Blackout (2 page)

That insight was gone in a second and the
focus went back to herself. Really, that was kind of egotistical,
but what was she to do? She had read somewhere that there was an
actual chromosome for shyness. Maybe she read it wrong, but it made
her feel a little better. She was born that way and couldn’t help
it.

She put the car in gear, took her foot off
the brake, and inched forward. See? That wasn’t so hard. She
spotted a place on the grass where she could park and be able to
get out easily. She forced herself to continue until she reached
it.

Now what? She looked for Cindy Brandon. It
might work better if she got out of the car. Most of those people
were classmates but not really friends. There were strangers, too,
probably dates.

She saw Evan Steffers and the other football
players. Evan had left Lakeside but of course, they’d invite him.
He was part of their class.

She saw Glynis Goode, who was in the class
below theirs, but lived next door to the Brandons. They might have
had to invite her. Or she invited herself.

Glynis was best friends with Maddie Canfield.
Maddie was Ben’s sister. They had both transferred to the public
school, but this had been Ben’s class, until he left it. Because of
Kelsey.

What if they were both here? Ben wouldn’t
want to see her any more than she wanted to see him. Her key was
still in the ignition. Just as she reached for it, a car parked
behind her, blocking her in.

It must have been a sign. Dr. Schiff sent it,
forcing her to this party whether she liked it or not. She got out
of the car, trying to put her focus on the pool and the people in
it. The pool was a sizable one with underwater lights. It was
screened from the road by a row of bushes. If anyone asked, she
would tell them she couldn’t go in the water. The girls would
understand.

She closed the car door behind her. She
debated whether to lock it and what to do with the key. Jeans
really would have been a better choice. Her skirt had no pockets.
She started forward and nearly bumped into Glynis Goode.

“Hey!” said Glynis. “You got here. Cindy
didn’t think you’d make it.”

“Well—I did.”

Glynis wore denim shorts and a multicolor
halter-top. She had shapely, tanned legs.

Kelsey said, “I don’t know where to put my
keys.”

“I can take them.” Glynis dropped them into a
pocket in her shorts. “You drove?”

“Yes, I—” She tried to think of an
explanation that would make sense. “For going home.”

Glynis wore her frizzy blond hair in two
little clumps sticking out at the sides. Kelsey tried an outward
focus. “Your hair looks cute that way.”

“Oh, it’s just to keep it under control.”
Glynis took a sip from a plastic cup and eyed Kelsey’s outfit.
“You’re not going swimming?”

“No, I—I’m not.”

“Me either. We have our own pool at home.
Hey, you want something to drink?”

Evan Steffers walked by and wiggled his
eyebrows at them. Probably at Glyn.

Kelsey ventured, “Is Maddie here, if he
is?”

“You’re kidding,” said Glyn. “They broke up
ages ago. That’s why she left Lakeside. To get away from him, but
he still kept bugging her. Then he went away and she was so happy,
but now he’s back.”

“How come they broke up?” It sounded as if
Maddie did the breaking. But Evan was so hot.

“Didn’t you know? I thought everybody knew.
He turned out to be this arrogant control freak. He didn’t even
want her talking to her own brother. Imagine being jealous of
somebody’s brother. I mean, that’s sick. So what if Ben’s adopted?
He’s still her brother. So she split, but then Evan got worse. Some
guys can’t handle it. She says it’s ego. Don’t you want something
to drink?”

Kelsey pried her thoughts from Maddie’s
brother Ben. “What do they have?”

“Everything. Come on inside and pick your
poison.”

Kelsey tried not to flinch at the
terminology. It was not a new expression. She wanted to be with it,
or at least seem as if she was.

Once before, after a party her parents had
hosted and she was the only one up the next morning, she discovered
someone had left half a drink. She had no idea what it was, that
amber liquid, but out of curiosity, she took a sip.

Eww! Someone had doused a cigarette in the
drink. It put her off liquor for a very long time, but she was
ready to give it another try.

A makeshift bar had been set up in the living
room. Kelsey was astounded at what it offered. No adults were in
attendance, only two boys she didn’t know.

“Are they allowed to do that?” she asked. “I
thought you had to be twenty-one.”

