Blinding Trust (19 page)

You are disgusting
and definitely an asshole!

I can’t help myself. You know I can’t do serious. Whoever created sadness is an asshole!

Yeah, you got that right.

Where’s your hubby? Is he still planning my demise?

No! he’s right here.

He still doesn’t want to talk to me?

Not yet.

What a douche. Is he treating you good? Do I need to come out there and knock him around?

I started laughing again. Ty had never been able to take on Colt and he knew it.
He’s being wonderful.

Miranda said to tell you she loves you. She also said that if you don’t call her, she’s going to send the boys to live with you and Colt.

I laughed again.
Okay, I promise I will call her. Just give me some time. I need to get my feelings in order first.

I get it. Listen, if you need to smile, you know where to find me. I’m only a phone call away. I
’d do anything to take this pain away from you, Van. You’re the best person that I’ve ever known. We all love you so much.

I started to sob.
I love you all, too.

Colt took the phone and p
ut it back in my purse. He sat back down and gave me all of his attention. “We don’t have to talk about anything until you’re ready.

“I know.”

“Savanna, do you even know how my people love you? Do you get how many hearts you reached out and touched? You don’t have to go through this alone, darlin’. You will never be alone. I promise.”

I don’t know if it was that exact moment, but I became determined to do whatever I needed to do to get through this. I had children to raise and a family to grow old with. I wasn’t going to let some little mass in my breast end my life. Not when I had a million reasons to live.

Chapter 26

Colt

I think hearing someone has cancer is hard for anyone to handle, but hearing it about your own wife is indescribably hard. This was the woman that I promised to
love for the rest of my life. If she was taken from me prematurely, I didn’t know how I would survive. I’d always considered myself a good father, but I couldn’t be the parent that she was. She was the rock of our family and without her we would crumble.

Savanna took the news as I would have expected her to. She shut down, and in between bouts of crying, she just laid around. Nobody could blame her. It was her only coping mechanism. Even I couldn’t imagine everything she was going through.

With her surgery being nearly a week away, she did her best to pretend things were okay when the kids were around. We’d made the decision to keep it from them. Children worried and didn’t understand things like that anyway. She didn’t want to burden them with that.

By the end of the week, she had thrown herself into a wedding for Joe and Barbie. She and the girls had gone out and picked real flowers and they’d turned our dining room into a place fit for a proper wedding. She’d even gone out and bought the girls matching dresses and Barbie a wedding gown. They made invitations and invited their grandparents. It was cute and it kept her mind off of things just enough that she could get by.

She didn’t know it, but I was so proud of her. Even at her worst, she was still one hell of a mother. It just reminded me of what would happen if we ever lost her. I hated thinking about it, but with everything going on, it still popped in my head all too frequently.

The wedding of Joe and Barbie was commenced by Savanna’s father after we’d all returned from church. Both my mom and Savanna’s had brought a spread of food. We spent that Sunday celebrating as if they were real people. To the kids, it was for fun, but I think in some ways Savanna just wanted a reason to have the family around without having to talk to them about her health. While us guys, including Noah, settled in the living room to watch basketball, Savanna and our mother’s stayed in the kitchen. I wasn’t sure what they talked about, but she seemed to be in a good mood after everyone left.

After the kids were asleep, I found her soaking in the bathtub. It was full of bubbles and her head was laying against a towel. She saw me come in the bathroom and smiled. “Hey.”

“Today was fun.”

“Thanks for going along with it. The girls will never forget it.”

I sat down on the edge of the tub and ran my fingers in the water. “Is that why you did it? Savanna, please don’t tell me you went all out because you are afraid your time is limited. You promised me you wouldn’t be like that.”

She looked sad. “I just want them to have good memories, no matter what happens. Is that so bad?”

“It is when you’re doin’ it because you think you’re not goin’ to be around.” I hated even saying it out loud.

She shook her head and got tears in her eyes. “You’re right. I guess I’m just scared. There are so many ‘what ifs’.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so instead of using any words at all, I started taking off my clothes. Savanna gave me that look and I knew that she was okay with my actions. She scooted over to allow me room to slide in behind her. I reached forward and pulled her body back against mine. The soapy water made it easy to slide my hands down her arms and then back up again. Savanna laid her head back against my chest. She lifted one of her arms and reached it back behind my neck to pull my head down to kiss her. Our lips lingered, like they didn’t want to
separate. She even spun her body around and wrapped her slippery legs around my waist. The tub made sounds as our bodies became pretzeled together. With her sitting on top of me, I couldn’t help but become instantly hard. Her wet hair was stuck to the sides of her arms. I moved it out of the way and kissed over her neck. She turned so I could have an open area to caress. Her body was hot from the temperature of the water. Sweat was already starting to form on my forehead.

She found my lips again, this time kissing me more forcefully. Her desperation was hot and I didn’t want her to stop. I reached my hand down and got a hold of her ass. With her being in the water, it was simple to move her up and down over my throbbing hard cock.
I wanted her to know that I was ready whenever she was. Our tongues played games with one another outside of our mouths. She bit my bottom lip and pulled it back, while making this growling sound that drove me wild. It was rare that she got this way and it was always because she was taking out stress. My dick didn’t care what the reason was. I wanted more.

