Blackout (4 page)

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Authors: Caroline Crane

Tags: #party, #feminism, #high school, #bullying, #date rape, #popularity, #underage drinking, #attempted suicide, #low selfesteem, #football star

BOOK: Blackout
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Rhoda stood in the kitchen doorway. She must
have heard everything. “Would you like more coffee, Ben?”

She would make another pot just for him. I
didn’t hear her asking me. She was an intelligent woman with a
doctoral degree in psychology and still she catered to men. I’m
telling you, it’s an ingrained cultural attitude.

Or maybe because he was going away.

When he muttered no thanks and got up from
the table, she turned to me. “What are you ranting about,
Maddie?”

“Men,” I said. “Evan has struck again, but
this time it wasn’t me.”

She tightened her lips and sat down in Ben’s
chair. “Tell me about it.”

Not, did I want to talk about it. Just, tell
me about it.

“It’s not Ben,” I assured her. “It’s males in
general. They don’t have any respect for women.”

“What do you mean by respect?”

“They don’t consider us real people the way
they consider themselves. I know, it’s not all men, but it’s in
almost every culture that women are considered second rate. It’s
even in the Bible. And who wrote the Bible?
Men.

“I’d be interested to know what brought this
on,” she said.

“You make it sound like a disease. It didn’t
get ‘brought on.’ I always noticed it but I never thought about it
all that much. But you’re right. Something did happen.”

One piece of coffeecake remained on the
plate. I broke it in half, not because I was hungry, but I needed
fortification as I told her what Glyn told me.

“Kelsey Fritz?” she said.

“Yes, that Kelsey Fritz. She was so scared of
Ben for no reason. I kept thinking she should get a dose of Evan.
Now she has. But I wouldn’t have wished
that
on her.”

Rhoda looked past me, seeming thoughtful.

To break the silence, I said, “I was
surprised she even went to the party. It was her class, but she’s
not the partying type.”

“She’s been in therapy,” Rhoda said.

“How come you know that?”

“The therapist is a friend of mine, Barbara
Schiff. I shouldn’t be telling you that, but I know you won’t
talk.”

“I knew she was in therapy,” I said. “I
didn’t know the person’s name. How did you get to discussing Kelsey
Fritz?”

Rhoda only smiled. She wasn’t going to tell
me that much. Kelsey might have happened to mention her troubles
with Ben, not knowing that Dr. Schiff knew Ben’s mother.

“So anyway,” I said, “the reason I started
ranting was I told Ben about it because I hoped he could get her
pictures off the Internet and all he said was, ‘Why are girls so
stupid?’”

Rhoda sighed. “It does happen, unfortunately.
Young people think they’re smart, trying liquor. They like the
initial effect and then they don’t know when to stop or how to hold
it. I suppose you know the legal drinking age in this state used to
be eighteen. They changed it because too many kids were getting
drunk and smashing up their cars and themselves.”

“Or doing something embarrassing,” I said,
“and getting their pictures on the—uh oh.”

What if it were me? Not that I would be so
stupid, but what if I were Kelsey? I might really want to kill
myself, or at least move to Tasmania. Except the Internet goes all
over the world.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Rhoda
asked.

“You’d better call your friend,” I said.

“I think she’s out of town.”

“Without a telephone, I’ll bet.”

I stared at what was left of the coffeecake,
not really seeing it. Rhoda ate the last piece and took away the
plate.

I got up, too. It should have been me
clearing the table but I had things on my mind. “What am I going to
do?”

She came back for another load of dirty
dishes. “You’ll have to figure that out for yourself. You know her
better than I do.”

“I scarcely know her at all. I haven’t even
seen the post-therapy Kelsey.”

“Then where did you learn all this? From
Glynis?”

“I’ll call her.” I wondered if Glyn had gone
back to bed after that early morning news flash.

She hadn’t. She was too keyed up to
sleep.

“Maddie, why didn’t you kill him when you had
a chance?”

Good question. “I couldn’t. Everything was
fine at first and when it stopped being fine it was him trying to
kill me. Remember when he cut my brake line?”

“He shouldn’t be allowed to live,” she
said.

I had a chilling thought. “Does Kelsey know
it’s on the Internet?”

“Not unless somebody told her. She was too
out of it last night.”

