Bittersweet Hope (11 page)

“I guess so.” Trying to smile felt like walking in hardening concrete. It just wasn’t working. No matter how hard I’d hoped to be wrong, my gut had been right about Tori. I
knew
she was bad news. Sadie was such a young fifteen year old, too. She’d always acted a little younger than she actually was. She might be able to be talked into almost anything, and that was scaring me the most.

“Tell you what. If it ever stops raining tomorrow, we’ll go over and check on her.”

I snapped my head up. Caleb’s face was the picture of kindness, those blue eyes open and inviting, his mouth spread in an easy smile.

“You would do that for me?”

“Sure. You said they wouldn’t let her talk on the phone. Well, if we just show up they might get pissed, but at least you’ll get to see her for a minute and it can make you feel better.”

My first impressions of Caleb couldn’t have been more wrong. Well, my first impression was that he was hot, but after that I’d been leaning heavily toward him being the sort that wouldn’t want anything to do with me. He was turning out to be the nicest guy I’d ever met.

“Thanks.” I said. My voice was barely above a whisper. It wouldn’t take much to lean in and kiss him, to feel those full lips on mine. My mind swam with the thought of it, and my chest felt light. I couldn’t do that. No way.

“You’re welcome.” Caleb smiled at me again. “Now, let’s go get some sleep, okay? We’ll go around lunch time if the weather changes. It’ll be good to get out of the house after being cooped up all day today.”

I nodded without thinking about it. He stood and held his hand out to pull me to my feet. When I slipped my palm into his, firecrackers went off in my brain and spots floated by in front of me, clouding my vision. Somehow I stood on my feet without falling straight back to the floor. Caleb stared at me. My mouth parted, but I didn’t seem to have any comprehension skills. I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t move. Finally I forced myself to shake it off and walk past him.

When I finally made it upstairs my bedroom felt like a sanctuary. It was a welcome escape both from Caleb and the feelings rolling around in the pit of my st
omach every time he was around.

Chapter Fourteen

My face and hands were drenched in sweat when I climbed into Caleb’s truck the next afternoon. The mugginess of the air after last night’s storm was thick and dense, sinking into my skin and clothes even on the short walk from the front door to my seat. I felt slimy after being outside for exactly two minutes.

We’d looked in the package Mrs. Anderson left for Anna and gotten the Gable’s address. Caleb knew the street, and I was sure it wouldn’t be hard to pick out the modest brick home I’d seen when Sadie was dropped off. My nerves were wrapped in tight bundles, itching to spread and run rampant throughout me, but I kept as tight of a lid on them as possible. Clarity would be a good thing right now. A fizzled brain would not.

Hopefully the Gable’s wouldn’t give us too much trouble when we got there. The thought crossed my mind that they wouldn’t even let Sadie come to the door and I wouldn’t get to see her at all. If that happened, I was calling Mrs. Anderson. Anybody who would hide her from me could not be good role models or parental figures. I knew I was behaving more like a parent than a teenager again, but I didn’t care. This was my baby sister, and I wasn’t going to let anything or anybody hurt her.

We rode along in silence. I didn’t feel like talking, and I figured Caleb probably picked up on it. My stomach ached already, no words would be able to make it feel better. It would only make it worse to try and make small talk when I was so worried about what the Gable’s reaction would be to our showing up out of the blue.

It turned out not to matter. When we rolled to a stop along the curb outside the house, neither one of the cars I’d seen before were in the driveway. Relief flooded my senses at the same time disappointment set in. They weren’t even home.

“Sorry.” I said to Caleb.

He gave me a quizzical look. “For what?” His hands rested lazily on the steering wheel, his head tilted in question.

“For you having to drive over here, and they’re not even home.”

He looked at the house. “How do you know that?”

“The cars are gone.” Was he blind?

“But the lights are on. Didn’t you notice? And it looks like the door is open and only the screen is shut, but I can’t see it very good from here.”

I peered past his head and out the window. He was right. The wooden door seemed to be open a tiny crack. Great powers of observation I had.

“Oh.” I wished it were possible to jam my hands in my pockets. They sat on my lap, restless, my fingers traveling around and around each other.

“Aren’t you going to go see if you can talk to her?” Caleb prodded. He dipped his head down a bit to make eye contact with me. One eye was squinted as our gazes met.

The bundles of nerves exploded, racing through my stomach, my arms, my legs, anything they could find. Why was I so anxious? It was just Sadie! My sister. But deep down the thought of seeing her made me antsy. She apparently thought of Tori as her family right now. I felt like I was being slowly cut out of her life, and there was a part of me thinking if I tried to talk to her too much it would push her away faster. I felt silly for thinking it, but I couldn’t shake it.

