Black Lies White Lies (28 page)

It was hard for my father, working and keeping my brothers out of trouble. Mother taught us to sew, so we made most of our clothes. We would frequent the garment district and pick up any fabrics they’d discarded. I had always thought I would be a designer, but my family was cash poor.

I knew I would go to college, even if I had to work my fingers to the bone. I signed up at City College and took some business classes. At night, I worked at a broker’s office, filing papers. I had done this for about a year, catching one subway train after another, until I met Candice.

She worked for Maxwell, Inc. I would see her at the coffee shop I frequented. She was always dressed with such class. She was the woman I aspired to be. She had this hair, which looked as if it was on fire. I couldn’t tell if she was black or white, I just knew she seemed different.

That day the coffee shop was full and she was sitting alone. I asked if I could sit with her and the rest was history. We talked when we would see each other at the coffee shop. She always seemed to have a sadness about her. She didn’t talk much about her family, and I didn’t ask.

I didn’t have school or work since it was Thanksgiving week. I thought about Candice, being in the city with no family. I decided to call her and invite her to Thanksgiving dinner with my family. She agreed to come. I knew she lived uptown and had never been to Harlem. I went to get her, so she wouldn’t have to come alone. I took the subway to her apartment. This was nice I thought. It came with a doorman. This was living. The doorman directed me to the elevators. Her apartment was on the tenth floor.

This was nicer than anything I had ever seen. I knocked on her door, “Come in,” she said, opening the door. “I’m almost ready. I just have to get my coat. Would you like something to drink?” “No, I’m good.” Her apartment was unbelievable. White furniture? You have to be kidding. The walls were soft pink with white trim. What would she think when she saw my place? I stood in Candice’s living room and took in the view. “Brenda, I’m ready if you are. Are we taking the subway?”

“I’m ready, and yes we’re taking the subway. Your apartment is spectacular, Candice.”

“Thank you. It’s my home away from home.”

We were having dinner at my parents place. I had made sure there would be enough food. My sisters and I had cleaned and made sure things were pleasant. Thanksgiving at our house was always festive. My mother would cook dishes that she’d had as a girl. My favorites were her chicken and dressing casserole and double chocolate cake. My father always said he married my mother for her cooking and no one could outdo her. My parents really loved each other. They were always love on each other. I wanted the kind of marriage they had. They had married young and were still in love.

We got to my parents place and Candice seemed to fit right in. My brother’s wife, Carmelita the Jokester, wanted my mother to read Candice’s fortune. Candice was game, and my mother agreed. When I think back now, she was spot on. She’d said she would have twins, but there would be a lot of confusion around them. I wondered now what that could be, or if Candice even thought about it.

After dinner, we had gathered in the living room. There, Father talked about how he had met my mother, for the thousandth time. He’d kissed her and said she was the only woman in the world for him. We all just laughed. My brothers would say that she’d voodoo’d him. My father laughed. “With eight kids, no woman would want me. She would kill me if I looked at another woman.”

“You’re right about that. You’re my lover forever. I want my daughters to marry men just like their father,” my mother would say.

That brings me to Calvin, my boyfriend. I’d met him when he came home one day with my father. Father thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. They worked together at the same construction company. Calvin was a hard worker, but we didn’t have the same dreams. He wanted nothing more than to work for pennies. I had champagne taste with KoolAid money. But not forever.

My dreams would come true if I worked hard enough. Calvin was my best friend. He even looked out for my baby brother and I loved him for that reason alone. He was laid back and easy going. Not like most of the guys in our neighborhood. They were always in trouble with gangs or drugs. My little brother, Poppy, for some reason glamorized the street life. My father did everything he could about changing his choices.

My older brothers were married and had families to look out for. Calvin took Poppy under his wing, trying to keep him from the streets. Even though Calvin tried, Poppy still started selling drugs. My father told him to leave his house and never return. He wanted nothing to do with him if he wanted that life. Once my father laid down the law he meant it.

