Blame It on Your Heart (26 page)

"And this was when you got shot, right?" she said, her hand drifting down just below his ribs, to the knot of raised skin where a bullet had struck through.

"One of the times," he said, and covered her hand with his.

She looked up, startled. "My mom told me it only happened once." And even though she'd reassured Ellie over and over that it wasn't serious, that the bullet had passed through without doing any serious damage, Ellie had had nightmares for weeks about Damon lying wounded, helpless, his blood staining the sand.

At the time she'd taken it as sign she'd made the right decision. If she reacted this way when they weren't even together, how could she possibly handle it if they were married?

But now, all she could think about was everything that had happened to him that she didn't know. Everything he'd gone through, so many scars on his body, and she hadn't been there to help him get through any of it.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice thick as she leaned up to kiss the scar on his shoulder.

"Not your fault. Wasn't you holding the MK48," he chuckled softly.

She propped herself up so she could meet his gaze. "I'm sorry I didn't understand how important it was for you to enlist. I should have been there for you. Through all of it."

He stroked her hair, his eyes somber. "And I shouldn't have sprung it on you like I did, and just expected you to take it. Not when you'd been so clear on the subject." He was silent a few moments, then he shook his head, a rueful expression on his face. "We were so young, we were all but guaranteed to fuck it up."

But maybe we wouldn't have.
Just because her mother had been miserable as an army wife didn't mean she would have been. Yet at age seventeen she hadn't been able to see past her own fear, her own selfishness, to believe otherwise.

And now... was it possible for them to have another chance? Something was happening between them, something real. But still too fragile for her to give voice to all of the emotions and questions brimming to the surface.

Tonight is not the night to start a discussion that could last for hours.

Besides, even as amazing as it felt lying here in Damon's bed, she was still very much afraid she wouldn't like the outcome.

So she leaned down and kissed him, trying to convey every ounce of love and fleeting hope coursing through her with that one caress. Then she asked him to take her home.

Chapter 15

The next day dawned gorgeous and bright. A post card perfect day with the skies so blue it almost didn't look real and white, puffy clouds hovering over the mountains. Though it was cooler than it had been earlier in the week, Ellie knew the guests would be grateful for the shade the tent provided for the first few hours of the party.

Though her thoughts had been twisted and conflicted when she got home, sheer exhaustion had sent her into a deep, dreamless slumber the second her head hit the pillow. She slept soundly until Anthony burst into her room at eight thirty.

"Today's the party day, right?" Anthony said as soon as her lids cracked open.

"It is," she said. Smiling, she reached up to give him a squeeze, but it was only a few seconds before he was squirming out of her embrace and bouncing around her mattress on his hands and knees.

"And I get to go, right?"

"For a little while," she said around a yawn as she sat up and stretched her arms to the ceiling. Though most of the guests had been encouraged to leave the kids at home, when the party was in full swing, it would be all hands on deck serving food and drink, including Anthony's babysitter Cindy, who was helping out through dinner, and would take Anthony home after. "But you have to remember, Auntie Molly, Mimi, Cindy, and I will all be busy running the party, so you'll have to be on your very extra special best behavior, OK?"

Her lips quirked into a grin as he nodded solemnly, as if taking a sacred vow. "I promise."

"Because if you're not good, you won't get to have any of the ribs or the steak or the salmon that Brady's making."

Anthony's eyes opened wide. "I pinky promise!"

She pulled on a T-shirt and a pair of cut off shorts, not bothering to shower yet since she was bound to get grungy with the last minute preparations at the restaurant.

Though she was impatient to get going—there was still so much to do—she gave in to Anthony's pleas to keep him company while he ate his breakfast.

She smiled and nodded while Anthony told a rambling story about playing basketball at the park with some older boys, all the while going through her mental checklist of everything they needed to do before the guests started showing up at five. First was the table settings, which they'd decided not to do yesterday for fear the plates and glasses would get dusty overnight. Then they would help Brady plate the hors d'oeuvres...

"...don't you think, Mommy?" Anthony's voice broke through her mulling.

"Sure," she said absently. "That sounds fun."

"It wasn't fun at all," he said, looking confused as he shoveled another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. "I told you, they were mean."

She shook her head, confused.

"Weren't you even listening? I said they called me a baby and told me I wasn't allowed to play on the big kid courts."

