Black Lies White Lies
Read Black Lies White Lies Online
Authors: Dranda Laster
Black Lies
White Lies
Candice
Chapter 1
I’m Candice, the small town girl who is finally getting what she wants, close to top in her marketing department and living her life in secret. I was up for the promotion of a lifetime. Life was starting to look up for me. Except now, I’m going back to the sticks of Tennessee, to a life I had chosen to ignore.
It seemed life had a way of taking you back, whether you wanted to go or not. My mother had just died and now I was on my way down this lonesome highway, the wind in my hair, the stereo on blast. Donnie Hathaway and Roberta Flack,
’Where is the Love’
, taking me back to a childhood I wished to forget.
Mattie was dead and so was all the drama with her. What could I say about this woman I had called Mother all my life; party girl, bitch, and husband stealer. Well, you got my drift. She was all the things I didn’t want to be. But the fruit don’t fall that far from the tree, or so I've been told.
I could still hear Al Green on the floor model stereo and see my mother sitting in the kitchen pressing her hair with the hot comb. I hated that smell. I didn’t have to worry about that since I had what people called good hair. People in town always said I was the milk man's daughter. I had pale skin, the color of peaches and cream, and long, curly, bright red hair. My daddy was the color of coal, Momma not far from it.
Momma had been the most beautiful black woman people had seen in that part of Tennessee. A Naomi Campbell look-alike, but better. Men used to say she was built like a Coca-Cola bottle. She’d known what she had and had worked it like a job. And believe me, it was her job. Getting men's money was what she knew how to do. I can still hear her saying, "A fool and his money will soon part," and that’s exactly what she meant. When Sweet went anywhere she was dressed to the nines.
“Sweet” was what people called my mother. Her real name was Mattie Mae Robinson. When the weekends would roll around, you could find her in the club. That’s what they had called the holes in the walls she and her best friend Cat would visit. Cat was alright looking. But Sweet, she never hung with girls that gave her any competition, as if there were any. Screwing white men was Mattie’s fancy and she wanted them all, from the insurance man to the city Mayor.
She had them all wrapped around her finger and eating out of the palm of her hand. She called it “that voodoo that only she knew” and every woman, black or white, hated her for it. Mattie had cared less what those bitches thought or said. She wanted the best of the best and it didn’t matter how she got it.
Momma’s white boyfriends used to call her place the sugar shack. They would say the best brown sugar in the world came out of there. Out of the room we were never allowed to enter if the door was closed.
That takes me to my daddy, or the one I called Daddy. Buck was what everyone else called him. James Robinson was his real name. He was a devoted husband to my mother and took care of my sisters and me. My mother said he wasn't worth a fuck and that was what it took to get him. Either way, Buck was my dad and I loved him. He was the greatest man I had ever known and would ever know. The love of my life is what he was.
He worked like a dog trying to provide for his family. He would haul bricks in his truck all the way down to Mississippi. He was sometimes gone two or three days and would always bring candy for my sisters and gum for me. He knew I loved bubble gum.
One day, Daddy was supposed to be going somewhere close to Memphis to work. Momma thought he would be gone for at least two days. To our surprise, especially Momma’s, Daddy came back earlier than expected. There he was, just standing in the doorway of Momma’s room.
That was the night Daddy went crazy on that man Momma had in her bedroom. Let’s just call him the insurance man and say Momma was in capable hands. Daddy was beating this man, blood was everywhere, and Momma kept screaming "Don't kill him Buck!"
The look in Daddy’s eyes, they were bloodshot and ready to kill. He was beating him and beating him. Blood ran from the man’s nose and mouth. Momma grabbed Buck and begged, “Buck! Please! Stop! You are going to jail if you kill him!"
Daddy came to his senses and stopped. To my surprise, and Daddy’s too, I’m sure, Momma had covered the white man with her body, as if to protect him. My father had just stood there, disbelieving, his eyes clearly saying this bitch had lost her mind.
As quick as he was there, Daddy left. His world had been shattered. I didn't see much of Buck after that and it was one of the saddest times of my life.
Going back now was a struggle, but everyone would be expecting me. I was one of the ones that had made it out of that one horse town. I had graduated from Harvard, top of my class and worked for a great company in none other than New York City. A place where dreams came true and no one knew who you were. And now I was back.
~~~
As I rode through town I could see not much had changed. There were a couple of new convenience stores and a strip mall. It was a long way from the city that never slept. Driving up Main Street I thought, here I am again. I drove about a mile down the road where my Aunt Sally still lived, in the same place she had lived since I was a child.
Aunt Sally was my father’s sister. A real happy woman who always welcomed me with open arms, even though she knew I wasn’t her brother’s daughter. She was tall for a woman, about six feet, with a smile that would melt butter. She would always say, smile and the world smiles with you.
I pulled up in my brand new Mercedes with all the extras. Aunt Sally walked out on the porch that looked as if it could fall under her weight at any minute. “Come on over here, Baby, and give your Aunt Sally a hug and kiss. Your Uncle Tee and I have been waiting on you to get here.”
