Black Ties and Lullabyes (29 page)

He flipped off the lamp and came back to bed. As he settled back against his pil ow, Bernie eased over to rest her head against his shoulder. She took a deep breath, and when she let it out, she felt so relaxed that just lifting a finger would be a chore.

“I made you mad when I bought this apartment complex,” Jeremy said. “But are you mad now?” She laughed a little. “God, no. I love my apartment.

The whole complex is looking beautiful. It was a good thing you did, Jeremy. I know the tenants appreciate it.”

“I know I acted like a real ass about wanting you to move. But it just reminded me so much of the place I lived when I was a kid. Nothing was as bad as that, but it sure stirred up the memories.” She couldn’t even imagine what it must have been like. “How bad was it?”

For a moment, she thought he wasn’t going to answer. Then he went on, his voice slipping into a quiet, haunting tone.

“Just about the only paint left on the buildings was graffiti. Boards were rotted. Weeds grew through every crack in the sidewalks. There were drug deals.

Gang violence. Sometimes I slept on the floor because of the gunshots I heard, because I never knew if one of the bul ets was going to come through my window.”

“That’s terrible,” Bernie whispered.

“My father was worse. Most of the time al he did was drink too much and pass out, but every once in a while he’d turn mean. I had to watch my back from the time I was six years old.”

“He was abusive to you?”

“In just about every way there was.”

“I’m so sorry,” she murmured.

“I used to wish he’d come to school events. Al I wanted to do was look up and see his face. Then once he did show up for a parent-teacher conference.

He was dead drunk and made a pass at my teacher. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.” Bernie felt a shiver of empathy, even though she couldn’t possibly hope to know what that had felt like.

“He used to taunt me al the time about the fact that I was going to a fancy school, as if getting a decent education was a bad thing. He just felt so crappy about himself that he had to tear into me.”

“At least you had the opportunity to go to a nice school.”

“No. Not nice. It was a good school, but it sure as hel wasn’t a nice one. I rode the bus to school. The other kids got there in their Lexuses and Mercedes.

The guys treated me like shit. The girls acted like I had some kind of disease just because I didn’t have a rich daddy paying my tuition. For four years, they never let me forget I was the poor scholarship kid.”

“That’s terrible. How did you ever survive that?”

“I survived it,” he said, his voice low and harsh,

“because I was driven to be such a success and make so damned much money that I could cal my own shots and never be at anyone’s mercy again. I pushed through. Graduated. Went to col ege. Got my degree.”

“And built an amazing business.”

“I knew I wasn’t going to be able to make it big working for somebody else. But when I asked for loans, bankers told me to go to hel . Venture capitalists wanted to own every profitable idea I ever had. It seemed like the whole damned world was against me. But I final y made it. I’ve final y gotten my life to the point where nobody can touch me.” She’d been so wrong before. The things from his past she thought he’d gotten over stil haunted him to this day. She knew now why he struggled for control of just about any situation he was in. When a child was raised at the mercy of a terrible environment, he learned very quickly to protect himself from the pain and confusion and chaos any way he could.

“Sometimes when I was a kid,” Jeremy said, his voice agonizingly quiet, “I used to fantasize that a man would come to the door one day and tel me he was my real father. He’d take me away to live with him, and he’d be there al the time, doing al the father stuff with me. That’s who I want to be. That father. The one a kid dreams of having.”

She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe this was the man she had wanted out of her children’s lives forever. She turned her face up and kissed his neck, then settled her cheek against his chest again.

“I just couldn’t bear the thought of my kids being raised anywhere that reminded me of my father or the place I came from,” Jeremy said. “I want their home to be perfect.”

“It is now. It’s beautiful.”

She put her hand against the side of his neck, gently stroking her thumb along his jaw. A tiny bit of moonlight skirted through the blinds, and by the faint light, she saw his eyes slowly drift closed. After a moment, his steady breathing told her he’d fal en asleep.

