Authors: Colin Dunne
I looked at the ponies again. What's good enough for an Icelandic shepherd is good enough for a Fleet Street hack, that's what I always say. You never know: they might be on a good mileage rate.
But first I had to see what shape I was in. Christ! I lurched up, feeling terrible. The journey in the boot of the car and the hammering I'd taken under the water had beaten every ounce of strength out of me. I felt like a cut-out-paper man- I had the general shape, but none of the substance. Still, I was- for the moment at any rate- upright.
The ponies had moved off when I got to my feet. Now I had to address myself to horse psychology. It was around thirty years since I'd done that with a little fat grey kept by an even fatter girl near Sevenoaks. She let me ride the pony if I kissed her in the stable. I was crazy about horses, so I did. It was my first conscious act of compromise and the first bitter realisation that nothing comes without a price. It would probably have been more acceptable the other way round.
One thing about her pony, she didn't like being caught. So I had to learn all sorts of subterfuges.
One thing horses don't like are creatures taller than themselves. Which is why they moved off when I stood up. But something low on the ground, like a smaller animal, often makes them curious. That's why they were giving me the once over when I woke up.
Knees creaking, I bent slowly, agonisingly, to my haunches.
And I inspected the opposition.
The one that had come to have a look was the boss, a big grey, fourteen hands or more. He'd trotted off with neck arched and his tail in a proud curve. Any other day I'd have loved to ride him. Today, with no bridle and no saddle and no strength no thank you.
What I wanted was something small, dull, placid and safe.
Then I saw her, Doris. I thought of the name immediately. She was a little piebald, black and white, and by the look of her she'd dedicated all her waking hours to eating. The basic design was card-table, flat-backed with a leg at each corner. She was just what I was looking for. And when I moved and the others twitched their ears and shuffled off, she stayed, nose down, hunting one last blade of grass. Doris. She had to be a Doris.
The problem was, how could I interest her? The second problem was how could I hold her? And the third was how could I mount her?
First things first. I looked around to see what natural resources nature had given me. Answer: rocks. I could knock her out with a rock and sit on her until she woke up. Ha, ha. I checked my pockets. If only I hadn't stopped smoking ... shake a matchbox and horses are always curious. Ah, the car keys. They'd survived the buffeting.
Doris was already having a good look at me while she ate. When she heard the keys, her ears went on red alert and she lifted her head. Then she turned her head on one side. Did she like it? Was it worth coming over for a look? Or was she far too sophisticated for all that catchpenny stuff?
Not Doris. She came swinging over, not too quickly, but definitely interested.
As she came I pulled my tie undone. It wasn't much more than a damp piece of string now, but a piece of string was exactly what I wanted. I looped it round into a thumb-knot and held it in my left hand.
Then I jangled the keys again. I made those clicking and cooing sounds that I used all those years ago. I don't know about ponies but the Sevenoaks girl always liked them. On came Doris. Good as gold. Then, a yard away, she stopped. She stood there. Come on, old girl, come on, darling, come here.
A whinny vibrated in the air and Doris looked up. The herd was at the top of the bank now and just about to disappear over the top. The grey, acting as courier on this package, was giving her the last call. As soon as I saw he was going to whinny again, I began coughing. Not too loudly, not enough to frighten her, but enough to cover his last call and to distract her from the herd.
Then, without any encouragement, she swung down her beautiful head and pushed her nose into the hand which held the keys.
'Oh, you lovely big softie,' I said, and the soiled, stained, ragged neckwear officially authorised by the Groombridge
Cricket Club slipped over her head and tightened just behind her ears. I'd got me a hoss. Question was, could I ride it now I'd got it?
With pain springing in every move, I weaved unsteadily to my feet. Doris didn't panic.
This is the point in all good cowboy films where the hero grabs the horse's mane, leaps astride and gallops off. With most horses, if you tried that you'd be left with a handful of hair and the dying clatter of hooves as it vanished over the horizon.
But Doris wasn't an inch over twelve hands. Tired as I was, there had to be some way I could get on board her. I leaned against her, resting and thinking. She dropped her head and started casting about for breakfast and, when something caught her eye, she moved off a couple of steps- and down six inches.
She'd stepped into a gulley. Still hanging on, I edged my way up a bump of rock so that I was now almost looking down on the broad, black and white back of our Doris.
I could mount her easily from there. Except for one thing. I couldn't.
It hadn't struck me until that moment. I was far too weakened to ride her. I couldn't even begin to sit upright on a moving horse. I'd caught her, got her in position, and now there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I could've cried.
In despair, I flopped against her. She stood there, willingly enough. Then a thought occurred to me. Whatever the Pony Club might think, there's no law that says you have to have a leg on either side.
I put my arms over her back. Then, with a small hop, I draped myself stomach-down across it. At first I felt dizzy and couldn't get my breath because of the weight on my stomach. But gradually I got used to it. I reached out my hand and took hold of the tie and gave it three sharp tugs. At the same time I tapped on either side of her ribs with my knee and hand, to impersonate the rider's leg action.
'Walk on,' I said. 'Walk on, old girl.'
Now I don't suppose Icelandic horses speak English, but the tones you use to animals are universal. Doris, not in the least unsettled by this flopped-out wreck on her back, lifted her head and began to amble down the track.
My face was full of her coarse scratchy hair and the sweaty stink of her and I could feel her strong warmth rising up through my own body. She reminded me of a girl I once knew in Aberdare. 'I know I got a big bum,' Hazel used to say, 'but it's only so I can roll nice for you, see.'
Doris rolled on.
I counted every time her front right hoof rose and fell. When it got to a hundred, I began again. Time after time after time. I watched the rough lava and the green moss rise and fall beneath my eyes. I rocked and rolled with Doris, love of my life, and I'd have been going still if she hadn't pressed the ejector button.
