Blind Delusion (3 page)

“For someone who claims to hate his job so much, you certainly devote a lot of time to it,” she said in a bitter tone.

“This is not for EduTech,” he said without looking up from the computer screen, “In fact, I may not be there much longer.”

Renee couldn’t believe this man was actually entertaining the idea of quitting his job. “What do you mean? Are you planning to quit?”

Bill said nothing. His fingers raced across the keyboard without looking away from the screen.

Chapter 2
 

T
he next morning the ‘wake to music’ alarm went off at 5
AM
in Renee’s bedroom, and she woke up to Lou Rawls’s mentholated baritone voice crooning out soulful lyrics on 105.9 radio station’s Thursday morning blues program. She closed her eyes and listened to the words that Lou Rawls sang.

Around about the time the sun comes up

Early Morning Love

The kind of love you just can’t get enough of

As I slowly roll over …

Early Morning Love.

After having lain in bed awake all night, alone—
Early Morning Love
was precisely what Renee was not getting and hadn’t been getting for several months now.

The day folded uneventfully into the evening, and that night was no different from the previous night. She wondered, could Bill be having an affair? Punishing her for last summer? She didn’t want to think about that. Finally, at half past nine Renee gave up waiting on Bill. She couldn’t believe that he would come home tonight after 10 o’clock again. She swung open the French doors and strode into her bedroom, dimming the lights. Subdued bursts of accent lighting displayed a rich arrangement of artwork against mauve-painted walls. Modern art peacefully coexisted with traditional oils on canvas and impressionistic watercolors. One modern piece depicted a bare-breasted woman staring out from a triad of bulging eyeballs. Next to it, hung a sunset landscape in delicate watercolor. The bedroom’s mellow hues calmed her. But Renee frowned when she spotted Bill’s green-eyed, white Persian cat, curled up asleep on his side of the bed, taking ownership.

“Bill’s got that cat spoiled worse than an only child,” she uttered under her breath.

Despite her frequent pleas to get rid of that annoying cat, it was still there. Lately, she and Bill agreed on nothing and argued about everything.

Renee turned on the CD player then walked over by the window where she sank down on a Rococo Revival loveseat. She felt the whisper of billowy drapes against her neck. Moonlight pried through the floor-length, white linen curtains and illuminated the bedroom. Gladys Knight’s mellow voice filled the room with one of Renee’s favorite songs, an old 70s hit, ‘Neither One of Us Wants to Be The First to Say Goodbye’. She listened closely to the lyrics.

It’s sad to think

We’re not gonna make it

And it’s gotten to the point

Where we just can’t fake it

Ooh, ooh, ooh, for some ungodly reason

We just won’t let it die

I guess neither one of us

Wants to be the first to say goodbye …

Gladys was singing this song for her and Bill. He still hadn’t shared what was bothering him, though she suspected it was something at work. Lately, he seemed more preoccupied than usual with his work. Or
was
there another woman involved? Though she didn’t want to entertain the idea, she couldn’t dismiss the possibility that Bill was cheating on her. The thought of answering the telephone in the middle of the night and hearing a woman’s voice on the other end asking for her husband, put her stomach in knots. Perhaps he was trying to get back at her for falling in love with a younger man this past summer. She trembled and clutched at both arms, hugging herself tightly as she struggled to wipe away her memories of being with Deek. Her emotions were too fragile to think about Deek and how much she still missed him.

Renee got up and went to the built-in wine cabinet then poured herself a glass of burgundy. After only a few sips she placed the glass down and walked over to the Cheval mirror, the one gift from Bill that she cherished. Its hand-painted frame displayed a whimsical motif of winged cherubs that reminded her of babies and sweet innocence. She let her robe slip to the floor and stared at her naked reflection. The slightly plump figure before her still maintained a few vestiges of its former eighteen-year old, gazelle-ish self. Back then plum-size breasts that once stood at attention were fuller now. At 44, soon to be 45, years old she was grateful that they didn’t sag. She loosened the chignon and let her thick, Egyptian sable hair fall to her tender brown shoulders. Still sexy. Still vibrant. Still alive. But the eyes gave her away. Sleepless and vapid, they marked her, as a woman unloved and untouched. Tomorrow was her birthday. Would Bill even remember?