Bernie lay awake for a long time, trying to get a grip on the way she felt, trying to tel herself that this meant nothing even when it felt like everything. She just hadn’t expected it to be like this. She hadn’t expected that he would be so warm and kind and sweet, making her feel more cherished than any woman on earth. Being with him tonight had knocked one more brick out of that wal she’d been so desperate to maintain between them, and if she kept this up, sooner or later it would be gone altogether. And when that happened, either something wonderful would be waiting for her on the other side, or she’d be facing the biggest heartbreak of her life.

Either way, there was no going back now.

When Bernie woke the next morning, she rol ed over and reached out for Jeremy, only to find the bed empty beside her. It was a few seconds before she remembered that he’d taken an early flight to Atlanta that morning. He’d gotten up and left without her even waking up.

Three days. God, she was going to miss him. Last night had been beyond amazing, and she couldn’t wait for him to come home again.

She got up and took a shower, grabbed a bagel for breakfast, and headed to her office at Creekwood. A tenant was already outside the door, waiting for her to arrive so he could report that his refrigerator was on the fritz. Bernie couldn’t wait until al the units had new appliances. When that happened, tenant repair requests would plummet. Not that she minded taking care of things that needed to be done. Charmin had virtual y ignored these people for the past several years, and she was thril ed to be in a position to help them.

After she’d noted the tenant’s complaint and he’d left her office, the door opened and Max walked in. He was carrying a manila envelope.

“Max? What are you doing here? I thought you guys were on a flight to Atlanta this morning.”

“Bridges had something come up at the office, so we’re flying out this afternoon.” He handed her the manila envelope.

“What’s this?”

“Haven’t got a clue.”

She opened it and pul ed out an ivory envelope. It was addressed to Jeremy, but he’d written her name across it. She opened it to find an invitation from Texas Southwestern University to attend a formal event to honor their major contributors. Apparently Jeremy was one of those. But what just about made her heart stop was the three words he’d written across it:
Come with me?

It took Bernie a few minutes to realize that he was actual y inviting her to this event. As his date. And the very thought of it terrified her.

Wel , there was no question what she had to do.

She had to tel him no. Even though she’d been to several of these events with him, it had been in an entirely different capacity. She didn’t have anything to wear. She didn’t know how to act around the rich folks. And she would likely embarrass him in some way by the time the evening was out, making him wish he’d never asked her in the first place. Texas Southwestern was her alma mater—hers, and that of about a gazil ion other people in the state of Texas—

but she wasn’t sure if that made things better or worse.

Then she realized there was a smal arrow in the lower right corner of the invitation with the word “over” to the left of it. She flipped the card over. It was blank, except for Jeremy’s handwriting again.

Don’t make me beg.

And when she saw what he’d drawn beside those words, al she could do was stare at it with total disbelief.

A happy face?

She couldn’t believe it. Jeremy Bridges, of al the people on this planet, had drawn a
happy face
?

Talk about playing dirty.

She’d never been a sucker for sappiness, but Jeremy’s doing something as sil y as that to persuade her made her feel al warm and fuzzy inside. How was she supposed to say no now?

She grabbed a pen and wrote a single word on the face of the invitation.
Yes.
And she drew her own happy face beside it. She returned the invitation to the manila envelope and handed it back to Max.

“Can you take this back to him for me?” she said with a smile.

Max took the envelope, then looked back at Bernie.

“I hope you’re being careful.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re sleeping with him.”

She paused. “You figured that out, huh?”

“Yeah. I’m smart like that.”

For a long time, neither one of them said anything, but she could tel what he was thinking.

“I’m afraid he’s going to hurt you one of these days,” Max said final y.

Bernie hadn’t expected such a direct hit. “You thought it was a good idea that I go to work for him.”

“That was for your own mental health. If you didn’t get out of that job at the museum, you were going to go nuts and take hostages.” He paused. “It isn’t business I’m talking about. You can’t expect a guy like him to change overnight, Bernie. If he ever changes at al .”