She felt the sting of shame burning at the back of her throat as Anthony's lip quivered and his dark eyes welled up. Bad enough she'd barely been around the past few weeks. The least she could do was actually listen to him when she was with him.

How many times, she thought guiltily, had she criticized Troy for not being truly "present" on the rare occasions he'd spent with Anthony?

"I'm sorry, sweetie," she said, leaning closer. "Tell me again."

She listened intently as he repeated the story. Though she suspected it was embellished for effect, she could understand why it had upset him. "I'm sorry," she said and squeezed him tight. "I know you just wanted to make some new friends, and that's a good way to be." Her heart ached for her sweet, outgoing little boy. She felt a simultaneous surge of pride that Anthony, who had already felt the sting of his friends in New York shunning him, showed not an ounce of shyness or hesitation when it came to meeting new people.

Unlike his mother, she thought ruefully, who had let her own public humiliation beat nearly every bit of social confidence out of her. The last thing she wanted to do was put herself out there, only to be slapped down.

Better to just let the chips fall where they may, she thought as Damon's face flashed in her head, than suffer yet another rejection.

You sure about that?
a little voice that sounded remarkably like her sixteen-year-old self whispered.
There was a time you weren't afraid of anything, or anyone.

Yeah, there was also a time when I knew Damon would always be there to make sure I was okay,
she mentally snapped back.
Now instead of saving me, he's the one most likely to destroy me if I'm not careful.

She shoved the thoughts aside. She didn't have the time or energy to devote to sorting out this... whatever it was she was doing with Damon. At some point she'd have to deal with it head on, determine once and for all where they were going, if anywhere.

But not today.

She gave Anthony another squeeze and planted a kiss on his cheek. "You and Michael and David can go play on those basketball courts whenever you want. And if they give you a hard time, you tell them your mama's going to beat them up." She poked his stomach playfully, grinning at his husky giggle.

"Mommy, maybe instead I should tell them that Damon will beat them up. Because you... well you're not all that scary."

She laughed at that, even as her heart squeezed at the way he easily thought of Damon as his protector. Ever since that night Damon had come by for dinner, Anthony had developed a serious case of hero worship.

"I need to get going," she said, and called upstairs to her mom that she was leaving. She walked the short distance to the restaurant, her stomach churning as she thought of how it might affect Anthony when she got another job and pulled up roots once again.

He'd already been through so much change in the past year. How would he react when she took him away from the family and friends who doted on him here?

But what choice did she have? She could hope and pray to land a good position here in Big Timber, but the opportunities for former bartenders with degrees in art and art history with a flair for throwing a dinner party weren't exactly plentiful.

By the time she got to the restaurant, Damon, Dylan, Molly, and Brady as well as Janelle and Cindy were already hard at work. While Brady had Janelle and Cindy at work chopping fresh herbs for the salmon sauce, Molly, Dylan, and Damon were putting the tablecloths on the tables they'd set up under the tent.

A rich, mouthwatering scent filled the air from the barbecue pit that sat next to the outdoor brick oven, evidence that Brady had already started slow smoking the ribs for dinner.

"Sorry I'm late," Ellie said and felt a pang of guilt as she realized how long they must have all been here to get so much done already.

"No problem," said Damon. He shot her a lazy smile that made her toes curl inside her running shoes. "I'm sure you needed the extra rest," he said, his gaze warming as it ran over her.

She felt an answering warmth in her cheeks and gave a flustered laugh. "Actually it was Anthony, needing a few extra kisses and cuddles."

"I definitely can't blame him for that," Damon said, his eyebrow cocked.

Her face went about ten degrees hotter as she turned pointedly to Molly. "Thanks for showing up early. I really appreciate it."

"No problem," Molly said with her familiar, sunny smile that had been too often absent of late. "We went ahead and put down the table cloths but I figured we should wait for you to set the tables. I know you've got some awesome grand plan for how all of this goes," she said, gesturing to the boxes of linens, silverware, and mason jars stacked up alongside the tables. "But I'm sure I'd somehow screw it up."

"I'm sure that's not true, but I'll do one table top to demonstrate, and then we can all go from there."

While the other three watched, Ellie laid an oversize navy blue bandana across the middle. On top went a small straw cowboy hat holding a wildflower arrangement. At each place setting went a plain white charger and plate. Then she folded a bandana print napkin accordion style, tucked it into a mason jar and fanned it out. Then she tucked in silverware bundled with twine.

