Blaze (8 page)

“I’m trying to change, trying to be better.  I’m trying not to nag him about sharing stuff with me because it’s caused us problems in the past.”

He shook his head.  “No.”

“No, what?” 

“No, you don’t change who you are for someone.  Those things I mentioned about you are you, Madison.  The people who have chosen to love you have also chosen to accept those things.  So, fuck it, you don’t change for any-fucking-one.”

I just sat there and stared at him.  “But I really did cause problems in our relationship when I nagged him to tell me stuff.”

“It takes two people to fuck up a relationship, not one.  Sure, you don’t need to nag him about shit, but babe, when the man you love is pulling back, there’s a reason, and you have every fucking right to ask for that reason.  And to keep asking until you get an honest answer.”

I thought about what he’d said and I realised he was right.  I’d wasted so much time and let J slowly slip through my fingers.  This shit needed sorting out and I was going to do it; to hell with what J thought of me nagging him on this.

I wiped the leftover tears off my cheek, and smiled at Blade.  “Okay, I’m going to sort this out with him tomorrow.  Thank you.”

He nodded.  “Good.”

***

J
ason

I sat at the clubhouse bar and drank my coffee.  Stalling.  Time was ticking and I needed to go home and face Madison.  I’d fucked up last night and now I had to try and put it right. 

“So, you still haven’t gone home?”

I turned to see Blade enter the room, a look of complete contempt on his face.

“None of your business, Blade,” I muttered.

“It is my business, asshole, when it involves my sister.  She phoned me crying her fucking eyes out last night.  You need to get your shit together and sort out the mess you’ve created.”

I turned to him.  “And you need to stay out of shit that you know absolutely nothing about.”

His eyes narrowed and he took the time to look me up and down.  “You recovered fast from your hangover.”

“Didn’t have a fucking hangover.” 

“What’s the real story then?  Where were you last night when Madison thought you were here drunk?  And I hope to Christ that answer doesn’t involve another fucking woman.”

“I’m going to let that one go.  But just because you’re Madison’s brother doesn’t give you the right to come in here and treat me like shit.  If you must know, I was here last night, alone and sober,” I snarled.

His forehead creased in a frown.  “I’m listening.”

I gestured at the chair next to me.  “Take a seat, and let me tell you a fucking fairy tale about your father.”

That got his attention and he sat, his full attention on what I was about to say.  I proceeded to tell him about what happened in Adelaide.  When I’d finished, he shook his head and murmured, “Jesus.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “It’s put me between a rock and a hard fucking place.  I don’t want to break Madison’s heart even more where her father’s concerned.”

“Yeah well, I can tell you that if you don’t share this with her, your days together are numbered.  Marcus is a prick and she knows that.  She can deal with this so long as she has you and the rest of us to support her.”

I blew out a breath.  He was right.  “Okay.”

“Today?” he pushed.

“Yeah, today.”  I stood up.  “Give me your number in case she needs you later.”  I hadn’t had a lot to do with Blade but I was starting to see what Madison saw in him; he genuinely cared for her. 

We swapped numbers and then he left.  I was just heading out myself when Marcus texted me.  He wanted to see me in his office as soon as possible.  He obviously had no clue I was here.  I stalked into his office.

“What do you want?” I snapped at him. 

He gestured to the seat in front of me but I remained standing.  This wasn’t a friendly meeting and I had no fucking intention of sitting with him for a chat.

Annoyance flashed across his face before he started talking.  “Proved yourself while you were in Adelaide, J.  Knew you had that darkness in you, just didn’t know if you’d show it.”  I wasn’t sure why he was sharing this with me now, two months after the fact.

I snarled at him.  “The only thing I proved was what a cunt you are.”

“No, you proved a whole lot more than that.  And, I’ve got some more jobs for you coming up now that I know where your talents lie.”

“You can take your fucking jobs and shove them up your fucking ass.  I’m not your lap dog.”  My head was buzzing with the anger that he brought out in me; I was about ready to explode.

He stood up and leant both hands on the table, a threatening look taking over his face.  “I’ll remind you of those photos I have of you and the blonde in Adelaide.  Perhaps that will encourage you to change your mind.”