Bernie swal owed hard. “I don’t expect anything from him.”

“I hope not.”

“He’s not what I thought he was.”

“He’s not what I thought he was, either. But he stil has the capacity to cause you a world of hurt.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Max. I don’t believe in fairy tales.”

Max stared at her a long time, his eyes like a pair of lie detectors, and it was al she could do not to blink.

Final y he nodded. “Just be careful, wil you?” She nodded, and Max slipped out the door.

Bernie sat down in the chair at her desk, Max’s words stil haunting her. And that was because she’d thought them herself more than once in the past few weeks. But she’d told him the truth. She didn’t believe in fairy tales, and she was perfectly wel aware of Jeremy’s shortcomings. But even if they ended up having no future together, she wanted as much of the present as she could possibly get.

Okay. If she was going to that event, she had three days to transform herself from a dumpy, fashion-chal enged pregnant woman to a… wel , she didn’t exactly know what, but definitely something more attractive than the woman she was now.

And when she got there, she was going to smile.

She was going to have a good time. She was going to do her best to forget who she was and be a woman who looked as if she belonged with a man like Jeremy. She didn’t have a clue how she was going to accomplish that, but if he wanted her to come with him, she was going to stop whining and make it happen.

Later, when she got to work, she grabbed her phone and cal ed Teresa to tel her she needed some help—clothes, makeup, whatever. Unfortunately, Bil answered and told him that Teresa had taken the kids and driven to Wichita Fal s for a week to visit her mother. As Bernie hung up, she realized she had only one other friend she could impose on to get the extensive help she needed. The thought of it was just a little bit scary, but what other choice did she have?

She picked up her phone again, cal ed Lawanda, and told her she needed her help.

“With what?” Lawanda asked.

“I have to go to a formal event. I don’t have anything to wear. I was hoping maybe you could help me find something.”

She could practical y feel Lawanda grinning right through the phone. “Shopping? You want me to go shopping? As you wel know, I am the
queen
of shopping.”

“Now, listen to me,” Bernie said. “It has to be something understated. I’d feel sil y in anything else. I know you like to dress a little… extravagantly.”

“That is because I dress to match my natural y flamboyant personality,” she explained. “The clothes have to fit the woman. But no, you wil not be wearing army green no matter how much you beg.”

“And there’s the smal problem with me being pregnant and fat and—”

“You’re forgetting that I am a plus-sized woman.

Does that stop me from having an outstanding sense of style? No, it does
not
.”

“Can I just go with something black?”

“You got any clothes that
aren’t
black?”

“Uh… I’m sure I do.” She paused. “Somewhere.”

“If he sees you in black al the time, you gotta wear something else. Shake him up a little.”

“And I need a little help with makeup, too.

Understated
.”

“Ah,” Lawanda said with a sly smile. “So you want t h e
full
Lawanda treatment. You’re a very smart woman. I like that about you.”

Bernie thought about Lawanda’s false eyelashes and started praying.

“Don’t worry, girl,” Lawanda said. “By the time I get through with you, you’re gonna be a knockout.”

Three days later, Jeremy and Max were returning home to Dal as on a flight from Atlanta. Their flight had been delayed an hour, which frustrated Jeremy to no end. It meant he’d barely have time to get home and change into his tux before he and Bernie had to leave for the university.

When he sent her the invitation, he’d been prepared to have to talk her into coming with him, only to be pleasantly surprised when she accepted his invitation immediately.

Things are good,
he thought.
Very, very good.

When they reached cruising altitude, he closed his eyes, rested his head on the seat behind him, and thought back to making love to Bernie the other night.

He’d been obsessed with having her again, but he’d had no idea it would be like that. It had been slow and soft and dreamy, every moment singular and intense, but it was her tiny whispers and cries and shudders of pleasure that told him how much she wanted him. He stil remembered the expression on her face when she looked up at him and whispered his name, and he couldn’t wait to hear it pass her lips a thousand more times.

