Blind Reality (17 page)

“Here, let me wash your hair.” I want to bat his hands away out of frustration, but I don’t. Being upset with him isn’t going to help matters. I just need to keep reminding myself that we’ll be alone tonight. His walls are crumbling, I can feel them coming down. Tonight, I’ll start again.

If I weren’t so upset about being cock-blocked by the show, I’d be getting lost in the massage Josh is giving my scalp. Right now, it feels like I’m floating on a cloud. I feel weightless and free. My neck rolls, guiding his fingers elsewhere, causing him to laugh.

“S’not funny,” I say. “What you’re doing feels amazing.” He chuckles again and turns me around, letting the water rinse my hair.

“I didn’t get a chance to wash you.” He kisses me, soft and sweet, pulling away after each kiss only to come back again. This time his tongue traces my lips before he brings me to my knees with a searing kiss. Our tongues tangle; he groans and I’m back to where we were not even five minutes ago. I follow him when he pulls away with a devilish smile playing on his lips.

“Let’s go see what they want. We’re in the master suite, and I’d kind of like to see how this plays out later.” He winks, stepping out of the shower. My fingers touch my lips, recalling the moment we just shared. Closing my eyes, I let tonight play out in my head, and how I’m going to get him to just let go and lose his inhibitions with me. With me … he wants me. Every part of me wants to rejoice, dance a jig and fist pump like Arsenio Hall, but I have to keep my wits about me. He can’t know I’m an eager beaver. That’ll have to come later tonight.

I wash quickly, most of the crap from the competition melting away with the steam, and step out. Joshua is dressed and sitting on the couch, waiting for me. After quickly throwing on a pair of shorts and tank top, I put my hair in a wet, messy bun. No make-up, just me. The only one I need to impress is Joshua and I think we’re finally on the page that we need to be.

“Do you wonder how long they stayed?”

“What are you talking about?” he asks, as he stands and reaches for my hand.

“The producers or whoever came in while we were in the shower.” Joshua looks at me questioningly, so I continue. “How did our clothes get in here?”

Realization dawns as his mouth drops open. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” I say for added benefit. “Creepy isn’t it, thinking they could’ve been standing there, watching us the whole time?” This is one of those moments where I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. Joshua looks mortified. His hand goes slack in mine and I have to tug him to get him to move out the door. “Don’t worry, I’m sure they sent a guy up,” I say to ease his thought process. I know he’s in actor mode now, trying to prevent
Married Blind Bathroom Gate
from happening. I’ve read enough of his interviews to know that he’s always worried about people taking his picture or recording him at the wrong time.

“That doesn’t help, Joey.” He drops my hand and walks ahead of me. The small victory I achieved is now for naught. I shouldn’t have opened my mouth about the clothes being in the room. He hesitates now when we’re physical, if he thinks our privacy is violated, the walls will go back up.

When we get to the living room, we’re the last to arrive. Millie and Amanda are sitting together so I chose to sit with them instead of Josh. It might behoove me to give him a little space right now although that’s the last thing I want to do. I look across and each of the guys are mimicking each other with their arms crossed and scowls on their faces.

“Our men are pissy,” I whisper to the girls, who both stifle a laugh.

“Gary wanted the red room, but Cole beat him to it.”

“And Cole wanted to take a longer shower, but also wanted to beat Gary to the bedroom so his shower was cut short.”

“They both complained at the same time,” Amanda adds.

“And we didn’t care,” states Millie.

“Wow,” I say. “I think the men of the house are pms’ing. Maybe we need cake.”

Amanda and Millie look at me. Their smiles say everything. “And we need wine!”

“Hello, newlyweds.” Patrick Jonas appears on the screen and we all give him our undivided attention. “Happy one-month anniversary! To celebrate, we thought we’d give you a few messages from home.”

Millie and Amanda clap, but I stay reserved. My mother is neurotic and I can’t imagine what’s going to come out of her mouth. I’d like to hear from my dad. I miss him the most. The screen goes black and we wait with bated breath, for the first video to come on.

Gary groans when it starts and I quickly turn my attention to male talking.

“Wow, Gary, your wife is a babe. Does she know about your obsession?” he laughs, and Amanda stiffens. “Just kidding, G. Anyway, we miss you and can’t wait for you to come back to work.” The guy shows the “live long and prosper” sign from Spock before the screen goes blank. The room turns into an awkward silence where all you can hear is the clicking from the cameras above us. If this was to make Gary feel better about himself, it definitely didn’t do the trick.

The next video starts and Millie immediately starts waving. “That’s my mom and dad,” she explains through a broken voice.

“Hi Millie, Cole, and the rest of the house. We just want to say that we’re very proud of you and can’t wait to meet Cole. We love you, Millie.” Mille waves again and immediately gets up and goes to Cole, who welcomes her with open arms. I stare at them, jealousy seeping in because I want what they have. Cole strokes her hair, kissing her softly while she cries into his shoulder. They’ve fallen in love. They’ve done what the show is meant for.

My eyes turn sharply when a voice I know well starts talking. Jules Maxwell stares back at me, and only me, in all her perfection. “Hi Joshie,” she says, as she waves her perfectly manicured nails at him. “I can’t wait until this charade is over and you’re home. I miss you. I’ll be there at the finale, waiting to take you home. I love you.” She blows a kiss before the screen goes blank.