“It’s only a matter of time,” I said. “She
may be a wimp, but that wouldn’t stop her.”

“Wouldn’t . . . stop . . .” As she said the
words, Glyn caught on. “Ohmigod!”

“Yes. That. Oh, why didn’t I do it when I had
the chance?”

“Do away with yourself?” Glyn sounded
confused.

“Do away with Evan. I never thought I could
kill anybody, but right now that’s what I want to do.” I couldn’t
believe I was saying it seriously.

“No, Mads, you’d only make trouble for
yourself. He’s not worth it. But we have to do something about
Kelsey.”

I told her what Rhoda said about Barbara
Schiff being out of touch. “She’d be our best bet, but she’s out.
So what’s the second best?”

“Do you really think she’d try something?”
Glyn asked.

“I probably would.”

“You? Maddie Canfield? I can’t believe
it.”

“Neither can I, because I wouldn’t get that
drunk to begin with and I would never let that shithead Evan get
anywhere near me. Again,” I added. There had been a time, before I
came to my senses . . . It made me sick now to think about it.

“Glyn, you’re closer to her than I am. Why
don’t you check on her?”

“Why don’t you come with me?”

“I don’t think she’d trust me. Because of
Ben.”

“What can I do all by myself?” she asked.

“Don’t be a wuss. And you won’t be
all
by yourself. I told Ben about the pictures and asked if he can get
them off the Internet. I don’t know if he can or will. And I’ll
call my cop friend Rick.”

“Yummy,” she said.

“Don’t get distracted. I’ll be there as soon
as I can. Maybe she won’t try anything. Maybe she’s too wimpy for
that.”

I looked out the window and saw an orange
car.

Was that Cree? My friend Cree Penny? She was
my good buddy and Ben’s girlfriend. Why weren’t they together right
now? Because maybe Ben was in his room getting those pictures off
the Net. I opened the door before Cree could ring.

The orange car belonged to her grandmother
but Cree was allowed to borrow it sometimes. Mostly if it was
important. She asked, “Is Ben okay?”

“Why wouldn’t he be?” I said.

“His phone is off. I got worried.”

“He might be on his computer,” I said. “He
might be trying to get some horrible pictures off the
Internet.”

Or not. That was up to Ben, but I really
hoped he could do it.

Cree had pretty eyes, brown with gold flecks.
She had reddish hair, which she wore in a ponytail down to her
waist, and what they call an hourglass figure. That meant a slender
waist and curves where it mattered.

“Not pictures of me,” I assured those popping
eyes. “Or of him.” Once again, I gave a full account of last
night’s goings on.

She grabbed at her chest. “Oh, no!”

Cree had met Kelsey about a year ago when I
was trying to straighten out Lakeside’s version of what happened
between her and Ben. Cree and I confronted Kelsey together. What we
found explained a lot but it also showed me how vulnerable Kelsey
was and still would be.

“Do you think he got them off?” she
asked.

Meaning Ben, of course. I didn’t know if he
even tried.

Ben’s door was closed. It meant he was deep
in concentration. Cree knocked.

“What?” he demanded, probably thinking it was
me.

“Ben?” she asked, in her softest, sweetest
voice.

The door opened. He stared at her.

“Your phone was off,” she explained.

“Yeah, I know. I was busy.”

“What are you working on?”

He glared at me. “Getting some pictures off
the Net.”

“Oh Ben, thank you! Thank you!” I almost
kissed him, but that would be Cree’s job.

My phone rang. I’d put it in my pocket so I
wouldn’t miss a thing.

It was Glyn. “Maddie, I can’t stand it! I
just know she’s going to try something.”

“Glyn, it’s not your fault. Whatever
happened, or is going to happen, it’s Evan’s fault. Will you get
that through your head?” It was sort of her fault, but she didn’t
need more recrimination.

“It is my fault,” she insisted. “I should
have made her stop drinking.”

“She wouldn’t have listened if she thought
she was having fun. She wouldn’t have known what a turd Evan is and
what he can do.”

She started to say something, but I
interrupted. “I’m on my way. I’ll pick you up.”

Cree and I rushed downstairs and into my
beat-up old Chevy. I turned on the engine and tested the brake. I
hadn’t trusted it since Evan cut it that time.

“What was that for?” Cree asked.

“Just making sure. I’m a little bit
paranoid.”