If he’d been obsessed before, he was a fanatic now. The moment they got home from the event tonight, he was sweeping her upstairs and straight into his bed again.

“May I get you a pil ow, sir?”

Jeremy opened his eyes, irritated that his thoughts had been interrupted. Ever since he’d boarded the flight, the first-class flight attendant had been fawning over him, a stunningly beautiful blond with the most spectacular breasts money could buy. She’d gone through the entire safety recitation with her attention focused mostly on Jeremy, a subtle smile of invitation on her lips.

“No, thank you,” Jeremy said, and started to close his eyes again, only to have the flirting begin in earnest. First she asked the standard flight attendant questions, but with a sexy edge. Then she eased into more personal stuff designed to scope out where he lived, his marital status, and the approximate size of his bank account. By the time they were making their final approach into Dal as, Jeremy was surprised she hadn’t taken him by the hand and led him into the bathroom for a trip to the Mile High Club.

She rested her forearm on the top of the seat in front of Jeremy and leaned in. “I’m Jennifer,” she said, in a low, sultry voice. “If you’d like to get together, give me a cal .”

She slipped him a piece of paper, then walked away to prepare for landing.

Jeremy couldn’t count the number of times this had happened to him. And most of the time, if the women were beautiful enough, he’d taken them up on their offers.

He remembered back to the time when Bernie was his bodyguard. She’d watch him col ect those little pieces of paper from flight attendants, rol ing her eyes the whole time, usual y adding a snarky comment or two. He smiled to himself. That was what he liked about her. He never had to wonder what she was thinking, because she’d always been quick to tel him.

Without even unfolding this piece of paper, he crumpled it in his fist, then stuck it into the magazine pouch on the back of the seat in front of him.

“Better hang on to that,” Max murmured. “She was a hot one.”

“Nope. She doesn’t do a thing for me.”

“Beg to differ. She’d do al kinds of things for you.”

“You’re baiting me, Max.”

“Yes, sir, I am.”

“You appear to be gauging my interest in a completely different woman.”

“Tel me if I’m out of line.”

Oddly enough, Jeremy didn’t feel that way at al .

There had been a time when Max’s comments had irritated him to no end, but now it actual y made him feel good that Bernie had people in her life she could count on.

“You care a lot about her, don’t you?” Jeremy asked.

“We go way back.”

“I care a lot about her, too, Max. You have nothing to worry about.”

Max nodded, then returned to his usual comatose state, and Jeremy closed his eyes for a last-minute daydream to entertain him until he could see Bernie again. She’d told him she was going to meet him at his house and they’d go from there.

He couldn’t wait.

He got home an hour and a half later. He took a quick shower, put on his tux, and went back downstairs. When he stepped into the kitchen, he found Bernie sitting at the breakfast room table. She held a compact and was staring at herself in the mirror. She glanced up when he came into the room.

Looking a little flustered, she closed the compact and tossed it into her evening bag. She stood up, fidgeting and frowning. He knew she was waiting for him to say something, but for a moment, he was speechless. She was stil Bernie, but a different version of Bernie that was al soft around the edges, and he loved it.

Her hair was swept up in one of those messy-but-sexy styles anchored with a couple of rhinestone clips that he never would have imagined her wearing. She had makeup on. Very little, actual y, but just enough to bring out her features, particularly those long, dark eyelashes. Her dress was made of royal blue satin that skimmed over her breasts and hips and her baby bump, then fel to her ankles in soft folds. Low neckline, but not plunging. He’d never noticed just how pretty her col arbones were, particularly with the diamond drop she wore fal ing perfectly between them.

“Wow,” he said.

She winced. “Is that a good wow, or a bad wow?”

“Let’s put it this way,” he said, walking toward her.

“You look so incredible in that dress that al I want to do is take it off you.”