We made out like kids at a drive-in. Our hands explored the most sensitive areas of each other until we were both panting and out of breath. I reached my hand between her legs while we continued kissing. Her body was grinding into mine, so I stuck my thumb over her sensitive clit and rubbed hard. The more I rubbed, the harder she grinded. I wasn’t just pleasing her. In turn, she was pleasing me.

Her breasts were bobbing up and down out of the bubbles. I could feel them rubbing against my own chest. I pulled away and kissed down to them, taking one of her wet nipples into my mouth. I kept it there until she screamed out in pleasure. The combination of my thumbs and lips had given her a fantastic orgasm. When her moans began to settle, I ran my hands up both of her breasts. Her eyes opened wide and my wife just froze. She took my hands and moved them. “Please don’t!”

She slid off of me and sat across the tub.

“Don’t what? What’s wrong?”

She started to cry. “How will you even be able to look at me?”

I was rock hard and had no idea what she was talking about. “Darlin’, what just happened?”

“How will you be able to look at me after they take away my breasts?” She covered her f
ace and started to cry. I felt so defeated, like no matter what I tried to do, I always ended up in the same place.

“Jesus, Savanna. You think I won’t love you anymore because you’re having skin removed?”

She still wouldn’t look up. “I just feel like you’re going to want to find someone else. What if I can’t turn you on anymore?”

I ran my hands through my hair, considering what I could say to get myself out of this mess. The last thing I wanted was to fight with her. “Do you have any idea how crazy you sound? Do you think I married you for your tits?”

She shook her head. “No!”

I grabbed her chin and looked into her eyes. “Savanna, I don’t care what you look like. I will never stop lovin’ you. Now get your ass back over here and love me.”

I pulled her back on top of me. Our lips were almost touching. I leaned in just enough to brush mine against hers. She closed her eyes and finally kissed me back. I could feel her crying, but I wasn’t going to let her become upset when we were in the middle of making love. Her legs were easy to wrap back around me and the water eased the way to guide my erection right inside of her. She bit down on my shoulder as I filled her with my length. Her tears dissipated as our bodies began to get a rhythm.

Savanna grabbed my throat and pushed me back against the edge of the tub. The harder she pushed, the more turned on I got. I grabbed her little waist and shoved her up and down, almost letting my length out before slamming it back in. She threw he
r head back and cried out again and again. It was too much to handle. I felt myself erupting and it was exactly what she wanted to happen. She let go of my throat and pressed her lips against mine. I closed my eyes and held her body as still as I could, considering she was fighting me. Her fine ass grinded just enough to give me the shivers.

Finally, when the tingling subsided, I held her naked body against mine and kissed down her shoulder. “Don’t doubt my love, Savanna.”

“I’m sorry.”

It was hard to get mad at her knowing she was struggling to accept it herself. I think she was more worried about loving her body than she was about me having issues with it. I was a man and maybe it was hard for me to express myself the way she needed me to. I always just assumed that she knew what I was thinking.

That night, Savanna cuddled up close to me and slept better than she had in days. I stayed awake listening to her breathing. It was hard to pretend to be tough when I was petrified of losing her. I couldn’t admit it to anyone.

Well, there was one person that I knew I could talk to, but I wasn’t willing to admit I was wrong. Tyler loved Savanna in a way that I may never understand. He didn’t want to be with her, but he cared for her like she was blood. Instead of being
jealous, I should have appreciated that she had someone that loved her enough to drop everything and be by her side. That’s the kind of person she was, though. She made everyone love her and she never even had to try.

As if he could feel me thinking about him, my phone rang and Ty’s picture popped up on the screen.

I considered hitting ignore.

Hello?
Do you have ESP?

Yeah, I’m the Wizard of Fucking OZ!

What do you want, Ty?

I know you’re a mess
, man.

Yeah, do you blame me?

Nope. I don’t.

It’s hard. I’m tryin’ my best to be strong for her.

Look, I know you’re mad at me. I get it. Maybe I overstepped some cousin boundaries when I stepped in. I just couldn’t let her deal with it by herself.

I get it now.

Colt, none of us want you to go through this alone.

I appreciate that.

She’s going to be okay, you know.

I hope you’re right, Ty.

I’m always right, fucker. Call if you need anything.

I shook my head when I heard the line go dead. It was weird that he’d called when I needed him to. Ty had a way of always being there when someone needed something. He had a weird way of doing things, but he was a good guy.

Savanna’s father offered to manage things on the ranch, so I could stay home with her. We still hadn’t told the kids, but I think Noah knew something was going on. He’d asked several times if Savanna was still mad at him. It was hard for me to not tell him the truth, when I worried their relationship depended on it.

The boy had already lost one mother. I couldn’t let him fear losing another.

While the kids were at school, Savanna and I would sit down and read up on everything we could about cancer. There were so many questions to be answered.

I think as the days went by, she was finally starting to be able to act more like herself. There was nothing we could do but move forward.

On the morning of her surgery, I saw her standing in front of the mirror without clothes on. She cupped one of her hands over her breast. “How would you feel if I had them both removed?”

I leaned against the counter. “How would you feel?”

She shrugged but kept looking at herself. “It would be weird at first, but I could always get implants.
The one website said I wouldn’t even have to wait that long to get them.”

I stood behind her and reached my arms around her waist. “No matter what you decide, you
’ll still be beautiful.”

She let go of her breast and turned around to look at me. “I couldn’t do this without you, Colt.”

“You don’t have to. You never have to.”

I kissed her forehead and held my lips there. It was just a small moment that meant the world to her.