At the jarring sound of car tires outside her bedroom window, she picked up her robe and wrapped it around her body. “It’s about time, damn you,” she voiced to herself. Then she shooed the cat off her bed and it scurried out the room. Renee shut the door so the cat couldn’t get back in. She knew it had to be Bill finally getting home but she walked over to the window anyway, and pushed aside the curtains. She flinched at the sight of a brand new red sports car parked in their driveway. Even more disturbing was Bill sitting behind the wheel. Renee ran from the bedroom and raced barefoot down the stairs and out the front door. She approached Bill just as he slid his six-foot, muscular frame from the new car.

“Where the hell have you been?” she demanded, and then pointed to the new car, “What’s this?”

Bill grinned and his white teeth contrasted against his ebony-hued face. “I bought it. You like it? It’s top of the line, babe.” He rubbed his palm over the shiny red hood and beamed, “It’s a BMW M3 coupe.”

Renee was still in shock and couldn’t speak.

Bill opened the door and slid back into the driver’s seat. “Check out these leather seats and all the bells and whistles she’s got.” He pointed at the dashboard while she rolled her eyes without showing interest. “It’s got a high revving V8 engine with 414 horsepower that can hit sixty miles per hour in only 4.8 seconds. It’ll eat up a quarter-mile in only 12.7 seconds.”

Renee gave him a look that let him know she wasn’t impressed. Bill sat ramrod straight and clutched both hands on the steering wheel as he grinned up at her icy expression. “Did I mention it’s also got several state-of-the art features like drive by wire throttle bodies, dynamic stability control, dual clutch transmission, electronic damping control, and differential lock?”

“You still didn’t answer my question. Where did you get this new car?”

Bill jumped out of the seat. “Good evening to you too, sweetness,” he said as he tipped his head forward in a bow. His lips were set in a slight curve that Renee took for his weak attempt to smile. He glanced down at her bare breast peeking through a gap in her robe. “I can see you’re glad to see me too.”

He caught her by surprise when he suddenly pulled her into his arms and nuzzled her neck. She flinched as his mustache touched her skin and smelled his breath that reeked of alcohol.

“Come on, Renee, let’s get in,” he winked, opening the car door. “How ‘bout a quickie in my new car? We’ll break her in.”

“Are you crazy?” She shoved him away, tightening the robe around her body and cut him an icy glare.

“What?” he looked at her through drooping, bloodshot eyes, “What did I do?”

Renee flipped up the collar of her robe without answering.

“I didn’t know the woman I married would turn out to be so damn conservative and uptight,” he snarled and slammed the car door shut.

“And I didn’t know the man I married could be so childish.” She folded her arms and glared at him sideways.

She could see through the windshield and to her the dashboard resembled an airplane cockpit panel. The interior sported red and black leather trim.

“Bill, we don’t have the money for this car. Have you lost your mind? You already have a Range Rover parked in the garage. What do you need a race car for at your age? You’re almost 52 years old for Chrissakes.”

“I just wanted it, baby, and I had the money to get it. Another company bought out EduTech last week. They laid me off and all the old timers too. But who the hell cares?”

“You got laid off?” she said, incredulously, “You only hinted at the possibility of not working for EduTech. Nothing about them laying you off.”

“It ain’t no thing but a chicken wing, Baby,” he shrugged with a loopy grin, “I’m in business for myself now. I took my severance package and bought this beauty with the money. My buddy and I launched our own software training and brokering business. I don’t need EduTech. In this economy you can’t count on anybody but yourself”

Bill seemed pleased with himself as he stroked the hood of his new car.

“What kind of rip-off deal have you gotten into this time?” she said, her voice now rising. She took a deep breath to calm herself. “And how are you going to pay for this business when you spent your severance on this car? Have you conveniently forgotten about the thirty thousand dollars you lost three years ago in that risky internet startup company? I carried you when that deal went sour, remember?”