Fucker.
  “This conversation is over, asshole.  And stay the fuck away from me and Madison.  She doesn’t want you in her life anymore and I sure as hell could do without being reminded of what a prick of a father in law I’m going to have one day.”

“You don’t seriously think that I’m going to allow her to marry you, do you?”

I studied him for a moment.  He was fucking delusional if he thought he had any say in Madison’s life anymore.  “Try and fucking stop her.”

“I won’t have to; she’ll come to that decision on her own after I’m done with you.”

“Like I said, stay the fuck away, Marcus.  You think you pushed me in Adelaide?  What I did there was for someone I didn’t even fucking know.  You don’t want to know how far I’d go for someone I love.”  I had to get out of there; my rage towards him was only just being contained. 

Leaving his office, I ran into Nash in the hallway.  Christ, of all people.  I scowled at him and continued walking.

“Hey, asshole,” he called out.

I stopped and turned back to face him.  “What?” I snapped.

“What the fuck’s your problem?” 

I stalked back to him.  “You, motherfucker.  I don’t like the way you look at Madison.  Never have.  She’s mine, so back the fuck off.”

“You’re a moody, jealous fuck, aren’t you?  Got no idea what you’ve got right in front of you.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”  Jesus, Nash could get under my skin without even trying but when he said shit like that, it really made my blood boil.

He leant his angry face closer to mine.  “What it fucking means is that you’ve got a good woman doing her head in over you.  You’re right, she is yours; she’s completely fucking yours but she doesn’t feel it.  So, instead of worrying about me, go home and worry about her.”

Jesus, fucking Christ!
  Between Marcus and now Nash, I was itching to punch someone.  My arm swung back, ready to take a shot.  However, someone grabbed me from behind and stopped me.

“Not the way to settle this, brother,” Scott warned.

I ripped my arm out of his hold.  “Got nothing to do with you, Scott,” I threw back at him, my furious glare still on Nash.

“I don’t know what you two are arguing about but hitting a fellow club member brings problems into the club; problems we don’t need.” 

“Fuck it!” I bellowed and stormed out of the clubhouse.   

***

M
adison 

It was just after nine am when I heard J come through the front door.  I’d been up waiting for him for two hours.  In fact, I’d been considering going to the clubhouse and confronting him there.

His angry gaze swung my way when he entered the kitchen where I was waiting.  I was stunned at his anger; he had no reason to be angry at me.

“We need to talk,” I stated the obvious.

“Damn straight, we need to talk,” he delivered on an angry breath.

I’d worked hard to contain my anger.  All night, I’d bloody worked hard to do that; to wait to talk to him and find out his side of the story before getting angry.  But now, I was done.  “No!  You don’t get to be mad at me, J.  I’ve not done anything wrong here,” I yelled at him.

“You sure about that?” he asked, furious eyes blazing.

“Yes, I’m sure about that!”

“You spoke to Nash about us,” he accused me.

Shit. 
I did feel guilty about that.

I raised my hands in a defensive gesture.  “Hear me out, okay?” 

He raked his fingers through his hair.  “Start talking, Madison.”

“Nash actually guessed there was something wrong and then when I hesitated to share with him, he guessed that you and I were having problems in the bedroom -”

He cut me off.  “So, we don’t have sex as much and that turns into us having problems in the bedroom?” he demanded.  “Problems that you felt it necessary to talk to Nash of all fucking people about.”

“If you’d calm down and discuss this rationally, you’d admit that, yes, we were having problems.  You and I, we’re people who need sex.  Some people aren’t like that but we fucking need it, J.  It keeps us close.  Nash pointed out that if we weren’t having it, then it probably meant that our connection was somehow broken.  So yeah, I’d call that problems in the bedroom.” 

I knew I’d said the absolutely wrong thing when his face twisted in barely concealed rage at the mention of Nash.  He jabbed a finger in the air at me and warned, “Don’t ever fucking talk to Nash about us again.”

I struggled to keep check of my own anger.  “Well I had to talk to someone because you sure as hell wouldn’t talk to me!”