“Can’t blame you. Do you think he really
meant to kill you? Then he couldn’t bug you anymore. I don’t think
he’d want to stop doing that.”

Bugging was putting it mildly. “I don’t know.
Maybe he’s running out of ways to bug me. It’s all for the purpose
of showing his power, so killing me would be a more satisfying
ending than just walking away.”

She considered that. “He really is a
shitface. How could you stand him?”

“I couldn’t, after the honeymoon was over.” I
drove out to Lake Road, which eventually merged into Fremont.

“That was right at the beginning,” I said.
“Before he showed his shitty side. Then he got all possessive and
insecure, and I wanted out, but his stupid male ego couldn’t let
go. Hey, maybe that’s it.”

“What is?”

“I was telling Rhoda about men having no
respect for women. She didn’t say it but it’s got to be a male ego
thing. They have to prove to themselves and to the other guys that
they’re the top dogs. I mean the top pigs. It’s not so easy if
women are their equals.”

“What did your mom say about that?”

“Nothing. I hadn’t thought of it then. But
she always figured Evan’s possessiveness and arrogance had a lot to
do with some kind of insecurity.”

We drove past nice houses with huge lawns,
interspersed with patches of woods. This went on for a couple of
miles.

I slowed as we approached Overlook. Glyn was
walking out toward Fremont, so I waited. She said hi to Cree, whom
she’d met a couple of times, and got into the back seat.

Cree half turned and asked both of us,
“Wouldn’t her parents be there? It’s Sunday.”

“They’re always out gadding,” Glyn said.
“Anyway, they’re clueless. It was all her sister Velda could do to
persuade them to get her into therapy. And then she had to persuade
Kelsey.”

“Her therapist is a friend of my mom’s.” I
slowed again as we approached Kelsey’s house.

“Too bad he didn’t . . .” Cree’s comment
petered out as she thought about it.

“She’s a she,” I said. “I don’t think they
can anticipate everything. Anyway, people don’t listen. If she’d
told Kelsey, ‘And by the way, don’t ever drink yourself blotto if
there are guys around,’ do you think she’d have paid
attention?”

“I don’t know Kelsey,” Cree replied.

I crunched over white gravel right up to the
house. It, too, was white, Victorian-style, with a portico at the
front door. In the middle of the roof was a turret that went up
still another story.

The house was quiet. No people rushed out to
greet us. Or send us away. Far in back, where we couldn’t see it,
was a stable and a paddock with a couple of horses, including
Kelsey’s palomino. I wished I could see them, to know if the
palomino was there. She might have been out riding it.

But I didn’t think so. Not after last
night.

“What now?” asked Glyn.

Good question. “We have to get her to talk.
She probably hates me, and she doesn’t know Cree, so it’s up to
you. You’re going to knock on the door. See that big brass knocker?
Once it’s open, you make nice and be sure it stays open till Cree
and I are inside. Got that?”

Glyn got her stubborn look. “Why would she be
glad to see me?”

“Because,” I said, “you’re the only one of us
she wouldn’t
not
be glad to see.”

Inside the house, a dog barked. I’d met that
dog, a big German shepherd.

“Go on, Glyn,” I told her. “Start feeling
guilty again.”

She gave me a grouchy look and climbed out of
the car.

With my window open, I heard the knocker. I
heard the dog, but nothing else. I guessed the parents weren’t home
or somebody would have noticed us. Kelsey knew my car. If she saw
it, she would probably ignore it. Maybe they all went to
church.

Glyn knocked again. The dog barked again, a
deep “woof woof.” Glyn put her face against the door and shouted,
“Anybody home?”

Cree giggled. “Way to go.”

“Either they’re not here,” I said, “or
they’re not answering. I hope she’s okay.”

“What if she’s not?” Cree opened her door and
got out. She walked around studying both sides of the house. I
could see she considered trying the back, but that would be a
little too pushy.

Glyn knocked again, and then tried the latch.
No dice. They must all have gone out, maybe rushed Kelsey to a
substitute therapist. There had to be someone who could stand in
for Dr. Schiff in an emergency.

I’d met her parents. They didn’t strike me as
churchgoing types, but you never know.

“Maddie!”

Cree was looking up at the turret. “Maddie,
come here!”

When I got out and went over to her, she
pointed up. At the top of the tower.

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