“Get off my back.” His playful mood had suddenly turned cold. “Money is the least of our problems. Anyway, you’ve got royalties coming in from those self-help books of yours. Then there’s your practice. Why the hell are you hassling me about my investments?”

“Because what you do affects me. I’m tired of watching you act like a kid with too many toys to play with.”

“Can’t you for once think about what somebody else wants, Renee?” he said and slammed his palm against the hood of the car. “Instead of it always being about what you want. You’re so damn self-centered and controlling.”

Renee turned away. She didn’t want to admit it but his words hit home and she couldn’t meet his gaze. She didn’t know how she was able to solve other people’s relationship problems but still couldn’t seem to follow her own advice.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Bill. I’m not self-centered or controlling,” she said calmly.

“Oh, no? Then let me refresh your memory, sweetheart.”

Bill proceeded to name times and dates when she had made major decisions without consulting him. “And what about this past summer when you met with that social worker behind my back and started adoption proceedings without telling me a damn thing!”

Renee stared at her painted toes while sifting through Bill’s accusations. When all her excuses disintegrated, she realized he had a point. She had been self-centered and controlling at times. When she ran down the list of strategies that she advised her clients to follow, she admitted to herself that she had resisted following her own suggestions. No wonder her marriage was in trouble. She couldn’t blame it all on him.

“You’re right, Bill. Our problems aren’t all your fault. And getting angry won’t solve anything.”

Bill unfurled his brow and reached out to her. “Come on, baby, let’s go inside the house.” He put his arms around her shoulders, “You’re half naked out here and shivering.”

Bill clicked the automatic door lock. They walked into the house and she allowed Bill to guide her inside as she tried to piece through these new, troubling events. Any stranger peering at them from the outside would see a well-off couple seemingly enjoying all the trappings of success, from the baroque statuettes perched atop Italian marble pedestals at the foyer to the flower-filled, crystal vases, and cloisonné-adorned tables. But Renee and Bill Hayes had long ago ceased to notice their fine paintings against the pale yellow walls, the mahogany antique furnishings, or the silk-threaded Persian rugs throughout their home that had been professionally decorated by Ambrose and Rockwell.

They entered the formal drawing room where a Steinway baby grand sat in a corner un-tuned and neglected. Bill slumped into a comfortable barrelback chair. He leaned back and closed his eyes. Renee sat beside him and when she touched him, his body instinctively jerked.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

He slowly opened his eyes and stared ahead. “Nothing. I was just thinking how today was my last day at EduTech after twelve years. I guess I’m feeling mixed emotions after all.”

“That’s understandable,” she said, softening her voice.

His face contorted as he spoke, “They had the nerve to bring in some kids from Drake Beam to tell us how to write a damn resume. I told ‘em to kiss my old, tired, Black ass. I might be a Neanderthal, but I was writing resumes when they were still in kindergarten.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You know how it is out there, Renee,” he smoothed the gray hair at his temple, “We live in a youth-obsessed, self-centered culture. Everybody’s out for himself. Why bother looking for another damn job only to hear some snot nose recruiter say,
‘
Sorry, Mr. Hayes but the client chose someone more qualified for that position.’ Hell, what they really mean is, they found someone twenty years younger willing to work for less money.” He pounded his fist on the arm of the chair. “To hell with all that bullshit. I got a new business partner and we’re gonna make a whole lotta cash,” he nodded and winked at her.

“Who is this new business partner?” Renee wanted to sound supportive but she was skeptical.

“You remember Clifton Corbin Shaw? One of the managing partners at Himes, Shaw, & Harrison? About three weeks ago I mentioned to Cliff that I was a senior technical instructor and moonlighted on the side in the computer business. Guess Ole Cliff was impressed ‘cause he called right after that and said he wanted to give me the first shot at a partnership in this new company he had just started. Renee, you should hear this guy talk about his ideas for the future. He’s a genius, another Bill Gates or Donald Trump.”

Renee shrugged, “I don’t recall meeting him.”

“You know who I mean. We met at the Capital Tennis Challenge Auction last month. And I’ve been running into him at the gym every once in awhile. He’s got a plan to set up a technical recruiting firm. Says he needs somebody like me to run the day to day operations.”