Glyn said, “Really, Kel. What nursery did you
just come out of?”

Was everybody else so far ahead of her? She
made an effort to feel sophisticated. “What are you drinking?”

“Tom Collins. Try some.” Glyn offered her the
cup.

She sniffed it first and then took a sip. It
was sweet and tart at the same time. The tartness must have been
liquor. “What’s in it?”

“Tom Collins mix. And gin.” Glynis said it
with amusement as she watched for Kelsey’s reaction. Kelsey did her
best not to react.

She went up to the bar and tried to seem
knowledgeable. “Tom Collins, please?” To her distress, it came out
a question.

Once she had her drink, they went outside.
Glynis kicked off her flip-flops and sat on the pool’s concrete rim
with her feet in the water. Kelsey unbuckled her sandals and did
the same.

Evan Steffers walked by. He hadn’t been at
Lakeside in almost a year. He slipped an ice cube down Glyn’s bare
back. She turned around and slapped his leg.

Glyn dealt so easily with all these guys, and
bantered so easily with everyone. Kelsey envied her.

College would be different. No one knew her
there and she could be a whole new person. She was already starting
to put together that person.

She kicked her feet in the water. “This is so
nice. I wish we had a pool.”

“You have horses,” Glyn reminded her.

“That’s right,” said Cindy Brandon, who had
suddenly materialized. “It’s every little girl’s dream to have a
pony.” She crouched down to their level, letting her taffy-colored
braid fall forward.

The new Kelsey turned to ask her, “Did you do
that when you were little?”

“Some. Mostly I wanted to be an
astronaut.”

Kelsey laughed. “Even when you were
little?”

“Yep, that’s what I wanted. Not so much
anymore. I want to go into medicine. Maybe veterinary
medicine.”

“Really? That takes a lot of study.”

“I’m up for it. Can I get you a refill?”

Kelsey handed her the plastic cup. When it
came back, its contents went down faster than the first time. This
was fun. She was glad she hadn’t gone running home.

Glynis patted her shoulder. “Take it easy
with that. I’ll see you around. I gotta pee.” She stood up and went
into the house. Kelsey thought of going, too. Not for the same
reason, but so she wouldn’t be left alone.

She wasn’t alone. Someone sat down on the
other side of her.

Evan Steffers. She couldn’t believe it. He
used to be Maddie Canfield’s boyfriend. Now he was there beside
Kelsey. What would Maddie think of that?

Evan wiggled his eyebrows. “What’s up?”

How was she supposed to answer a question
like that? She looked into his face and quickly away. His eyes were
a deep blue.

How could Maddie have let him go? He was such
a hunk. Big and blond, and those shoulders.

Maybe she didn’t let him go. It must have
been the other way around and she lied about it.

His question needed answering. “Nothing
much.” The Tom Collins gave her courage. “Where were you all last
year? Or most of it.”

He grinned. “Did you miss me?”

She hoped she wasn’t blushing. “I think
everybody did. Where were you?”

“Getting around. New Hampshire. Then back
again.”

“What were you doing in New Hampshire?”

“Trying out different places. Now I’m home
where the best girls are.”

Wow. He couldn’t mean her.

She noticed Glyn a little way in back of him,
trying to signal. What was that all about? Why couldn’t Glyn just
say it? Kelsey put the cup to her lips and found it empty.

A look inside it confirmed that. She pulled
her feet from the water but wasn’t sure she could stand. “I seem to
need a refill.”

Evan reached for the cup. “I’ll get it.”

His hand paused in midair. He was looking at
Glynis. “How about we go together?” He took Kelsey’s arm and helped
her up.

She had no shoes on. The grass wouldn’t hurt
her and she wouldn’t hurt it. She giggled, thinking that. She
walked across it, up two front steps, and into the Brandons’ living
room again.

Carl Brandon, Cindy’s twin, was now manning
the bar. Kelsey had always thought he was cute, but nothing
compared with Evan, who stayed close by her side.

Carl handed her the refilled cup. Kelsey
thanked him, batting her lashes. Carl nodded an
acknowledgement.

She turned to go back outside. The room
turned with her but it didn’t stop when she did. She had to stand
still for a moment until it settled.