"Okay?" she said when she was finished.

"That's so adorable!" Molly exclaimed. "I never would have thought of that in a million years."

"Oh, I totally stole it from a party I went to once in the Hamptons," Ellie said, oddly touched by her sister's praise after the tension running between them these past few weeks.

"Still," Molly said, and walked around the table making admiring sounds. "You know you're going to have to help me and Sadie with the wedding decorations," she said and started gathering items for another table. Damon and Dylan quickly followed suit.

"I would be honored." Ellie smiled and got to work on another table of her own. Of course, if she found a job soon and moved, she wouldn't be able to do it in person. She pushed the thought aside, refusing to dwell on it now.

"Shit!"

She was just finishing up another table when Damon's loud curse broke her concentration.

"No, you fold it up like this and then over like that," Dylan was saying impatiently.

Both men were standing next to the same table they'd started with, their heads bent over something. So far they'd managed to get the blue drop cloth, the flowers, and the plates on the table.

"No, then it just falls, see?"

Evidently the napkins were giving them problems. Ellie watched as Damon tucked the red cloth into a mason jar, where it promptly flopped over to the side before he could fan out the sides.

"People are going to just take it out and flop it on their laps anyway," Damon muttered. "I don't see why we have to get all fancy with it."

"Because whether you realize it or not, little details like this let your guests know you've taken extra time for this special occasion," Ellie said as she came up behind them. She couldn't help grinning as the brothers gave her sheepish looks.

"And besides, it's not that hard." She took the cloth and quickly demonstrated again, while they watched as intently as if preparing for a mission.

They each took another napkin and tried their hand. It was kind of adorable, watching these two big, ripped soldiers struggling to fold napkins into shapes that would stand upright.

It became clear very quickly that they were a lost cause. "Here," she said and reached for Damon's napkin. She mentally shook her head and wondered how men who could rebuild auto engines and rewire a house couldn't seem to master a napkin. "You guys do the other stuff, I'll worry about the napkins and silverware."

Then it was time to set out the additional flower arrangements on all the bars and around the inside of the restaurant. Though dinner would be served on the patio, guests would be able to mingle inside and outside for drinks and appetizers.

A couple of hours in, Adele came over with Anthony, who helped Brady mix the dough for corn bread for exactly five minutes before declaring himself bored.

Luckily, Cindy was only too happy to take him to the pool for a swim before the party started.

By that time Sadie had arrived to help in the kitchen and run any last minute errands they needed. Which came in handy when the DJ showed up, having driven up all the way from Billings only to realize he would need at least two extension cords to set up in the back corner Ellie and Damon had designated.

While Damon and Dylan helped the DJ get set up and went over the song list Jane had provided, Ellie went into the kitchen where she found Molly, Sadie, and Janelle watching intently while Brady showed them how he wanted the ahi tuna mounded just so on the jicama circles he'd cut by hand.

Unlike Damon and Dylan with the napkins, Brady's big hands and long, thick fingers moved with delicate precision as he put one perfectly rounded scoop of the tuna and avocado concoction on its vegetable base. Once assembled, it was one perfect bite.

And delicious. Ellie had made sure of that on the day they did the food tasting.

"I never imagined I'd see something so fancy coming out of my kitchen," Adele said as she watched Brady carefully place the disk on a rimmed metal sheet.

"It's basic food, just put together in a prettier package," Brady said with a grin.

"Basic food," Molly snorted. "I wouldn't call fish that costs twenty-five dollars a pound and had to be flown in overnight from Seattle basic."

"Fair point," Brady said and placed another mound of tartar on a slice of jicama. "But it's all worth it when you taste it." He held the bite out to Molly, who vehemently shook her head and backed away.

"Uh uh, I am not eating raw fish."

Brady persisted. "Come on, you won't even notice it's raw."

"He's right," Ellie said. "It actually tastes a lot like really lean steak. You love steak."

"Yeah, and I'm really looking forward to that grilled steak later on," Molly said.

"Live a little," Brady said, moving even closer. Molly continued to back up until her butt hit the counter. He leaned in, and Ellie was surprised her hair wasn't standing on end, with all the electricity popping in the air. "Try something new. You never know. You might like it." He held the bite out, inches from her lips.