Calvin and I had our own place, so Poppy moved in with us. Calvin got him a job with the construction company he worked for. My father was against it from the beginning, saying it wouldn’t work. He knew his son wasn’t ready, that he wasn’t responsible. As always, Father was right. Poppy started going to work late or not showing up at all.

My father became upset with Calvin because he knew that Poppy wasn’t ready. The Supervisor had no choice but to fire Poppy. My father was embarrassed and blamed Calvin. The friendship they’d had was on the rocks all because of Poppy. Calvin got really down because he and my father were so close. This ended up lasting for some time. My father never budged. I kept telling Calvin to give it time, he would come around, hoping that would be the case.

That night, Poppy was late getting home and I had started worrying. Calvin got up to look for him, going to the corner where he would always hang out. That night would prove to be one of the worst nights of my life. Poppy was shot by one of the rival gangs on the block. How could I tell my mother and father their son was dead?

My father took his death the worst, if only he had let him come home. My mother tried to convince him it was in God’s plan.

My father was never the same in many ways after that. Calvin blamed himself and started to drink more. I had always kept that secret from my family and friends. A few months passed, and with me still working and going to school, Calvin and I had started drifting apart, even though I tried to keep things together.

Candice and I talked and she said she was in need of an assistant and she offered me the job. I was so excited. Not having to work for that brokerage firm at night was a relief. Things were going OK at Maxwell’s until Ashton Williams showed up. I knew at the meet and greet that Candice had a thing for him. Then her mother suddenly passed, all within a few months. But I took it all in stride. I knew things would get better.

After what had happened in the Hamptons, I thought Candice was in denial and not wanting to face what she had gone through. I had to let her do what she thought was right at the time. Even though I thought she needed professional help, pushing her didn’t seem wise. We just didn’t talk about it.

Candice and I were close, but she had a way of avoiding things, for example, her mother-in-law to be. This woman didn’t like anything about Candice. Those icy blue eyes and aloof demeanor, this woman had a heart of stone. I wouldn’t marry in that family for love or money. But all Candice could see was that she loved Ashton Williams.

That month, Calvin and I had an enormous fight. His drinking was going to have to stop. I loved him, but this up all night fighting and getting no sleep had to stop. I sat on the subway thinking how could I leave when he need me? I’d tried to get him help, but Al Anon didn’t seem to help.

I was at my wits end. I tried talking to my mother. I wanted her to get my father to talk to him. “Brenda, your father said he’s always late and showing up smelling of alcohol. I think your father is the only reason he still has a job. Baby, you just need to let him go if he’s dragging you down.”

I knew my mother was right, but how could I? Calvin had been a part of my life for so long. How would I explain this to him? He’d even looked after Poppy when my father had put him in the street. “Brenda, he is not the man for you. I have seen it in the cards. The man for you is coming soon.”

“Mother, this is not about the cards.”

“Just wait and see if the cards are not wrong. You will marry a man from the south, a genuinely caring man.”

This was more than I could take. “I love you, Mother.” I kissed her and left.

I knew that morning that Maxwell and Ashton had a meeting scheduled. There was a tremendous deal on the table and the office was abuzz. In walked Mr. Handsome himself, dressed in his pin striped Armani suit. I had died and gone to heaven, this man was about his business. Every woman he passed stood with opened mouths. He was drop dead gorgeous. Who was he? When he smiled in my direction, my world stood still.

I hurried in Candice’s office, “Did you see that magnificent specimen?” I knew she had to have seen him, but she acted as if she was untouched. Right then, I should have known something was up. Then all of a sudden we needed to go to the break room. As luck would have it we bumped into them coming out of the meeting. Ashton made the introductions, Candice, still not letting on she knew him. Until he busted her out. She was so nervous. There had to be more to this, and I was going to find out.