Uncle Tee was Aunt Sally’s man of twenty years. People called them common law married, so whoever died first would get this house. “I’ve been cooking all night for all the folks coming in for the funeral. Got some fried chicken and greens and butter pound cake made with real butter.”
Boy, could Aunt Sally cook. And that butter pound cake? You’d put ten pounds on just smelling it. I hadn’t had food like that in years. I just couldn’t come home and accept what I was trying to forget. I sat down on a couch that was covered in the plastic that stuck to your legs, winter or summer, and listened while Aunt Sally went on telling me all the gossip in town.
“You know, Candice? Your mother missed you after you left for college. She would go on and on about you. How she hadn’t spoken to you in months and the differences you two had. I know your mother was no saint, but she loved you kids as much as she could.” I begged to differ.
“Your sisters are coming up from Memphis sometime this evening. When was the last time you spoke to your sisters?”
I just smiled as I said, “Maybe a year or two ago.”
“Two years too long, Girl. Your family is your family. I don’t care how much money and education you have.” I knew she was right, but my sisters and I were on different paths. They had both married black men and had black babies. I wanted no part of that. One thing my mother had taught me was not to have babies by black men who were going nowhere. Even though I didn’t think my daddy was a perfect man, he was my father. But that just was not the life for me.
“Sandra has two beautiful children,” Aunt Sally was saying. “Hard headed though,” she laughed. Bet they have that nappy pressing comb hair that needed grease, I thought. Not my babies. I was going to marry Mr. MBA, Mr. PhD. They had to have a letter in front of their name. Not Mr. Joe the Garbage Man. That life was not for me. Anyway, Miss Candice Robinson had dreams which she was working on making come true. As Aunt Sally went on and on about Sandra and Sabrina, I was thinking about seeing all the people I hadn’t seen in years.
That evening, as the rest of the family started to show up, the women gathered in Aunt Sally’s kitchen. We all started talking about the old days. Momma had affected all our lives in some way. She was a force alright. She had more men running in and out of the house. You would have thought it was Grand Central Station.
Then in walked Sabrina. She was all smiles. She always had a smile for everyone except me. “Well, look what the cat dragged in. If it isn’t my long lost sister. How’s life treating you these days?”
“Fine,” I said with my head down. She always had a way of making me feel younger than I was, always looking at me as if she were scolding me. Just like Momma used to do.
“You finally thought you would grace us with your presence? It’s crazy this is what it took to get you back home.”
“Well I have been working.”
“Too busy to come see your own Momma?”
“Don't start with me today. I'm not in the mood for that mouth of yours.”
Sabrina was always Momma’s favorite. She always seemed to take her side when it came to anything. She was the most outgoing and had a way with the boys too. She had been the most popular girl at our high school. Everyone just seemed to take to her. She’d been the head cheerleader and had been voted most likely to succeed, in more ways than one. But who am I to judge. She had it all, or so I’d thought.
She’d gone on to attend TSU. Sabrina had her sights on one thing, the quarterback. And when she wanted something, she always got it, one way or another.
Quarter Back, Anthony Long. What could I say? He was every girl’s dream. Built like a god, smile so bright, you needed sun glasses to look at him. He had a way about him. Fine and intelligent, always on the Dean’s list. I think he wanted more out of life and he was determined to get it. Everyone thought he would turn pro and Sabrina had thought so too. That’s why Sabrina had a plan his senior year.
He would not leave her and move on after all her hard work just to be with some white girl. Not in this lifetime. She was going to get her man, even if she had to trick him. Like this old woman from Louisiana used to say, she put that voodoo on him.
Pro scouts had started looking at Anthony early in his senior year. The coach for the Tennessee Tigers came to TSU to take a closer look and see what all the hype was about. That night had been the championship game and Home Coming night and Anthony put on a show. He threw three touchdown passes and TSU won the game. Sabrina had been all smiles that night. She was wearing that smile that said we’re going to be rich. And now here she was, standing in Aunt Sally’s kitchen, trying to be clever.
Anthony walked in, smiling that smile he always had. “How are you Ladies doing today?”
“We’re just fine,” they all chimed as one. “And how are you doing today, MVP?”
“I would be better if this knee wouldn't keep showing out.”
Night fell quickly and everyone started heading home, until it was just me and Aunt Sally sitting on the porch in that rickety old swing. “Child, your mind seems a million miles away. This can't be all about your mother.”
She was right, but I didn’t want to tell her, so I just evaded the question. “Aunt Sally, do you think Daddy will be at the funeral?”
“Candice, I honestly don't know. After he left your mother Buck just went off to himself. He worked all the time and started drinking and throwing his money away on loose women. Buck was never one to tell anyone how he feels.”
“Yeah I know, but I was thinking maybe he would come by to see me.” I had hoped so. I wanted to see him.
“It has been a while. Well, Child, you know how I hate to leave good company, but I better go to bed. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.”
“Go ahead. I’ll be there in a moment.” I continued to sit there, listening to nothing but the bull frogs and crickets. I thought about everyone I’d seen today, all the family and friends. My family, the people I couldn't tell my friends about back in New York. No. They wouldn't understand this ordinary life. No. I was a long way from the life I had created, or should I say, the lie.