But she stil looked worried. “Are you sure it’s al right?”

“Oh, I’m very sure.”

“Is the hair too weird? My friend Lawanda helped me with it. I told her it was weird, but she said it was perfect.”

“Lawanda is a very wise woman.”

Jeremy leaned in to kiss her, but she put a palm against his chest. “No. You can’t do that. You’l smear my lipstick, and I won’t be able to fix it.”

“How about if I kiss you here instead?” he said, dipping his head and touching his lips to her neck.

“That’s fine. Even I know not to put lipstick on my neck.”

“Smart girl.”

“Are you sure I look okay?”

“Why don’t we go get a second opinion?” They left the house and walked toward the limousine. Max was leaning against the back door. As they approached, Jeremy knew the exact moment he spotted Bernie. He pushed away from the car and reached up slowly to pul his sunglasses off, a look of utter amazement on his face.

“Holy shit,” he said. “Bernie?”

“Max,” Jeremy said. “Mustn’t ogle the boss’s date.”

“Or the boss’s date wil deck you,” Bernie snapped.

“Don’t mind her,” Jeremy said. “She doesn’t know how beautiful she looks.”

“Did she bother to look in a mirror?” Jeremy tapped his temple. “Mental block.”

“Wil you two shut up?” Bernie said. “We’re going to be late.”

Max opened the door for them, and they got into the car. Max sat in the front passenger seat next to Carlos, leaving Jeremy and Bernie in the backseat alone. As they wound their way down the driveway to the front gate, Jeremy leaned in and spoke softly to Bernie.

“I sense you’re a little uptight,” he said. “There’s no reason for that.”

She took a deep, cleansing breath. “I’m just not used to being around this kind of people. Are you sure I look al right? I think you and Max are just trying to make me feel good.”

“Bernie, when Max turned around and saw you, his tongue was hanging so far out of his mouth I thought he was going to step on it. You look incredible. And I want very much for you to enjoy yourself tonight.” She nodded, but he could tel she was stil uneasy.

Then she glanced at his neck, her brows drawing together with confusion.

“Wait a minute,” she said. “You tied your tie?”

“Haven’t you been tel ing me to for years?”

“Wel … yeah.”

But she kept staring at it. Final y she reached up and tugged on it until it hung loose around his neck.

“Hey!” he said. “It took me ten minutes to get it right.

I was proud of myself.”

She picked up both ends of the tie, pul ed him toward her, and kissed him.

“If you wear it tied, how are people supposed to recognize you?”

Final y she smiled at him, and for a long, unguarded moment he just sat there basking in it, wondering why she’d always been so stingy with smiles when they lit up her face like Christmas. It had been so long since he’d actual y looked forward to an event like this, but tonight…

Tonight was going to be magic.

Twenty minutes later, Carlos swung the limo onto the grounds of Texas Southwestern University, then pul ed up in front of the building where the event was being held. He leaped out and opened the door for Bernie, giving her the kind of deferential treatment he’d never shown her before. Carlos was a little too afraid of the boss to focus too much on Bernie’s physical attributes, but Jeremy could tel that he was seeing her in an entirely new light. He only hoped Bernie was enjoying it.

They walked into the bal room where the event was being held, and Bernie’s eyes grew wide with wonder.

“My God,” she said. “Isn’t it beautiful?” Actual y, it wasn’t much different from any other event he’d ever attended. Gauzy fabric was draped al over the room, with tiny white lights wound up in it. A string quartet was playing something soft and classical. Ice sculptures abounded. Ridiculously opulent buffets stretched from one wal to another. But judging from the look on Bernie’s face, she felt as if she’d just walked through the gates of heaven.

“You’ve been to these things with me before,” he said.

“I was on the outside looking in,” she said, her voice hushed. “This is different.”

Over the next hour, a dozen people came up to speak to Jeremy, and when he introduced Bernie, he saw more than one set of eyes travel downward. After tonight, speculation was going to run rampant about his being there with a pregnant woman, and he couldn’t have cared less.