Lance was going to be in town for a few days and Ashton asked me to show him the city. He’d made it clear it would be at the company’s expense. I took him to a popular jazz club uptown called Mickeys. He wanted to see Times Square and Radio City Music Hall. Afterwards, we had dinner and I brought him to the hotel where he was staying. We said our goodnights and parted ways.

Of course Calvin was drunk when I got home, but I was in no mood for a fight. “Where in the hell have you been? I’ve been waiting on you for hours.”

“I’m not in the mood for your drunken ass tonight, I’m going to bed.” I thought about this gorgeous stranger all night as I lay in bed. What a marvelous time I’d had with Lance. We had made plans to see each other the next day.

I did some extra sprucing up that morning, making sure my hair was just right. I fluffed it a few more times. I put on my favorite orange dress with the thin straps and my turquoise jewelry. I smelled of Shea butter, which I loved. I was all natural. Calvin was still sleeping off his drunk, but today I didn’t care. I felt free, and this tall, dark stranger was the reason.

When I got to the hotel we decided to have lunch at an outdoor bistro. We talked for hours, about his business, his hometown, and how he and Candice had grown up together. He said they were an item in high school. He still had feelings for her, I could tell by his expressions.

He told me that after he and Ashton had eaten lunch, he’d known there was something between them. What I didn’t understand was why Candice hadn’t told him the truth. “I know Candice. She’s the way she is because of her family dynamics. Brenda, I have enjoyed my time here in New York because of you. I hope to see more of you, when and if I get this contract.”

“Lance, this has been an exciting time for me as well.”

“I’ll be going back to Georgia, but don’t let that stop you from staying in touch.”

“Believe me, I won’t. I think we will be talking all the time.” On Monday I told Candice that Lance and I had spent some time outside the office. She seemed surprised, but I didn’t go into details. She said how happy she was for Lance and me, but I sensed something was different. I think she still had some left over feelings as well.

The weekend of her Aunt’s wedding, Lance came to New York. I had finally broken up with Calvin and he had moved out. I was falling hard for Lance. Since we both loved jazz and poetry, we hung out at Mickeys. “I brought you something. It’s something I know you will like.” He pulled out a bag with the prettiest ribbon, “It’s not much.”

“Just let me see,” I said excitedly. I opened the box and there was the most stunning African jewelry. It looked expensive. “Lance, this is beautiful and just my taste. How did you know?” I laughed.

“I always want to give you beautiful things, because you’re such a magnificent person.”

“Lance, you are so sweet. Where have you been all my life?”

“Brenda, I know this is fast, but I’m falling hard for you.” We kissed. He tasted of caramel, the sweetest taste ever.

“If you’re hungry, we can go back to my place.”

“I see what I want to eat and it’s not on the menu.”

“Let’s go.”

We got to my place and I lit my ginger and spice candles while we ate leftover pizza. I turned on the stereo so Miles Davis could do his thing. Lance slipped his arms around my waist, “Let’s dance, shall we?” He moved me across the floor. This was my little piece of heaven. His body was rock hard, the smell of him had me mesmerized. I could feel him harden through my dress.

He smelled my hair, “The smell of you is making me dizzy.” He kissed my neck, I felt a headiness. He slid the straps of my dress down, exposing my breast. He took my nipple in his mouth, sucking hungrily as my breath caught in my throat. My dress fell to the floor and there I stood in only my lace panties.

He laid me down on the fur rug, his mouth never leaving my breast, his tongue going from one breast to the other. He stood up long enough to take off his clothes. He parted my legs, kissing between my thighs. Thank God I’d just had a Brazilian wax. As he kissed my wetness, I arched my back for easy access, he slid his tongue in and out.

Calvin had never made love to me in this way. He licked and sucked, until my body shook in spasms. Then he put his cock deep inside me, all ten hard inches. I felt him in my throat, he hit every curve. “Can you feel me, Brenda? I want you to take it all.” He pushed my legs over my head, going even deeper. “Move with me baby, take this entire dick.” I was starting to cum. “Not yet,” he told me, “don’t come ‘til we’re both ready. Not yet.”