My throat tightens and my eyes water. Screw being weak. I don’t know what I was thinking. He warned me from the beginning, but I didn’t want to believe him. Not with his stupid kisses and hand holding. I succumbed to him because of my unrealistic feelings. I thought that I’d be enough. We almost knowingly had sex and it would’ve meant nothing to him. Only a way for him to get his jollies because his hand isn’t doing the trick.

“Joey,” Amanda says softly. I muster up the best smile I can, trying to let her know that I’m okay.

“Excuse me,” I tell the room before getting up. I walk out, without looking at anyone. I don’t need to see their pity and I definitely don’t want to see the look on Joshua’s face. I don’t want him to even acknowledge what just took place, and I don’t really care if he’s upset. His ruse is up. Everyone knows that our marriage is nothing but a sham.

I walk down the hall, unsure of where I’m going to go and hide. The room I share with Josh is off-limits. The only safe place is the bathroom. As I walk by the towels, I grab one and walk as fast I can into the stall, locking the door behind me. My chest aches; I know what’s coming and there isn’t going to be anything I can do to stop it. I was stupid to believe that I could make him fall in love with me. I was stupid to think that I was enough for him, that we could be something outside this house.

My back hits the wall and I slide down, bringing the towel to my mouth as I scream as loud as possible. In the beginning I refused to shed tears over this, over a situation that I knew the outcome of, but I can’t help it. Moments ago, we were about to finally connect as husband and wife, and now this. He never lied, but he led me to believe that we could be different. I should’ve just known that he and Jules weren’t over. It makes sense, the no sex rule, because he doesn’t want to cheat. But he did, he just doesn’t know it.

Kissing isn’t cheating in Hollywood.

I need to get out of here before people start to look for me. I stand and flush the toilet, even though I didn’t use it. When I open the door I half expect Millie and Amanda to be here waiting for me, but why would they? Millie is blissfully happy, and Amanda wants my husband. As far as I’m concerned, she can have him. Maybe she’s a better fit for Josh. One quick check in the mirror tells me that my eyes aren’t puffy, so I’m safe there. I’m going to walk out there with my head held high and into the kitchen because I need chocolate. A cake must be made.

The room is quiet and the television dark. Everyone is still sitting on the couches, but Gary is with Amanda now. Joshua is alone. It’s what he wants, so I’m not going to let that bother me. I step into the pantry and pull out the cake mix and frosting. Chocolate on chocolate ought to do the trick.

Chocolate is the only thing that will never lie to you.

I’m quiet and reserved, as I get everything out. I’m not slamming doors or banging bowls onto the kitchen counter. I don’t need to. It’s my own fault for being naïve and thinking that someone like Joshua Wilson would want someone like me. I’m plain and ordinary. I have nothing to offer him or anyone like him. Actors don’t fall in love with mundane people.

“Are you okay?”

I smile at Millie and Amanda, who both look forlorn. “I’m fine, just making a cake. We talked about having cake, right?”

“Right,” Millie says with a forced grin. I shuffle around her while she leans against the counter. She could move, or help, either one would be nice. Just standing in my way though, is going to piss me off.

“Josh said—”

I put my hand up, motioning for Amanda to stop talking. “I don’t care what Joshua said, or hasn’t said. I’m fully aware of his feelings.”

“But I thought—”

This time I stop Millie from talking. “I don’t ask about your marriage, so please don’t ask about mine.”

The women fall silent and allow me to shuffle around the kitchen. I breathe a sigh of relief when they leave and the sliding glass door opens. I don’t want to be coddled or pretend that our fake friendship actually means anything. I put the cake in the oven and lean on the stove. The warmth takes away the chill I’m feeling, but does nothing to take the weight off of my chest.

I cringe and step away when he touches me. I busy myself with washing the dirty dishes while he stands there.

“Joey?” My eyes close when he says my name, but it’s not enough. I ignore him. We have nothing to talk about. If anything, he should be sitting at the counter coming up with a new strategy.

“Joey to the confession room,” Linda says with her impeccable timing as always.

After drying my hands on the towel, I check the timer. I won’t be able to spend too much time in there or my cake will burn. I brush by Josh and avoid his hand when he reaches for me.

Sitting down with a huff, I smile into the camera. “What is it now? You’ve already embarrassed me, what could you possibly need to know? Are you curious as to why I’m not crying? Why I’m not begging Joshua to choose me over Jules Maxwell, a woman he has history with? This game is nothing more than a mockery of marriage. You can’t expect people to fall in love with all your forced competitions and stupid confession room pranks. When all is said and done, we’ll go our separate ways and think about our time here and how we could’ve done things differently. Maybe Millie and Cole will last, but the rest of us won’t, and as producers, you should be ashamed of yourselves.”

I stand, but hesitate. “What you did today just showed me that you only care about the ratings.” I walk out knowing the producers aren’t going to be happy with me. I don’t care because in two months this show is over and I’ll be back home doing what I do best.

Eating cake.

M
y eyes widen when Jules appears on the screen. Staring intently, I try to fathom what the hell she’s doing on there. The women in the room gasp and there’s a slight wail. I don’t need to look to know who let that out. Jules words sting as she solidifies for the people near me, and the viewers at home, that my marriage is a charade … a joke. Anger builds within me, and my heart breaks for Joey. She doesn’t need this. I don’t need this. Jules Maxwell and I were not together when I signed the contract, or when I married Joey. We had broken up months before; it was yet another twirl on the merry-go-round that ended with one of us jumping off. This time I ended things and after meeting Joey, I’m not sure I ever want to get back with Jules.