One minute I was hanging there, like a western baddie being taken back to town. The next, I was flat on my back on the floor looking up at the sky.
It wasn't malice that had done it. It was hunger. Doris just
chanced to see a tempting clump of grass, put her head down to grab it, and I was fired down the chute.
Well, I'd done it before, I could do it again. I pushed myself into a sitting position and I was reaching out for the cricket club tie, when Doris threw up her head, pricked her ears and with a swerve and kick of her fat haunches tore off back up the track.
I looked towards the road. It wasn't more than four hundred yards away. From where I was, I could see two coaches and one car curving their way slowly up the hill. Even I could make that, somehow.
If it hadn't been for the Triumph Trophy that came kicking and skidding towards me. Oscar Murphy had come back to tidy up after all.
And everywhere you looked, on either side of the track, there were gulleys, ravines, sinks, potholes and craters - a hundred places where you could discreetly tuck away the remains of a discarded journalist.
40
With a plummeting heart, I watched the bike come nearer and nearer. He slowed and used his feet to get around the potholes and the craggy chunks of outcrop. There was no hurry. I wasn't going anywhere. Five yards from me he stopped, bracing the bike on either side with his legs. He pushed up the stocking mask. The wide smile on his black face was the smile of a happy man.
'You know, you really are cute,' he said, in tones of some admiration. If I’d had doubts before, that cleared them up: he was bats. 'How'n hell you get so far?'
'I got a lift.'
'A lift?'
As his confidence wavered he began to look around, so I told him: 'From a pony. Called Doris.'
'A pony called Doris. I don't get that. English jokes, huh? One of those wild ponies?'
I nodded. I was lying back on my elbows. The day I thought I'd never see had come to life all around me. Above me the sky was a lively blue, the sea wind was as clean as a razor on my face, and I could see humanity hauling its cameras up the road to see the wonders of nature. I'd fought my way back to within sight and sound of the world, but they weren't going to let me get on board. The sooner he shot me the better.
Then my eyes half-focused on a shape somewhere behind him and I knew I had to keep talking. Whatever happened I had to keep him talking, listening, anything except shooting.
I pushed myself up on one elbow and tried to look like a good listener.
'You know, Oscar, I don't think Solrun was ever serious about that Russian.'
'You don't?' Even he gave me an odd look - it wasn't a situation for cocktail-party gossip.
'No, not really. Like she wasn't serious about me. She was having a last fling before she got married to you. That's the way I'd see it.'
I'd always thought that Marje Proops stuff was rubbish. But it certainly didn't come easy off the top of my head in a one-to one situation with a man who was about to make it a one-to none.
At least I'd got his interest. He was standing over me and, where his camo-jacket fell open, I could see the big Colt stuck in his belt.
'Once you get her back to the States ...' As I talked I narrowed my eyes so he wouldn't be able to see where I was looking. My sight was wavering from all I'd been through and at first I thought it might be a mirage. This was no mirage. Bright blue anorak. Vast white floppy hat. Baggy shorts. Striding towards us like some ungainly long-legged knobbly kneed old bird ...
Outside an ostrich farm, there was only one other pair of knees like that. Bottger, the Esperanto-speaking German, from the flight out.
'That don't bother me,' Oscar was saying. 'I don’t give a fuck about her no more. All I want is the kid.'
Then, even as salvation came nearer, he had my attention.
'Kid? What kid?'
The kid in the photo?
'Mine, who else's? They kept it from me when they ran me
out of the country. These friends of mine let me know. That's why I came back.'
'You mean she's had your child?'
'That's what I said. She ain't fit to have no kid of mine. Tell you something, it's strange to find you're a father. Makes you feel part of things.'
He'd dropped down on his haunches now and there was a glow of enthusiasm in his eyes as he spoke. Over his shoulder I could see the tall German lumbering over some rocks.
'It changes everything. The whole idea of it. I mean, you wake up every day thinking there's a little bit of you out there. Makes you think about your own parents, and their parents, and instead of feeling like just one person standing in one place during the whole history of the world, you feel more like apart of a stream, a moving stream.'
I felt sorry for this man who was going to kill me. 'Take the kid and go, Oscar.'
His knowing grin came back. 'I'll do that, don't worry. But I ain't leaving witnesses around to talk about it when I'm gone.' In a kind voice, he added: 'Don't be scared, cutie, you won't feel a thing.'
He pulled the big Colt out and snapped back the slide, and it slipped contentedly into his pink palm.
'Not just yet,' I said. 'I don't think the injection's working.'
'Injection?'
'A thing we used to say at the dentist.' I pushed myself up on to my elbows. He shuffled quickly back on his toes in case- I was going to try to jump him. Jump him - I couldn't even have leaned him.
'Excuse me a moment, will you? Over here,' I called out, in a feeble shout. 'Over here quickly, please.'
He glanced over his left shoulder and so didn't see Bottger advancing behind his right. 'Don't fool yourself. They can't hear you down there. They won't hear a thing.'
'Ah, my friend from the plane. Why are you shouting?' When he heard Bottger's voice, Oscar was on his feet in a second, his face wide open with astonishment. Bottger was then about thirty yards away, waving one arm as he called out and using the other to help him slither down a bank. He was so intent on that he didn't notice the gun. By the time he looked up again, it had gone.
'You have had an accident?' He looked from one to the other.
If he's pushed, I thought, Oscar will shoot down both of us. He had the camo-jacket closed over the gun in his belt and his face was lined with concentration as he tried to work out what was happening. I had to give him a way out.
'Broke my leg. This young American here was going to try to get me on his bike, but I was just explaining, I couldn't manage that.'
That was the door. The question was, would he go through it. I saw him look quickly towards the traffic on the road.