Finally, I inhaled and put my hand on the door handle. Caleb lounged back into his seat and messed with his phone. It occurred to me that maybe having a friendly face would help. Who knew what it would be like in there. My imagination was already spinning out of control, picturing Sadie dressed in next to nothing doing drugs. An image of my mother hit me like a lightning bolt.

I turned and looked back at Caleb. “Will you come with me?”

He raised his eyebrows for a brief second, then nodded. “Sure,” he said, setting his phone in the cup holder.

The two of us got out of the truck and made our way up to the porch. It had looked welcome and inviting the day Sadie was dropped off here. Now it seemed dank and solitary, silence encasing it as wet leaves stuck to every imaginable surface. A chill lingered in the air. It was probably just because of the storm, but an eerie feeling settled over me as my finger reached for the doorbell. Before I could press it, the sounds of voices floated through the air from inside the house.

“WooooooHooooo! Par-tay!”

“You are crazy!” Fits of giggling followed.

“Yeah, well, I’m about to be drunk and crazy. Can you believe all this stuff? Looks like Ma and Pa are hiding the sweet stuff from us.”

My body went rigid. One voice belonged to Sadie, and I was pretty sure the other was Tori. What had been anxiety and stress melted into one huge ball of authority and anger. Before I even thought about what I was doing
, I yanked at the screen door, not caring if it had any kind of latch on it. It didn’t, and in a second I was in the house, marching through a small hallway toward the sounds of their voices. Caleb was on my heels.

“Audrey.” He whispered. “What are you doing?”

I didn’t answer him. I had a one track mind at the moment, and that track led straight to Sadie. When the hallway finally ended, my ears perked up, listening for their laughter. It was coming from the right. I turned, and found myself in a game room. There was a pool table and a dart board, and in the corner, there was a long bar with four tall stools in front of it. I couldn’t see my sister or Tori, but I could hear them. Their voices were coming from behind it.

My steps were quick and light, and when I reached the end of the bar it came as a surprise to them. They were kneeled down in front of a large cabinet. A key hung out of the lock, and inside were several bottles of liquor. I saw am
ber colored whiskey, dark bourbon, and the distinguishable bottle of clear vodka, among others.

“What are you doing?” I asked. Even to me my voice sounded too harsh. Like a mother who had found her child sneaking out of the house or something. But I figured this was sort of on that level. 
I put my hands on my hips and stood, my feet planted on the floor.

“Audrey!” Sadie fumbled trying get up, her mouth agape and her eyes stretched in surprise. “What are you doing here? And how did you even get in?”

“You Einsteins left the door open, that’s how. Where are the Gable’s?”

“Shopping.” Tori answered. She hadn’t stood. She didn’t even seem to care that we’d found their little drinking party. Typical.

“So you guys decided to play bar maid?”

“Audrey, why don’t you just mind your own business?” A scowl was painted on Sadie’s baby face. She put her hands on her own hips, her stance pretty much mirroring mine. It made my heart hurt even more.

“Sadie.” I sighed. “I can’t even believe this. I’ve been worried sick the past couple days because of the storm and everything, and I come to check on you to find you about to get sloshed? What happens when your foster parents come home?” I tried to tell myself to calm down, to quit acting like I had a stick up my ass, but it didn’t help. The scene in front of me…it was too much like Mama. Memories of her laughing, drunk and high, splashed in front of my mind’s eye. I couldn’t do that again, not with my sister. It was way too much.

“They won’t care. They’re too scared of us to question anything we do. It’s part of my master plan.” Tori said, finally getting to her feet. Her eyes zeroed in on Caleb, and a sly grin broke out over her thin, lipstick stained mouth. “Caleb Whitley? What are you doing here?”

I crossed my eyes. “He’s with me.” What a brat. I oughtta knock her into next Tuesday. The crap about the Gable’s being scared of
them
stuck in my mind. So, Tori w
as
brainwashing my sister into being like her. I pursed my lips to keep myself from screaming.

Caleb stayed silent, and I turned my attention back to Sadie before I punched Tori in her pointy little nose. “I’m so disappointed in you.”

“Well, don’t be. You’re not my mother.”

Her words lashed into me, leaving unseen welts on my soul. No, I wasn’t. Though I was the closest thing to a mother she’d ever had. My mouth opened, but no words came out. There was nothing to say in that moment, no sentences would form together for me to even attempt to try and talk to her anymore. There was only loss, and hurt and defiance hanging in the air. It was as if Caleb and Tori weren’t even in the room.

