okay, let me know the date and I’ll show up.”

“Feel free to drag Jacqs along or—”

I cut him off before he had a chance to say the M word. “I love you, Dad.”

“You know you are the world to me
, Lainie. Stay in touch and let’s plan a walk soon.”

“Love you lots.”

“Love you more.”

“Bye
-bye, daddio.”

Once I arrived home, I stripped out of my work clothes and threw on a pair of boy shorts and a T-shirt. Although I enjoyed dressing up for work or when going out on a date, my daily wear was far more casual.

The wonderful spring weather beckoned me
so I brought my cellphone, ashtray and a cigarette with me to sit outside my back slider overlooking the pool and Intracoastal Waterway. I never smoked around anyone and had cut back to one or two a day. The disgusting habit and I had yet to completely part ways.

Using my phone, I checked my email
and responded to one of my wholesalers. I tapped out the cigarette and went back inside to watch
The Voice
. I hoped Shakira would win this time around, but it seemed that Blake had amassed another winning team.

Once in
bed, I picked up my journal and wrote for a bit.

My father is such a warm man. I wonder why I didn’t end up more like him. My reserve, my discomfort being touched by people I don’t know well must be thanks to my mother. I can’t remember the last time my mother hugged me or offered me any affection. Thankfully my father filled that role. Why can’t I be more normal, and put together like everyone assumes I am?

Why did I let Mason in so quickly? What is it about him that c
aused my guard to lower in a way I have never done before with anyone other than Jacqs? Certainly never with another man. I didn’t hear from Mason today. I tried not to think about him during work, but when Sam brought up cleaning out the extra storage room to use as floor space to sell lingerie to our customers, I couldn’t help thinking about the garters and stockings he likes for me to wear.

I still can’t believe Jacqs set me up with Stayman. I know it can’t be a coincidence and I’m not even sure why I said yes. Maybe I just wanted to have something else to do for a change.

I always swore I would never live my life on someone else’s terms like Jacqs did with Bond for so long. But now, isn’t that exactly what I am doing? I keep thinking that I’ll say no to Mason one of these times, but when he calls all I want to do is see him. Making either of us wait becomes a moot point.

Enough about
him!

Remember to call
Dad and schedule a walk and see if Jacqs will go to Mom’s party.