Evan waited for her. “You okay?”

How kind of him. Or it might have been more
than kindness. Maybe he really liked her.

So there, Maddie Canfield.

Evan had her arm again. She didn’t remember
his taking it. He said, “You want to lie down for a while? You’re
looking unsteady.”

“I am, aren’t I?” She giggled.

He led her toward a flight of stairs. She had
never been in the Brandons’ house before. Obviously, the stairs
went somewhere, even if they wavered a bit.

“Like a waterfall.” She knew she said it, but
it didn’t sound like her.

“What are you talking about?” He paused,
looked back, and jerked his head in a beckoning gesture.

There were two steps, then a landing, and
then the rest of the stairs went on up to the right.

She climbed slowly, guided by Evan. She
wished her head would calm down. He’d asked her a question but she
couldn’t remember what it was.

Several people came up behind them. Warner
Wall, Marsh Dorman, and Casey O’Keefe. Football players, like Evan.
And she was the only girl. Did Maddie ever have it like that?

“Drink up,” said Evan. “We’ll get you
another.”

She still had the cup in her hand. It wasn’t
quite empty. She swallowed the rest of it.

“Good stuff, huh?” He took the cup and handed
it to Warner, who dashed back downstairs.

“No more,” she managed to say.

“He’s already got it. You don’t want to waste
that good stuff.”

“Yes, I—” She hiccupped. “—do.”

Warner came back with the refill. She shook
her head, which didn’t like being shaken, and refused to take
it.

Evan opened a door and led her into a room.
It must have been a guestroom, twin beds with matching aqua covers.
A bed. That was what she needed.

The other jocks came in with them. She didn’t
need a lot of company. She only wanted to close her eyes and
sleep

Evan led her to the nearer bed. Pulled back
the cover.

“Now we’re gonna have some fun,” she heard
him say.

Chapter
Two

Stood up.

That’s where I was last night, I was home.
Stood up.

My name is Maddie. It’s short for Madelyn
Canfield. I live in Southbridge, New York, up in the hills on Lake
Road. I’ve lived there as long as I can remember. The road got its
name from the lake at the end of it. On the shore of that lake is a
small private school, kindergarten through high, with the name
of—guess what?—Lakeside School.

Because it was so convenient, even though
expensive, that was the school I attended for most of my life. So
did my brother, Ben. Just last year, each for reasons of our own,
both of us transferred to the public school in town. Ben was a
senior and I a junior. Now he’s graduated and I am about to start
my senior year.

Ben’s graduation was a couple of months ago.
Last night his former Lakeside class held a get-together before
they all went off to college. Ben was invited but chose not to go.
He’s not much of a socializer, and he had his reasons. I, too, was
invited, because of Ben and also I knew most of the people. I had
planned to show up briefly and show off my boyfriend, Rick Falco,
but he
stood me up.

It wasn’t his fault, and he did call to let
me know, but all the same, I was devastated.

Okay, let’s not go overboard. “Disappointed”
might be a more reasonable word. Very disappointed. It’s what I get
for dating a cop. Something always “comes up.” It’s the nature of
the job.

Every time it happened, my mother would give
a sigh of relief. She thought that, at seventeen, I was too young
to be dating a twenty-three-year-old police officer. Never mind
that it was the same age span as between her and Daddy, but in
their case it was okay. It was not okay for me.

My parents rented a movie and invited me to
watch it with them but I wasn’t in the mood. Instead, I watched an
old DVD on my computer, and went to bed early.

Good thing I did. The early part, I mean. I
woke to the chirping of my cell phone. The sun was up, but just
barely. Was I missing something? Had school started already and
they were only now calling to tell me? On Sunday?

The readout on my phone said Glyn. That would
be Glynis Goode, my old best bud when I went to Lakeside. She was
still my bud but I didn’t see her so often anymore.

I started to ask her about the party when she
interrupted me. “Oh, Maddie.”

That sounded serious. I said, “Hello to you,
too. What’s up?”

She plunged right in. “You know that girl
your brother was stalking?”

“Ben did not stalk anybody!” I said. “She
misunderstood and so did the school because they’re all too stupid
to know or care anything about Asperger syndrome.”