“Everybody’s wondering about us,” Bernie said, as they eased away from the people they’d been talking to.

“Why? Because you’re pregnant?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Do you care?”

“I thought you might.”

“Think again. Let’s dance.”

She looked at him dumbly. “Do I strike you as the kind of person who knows how to dance?” He took her by the hand. “Come on. It’s easy.”

“Jeremy—”

He ducked his head and whispered in her ear. “It’s the only way I can get my hands on you at a public event without being thrown out of the place.”

“I changed my mind,” she said. “Let’s dance.” Once they were on the dance floor, he pul ed her around to face him. He saw her glance quickly at other women, and she put her hand on his shoulder the same way they were doing with their partners. He took her other hand in his and moved to the music, and after a minute, he felt her relax.

“See?” he said. “Not so hard, is it?”

“No. Not as long as I’m fol owing you.” As they moved around the floor, he rubbed his hand gently up and down her back, already wondering just how quickly he could get her out of this dress once they got home. He thought it was quite possible he was going to find something under it other than white cotton undies, and he couldn’t wait to see what she’d picked out. And if it made her feel pretty, he’d buy her a whole trunkload of it.

When the song was over, there was a polite smattering of applause, and Bernie’s expression became pained.

“I have to sit down for a minute,” she said. “These shoes are kil ing me.”

“So why are you wearing them?”

“Because Lawanda says pain is a significant component of beauty.”

“So kick them off.”

“Nope. If I walk around in my bare feet, I’l look like your family friend from Arkansas.”

“Let’s grab a table.”

Jeremy pul ed out a chair for Bernie, and she sat down with a heavy sigh.

“Okay. That’s better. But I’m pretty sure I have blisters on top of blisters.”

“I’m going to get a drink,” Jeremy said. “Would you like me to bring you something?”

“No. I’m fine.”

“Back in a flash.”

He wound through the crowd to the bar in the corner of the room, where he asked the bartender for a Scotch and water.

“Thank God you showed up.”

Jeremy turned around to see Phil standing behind him.

“Second martini,” Phil said, holding it up, then pointing to Alexis and the group of women she was with. “Did you know that five women talking aren’t five times as loud as one woman talking? It’s more like five
squared
.”

“Keep drinking,” Jeremy said. “Pretty soon you’l pass out and you won’t hear them at al .”

“I’m working on it.”

Jeremy picked up his Scotch and water from the bar, then turned back to Phil.

“So you’re here with Bernie tonight,” Phil said.

“That’s right.”

“Alexis is thril ed. She wants to meet her.”

“And I’d like her to meet Alexis.”

“So there’s stil nothing going on between you two?” Jeremy took a sip of his drink. “I wouldn’t say nothing.”

Phil got a big grin on his face. “So you’re final y seeing the light.”

Maybe he was.

Never in his life had Jeremy been so entranced with a woman that he had a hard time taking his eyes off her, but he hadn’t let Bernie out of his sight for more than a few seconds al evening.

“Doesn’t she look great tonight?” Jeremy said.

“Actual y, yeah. She does. I barely recognized her.

And to think she’s been under your nose al this time.” That was a little hard for Jeremy to believe, too. But this was a different woman from the tense, unsmiling one he’d known for so many years. It was as if she’d vanished, and in her place was one who was so happy and relaxed she almost glowed with it.

“Sorry, Phil,” Jeremy said. “I need to get back.” Phil sighed. “So I’m going to be al alone tonight listening to the chipmunks chatter?”

“I’m afraid so.”

Phil looked at Bernie with a smile. “Don’t blame you a bit, buddy.”

Jeremy wound his way back through the crowd toward their table. He was halfway there when he saw a man approach Bernie. He tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around. They talked for a bit, and then a big smile came over Bernie’s face. She stood up, and before Jeremy knew it, they were hugging each other.