“No. I guess I’m not.” My heart was too battered to try and do anything else. She had wounded me, and I needed to get out before she could see how much. I turned to Caleb.

“Let’s just go.” I didn’t wait to see Sadie’s reaction or if Caleb was right behind me.
I didn’t stop walking until I was in the truck, my breathing becoming rapid and choppy as I forced the emotions down, away from the surface. When he got in, he kept silent while we drove home.

The driveway came into view too soon for me. I didn’t want to be home yet. Anna wasn’t home, thank goodness. She’d gone to the bridge game she was supposed to have the night before. I wondered if she would be terribly upset if I just got out of the truck and ran as fast as I could until I was too tired to go on. I wasn’t worth anything to anyone anymore. I felt like I’d had the wind knocked out of me.

“You okay?” Caleb asked. His voice wrapped around me and made me feel safe. Just his being there helped stave off the loneliness trying to overtake me. If I’d been alone…I doubted it would have been pretty.

“No.” I looked out the window, toward the back of the house. The catfish pond sat like an old
friend, even though it had only helped me heal a tiny bit one time. The old swing set was off to the side, inviting me to come and lay all of my sorrows on it, to glide high into the sky and forget hurt even existed.

“Can we go swing?”

Surprise clenched Caleb’s face. “Swing?”

I nodded. He studied my face and then pushed open his door. He came around and opened mine, holding my hand as I stepped down. I walked as quickly as I could toward the swing set.

I settled into the worn seat, my fists clenched around the rusted chains. The clouds above seemed to part and I started pushing my feet, climbing higher and higher into the air. The wind rushed around me, whipping my hair around my face and drying my eyes. The light feeling surrounding my stomach was pure weightlessness, the feeling that I was suspended in air and could fall onto the plush earth without a scratch or a bruise. I pumped my legs back and forth, faster and faster, exhilaration taking me over and putting sense back into the world. Everything was going to be okay. I had strength inside of me, I just needed to tap into it. Somehow, Sadie would come around. She had to. I didn’t know if I would be able to take it if she didn’t.

When I finally stopped, Caleb was sitting beside me in the other swing, quiet and still. My feet dragged along the grass, bringing me to a halt. Racked with grief, the tears started flowing. I didn’t want him to
see me cry like this again. I didn’t want to look weak, but there was no way to stop it.

Would Sadie come around? I had no clue how to make that happen. It felt as though we were holding hands, but where we had once had a firm grip on one another, now our fingertips were barely touching.

“Feeling any better?” Caleb asked. With most people it may have felt invasive. With him, it felt like he was totally on my side, simply there to catch me as I was falling. It was a weird feeling, since it had only been a couple weeks ago that I didn’t even know he existed.

“She broke my heart.” They were the only words I could think of.

“It’s okay to cry, ya know. Hearts don’t break quietly.”

I sniffled. “What?”

“I said, hearts don’t break quietly.”

“That’s beautiful. It’s perfect and simple and true.” While I was trying to come up with my own excuses for letting weakness show through my tears, Caleb had explained it away in four words. Four honest, heart wrenching words.

Caleb nodded. “It’s what my mother told me when my dad died last year. I was upset and confused and I cried. I didn’t want to. You know, I’m supposed to be a big tough guy.” He smiled at me. “But I cried. She told me that it was okay, that it was natural for my heart to be breaking because my dad wasn’t here anymore. And that they don’t break quietly. I’ve found it to be some of the truest words ever spoken. She’s a smart cookie, that mother of mine.” He got up and stood in front of me, reaching over to dry my tears with the pad of his thumb.

“Hearts don’t break quietly.” I murmured. They sure didn’t.

“Let’s go in. It’s going to get cold out here soon. You know these Alabama springs. Hot during the day and nearly freezing at night.” He reached down and pulled me to my feet, just as he had done the night before. The same sensations ran through me this time, too. My breath caught in my throat, a tiny gasp escaping as he steadied me. We were almost nose to nose.

In that second, the trees and the grass and the swing set, even the house, fell away from my view. There was only Caleb. He stared into my eyes, his hands
holding mine. Tingling warmth coursed through me and I felt wobbly. He leaned forward, and kissed me, lightly at first and then a little bit deeper. Thoughts disappeared. I couldn’t think about anything else. I only felt Caleb’s mouth on mine, and for that one moment, the world felt right again.