His eyes were wild, his face was flushed, and the vein in his neck was twitching.  When J was angry, it consumed the room and I could feel it right down in my bones.  He stood staring at me for awhile, not saying anything, until eventually he said, “I couldn’t.”  And with those words, all the fight left him.  He looked utterly broken, and unease filtered through me.  Something was very wrong.

“Why?” I almost whispered, afraid of the answer.  My legs felt shaky and chills surged through me.  I reached out and gripped the top of the chair to steady myself.    His eyes flicked to my hand on the chair, and then back up to my face.  “Because I didn’t want to shatter your world completely,” he answered me softly.  I didn’t say anything, just stared at him, waiting for him to continue.  He took a deep breath before going on.  “Your father showed another side of himself to me while I was away, a side that you won’t like, and I was trying to shelter you from that.  Problem was that I was also trying not to have secrets between us.  So, I’ve been fucking stuck between the two, not knowing how to proceed.”

Relief coursed through me.  I thought that he’d been going to tell me something about himself, something that would affect our relationship.  This was better; this I could cope with.  “You can tell me anything about my dad, J.  I already know what an asshole he is.”

“I know you think you hate him, but all that aside, he’s your father.  He’s the fucking man who raised you. He should be the man you assess all other men by; the man who should always be setting an example for you.  And as much as you don’t want anything to do with him now, I’d have bet that over time you two would have found your way back.  I fucking prayed for that, babe, because a life without a father in it fucking sucks.  So, this shit I know now, it’s probably gonna destroy any love you might have left.”  He paused and searched my face.  “That’s why I couldn’t talk to you.  That’s why I was distant.  I fucking wanted to be with you but I couldn’t find the way to do that while I was keeping this secret.”

My heart swelled with love for him.  “I get it, baby,” I said, and laid a hand on his chest.  “But you can tell me now; I’ve got you to help me deal with it.”

“Yeah, you do,” he said, a sad smile threatening his lips.  “Your father sent me to the Adelaide chapter, said he wanted me to check out a suspected paedophile in the club.  Made out like he wasn’t sure if the guy was that or not.  Turned out that he’d known he was and he’d known that for about a year.  Known what the cunt was doing and fucking let it happen.  All so he could wait to use it against the guy when it suited his purpose.  He also knew there were others.  It makes me sick that he let that shit go on for a year.”

My legs threatened to give way and I fought the rising bile.  In that moment, I truly hated my father.  I thought I already hated him as much as was possible but now I realised that J was right; I’d still had some love and hope there, but now, that was completely fading.  “How could someone do that?”  I gasped.

“I don’t know, babe.”

I had to sit; my legs couldn’t support me anymore.  J sat next to me, concerned eyes never leaving mine.  “What did you do?” I asked him.

His chest rose and fell in a heavy movement.  After a short moment, he said, “I killed him and two other guys.  Not gonna detail that for you, sweetheart, but I don’t want that a secret between us.”

It didn’t surprise me that he’d done that, and while thinking that, a horrible revelation came to me.  “Dad played on your past didn’t he?  The stuff that happened to your cousin.”

Pain flared on his face, and he nodded.  “Yeah, he did.”

“You said he waited till it suited his purpose.  Why now?”

“The guy was the VP and was blocking a drug deal that the President wanted passed.  Marcus helped him achieve that by using me.”

My mind was racing to process all this.  “Where are you and Dad at now?”

“He told me today that he wants me to do some more jobs for him.  I’m not though.  I’m done with him.  And if he wants me out of the club, he can fucking fight for that because I’m not backing down and I’m not leaving.”

“Scott won’t let that happen.”

“No, but your father has an agenda, babe.  He told me he won’t let me marry you.”

Butterflies hit my stomach at his words.  “We’re getting married?”

His forehead creased.  “Of course, we’re fucking getting married.  Told him he’s got no say in it.”

I smiled; a huge smile, because in amongst all the awful stuff he’d told me, he’d given me the one thing I really needed to hear.  I leant my face to his and lightly kissed him.  “He’s got no say in it,” I promised.

Now he smiled.  “I know.”  His hand curled around my neck and he rested his forehead against mine.  “Fuck babe, it feels so good not to have all that shit between us anymore; as much as I hate you having to deal with it.”